EAGAN AT THE MOVIES
Reviewing Movies Because We Care
Since 2010, and Still Unpaid!
Novocaine by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: The only way to deal with his rabid Uncle Randy.
It's funny. Jack Quaid seems like a cool, likable, funny guy. And yet, no matter what kind of role he's playing, he always has to get the absolute sh*t beaten out of him. Whether he's playing a bad guy or some innocent dork, he just has to end up humiliated, bloodied, and in an immense amount of pain, and for some reason, it's always enjoyable to watch.
"Novocaine" follows "Nathan Caine" (Jack Quaid), a timid and mild mannered assistant manager at credit union in San Diego, who suffers from an extreme congenital insensitivity to pain, meaning that he literally can't feel any kind of pain no matter what (Having earned the nickname "Novocaine" in school). This makes Nathan mostly keep to himself and refuse to try new things. However, Nathan meets a new cute co-worker, "Sherry Margrave" (Amber Midthunder), and after a date, the two form an immediate connection. The next day though, the bank is robbed by a group, dressed as Santas and led by the especially maniacal "Simon" (Ray Nicholson), who gets away with a load of cash and takes Sherry hostage. Ever the lovestruck hero, despite having absolutely no skills whatsoever, Nathan sets out to rescue Sherry, inviting himself into a world of crime and violence that he logically has no chance of surviving. Luckily, Nathan's tolerance to pain and all around jovial nature just might be enough to save the day, save the girl, and you know, not bleed to death due to how much excessive bodily harm he endures.
Directed by filmmaking duo Dan Berk and Robert Olsen ("Villains", "Significant Other", "Body"), with a screenplay by Lars Jacobson, "Novocaine" is an amusingly original premise that embraces the macabre and mixes it with the genuinely sweet. It's a tough couple of tones to juggle, and while it doesn't quite always work, it always comes from a place that's genuine and undeniably enjoyable. Berk and Olsen find a solid balance, with some creative action scenes, where our hero rather hilariously attempts to reason his way out of a dire situation, barely notice how much wear and tear his body is taking, and then use his supposed disability to his advantage (Such as jabbing his fists into a pile of glass, then punching a guy with them). It's one of those things where the leveled up violence, which can be quite shocking at times, works towards the film's advantage, even in terms of the comedy. Sure, realistically he should have been on the verge of death a long time ago, but that wouldn't have been fun. Probably the first time I've ever seen a character in a movie intentionally draw out a torture scene (Mostly by faking his screams of agony).
Jack Quaid's lovably dorkish performance is a blast to see, and boy he really commits to it. I always do like to see an action hero take a few hits, and he takes knives to the hand, several degree burns, all matter of sharp objects lodged in every nook and cranny of his body, yet retains a sweet smile on his face. Quaid also has some really excellent chemistry with Amber Midthunder (Who just resonates so much charm), and there are some fun supporting parts for the likes of a hilarious Jacob Batalon (as "Roscoe", Nathan's online gaming buddy, who he's never even met in person and just assumes is a tall, buff guy with a Harley), along with Betty Gabriel and Matt Walsh (as a pair of cops, who suspect that Nathan may be in cahoots with the robbers). Ray Nicholson brings a lot more personality and menace to his one note villain, with the villain subplot itself being pretty lame and predictable (There's an obvious plot twist that's way too telegraphed to not see coming).
A little on the predictable side, but often hilarious, surprisingly action packed, and even sincerely cute, "Novocaine" is an inventively unique take on your average action movie. Thanks in part to some capable hands behind the camera, as well as Jack Quaid's willingness (And admirable eagerness) to get himself torn to shreds in the bloodiest of ways, all while shrugging it off with a smile. I'm actually shocked he never says "Aw Shucks!" once in this. It's a brisk, bloody, and boldly bubbly blast. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And So Much To Be Squeamish About.
Black Bag by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Can we do another take?" "We've already done fifty takes!"
Maybe I'm just getting older, but damn it, these so called "Boomer" movies kind of do it for me.
"Black Bag" follows intelligence agent, "George Woodhouse" (Michael Fassbender), who learns that there is a traitor in the organization that's threatening to leak top secret Intel that could result in the loss of many lives. George has to gather whatever information he can on some of his fellow agents, such as "Dr. Zoe Vaughan" (Naomie Harris), "James Stokes" (Regé-Jean Page), "Freddie Smalls" (Tom Burke), "Clarissa Dubose" (Marisa Abela), and most frightening of all, his own wife, "Kathryn St. Jean" (Cate Blanchett). With so much seemingly tying Kathryn to treason, George must investigate further, while struggling with his loyalty to his country, as well as his love for his wife.
Directed by Steven Soderbergh ("Sex, Lies, and Videotape", "Ocean's Eleven", "Logan Lucky", and who only released "Presence" a few months ago), with a screenplay by his frequent collaborator David Koepp ("Jurassic Park", "Spider-Man"), "Black Bag" is not a spy thriller that's trying to emulate the likes of "James Bond" or "Mission: Impossible". No disguises. Not much time for exotic locations. No big shoot outs or action scenes. That's not what this is about. It's an old school, espionage mystery, where you're basically told who the responsible party is as soon as the story starts and the actually mission is trying to figure out how, why, and you know, what possible consequences could come of it. It definitely gives off vibes of a 40s or 50s thriller, where the excitement comes from the back and forth games of Mental Chess between characters and trying to piece together the film's many moving parts (Where sometimes what doesn't seetoo important at first, ends up becoming the prime focus). Most fascinating of all, it's surprisingly really funny. Koepp's screenplay is sprinkled with sharp dialogue and an exceptional wit that's so dry that the lightest flame could set it ablaze (Proud of that one!).
It also helps that you got some damn fine actors, who know how to physically glue your eyes to the screen by their mere presence alone. From Michael Fassbender's equally layered stoic and intense delivery to Cate Blanchett's immensely sexy and confident performance, their chemistry is top tier and a blast to watch. The rest of the cast is also quite perfect, each getting their moments to stand out, from a sly Marisa Abela, a humorously pathetic Tom Burke, a smarmy Regé-Jean Page, a commanding Naomie Harris, and the always welcome Pierce Prosnan (as "Arthur Steiglitz", the organization's head).
A short, fast paced, impeccably edited, and anchored by the superlative combination of Soderbergh's competently slick direction, a smart screenplay, and memorable performances, "Black Bag" is the kind of movie that's great in the kind of way your dad is absolutely gonna love. As he should, because it's just plain an old fashioned bit of exhilaratingly intellectually pleasing entertainment, that also works as the perfect date movie if you ask me (In its own way). It's best to go in as blind as possible, making for one of 2025's coolest and smoothest movies yet. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And Professional Sphincter Clenching.
The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The "Animation is Cinema" crowd better not let this movie flop, or else there will be Hell to pay!
It is my headcanon that one of the Looney Tunes murdered someone in David Zaslav's family (Probaby Tweety. Always knew he had a dark side), because it's the only explanation I can gather from how the current state of Warner Bros. (aka "Warner Bros. Discovery") has been treating such a beloved, sacred childhood property for no reason (Say what you will about Disney, but if you make them money, they'll show you all the love). Removing animation left and right from "MAX" (Formerly "HBO MAX"), getting rid of the classic "Cartoon Network" website, canning the already mostly finished "Coyote vs. Acme" movie (Despite positive word of mouth from test screenings) and leaving it to rot in a vault, and by now tossing out the first ever, fully animated, feature length "Looney Tunes" movie (No live-action stars or basketball needed this time), leaving it to scramble for distribution (Only to get picked up by much lesser known, independent studio, "Ketchup Entertainment"), and getting absolutely zero fanfare for its release, essentially dooming it to flop at the box office. Our cartoon heroes deserve better than this!
Inspired by the classic cartoon characters, and being a spin-off of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons" (Which were modeled after the old school iteration of the characters), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" opens with the origin story of two favorite looney tunes, "Daffy Duck" (Eric Bauza) and "Porky Pig" (Also Eric Bauza), who are raised by the overly detailed "Farmer Jim" (Fred Tatasciore). Years later, Daffy and Porky are left to tend to their family home, which they don't particularly do the best job taking care of, such as not noticing a giant hole in their roof caused by an alien object crashing through it the night before. Given only a matter of days to get their house up to community standards, Daffy and Porky are forced to look for a job, which thankfully comes in the form of "Petunia Pig" (Candi Milo), who works for a gum factory (And who Porky also develops a crush on). However, it turns out an alien invader, simply named "The Invader" (Peter MacNicol), arrives on Earth, with a plan to turn everyone into gum chewing zombies (Via alien goo), with it looking like Daffy and Porky might be the only ones who can save the day.
Directed by Pete Browngardt (Creator of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons", who co-wrote the film with a pretty sizable collection of animation writers (They make up one-fifth of the opening credits), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" clearly went through a lot to get itself out to the public. Developed by Warner Bros. Animation, along with a few other studios and vendors, changing release dates, changing studios, going from originally being a straight to streaming film to a theatrically released one, and was even released in other countries last year (Coinciding with its surprise animation film festival release, which garnered itself early acclaim). In a way, the film just finding theaters willing to play it, despite how likely it won't last long, is miraculous on its own. It's too bad because you can see all of the love and craft that went into it, from the animation to emulating the classic music and sounds of old Looney Tunes, getting the tone and characters just right, and right down to it just plain being funny in ways that kids and adults can both appreciate. 2D animation is such a lost art, and to see it once again on the big screen is already worth the ticket price. It's wondrously expressive, bouncy and stretchy, vibrantly colorful, and genuinely, just makes for gorgeous storytelling. Sometimes nothing funny is happening onscreen, but you're just so enamored by the film's infectious direction (Animation like this really brings layers to the mundane). The animation also shifts styles, sometimes for the sake of comedy (I don't know why Famer Jim looks like a too realistic caricature of the Brawny paper towel guy) or just because the movie wants to do something completely different for a brief sequence, making for a movie that's rather unpredictable at least in how it's telling its story. The story itself is a bit of cartoonish nonsense, though it would have been weirder if it actually did make sense. What's important is that it makes bizarre sense to the characters, and keeps the audience laughing throughout.
It's an amazing showcase for voice actor Eric Bauza, who has been doing "Looney Tunes" voices for a good chunk of his voice acting career (And also having voiced Daffy Duck for almost seven years). He does a pitch perfect job emulating the late Mel Blanc, as well as providing his own spin on these celebrated characters (Not to mention, doing a flawless job playing back and forth against himself and making it feel organic). There also ends up being something quite sweet about their story, and an unexpected heart. Candi Milo is the voice of reason, yet is just as Looney as the rest of them, while Peter MacNicol is an absolute riot and was likely even more animated in the recording booth than his already wildly animated character. The movie's zippiness, much like earlier this year's "Dog Man", could get exhausting, but for any longtime "Looney Tunes" fan, you'd expect nothing less. Plus, how can you not find pure joy in watching our heroes fight against a bunch of gum chewing alien-zombies, set to "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.? (And follow that up with the questionable nature of how exactly does Daffy lay eggs anyways?)
Wacky, unrestrained, and delightfully daffy, "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" is the kind of feature that will enchant the kids with its always buffoonish nature and silly humor, will charm the adults looking for some good natured nostalgia without a hint of cynicism in sight, and will just please anyone looking for a fun, animated comedy that seems to be oh so happy to be, well, this animated. It's nice to see cartoons be what they are. Cartoons, and creative ones at that (Not to mention, it's actually even a pretty solid old school alien invasion movie, with a few references tossed in for some giggles). Featuring one of the most hilariously stupid plot twists in recent memory and a sense of self that's just too contagious to resist (Even the weakest of jokes get a mild chuckle out of you just because of how earnest it is), it's a wonderful time for the whole family. Please don't let it flop! 4 Stars. Rated PG For Crude Humor, Surprising Body Horror, Extreme Close-Ups, More Of Daffy's Ass Than I Expected, And Earth's Apparent Greatest Resource (Pretty Sure It Is To A Lot Of People).
Mickey 17 by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: So now that we got two Pattinsons, can we get the sequel for "The Batman" faster?
I think it's high time that everyone, especially the younger cinephiles who just don't know it yet, acknowledge that award winning, successful, and highly respected South Korean director, Bong Joon-ho (Who is still fresh off sweeping the 2020 Oscars with his brilliant film, "Parasite"), is at his core, just a goofy ass guy with a goofy ass sense of humor. If you didn't notice it before, you sure as Hell are gonna notice it now!
Based on the book, "Mickey 7" by Edward Ashton, "Mickey 17" (How much you wanna bet that the only reason we got a title change for the movie is because Bong Joon-Ho thought it would be funny to have ten more Mickeys?) opens in the future, with simple minded, but sweet and down on his luck, "Mickey Barnes" (Robert Pattinson) and his terrible friend, "Timo" (Steven Yeun), finding themselves on the run from a mob boss, deciding the only way to get to freedom is to get off-world, aboard a spaceship set to colonize the alien world of "Nilfheim". The whole operation is headed by the incredibly moronic, but nonetheless maniacal and evil politician, "Kenneth Marshall" (Mark Ruffalo) and his sauce-obsessed wife, "Ylfa" (Toni Collette), along with their religious, fanatical, red hat wearing followers. While Timo gets a cushy pilot job, Mickey unfortunately ends up signing up to be an "Expendable", meaning that he will essentially be a living crash test dummy, taking part in obviously lethal experiments and extra missions, though if, er, when he dies, Mickey will just be literally printed out via a clone body with all his memories retained (Rinse and Repeat!).
Luckily, Mickey finds love with a security agent, "Nasha Barridge" (Naomi Ackie), and despite the many, many deaths he has to suffer (And cloned bodies that follow), their relationship keeps Mickey from losing all hope in the universe. However, Mickey's newest clone, "Mickey 17" (Also Robert Pattinson), ends up left for dead on Nilfheim, after the discovery of some large, rolly-polly-esque aliens, which Marshall's team have referred to as "Creepers". To Mickey 17's surprise, he somehow survives his run-in with the Creepers and makes his way back to the ship.....Only to discover that another clone, "Mickey 18" (Robert Pattinson, duh), has already been printed out. Due to Marshall's hard stance on the idea of multiple clones existing at once (aka "Multiples"), which means that all clones will be immediately exterminated, both Mickey 17 and Mickey 18 must find a way to avoid being discovered, though with possible war looming between Marshall's forces and the Creepers being imminent, that might be the least of their worries.
Written and directed by Bong Joon-ho ("Parasite", "The Host", "Snowpiercer", "Okja"), "Mickey 17" is part Science Fiction, part Dark Screwball Comedy, and part biting Political Satire, making for a film that could so easily go off the rails with its wild ideas, twistedly silly antics, and rather unsubtle commentary on current TV host-like politicians (One in particular. Cough Cough!). It's a bold piece of work, and in the right hands, like Bong Joon-ho, it makes for 2025's first truly great film and maybe even one of its most important for the simple fact that we're not as far off from this kind of world as we'd like to think we are. Most importantly of all though, in spite of how dark and even somewhat dispiriting it is, it's at its heart genuinely delightful and downright adorable. It's obvious that Joon-ho wants to make a point, while also having so much quirky fun while doing it. It's a credit to his range as a director how he can blend different genres and tones so naturally without collapsing under its own heaviness. Sure, it's horrifying watching someone as sweet and naive as Mickey essentially get tortured for the stupidest of reasons (Like testing to see every excruciating detail of what a killer virus will do to a body or somebody not noticing one of the clones isn't dead yet before incineration), and yet, it's also just hilariously warped in how it at some point starts to seem like another day at the office for poor Mickey.
Much of this wouldn't come together without the immense charisma of Robert Pattinson, who has really committed to going against the usual "Leading Man" roles, despite fitting the bill absolutely perfectly. Both of Pattinson's characters are unique and oddly endearing in their own bizarre ways, from Mickey 17 being a more meak, if not still well meaning dork and Mickey 18 being a more daring, if not overtly murderous borderline psychopath. Similar to Jim Carrey in "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" and Theo James in "The Monkey" (Lotta dual role films recently), Pattinson has fantastic chemistry with himself, giving equally wonderful performances at the same time, where the facade never once breaks. This is also an excellent showcase for Naomi Ackie, who embodies strength and a comedic balance (And isn't afraid to be as weird as all of the other characters in the movie). It's one of those movies that allows everyone to have their moment, with Steven Yuen perfectly playing an absolute a-hole that never seems to learn anything from his actions, Anamaria Vartolomei (as "Kai", one of Marshall's security agents, who he mostly praises due to seeing her as nothing more than a healthy, viable uterus), a mesmerizing Holliday Grainger (as the head scientist behind the cloning program, who literally lures Mickey into a false sense of security, before subjecting him to the inhumanity of the project), an instantly lovable Patsy Ferran (as one of the only decent, well intentioned scientists in the cloning program), and an amusing Tim Key (as a Marshall fanatic, who spends the film's runtime dressed in a goofy pigeon costume).
Toni Collette looks to be having a ball playing a comic Lady Macbeth type, while Mark Ruffalo is just absurdly hammy in all the right ways as our more than obvious Donal Trump expy. It's also nice to have a movie that showcases the villainy and danger that comes from uncapped Capitalism (Easily turned into full blown Fascism), along with the most damning part of all being just how freakin stupid these people are once you look past their onscreen personas. (It's one thing for Marshall/Trump to be a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and all around bigoted Hitler wannabe, and yet, the worst part is that he's a f*cking moron who might just get us all killed!). Visually, the film is stunning (Deserving to be seen in IMAX), especially when it comes to the Creepers, who resemble the super pig from "Okja", except more bug-like, who are all kinds of ugly cute.
"Mickey 17" is almost overwhelming in how much it has going on and how much it's trying to tackle, and it also has no intention of being under-stated or delicate about its message (Granted, maybe a sledgehammer to the face wouldn't be enough to wake people up). However, Bong Joon-ho is such a skilled artist and a totally wacky one at that, it's tightly compacted in a rather silly, but thoughtful Sci-Fi epic with a big brain and an even bigger heart. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Moments Of Shocking Violence, Depressing Real Life Parallels, And The Hilarious Sight Of Batman Flopping Out Of A Tube Like A Squishy Sausage.
In the Lost Lands by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "I'll have you know that I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the....Ow! That knife is sharp!"
Ooooh! Now let's see what we got here! Let's get into some Fantasy mixed with a little Western, except make it post-apocalyptic like "Mad Max" and "Furiosa", except we'll also toss in some "Resident Evil". Not like good "Resident Evil". Movie "Resident Evil". How about we throw in some demonic Groots, a pinch of "Rebel Moon" (Because somebody somewhere liked those movies, right?), a werewolf, and so much lens flare that even J. J. Abrams would say that you've gone too far? Perfect! That's the kind of slop that you'd swear you would have seen in the Wal-Mart dollar bin like half a decade ago, but are for some reason seeing released in theaters nationwide.
Based on the George R. R. Martin short story of the same name, "In the Lost Lands" opens in a dystopian, fantasy world, with a feared witch, "Gray Alys" (Milla Jovovich), who is tasked by the queen (Amara Okereke) of the dying "Overlord" to grant her the magical power to shapeshift. Since Alys can't refuse any requests of her (I can see many ways how that can go wrong), Alys tells the queen she will return by the next full moon with the power, then give it to the queen (Who is already in the midst of planning for a future where she is the only ruler). Alys hires a famous hunter, "Boyce" (Dave Bautista), to serve as a guide into the dangerous Lost Lands, which is mostly made up of desert, a destroyed city, and a demonic creature or two. Meanwhile, the religious higher ups, consisting of the fanatical "Patriarch Johan" (Fraser James) and his bloodthirsty enforcer, "Ash" (Arly Jover), want Alys to hang for her crimes of witchcraft, sending in their zealots to kill her. Gray Alys and Boyce traverse the brutal world before them, while the audience struggles to comprehend what's going on due to the nonsensical nature of the story and the fact that the movie itself is so goddamn ugly to look at.
Directed by the king of mid-2000s edgy trash, Paul W. S. Anderson ("Event Horizon", "Monster Hunter", and the "Resident Evil" film series), with a screenplay by Constantin Werner, "In the Lost Lands" completely seems to be going by the "Rule of Cool", and if you ask me, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So long as it's fun.......Which this isn't. It's an uneven, exhausting, and visually unpleasant mix of genres and concepts that lack compelling characters, an interesting story, and anything resembling an actual personality of its own. Paul W. S. Anderson does seem content with making essentially the same movie over and over again, with heavy slo-mo, gratuitous green screen, and the worst CGI you'll see in a wide release film, but act like that's perfectly okay because it's just supposed a dumb popcorn flick. I mean, I can't necessarily fault the guy for embracing what he knows, yet it's 2025 and I only have so much time to spend in a movie theater these days. This has no business playing in one. It's a fairly simple, even straight forward story (With increasingly predictable dialogue), with a pair of characters going on a long adventure, making a couple pit stops along the way, and getting into an occasional drawn out action scene. However, the film repeatedly stops dead to focus on what's going on back in the kingdom, which ends up having little to no effect on the actual plot at hand. It just stretches things out, and when your movie is already too long at an hour and forty minutes, it's obvious what should have been shaved off. There is far too much going on in the subplots, when your main plot could have been serviceable enough, although even that too does wear thin in the last act.
Dave Bautista is still a charming, even respectable actor, doing what he can with what's been given and walking away unharmed, and to be honest, it's not like he doesn't have some chemistry with Jovovich (That might actually be the strongest part of the film). Speaking of Milla Jovovich, she's in way too much crap for someone I know can be a good actress (Granted, I completely understand the director wanting his hot wife to always be front and center of all his movies). She even shows those capabilities here where she has to do most if not all of the heavy lifting for her character. The screenplay does neither of them any favors, and I gotta commend the leads for at least getting through this without snickering the entire time. For as stupid as it all is, I buy them at least. Some of the other performances are pretty rough, like Amara Okereke (Who spouts out some inconsistent semi-feminist dialogue in a movie clearly written by a man) and an out of place Arly Jover (Who is way too over the top for a movie taking itself THIS seriously), while Fraser James does get some unintentional comedy out of his scenery-chewing. It's probably a bad sign when the best character in the movie is a two-headed snake that Bautista carries around, and even that doesn't last.
The movie seems to have an idea for grand world-building, but even at over $55 million, it feels so unrealized. There are cool concepts of how the world looks, yet it's so abysmal to look at that it ruins the whole image. You might get an idea for a unique action sequence, though it's edited in such a quick fashion that you can tell much of it had to be salvaged in whatever possible way during post production (Something that apparently took two years after the movie was already shot). Even sequences that have potential (Such as when our main characters are forced to defend themselves against some skeletal, demonic zombies with a ring of fire), rarely hold still long enough for the audience to actually get a good look at anything. Or in the case of the film's climax (Which features the worst CGI werewolf put to screen in over a decade), sometimes you have no choice but to stare in awe of the grotesquely unrendered visuals that were for somehow approved of. Not to mention, the film is like 80% green screen, to the point it just looks like Bautista and Jovovich just wandered their way into an unfinished PS3 video game.
Obnoxiously loud, ugly to look at, and surprisingly boring in parts, "In the Lost Lands" becomes such a sludge-like meshing of different Fantasy and Sci-Fi Horror concepts, with blindingly unappealing visual effects so brown and red, it's as if you were looking into the very ass of George R. R. Martin himself. I'm all for trashy fun, but you actually have to put more emphasis on the fun part to make it, well, not just trash. It just hurts your eyes and gives your brain a headache. This was a journey that was long lost before it even started. 1 Star. Rated R For Loads Of CGI Blood (Feels Like It Was Meant To Be PG-13, Before Shifting To An R Rating), Bautista Boobs, And Seizure Inducing Visuals. Seriously, This Movie Might Be Lethal To Some People With Sensitive Eyes.
Last Breath by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: This is what High School detention would look like from any movie before the Nineties.
Damn, I hate movies like this. Oh not because it's bad. It's actually perfectly fine. In fact, I actually end up recommending it, especially since we're going to have a bit of a slow movie weekend. It's just that movies like this aren't fun to write reviews for. There's nothing outright wrong with it. Nothing groundbreaking. Nothing bad. Not boring. Not memorable. Not deserving of ridicule or hate. Not much to really fully praise. Not mid (As the kids say). Not, well, not much. It's alright. Go see it. Or don't. I just work here!
Based on the remarkable true story, "Last Breath" follows a saturation diving crew, consisting of "Duncan Allcock" (Woody Harrelson), "David Yuasa" (Simu Liu), and "Chris Lemons" (Finn Cole). When an underwater mission goes wrong, resulting in Chris being left hundreds of meters below in pitch black darkness, the rest of the team has to work tirelessly to rescue him before Chris runs out of air, with it logically seeming like this will likely become a body retrieval, rather than a rescue mission. However (And if you know the true story), the power of human ingenuity and spirit just might be enough to overcome such dire odds.
Directed by Alex Parkinson (Co-Director of the documentary "Last Breath" with Richard da Costa, which this movie is essentially a feature film remake of), who co-wrote the screenplay with Mitchell LaFortune ("Kandahar") and David Brooks, "Last Breath" is a fairly by the book recapturing of true events, being short, sweet, and to the point, barely clocking in at an hour and a half (Despite a little obvious padding here and there). Much of the film, from the screenplay to its characterizations to even the direction somewhat, are all just fine, though there isn't much to write home about. Parkinson does convey some tension during the sequence where Chris is lost in the midst of the chaotic accident, resulting in him having to find his way to safety in absolute darkness. Most of the film looks like a TV movie or something you'd see only on streaming, which feels unworthy of such an impressive story. The cast is more or less required to do some of the heavy lifting, which they all do in praise worthy fashion. Finn Cole has to generate likability before spending a good chunk of the film's runtime passed out, while the likes of Woody Harrelson (Who even finds time for a couple solid quips), Simu Liu, Mark Bonnar (as "Craig", the team's supervisor, determined to save Chris) and Cliff Curtis (as "Andre Jenson", the team's captain, who has to make the tough decisions nobody else can), are all pretty damn excellent.
"Last Breath" is a mostly effective tale of endurance and survival, even if the film itself doesn't quite pack the punch it surely requires. The true events are already inspiring enough as it is, and leaves you with a sense of hope in spite of the movie just being, again, perfectly fine. Definitely worth your time, but not immediately necessary. Probably could have been better, though I can't get mad at a film for being competent. See what I mean? No fun to talk about these kinds of movies! We need another "Kraven the Hunter"! Pronto! 3 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Perilous Peril, Sea Sickness, And Overwhelming Wetness.
Ne Zha 2 by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The face of an over $1 Billion franchise.
So Pixar and DreamWorks got their work cut out for them the rest of this year. Granted, this literally came out of nowhere and despite being a cultural phenomenon, is a sequel to another highly successful animated film, and as of now becoming the highest grossing animated film of all time (With $1.7 Billion), nobody here knows what it is. How do I explain to the Average Joe that "Ne Zha 2" is already one of the best movies of 2025?
Inspired by the 16th century Chinese novel, "The Investiture of the Gods" (aka "Fengshen Yanyi") that combined much of Chinese history and folklore, "Ne Zha 2" opens almost directly after the events of the first film (Released back in 2019), with the mischievous, yet ultimately heroic little demon, "Ne Zha" (Lü Yanting) and his counterpart/bestest friend/borderline love interest, "Ao Bing" (Han Mo), having both lost their physical forms, retaining spectral forms. Ne Zha's mentor, the chubby "Taiyi Zhenren" (Zhang Jiaming), conjures a way to give Ne Zha and Ao Bing back their bodies, only for it to be interrupted by an assault from the villain from the first film/Ao Bing's former master, "Shen Gongbao" (Yang Wei) and Ao Bing's vengeful dragon father, "Ao Guang" (Voiced in his human form by Yu Chen and in his dragon form by Li Nan). Ne Zha gets his body back, though Ao Bing isn't so lucky, with Ne Zha allowing him to share his own body to save him.
Despite his wanting of revenge and freedom from his underwater imprisonment, Ao Guang agrees to a deal that if Ne Zha and Taiyi can get Ao Bing a new body, he'll spare Ne Zha's hometown and his family. Taiyi deduces the only way to get their hands on a potion that should provide Ao Bing a new body revolves around a rather complicated plan to win the favor of the Immortals through a series of trials from the wise, big-headed "Master Wuliang" (Wang Deshun), thus allowing them access to the potion. While keeping his identity as a demon a secret, Ne Zha (With Ao Bing sharing his body until they get the potion) must endure the trials and prove himself truly worthy in the eyes of the gods, though little does everyone know, there is another, more vile scheme going on behind the scenes that could cost the lives of everyone that Ne Zha holds dear.
Written and directed by the returning Jiaozi (Now the highest grossing Chinese film director of all time), "Ne Zha 2" is a follow up to 2019's Chinese animated smash hit, and wisely begins with the quickest of recaps so that it really shouldn't lose any newcomers. With that said though, it's still a fairly complicated storyline like the first one, with every character having their own motivations and place in Chinese folklore, meaning that it's easy to get lost at times. The movie basically asks you to more or less just go with it, letting you grasp what you need to really focus on and leaving the small details as simply small details. It can also be a bit jarring with how the film juggles so much, from crude humor, epic battles, heavy world building, and mature themes. However, it shockingly comes together in a beautiful symphony of grand spectacle, mixed with likable characters and a strong, beating heart.
In spite of its occasional silliness (Which even then, gets quite a few big laughs), there is something rather profound about the film, with topics of bigotry, anti-establishment, and going against perceived destiny. It's done with animation that feels like a bizarre hybrid of current Disney films, combined with DreamWorks films such as "Kung Fu Panda", and even a little "SpiderVerse" tossed in there for good measure (At times it feels like an Anime too). For what begins as a wacky adventure, slowly morphs into a tale of overcoming prejudice, accepting loss, and standing against the injustices created by the elites. Sure, we'll have Ne Zha engage in an occasional fart or pee joke (He is a little sh*t after all), but that never feels too out of place when the film's sweeping visuals come into play, with action setpieces that put the likes of even Marvel to shame. The characters are full of charm, even down to the villains, with some returning ones getting more development and dimensions than before. There are some really powerful images on display, and while sometimes the film can just jump right into certain developments (Maybe it's just one of those lost in translation sort of things), it's hard not to get caught up the emotions. Who would have thought a movie where some demon kid pisses in sacred water can also have tearjerking moments with loved ones?
"Ne Zha 2" clocks in at almost two and a half hours, yet never quite feels the length. The film may have more of an edge than your average Pixar film (With language, scary moments, and violence that earn itself a PG-13 rating), it still works as a good family film, with lots of great laughs (Both lowbrow and much more subtle), a wonderful cast of colorful characters both major and otherwise, and mind-blowing action that deserves to be seen on the biggest screen imaginable. Also, I'm not even one of those people who likes to read into those kinds of things with characters, but the film's late interactions between Ne Zha and Ao Bing have so much homoeroticism that rivals Pixar's "Luca". I was expecting a full blown kiss at the end! There's no way any of this was THAT accidental! Stunningly animated and thought provoking, while still hilarious and lots of fun, it's clear why it's garnered such a following in China, and deserves to grow here in the United States as well. 4 Stars. Rated PG-13 For An Occasional Gross Out Gag, Fantasy Violence That Often Gets More Real Than You'd Expect, Taiyi's Jiggling Fat, And Top Heavy Rock Women That Surely Will Find Themselves The Subject Of Much Questionable Fan Art.
Captain America: Brave New World by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: To all you neckbeards out there, try telling him that he's not "YOUR Captain America" to his face and see what happens.
The once unstoppable "Marvel Cinematic Universe" is still yet to truly fall ("Deadpool & Wolverine" did make over $1 Billion worldwide after all. They ain't dead yet!), but things have been admittedly rocky as of late. Post-Endgame may have given us some all time greats like "Spider-Man: No Way Home", "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever", "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3", and "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings", but the ones that either don't work or just aren't up to the high standard that had been set really have brought down some of the enthusiasm. Even with this movie being one of their biggest no-brainers, it suffered during this slight seasonal rot that they've been going through. Delays, reshoots, rewrites, supposed terrible test screenings (If Sony thought "Kraven the Hunter" was still okay, then I don't buy it), and well, some good old fashioned racism (I've learned people tend to be much harsher to basic flaws when somebody other than a straight, white man is front and center). Apparently a large part of the film was reworked, resulting in bad faith in the eyes of the public. In a way, at least for me, I think it's fitting that some of these movies are giving off "Phase One" vibes (Similar with "The Marvels" and "Thor: Love and Thunder"), where you can see Marvel and Disney slowly starting to get their act together in places, though it wouldn't be surprising if some of these aren't exactly big deals once we reach the next main event. You kind of see it happening in real time with this film. Flaws and all.
Following the events of "Avengers: Endgame" and Disney+'s "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier", "Captain America: Brave New World" starts with the former Falcon, "Sam Wilson" (Anthony Mackie) having embraced his new role as "Captain America" (With some cool ass Vibranium wings to go with the classic shield too). Sam and his friend/future Falcon, "Joaquin Torres" (Danny Ramirez), foil an attempt to sell off a now much coveted new element, "Adamantium" (Ask your geek friends why that's so important), though the seller, "Seth Voelker/Sidewinder" (Giancarlo Esposito) is able to escape. The recently elected president, "Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross" (Harrison Ford, replacing the late William Hurt), is trying to redeem himself in the eyes of the public, spearheading a treaty between nations that will allow them to share in the distribution of the Adamantium, which has been located within the discovered body of a Celestial Titan in the middle of the ocean (See "Eternals" for more details on where the Hell that thing came from). Ross also wants Sam to work with him on possibly bringing back "The Avengers" (Despite Ross himself being the one responsible for the team falling apart back in "Captain America: Civil War").
While addressing world leaders, Sam's close friend and a former super soldier who suffered from American bureaucracy, "Isaiah Bradley" (Carl Lumbly), out of the blue attempts to assassinate Ross. Isaiah is arrested and faces the possible highest penalty, while Ross' temperament threatens to tear apart the treaty, causing yet another rift between him and Sam. Sam and Joaquin discover that somebody is pulling the strings behind the scenes, leading them to go rogue to find out what's really going on. Their search leads them into dangerous territory and into the clutches of the horrifically disfigured, yet incredibly intelligent "Samuel Sterns" (Tim Blake Nelson), who has it out for Ross (Tying into the events of 2008's "The Incredible Hulk"). With Sterns' maniacal master plan slowly reaching its peak, Sam must prove to the world why he was chosen to inherit the shield, before Ross' actions lead to disastrous consequences for the world. Hulk-Level consequences, if you will. Wink Wink!
Directed by Julius Onah ("The Cloverfield Paradox", "Luce"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Rob Edwards ("The Princess and the Frog"), Malcolm Spellman and Dalan Musson ("The Falcon and the Winter Soldier"), along with Peter Glanz, "Captain America: Brave New World" is both more of the same when it comes to the MCU's struggling phase, yet also a return to form when it eventually comes together. You can tell that this had a lot of changes. There's been talk of character design changes, a reworked story, new additions, and the complete nuking of an entire, more fantastical element that would have clashed with how surprisingly grounded the film is. It's definitely one of those movies where all of those reshoots and changes were all for the better. Still, you can't help but notice some of them if you really look hard enough. Some quick cuts early on and speeding through a few details to get to the bigger picture, along with a couple moments where maybe some more fleshing out of some story aspects could have been needed. With that said, in spite of production issues, Julius Onah's direction is earnest and genuinely has some aspirations to set itself apart from the usual MCU films. It's not all big battles and superheroics. It plays like a political thriller, with some espionage thrown in there too, mixed into the superhero genre. It brings it back to the feel of the last two "Captain America" movies, and even when things do eventually get bigger and grander towards the climax, that too feels toned down in its own way. It's not an unpredictable mystery at play here, and the trailers really couldn't resist spoiling the eventual Red Hulk conclusion, yet there is a fast paced, fun sense of suspense trying to figure out how exactly this is all going to get there by the end. It also tones down the humor for a good chunk of the film, and while I appreciate the idea, the humor is what of this shared universe's trademarks and it would be incomplete without it (Thankfully, the film realizes that fairly quickly) Effects-wise, it tends to vary. Sometimes it's just unavoidable due to how effects heavy some things just need to be (Red Hulk looks damn good all things considered, even if we still can't seem to make Hulks look ultra realistic), and a good chunk of the time, the visuals are really good (An aerial battle above the Titan in the ocean looks amazing in 3D). There are plenty of moments where the CGI doesn't quite gel or the green screen is obvious (Though there isn't near as much as you'd expect).
This is truly Anthony Mackie's time to shine, especially as the current Captain America, and you just can't deny how damn charming he is. Mackie just seamlessly steps out of the supporting role and takes command, with his own spin how the title is handled and once it's over, it becomes increasingly clear why he is the perfect guy for the job. Sam Wilson deserved a win, and even with the film's flaws, he gets one. While it's still sad not to see William Hurt in the role (And with where the film leads, it would have been incredible to witness), Harrison Ford does the character justice. Equal amounts complex, yet by no means a good person, Ford shows Ross' vulnerability as he finally faces the consequences of the actions he once felt justified for (Funny how this president in a comic book movie is still more of a three dimensional character than our actual current president). Mackie and Ford butting heads together is literally why we love these kinds of political back and forths in movies. Returning faces like Danny Ramirez (Who steals scenes left and right) and the great Carl Lumbly (Who was robbed an Emmy nomination for "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier") are both terrific, serving as a reminder that the MCU is still capable of strong character work, even when they're more secondary.
It's almost funny in a depressing way how much of a controversy that the very appearance of Shira Haas (as "Ruth Bat-Seraph", a former "Black Widow", who now serves as personal security to Ross) has generated, due to the original character's origins as "Sabra" (An Israeli superhero, who starred in a few comics with rather offensive and dangerous Palestinian stereotypes), Haas' real life volunteer service in the Israeli Defense Force, and just the still ongoing Israel-Gaza conflict (Which doesn't seem to be getting any better unfortunately). For some, she was the deal breaker to not only refuse to see the movie, but also boycott it and shame anyone who sees it. She does fine, but she's actually not in the movie all that much. She plays a vital part, yet is limited in screentime (With focus elsewhere most of the time). Was her part trimmed due to the controversy or was there really not much to worry about in the first place? Odds are the filmmakers just plucked a random character out of a hat to include in the movie and just so happened to pick the one with the most baggage at the worst possible time. Giancarlo Esposito, whose entire role was added in late in production, plays a pretty by the book baddie, but Esposito's calm, cool demeanor makes it worthwhile. While part of me is a little disappointed that they didn't go for a more comic book accurate design for Tim Blake Nelson's main villain (Granted, it probably would have looked silly in motion, with the filmmakers opting for a more practical, disturbing design), Nelson does bring some sympathy to the character to match with the unsettling menace (And he just looks like he's having a lot of fun). It's a bit of a stealth sequel to 2008's "The Incredible Hulk" (One of the MCU's earliest and still weakest movies), and it's genuinely quite awesome to see it get some kind of vindication and inclusion in the grander MCU.
Hindered in the first act a bit by the troubled production, "Captain America: Brave New World" makes for another flawed addition to the MCU. When it works though, it really does soar, with strong action sequences, moments of sincere character, and committed performances, particularly from Mackie and Ford. When it doesn't work, it's just messy, being salvaged from the ground up so that we can move onto the next entry. However, the film's best aspects feel like classic MCU in just the right way (Remember always leaving these movies with a big smile on your face? Even when it wasn't all that important compared to others?). Maybe, in spite of a couple hiccups, this is the sign that even their weakest films have something to offer and that we still have so much to anticipate in the future. Still eager to see if they can finally do "The Fantastic Four" right or if they'll stick the landing with that whole Robert Downey Jr. as Doctor Doom casting. While there's still a chance of them failing, if anyone can make any of these work, it's Marvel. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Strong Violence, Bulging Brains, White House Destruction, And Harrison Hulk Chest Hair.
Paddington in Peru by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: I would commit murder for that bear.
Let's see. How are things going right now? It's like every day we hear about how much closer we are then ever to global catastrophe, record breaking cold (And likely record breaking heat later this year), everything is too expensive and we're only two months into the year, the PlayStation network was down, the new "Captain America" movie is getting mixed reviews (Which actually isn't even that bad, but since it's lower than a 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, it must be end times), we're likely never going to get a sequel to "Transformers: One", "Star Wars" fans are all basically Nazis, the Oscars are littered with controversy (The first and most likely last Trans actress to get nominated for an Oscar apparently is bigoted towards literally everybody!), Film Bros continue to not know how movies work, Elon Musk has run Twitter into the ground and will likely do the same to us next, along with Donald Trump blaming minorities, gay and Trans people, and anyone different for planes crashing. I swear I'm forgetting something! Only one bear can possibly bring joy to this cruel, manner-free world of our's.
Based on the beloved character created by Michael Bond and the third film in the critically acclaimed series, "Paddington in Peru" follows that titular lovable, if not clumsy, bear, "Paddington" (Voiced by Ben Whishaw), as he has officially become a London citizen. Still living with his adopted family, "The Browns", with "Henry" (Hugh Bonneville), "Mary" (Emily Mortimer, replacing Sally Hawkins), "Judy" (Madeleine Harris), "Jonathan" (Samuel Joslin), and their eccentric housekeeper, "Mrs. Bird" (Julie Walters), Paddington still writes to his "Aunt Lucy" (Voiced by Imelda Staunton) at the "Home For Retired Bears" in Peru. When Paddington gets a letter from the always smiling "Reverend Mother" (Olivia Colman) that Aunt Lucy seems a little off, it's arranged for him and the Browns to take a trip to Peru to see her. However, once they arrive, Aunt Lucy has vanished into the jungle, leading to Paddington and the Browns to seek help from the charismatic "Hunter Cabot" (Antonio Banderas) and his daughter, "Gina" (Carla Tous), to serve as their guide into the darkest parts of Peru. Unfortunately, it turns out that Hunter is out of his dang mind, believing that Aunt Lucy has gone looking for the lost city of El Dorado and its gold. Paddington's search for Aunt Lucy will lead to his own discovery about himself and where he came from as he realizes where he truly belongs in the world.
Directed by music video director Dougal Wilson (In his first feature film, replacing Paul King), with a screenplay by Mark Burton ("Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit"), along with Jon Foster and James Lamont ("The Amazing World of Gumball", "The Adventures of Paddington"), "Paddington in Peru" isn't quite near as magical as the first two, which have become instant family classics. Let's just get that out of the way right now. It just isn't quite up to the same level. And since that level was incredibly high, this being still a wonderful, hilarious, and heartwarming adventure that any age from, from the youngest of kids to the oldest of adults, makes it the best movie I've seen so far this year. While Dougal Wilson never fully recaptures Paul King's Storybook feel that the first two had, he does put his own whimsical spin on it. The film is still very much set in its own silly world, full of color and wondrous visuals (Even with the film's change in location from the streets of London to jungles of Peru). The script is just as witty and clever as before, while Wilson's direction makes room for a few elaborate set pieces and some good old fashioned physical comedy (Paddington just can't help knocking things over, then setting off a Rube Goldberg-esque series of comical events).
Ben Whishaw's voice is once again delightful, giving our little chaotic, though so friendly bear his innocent charm. Hugh Bonneville is excellent as usual, with Julie Walters getting her own kooky little subplot (Trying to figure out what's obviously not right going on at the Home for Retired Bears), along with bigger roles for Madeleine Harris and Samuel Joslin (Those two grew up fast!). It's sad not to see Sally Hawkins return, but Emily Mortimer is the ideal replacement with her own natural cuteness and likability. Antonio Banderas looks like he's just having an absolute blast, with his character seeing visions of his ancestors (All played by Antonio Banderas), and becoming just as animated as our titular animated lead. The same goes for Olivia Colman, who might be literally sinking her teeth into her role and hamming it up like there's no tomorrow. There are also some returning appearances from the likes of Imelda Staunton, a brief appearance from the marvelous Jim Broadbent (as "Mr. Gruber", who has formed a friendship due to being an immigrant like Paddington), and a few others, though sadly Peter Capaldi's "Mr. Curry" doesn't pop up this time. We do a quick cameo from Hayley Atwell (as Henry's new, intense boss) doing a killer American accent and just, well, looking unfairly beautiful at the same time.
"Paddington in Peru" has much to live up to and in spite of a couple hiccups, it's a worthy follow-up to a pair of perfect family films. It's still funny and sweet, with memorable characters and good messages of sincerity, love, and understanding your fellow man (Or in this case, bear). It might even get a misty-eyed smile out of you too. It's all about the kindness and decency that we should all aspire to adhere to. Sure, something like "Dog Man" is a lot of fun and is great for the little kids. However, these films can appeal to everyone and in such emotionally distressing times, Paddington is the real role model we all need right now. 4 Stars. Rated PG For Some More PG-Rated Humor, Antonio Banderas In A Wig And A Bald Cap, Nutty Nuns, And Paddington's Hard Stare. Most Powerful Weapon In The Known Universe.
The Monkey by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Still not as scary as the Monkey from "Toy Story 3".
It's hard to believe that it wasn't even a year ago when Osgood Perkins made an official name for himself in the eyes of the public with his acclaimed and surprisingly financial successful film, "Longlegs".And after providing us with a look into the fires of Hell, now he's free to let his true freak flag fly. Basically he can show us what a macabre and bloodthirsty guy he really is. You've probably never seen a horror-comedy quite like this. One that wants you to know just how hilarious it can be to see someone just go out in the least dignified, most unhinged, and grotesquely violent of ways, while a creepy ass little monkey just plays his little drum with a smile on his face. The monkey is likely symbolic for Osgood Perkins himself. That's my headcanon anyways.
Based on the short story by Stephen King, "The Monkey" follows the awkward "Hal Shelburn" (Played by Christian Convery as a kid, then by Theo James as an adult), and his more abrasive twin brother, "Bill" (Also played by Christian Convery, then Theo James), after they discover a creepy drumming Monkey figurine a closet full of their disappeared dad's things. Living with their cynical, but nonetheless loving mother, "Lois" (Tatiana Maslany), Hal and Bill despise each other to the point where they don't even seem to consider each other brothers. After turning the key on the Monkey's back, resulting in the toy playing its cute little drum, Hal and Bill's babysitter ends up decapitated. When it becomes clear that the Monkey has this strange, unexplainable power to cause people to die in horrifically violent, though pretty hilarious ways, the brothers attempt to get rid of it. Twenty-Five years later, Hal is now a failed dad and is on the verge of losing any and all contact with his son, "Petey" (Colin O'Brien), taking him on a week-long trip to compensate. When more bonkers deaths start to happen, Hal gets a call from Bill (Who he lost contact with years prior) that the Monkey has apparently returned. Hal embarks on a wild goose chase to find out where the Monkey is, how its come back, and all before more bodies start to pile up.
Written and directed by Osgood Perkins ("Longlegs", "Gretel & Hansel"), with a producing credit to James Wan (Creator of the "Saw" and "Conjuring" series), "The Monkey" is something that can only come into existence from the most f*cked up minds in the business, and with the posters straight up only advertising the involvement of Perkins, Wan, and Stephen King, horror movies got a lot to live up to for the rest of the year. This movie makes last week's "Heart Eyes" look tame by comparison! Perkins, who is the son of Actor Anthony Perkins {"Psycho"}, lost both his parents too soon, and you can tell he's incorporated that kind of tragedy into much of his work, though in such a wildly comedic manner. "Longlegs", despite how sinister and sadistic it was, still had an odd, almost quirky sense of humor, and this movie dials that up to past a hundred. This is straight up a live action "Tom & Jerry" cartoon, except the cartoon violence will actually result in grisly deaths. These kills are just absurd and are done through mostly practical effects, resulting in some gnarly images that also seems to treat them like a sick game. Nothing about the movie is pleasant, and yet, Osgood Perkins shoots the film with a sense of whimsy that's too damn contagious. It's the kind of movie that gets you to burst out laughing at a random loaded shotgun literally obliterating a character (Next to a sign that states "Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People") and a woman running around wildly with a flaming stroller. It's so freakin wrong and often in such poor taste, but that's what makes it awesome.
Theo James is quite the revelation in this, playing double duty and proving to have rather remarkable comedic timing. Encompassing two varying versions of the overgrown man child archetype, James brings to life levels of eccentricity and crazy that would make Nicholas Cage blush (Credit to Christian Convery too, who has to do the exact same thing for the film's first half hour). While the film obviously doesn't quite have the budget to blend him playing both characters in the same scene in an entirely seamless manner (Lots of back and forth shots), the performances are so good and unique on their own that you really have to simply go with it. Tatiana Maslany is wonderful in her important small part, and there are some equally strange parts for the likes of Rohan Campbell (as "Ricky", who basically injects himself into the whole Monkey situation, along with his silly hairdo), Elijah Wood (as "Ted", Petey's adoptive self-help advertising dad), and a couple out of nowhere cameos. The titular Monkey itself is fittingly creepy, despite rarely moving at all. It just has this kind of thematically nightmarish glow that somehow finds ways of retaining a presence, even when it's not onscreen.
While it might be just too quirky for some (The movie is pretty nonsensical, even if that's meant to be part of the fun), "The Monkey" is a joyfully fiendish farce, which never pulls punches, but rather jabs a fist full of glass shards into your face. Then randomly sets you on fire, while being Blasé about it in an oddly charming manner. You'll be disturbed and terrorized, then will leave the film with a grin bigger than the Monkey itself. 4 Stars. Rated R For All Kinds Of Deaths Both Real And Unreal, Complete With Bowling Balls, Arrows, Lawnmowers, A Cobra, Sign Posts, Hornets, And Vapes.
Love Hurts by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Ke Huy Quan enjoying a nice big cup of Awesome.
I love Ke Huy Quan. You love Ke Huy Quan. We all love Ke Huy Quan. How can you not? And now we got him in his own, "John Wick" style action movie? That sounds awesome by construction, and that's why the final film is, well, not so much bad.....Okay, it's a little bad. It's just more, er, immensely disappointing.
"Love Hurts" opens with goody-toe shoes real estate agent, "Marvin Gable" (Ke Huy Quan), going about his day normally, only to get a mysterious Valentine's Day card from "Rose" (Ariana DeBose), a woman from his past. It turns out that Marvin was a deadly assassin from his even worse brother, "Alvin" (Daniel Wu) aka "Knuckles". Marvin had previously been tasked to kill Rose for betraying his brother, only to let her go due to falling in love with her (As any man would do with Ariana DeBose). Marvin quit his murderous lifestyle to live a normal life and has embraced it. However, it seems Rose wants to come out of hiding and bring down Knuckles and his criminal empire. Sadly, this leaves Marvin also exposed and now he has to avoid several specialized killers as he reunites with Rose, who is determined to return Marvin to what she believes is his true self. Marvin on the other hand loves his new life, though he can't help but wonder which of his personas is the real him. The tough, unstoppable killer or the harmless, kind hearted dork.
Directed by first timer, Jonathan Eusebio (Known for his stuntwork on "The Fall Guy", "Black Panther", and "John Wick"), with a screenplay by Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard ("The Shannara Chronicles"), and Luke Passmore, along with a producing credit from David Leitch ("Bullet Train", "The Fall Guy"), "Love Hurts" has all the ingredients for an instant action classic. Fun premise, with a charming cast playing what should have been colorful characters, and elaborate action set pieces, brought to life via crazy, yet well thought out stuntwork. It's so depressing how much of a mess the film is and even for a barely hour and twenty minute runtime, it feels so padded out and longer than necessary. That's something that's also funny, because it also feels incomplete, like another hour is missing from the film. The film can't seem to figure out its own tone or even what genre it wants to be classified as. It's okay for a film to mix genres or twist them around. However, it's not organic. The comedy clashes with the heavy violence (Which is much bloodier and gorier than you'd expect) and the odd 70s exploitation feel. Not to mention, it also wants to be a Romantic Comedy too! Maybe if there was more character development, better dialogue, or some less time spent on certain goofier, unnecessary aspects. There's a lot weirdly going on in such a fast paced amount of time (Twenty minutes in, we already got our main plot going on, followed by the romance, along with a couple subplots involving some of the villains, and another separate romantic subplot introduced).
Ke Huy Quan is great, period, and he's great here. He's pretty much doing all of the heavy lifting, and boy, that baggage can be pretty damn heavy at times. Ariana DeBose looks like she's having a lot of fun, and yeah, she's just gorgeous beyond reason, though her character is frustratingly incoherent and DeBose suffers for it big time. They also shockingly don't have much chemistry, and I can't tell if that's because of the performances, the script, the editing, or all of the above. Daniel Wu is a serviceable, if underdeveloped, villain, while Cam Gigandet (as "Merlow", Knuckles' number two, with his own agenda) starts off like he's going to be a bigger deal and then fizzles out. There's another subplot with Mustafa Shakir (as "Raven", a poetic, knife throwing assassin sent after Marvin) and Lio Tipton (as "Ashley", Marvin's assistant, who falls in love with Raven), that's more annoying than funny, while the most surprisingly fun characters end up being Marshawn Lynch and André Eriksen (as "King" and "Otis", a pair of bumbling assassins hired by Merlow), getting a few genuine laughs. It was also pretty cute to see Ke Huy Quan reunite with "Goonies" buddy Sean Astin (as "Cliff", Marvin's caring boss), and there's a whole thing where one of the Property Brothers pops up in a prolonged cameo that's bizarrely hilarious in a way I still can't exactly comprehend (It makes you wonder who this movie is meant for exactly).
While not quite the disaster that some would lead you to believe, "Love Hurts" really needed more time in development, because this doesn't feel remotely finished. It has its moments of charm (And picks up action-wise during the last act with an admittedly well done final fight), but its beaten down by the weak script, a lack of laughs, somewhat cringey dialogue (Which may have been intentional, but it falls flat), and ironically, its own identity crisis. It was a cool concept. Just never came together. Everyone deserves better. Including audiences. 2 Stars. Rated R For Excessively Strong Violence, Ke Huy Quan Do, Beast Mode, And Brutal Boba.
Heart Eyes by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Nothing but love in his eyes. A love of DEATH!
They really screwed the pooch with the "Scream" franchise, didn't they? I mean, there's a chance the next movie will be fine, but the goodwill, especially from the fans, is gone. Guess we're gonna need a new slasher, folks!
"Heart Eyes" opens with the now notorious "Heart Eyes Killer" (Or "HEK" for short) has been on several Valentine's Day killing sprees for the past couple years, with there being no leads as to who the killer is or their true motivation, other than slaughtering couples on the day of love (Mostly the overly in your face, love dovey ones). In Seattle, a pitch designer for a fashion company (Specialized in romance), "Ally" (Olivia Holt), is not doing too well after a recent breakup, and is now fearing that she is going to lose the job that she also happens to hate so much. After a failed marketing campaign based around doomed lovers (Including some amusing parodies of "Titanic" and "Bonnie & Clyde" in pretentious ad form), Ally's boss, "Crystal" (Michaela Watkins) forces her to work with a new designer, "Jay" (Mason Gooding), who Ally did happen to have a semi-meet cute earlier that day. Jay invites Ally to dinner to discuss the new campaign, though Ally's newfound cynicism kind of gets in the way, despite the two of them actually having genuine chemistry. Unfortunately for the two of them, the Heart Eyes Killer happens to notice and now targets them as the next pair of victims. Ally and Jay now must evade the ruthless killer, who is willing to slice and dice anyone who happens to get in the way, while their possible romance starts to blossom amidst all the blood and carnage.
Directed by Josh Ruben ("Werewolves Within"), with a screenplay by Phillip Murphy ("Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard"), Christopher Landon (The "Happy Death Day" films), and Michael Kennedy ("It's A Wonderful Knife"), "Heart Eyes" isn't anything too new for the slasher genre, and in some ways in spite of the decent size body count and grisly deaths, it's more of a comedy first and a slasher second. It's as if a pretty normal Romantic Comedy is happening, only to get interrupted by a serial killer. What the film lacks in originality, it makes up for with some clever twists to the genre, Ruben's inspired direction, and the fact that it's genuinely really funny in such a nihilistic kind of way, yet still comes across as oddly adorable due to the liability of its main characters. It's a shock to me how much fun this is. Right when the film starts (With a couple trying to make the perfect engagement, getting rather comically, though nonetheless gruesomely, murdered in a winery), you get the idea what this movie is going for. Even the deaths aren't meant to be taken overly seriously due to how absolutely unhinged they are, and Josh Ruben can still craft some elaborate setpieces that can be equally suspenseful and fun (It's never particularly scary, though Slasher movies rarely are to me anyways). It's brutal at times, though that quite hilariously only makes the film's surprisingly big heart both effective and funny at the same time. It's how you do a complete tonal shift right.
Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding are an excellent pairing, with charismatic chemistry, that avoids certain Rom-Com pratfalls. They get on each other's nerves at times, yet aren't always bickering. They're infectiously cute together, though never overtly so. With great comedic timing, Holt and Gooding really are the film's biggest selling point. There are some amusing moments from the likes of an overly intense Devon Sawa and an overly flirty/really hot Jordana Brewster (as bumbling cops, ludicrously named "Hobbs" and "Shaw"), while I was shocked at how small of a role Michaela Watkins and Gigi Zumbado (as "Monica", Ally's sassy friend) ended up playing, despite it seeming as if they were going to serve bigger purposes at first. As for the titular killer, Heart Eyes makes for a good, fairly old school, slasher, even with the humorous edge. The mask is creepy, and the killer's unhinged ways of taking out their victims are certainly unique (Not to mention how the killer will take moments to just kill a random bystander who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time). The whole aspect of who the killer actually is isn't exactly a big deal in the grand scheme, which is good because it's actually really easy to figure out, even with the curve balls the movie tries to throw in.
As usual with Slasher films like this, "Heart Eyes" does start to lose some steam towards the end. Still, it's well paced, deliciously deranged, and even quite adorable, thanks to the killer back and forth between Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding. It's the right amount of vicious and the right amount of sweet. A date movie that all can enjoy, whether you're cheesy and want some romance, snarky and are just looking for a good comedy, or if you're just sick as f*ck and are looking to see some poor saps get horrifically murdered in grisly fashion. You could do much worse this Valentine's Day. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Bloody Violence, Scary Stuff, And The Best Use Of A Metal Straw.
Dog Man by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: If Dog Man is willing to wear a body-cam, then so should you!
Believe it or not, cartoonishly frantic and dangerously energized kids movies might be therapeutic for the mind.
Based on the book series by Dave Pilkey (The books being a spin-off of his "Captain Underpants" series, being one of the comics made by George and Harold from those books), "Dog Man" opens in the colorfully wacky world of "OK City", which is repeatedly terrorized by the dastardly (And incredibly cynical) villainous cat, "Petey" (Pete Davidson). Moronic cop, "Officer Knight", and his beloved dog, "Greg", attempt to capture Petey, only to end up being blown up to the point where the doctors can only save Knight's body (But not his head) and Greg's head (But not his body). This leads to them coming up with the brilliant idea to.....put the dog's head on the man's body. This results in "Dog Man", a crime fighting "Supa Cop", who immediately becomes beloved by the community, despite his inability to successfully catch the always escaping Petey. The city's mayor (Cheri Oteri), demands some results, telling the "Chief" (Lil Rel Howery), that if Dog Man can't catch Petey for good, then Dog Man must be taken off the case. Meanwhile, after failing to defeat Dog Man several times, Petey comes up with a new scheme, involving a dead, evil robotic fish named "Flippy", a building that makes "Living Spray", and a cloning machine, which he uses to clone himself. Unfortunately, Petey ends ups with a kitten clone of himself, "Li'l Petey" (Lucas Hopkins Calderon), who sees Petey as his papa. The ever lonely Dog Man befriends Li'l Petey (After Petey abandons him), leading to Dog Man and Petey's rivalry to come to an end, and an even bigger threat about to bring an end to the city and its citizens.
Written and directed by Peter Hastings (Known for work on "Tiny Toon Adventures", "Animaniacs", "Pinky and the Brain", and others), "Dog Man" is, as you can tell from that mumbo jumbo I described in the plot, not meant to be logical. It's literally supposed to be a story, come up with by some sugar-fueled Elementary school kids, and the film perfectly encompasses that. If you're up to what's not even an hour and a half of that is up to you. However, I can bet fans of the book series and kids in general will have a ball with it, and while it doesn't have the depth of say "The LEGO Movie" or even the same level humor of "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie" (Which also came from DreamWorks Animation like this did), it's still an irresistible and often, pretty hilarious bit of silly nonsense. It knows what it's meant to be, and thankfully, it doesn't use that as an excuse to be lazy or to just dangle some keys for a quick runtime.
For what the film lacks in, er, coherence I suppose, it makes up for in clever wordplay, creative visuals, a surprising amount of heart, and enough laughs that might even get some of the parents snickering more than they thought. I also can't praise the animation style enough. It looks like a stop-motion comic book, brought to life with vigorous energy, breathtaking storyboarding, and even a few intentionally conflicting art aesthetics (Where the animation will jump back and forth from 3D to 2D, or find something in-between). It's genuinely quite funny, whether it be the outlandish places the plot goes, some blink and you'll miss it background or sign gags (Always a favorite of mine), or just plain things that are so absurdly stupid that it gets a big laugh out of you. Like Petey's "Secret Lair" is literally out in the open, with signs pointing to it, or the Chief taking Dog Man through a secret tunnel to show him his awesome, special gear, which only leads them right back into the same exact room as before. (There's also apparently a hotline that character's can call when they say "Life's Not Fair", where the guy on the other line just tells them "Life's Not Fair", and then hangs up) Props to the filmmakers for making the first funny "I can see my house from here" joke I've seen in years.
It may be Dog Man's movie (And he's plenty lovable), but the real scene-stealer ends up being Pete Davidson. He's got the kind of active personality and animated voice that seems made for voice work, while also being the film's most complicated character. Somehow, he's hilariously dastardly, yet shockingly tragic, with his whole relationship with Lucas Hopkins Calderon serving as a place where the film finds some extra heart. Lil Rel Howery is a blast, along with an adorable Isla Fisher (as "Sarah Hatoff", the city's news reporter, that the Chief has a crush on), Billy Boyd (as "Seamus", Sarah's loyal cameraman), Cheri Oteri, Stephen Root (as Petey's absolutely terrible, uncaring father), and underused, but delightful Ricky Gervais (as the voice of the eventually resurrected "Flippy the Fish"), who only comes in during the third act as the true main villain (Making the most out of limited screentime).
Underneath all of the manic silliness, "Dog Man" has a sweet side, a good message of optimism, stellar animation, and some outstanding voice work (Peter Davidson especially is unexpectedly wonderful). I can't say that the movie will do much for the older crowd, with there being more mature animated films to choose from that the whole family can love. However, there isn't a mean bone in this movie's fluffy body, making for a totally Supa time for the kiddies and maybe enough for the parents to just go with the goofy antics. As for me, I got a soft spot for it. Crazy kids movies like this are going to keep me sane and hopeful during another four years of Trump. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG (Though It's Fairly G Rated For The Most Part) For, Well, The Disturbing Concept Of A Man And A Dog Being Forced To Become One Against Their Will, With The Man's Original Head Wasting Away In Some Lab And The Dog's Body Likely Thrown Out To Make Mulch, While......Just Don't Think About It.
Companion by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: If you're somehow not in love with Sophie Thatcher after seeing this movie (At least in a metaphorical sense), you're obviously not human.
This is another one of those movies that I can see not sitting well with some people. Dudes mostly. Straight dudes. You know who I'm talking about. The kind who likely get their "Star Wars" news from YouTubers and still have their hate boners for the likes of Brie Larson and Rachel Zegler (Emphasis on the boner part). You gotta love to see it, and it makes for the first really good film of 2025. (And hey, perfect date movie if you ask me. Double Feature with "Your Monster" while you're at it!)
"Companion" opens with loving couple, "Iris" (Sophie Thatcher) and "Josh" (Jack Quaid), taking a trip to remote cabin in the woods (It's less of a cabin, and more of a full blown estate), owned by the morally questionable and very Russian, "Sergey" (Rupert Friend), to meet with Josh's friends, including "Kat" (Megan Suri), along with "Eli" (Harvey Guillén) and his boyfriend, "Patrick" (Lukas Gage). Iris is seemingly the perfect girlfriend, who loves Josh unconditionally, is hot as Hell, completely devoid of her own hobbies or interests, and only lives to make Josh happy (Which should clue you in that something is obviously wrong here). After an altercation with Sergey, Iris' world comes crashing down as she realizes her life is a lie and ends up as part of an elaborate (And poorly planned scheme), which takes some turns that really are best not spoiled.
Written and directed by Drew Hancock (Whose writing credits include, and I'm not making this up, the third "Fred" film for Nickelodeon and a few episodes of "Mr. Pickles" on Adult Swim. Weirdly makes sense now that I think about it), with a producing credit from "Barbarian" director Zach Cregger, "Companion" is what happens when someone takes a hammer to the facade of your average Rom-Com. I will say that the first twist isn't that hard to figure out (And it's revealed in the first twenty minutes or so, along with apparently the most recent trailer), though where they take this macabre, pitch black comedy is both ludicrously insane and cleverly unpredictable. Similar to "Barbarian", the genres are flipped around so much that by the second act, it feels like a completely different film, which I do genuinely mean in the best way. Hancock's direction and screenplay skillfully deconstruct the idea of the perfect relationship (At least the male's version of it), along with the nonsensical feelings of love itself (How does it make us both very happy and violently angry at the same time?) Then of course, the unhinged levels of toxic masculinity, that at the rate we're going, will never not be relevant in some way. I also love how the film plays like a horror movie, yet is filmed like a romance movie, except the film's tone is more darkly comedic than anything else (Credit to the editing, which is intentionally quick and chopped up, giving the feel of an Edgar Wright film). It's an ingenious bending of the genres that pay off with the film's themes. It's also just really funny, particularly when more of what's going on is pieced together and how so much of what's happening could have been avoided, though you damn well it would actually go down like this due to some good old fashioned humor error and stupidity.
Sophie Thatcher, who has been making a big name for herself lately and for good reason too, is mesmerizing in a role that requires her body language, eyes, and even her voice in cleverly surreal ways (Her really hot voice especially). Jack Quaid plays a fidgety douchebag better than any other actor working today, while Lukas Gage really gets to show off his surprise versatility in one of the movie's more complicated parts. Megan Suri is appropriately unapologetic, Rupert Friend has embraced just playing whatever weirdo comes to mind lately, and Harvey Guillén is hilarious, I do like that, despite some of the characters being likely being characterized via certain aspects that have by this point become stock, everyone is fully realized and have more to them than what first appears. Maybe they have unexpected depth or might actually be much worse. You do have to put it all together yourself.
Funny, twisted, and most importantly, smart, "Companion" is a strong first film for director Drew Hancock, with a refreshing take on its subject matter and an eye-catching breakout performance from Sophie Thatcher (Seriously, how can you not have a crush on her after this?). With some shockingly brutal violence, unconventional approaches to old ideas, and damn good satire, it's this year's first must see. 4 Stars. Rated R For Bloody Violence, Sexual Content, Bad Boyfriends, Killer Apps, And Irredeemable Incelness.
Flight Risk by James Eagan ★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: And here I thought if you were on that plane, 9/11 never would have happened. Yet another Marky Mark disappointment.
From one of our newly appointed, so-called "Special Ambassadors of Hollywood", comes the most generic, clearly old school bad January release in recent memory that quite frankly, looks like it could have been directed by literally anyone on auto-pilot. If THIS is what we're supposed to be stuck with for the next few years, the industry truly is doomed. Thanks Mr. President!
"Flight Risk" opens with United States Marshal, "Madelyn Harris" (Michelle Dockery) capturing the fleeing, "Winston" (Topher Grace), who did some accounting for a crime lord, "Moretti". Winston agrees to become an informant to save himself, so long as he gets the best protection possible, knowing what Moretti is capable of. It's arranged for Madelyn to oversee Winston's transportation over the Alaskan mountains in a small plane, piloted by the overly Southern, rednecky pilot, "Daryl Booth" (Mark Wahlberg). Something obviously isn't right from the beginning and Daryl is revealed to be a psychopathic, balding, non-Southern unnamed hitman, who Moretti hired to silence Winston. After subduing the hitman and handcuffing him to the back of the plane, it's up to Madelyn to pilot the aircraft herself, despite not knowing what she's doing. It also becomes apparent that there might not be anyone that she and Winston can trust, while the hitman repeatedly plots ways of killing them both and completing his mission.
Directed by Mel Gibson ("Braveheart", "Hacksaw Ridge"), with a screenplay by Jared Rosenberg, "Flight Risk" is a forgettable and oddly pedestrian feeling thriller, that's not without a cool premise, yet is sadly hindered by uninspired direction and an incredibly safe screenplay. It's easy to rag on Gibson for some of his recent work (The man hasn't given a performance in the last five years or so where he looked like he gave a crap and is slowly turning into one of those steel wool sponges), and even easier to criticize all the, um, "other stuff", that we've all either decided to ignore or are for some reason okay with. Still, the man is a capable director, but you wouldn't know it here. It's not terrible. It's just so damn unremarkable. Nothing about it stands out, aside from some occasionally shoddy CGI and some really bad off screen dubbing (Did Mark Wahlberg not originally do an accent at the beginning? Because most of his dialogue wasn't remotely syncing up with his lips at first!). I'm all for a bare bones story, where everything you see is strictly from the point of view of our main characters, which could make for a tense bottle film. It ends up being too bare bones though, with lots of predictable tropes and the most basic of characterizations for the most part. If anything happens outside of the film's main setting, it has little to no effect on the characters, despite the film trying to convince us that it is.
The always classy and respectable Michelle Dockery (Also, she's so pretty!) is at least capable, even when the script isn't. She does a good job considering the film's limitations, and especially since the film is restricted to its tight quarters, she has to carry a lot of the film's baggage. Topher Grace is also pretty great, getting a few funny lines, and perfectly playing the cowardly dweeb, who should have been killed five minutes in. He also easily gets the film's best character arc, where you do see past his ineptitude and spinelessness to find his humanity. Dockery and Grace are solid together, and that leaves Mark Wahlberg to be a third wheel. It does seem that Wahlberg is trying to do something a little different here, abandoning his Marky Markness in favor of a cartoonishly over the top villain, and I can see what they were going for. Frustratingly though, it just doesn't work. He ends up coming across as more of a silly nuisance than a scary threat. He ends up being so inconsequential to the narrative in a few rinse and repeat sequences where he busts free, tries to kill our main characters, makes a crude (Or mostly homophobic) remark, and then easily gets his ass beat before getting tied back up. That happens like three or four times. Once we reach the film's climax, you realize he didn't need to be there at all.
Despite a few tense moments, "Flight Risk" is sorely lacking in thrills, especially in the last act. It's rather baffling how nonchalant the film ends, cutting to black and leaving you wondering if there was actually supposed to be more or not. It's not like I was exactly asking for more, but it was jarring to see the film literally just stop on such a non-cinematic note. Feels more like a commercial break than an actual ending or what happens when you get tired of watching something on Netflix and simply cut it off. Fitting because this should have been a Netflix movie. Something you either leave on in the background and don't pay attention to or watch on your phone in an almost zombified fashion and immediately forget all about it after. I'd probably be a little easier on it if that had been the case. Seeing it in the theaters feels more like you're actually trapped on a doomed flight with Mark Wahlberg and his bald cap. It's just the lame kind of bad. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, A Little Violence, On The Phone Flirting (I Do Genuinely Hope They Ended Up Together Though!), And That Butt Ugly CGI Moose. Whoever Thought That Was Okay Needs To Be Fired!
Wolf Man by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Now when I said "For Better or For Worse", I don't think this remotely qualifies.
What was once meant to be Universal's so-called "Dark Universe" (A shared universe similar to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, except with their collection of movie monsters like Dracula, the Mummy, and the Wolf Man), failed so hard that it meant that such iconic characters would need a different kind of reboot to make it in this modernized era. The first true successful attempt was 2020's "The Invisible Man", which retained some of the themes and chills of its source material, while integrating itself with a fresh spin, making for one of that year's best films (And only on a $7 million budget too!). Thus the idea of just resurrecting the infamous monsters through a series of standalone stories (Almost like an unofficial anthology) seemed like the best idea.
Inspired very loosely by 1941's "The Wolf Man", "Wolf Man" follows "Blake Lovell" (Christopher Abbott), who finds out that his previously missing father has no legally been declared dead, leaving behind his old childhood home outside San Francisco. Trying to keep what family he has left together, made up of his always working wife, "Charlotte" (Julia Garner) and lovable daughter "Ginger" (Matilda Firth), Blake suggests that they take a trip to his father's farmhouse. Along the way though, once they enter the woods, the family is attacked by some kind of monstrous creature. After finding refuge in the farmhouse, Blake realizes he's been horribly scratched by the creature, thus causing an infection that proceeds to have some rather grotesque side effects. With Blake slowly losing every ounce of his humanity to this disease, Charlotte and Ginger now must find a way to survive against two unstoppable almost human, yet very wolf-like monsters (One of which that just so happens to be someone they love).
Directed by Leigh Whannell ("The Invisible Man", "Upgrade"), who co-wrote the screenplay with his wife, Corbett Tuck, "Wolf Man" takes the same minimalistic approach that "The Invisible Man" had in mind, though for some, it might take it a little too far. Possibly hindered by distributor "Blumhouse Productions", who have been known for their refusal to spend money even when needed (Which they've been doing a lot more lately), Whannell works with what he's given to craft a perfectly solid, intense, dramatic thriller that forgoes the supernatural in favor of practical prosthetics and unsettling body horror. Still, the film's slow burn clearly won't sit well with everyone, especially if they're used to the more over the top, almost ape-like, hulking kind of werewolf design, similar to 2010's "The Wolf Man" (If you ask me, this is much better and a lot less, well, stupid, by comparison).
Christopher Abbott, who really had to commit to the part in more ways than one (Considering all the make-up he's slowly forced to endure), is quite excellent. The same can be said for Julia Garner (Who starts the film semi-detached, before her character steps up into the role of the true protagonist) and Matilda Firth (Who is just charm personified). Whannell's direction is on point, where atmospheric camera angles and some pretty killer concepts, which put a completely new spin on the whole werewolf theme. This has nothing to do with full moons or some kind of curse. Instead, this is treated as a dire sickness of sorts, that slowly turns the victim into a feral being, where he's unable to understand and eventually, unable to identify the people he loves. This results in him lashing out violently, while his body continues to morph into something equally repulsive and tragic. The way Whannell captures these ideas, through lighting and visuals (Where we see the varying perspectives between characters) is really clever. I also like the Wolf Man design, despite it being more Man than Wolf. In a way, it could be seen as just the first phase (Think a shaved, disheveled, and underfed bear), and it's undeniably freaky to see how the human body would contort itself into such a form. There are just some story aspects that don't quite work. While the film takes its time to get to the horror side of things (Something I also actually enjoyed), when it arrives at its conclusion, it's rather shockingly safe. It kind of becomes more of a zombie movie than a werewolf one. On a side note, I think I know why the other Wolf Man never bothered to just, you know, smash the windows to the house to get in. I kind of got the idea that these creatures just act on pure, animalistic instinct instead of actual intelligence and also seem to lack comprehensible eyesight. Just a theory I'm tossing out because, you know Cinema Sins and Film Twitter are going to be babbling about that one like they're some kind of intellectual.
"Wolf Man" has a last act twist that's incredibly obvious to deduce from the start, and after that point, the rest of the film is fairly predictable stuff. It sadly doesn't have any of those shocking moments that we saw with "The Invisible Man" (I believe we all remember our horrified reactions to the infamous dinner scene, with the floating knife), and despite some unsavory effects work that make for a suitably unpleasant watch, you are kind of left wanting a bit more. That's not to say though that when the film works, it fires on all cylinders. Strong performances and Whannell's human take on the subject are what give the film its edge, even if it just doesn't quite have enough bite by the end. 3 Stars. Rated R For Scary Images, Grotesque Transformations, And Wolfy Mannerisms.
Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Sony's Spider-Man-Less "Green Goblin" spin-off.
This is not a drill! From the creators of "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey", "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2", and the rest of the "Twisted Childhood Universe" (Making slasher/horror films out of childhood characters that have entered the public domain), we have their first movie that, and stick with me here, isn't bad. I'll go as far as to say that it's kind of alright. Technically the best movie I've seen so far this year. Granted, I've only seen two 2025 releases, but hey, that's an accomplishment.
Inspired by the stories of "Peter Pan" by J. M. Barrie (Who is likely screaming in his grave, like the rest of the authors behind the source material for the rest of this shared universe), "Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" follows "Wendy Darling" (Megan Placito), who promises to pick up her little brother, "Michael" (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney) from school. Michael is taken by a notorious, hideously scarred and deranged childnapper and serial killer, "Peter Pan" (Martin Portlock), who has evaded capture for years. Wendy is determined to rescue her brother, who Peter has taken to his lair, promising to take him to "Neverland" (Or some place that he calls Neverland). While poor Michael is forced to endure Peter's demented delusions and is kept from escaping by Peter's abused assistant, "Tinker Bell" (Kit Green), who injects herself with "Pixie Dust" (aka likely heroin), Wendy starts to uncover the mystery behind Peter's past victims in a desperate attempt to save Michael from joining Peter's supposed "The Lost Boys" in oblivion.
Written and directed by Scott Jeffrey (Who starred as Christopher Robin in "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2"), "Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" is just as cruel, exploitative, and twistedly violent as the previous entries in this franchise. However, there's actually something here that works. A few things really. There's an actual story, with genuinely menacing concepts, a few interesting themes, a sense of atmosphere, and a surprisingly effective villain. The film's low budget does work towards its advantage in some aspects, with solid enough staging and moody shadows (With the exception of a few moments where the filmmakers rely a little too heavily on some background lighting, making it seem like it's so bright outside for some reason, despite being the middle of the night). I also gotta commend the heavy use of practical effects and old school gore. Sure, it's all too much and it reveals in the gruesomeness of certain deaths, but still, it's undeniably impressive to see sawed off limbs and ripped open scalps in a way that clearly had a good amount of effort put into making it seem real. Gross, yet creative.
The film's biggest strength is Martin Portlock, who is damn good as the titular menace. Shifting his voice and body language on a whim from playful and fantastical to Joker-esque and mean spirited, then to just plain vile for the Hell of it, he's rather scary and fascinating to watch. Some of the reason is because he does feel like the kind of monster you very much could see wandering around a dark alley. (Honestly, I could totally see Portlock playing a "Batman" villain in the future) The non-binary Kit Green brings some sincere tragedy to what at first feels like a joke, only for it to end up being much more disturbing than you'd expect. (With their character shown to be a former victim of Peter's, swayed into his thrall due to not feeling accepted by society at a young age) Megan Placito and Peter DeSouza-Feighoney are a pair of likable leads, while the film finds a few pretty clever and even unique ways of integrating aspects from the source material into the film's trashily slasher style. Like the crocodile being shown on looped nature footage, Peter's seemingly sentient shadow just being his own manic hallucinations, or the reveal as to what "Going to Neverland" really means. I like what the film does with "Captain Hook" (Played by drag performer Charity Kase), though it deserved much more screentime for an unsettling concept that only appears briefly.
"Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" is an occasionally successful, suitably nasty, and at times, smarter than it appears, sort of small scale horror flick. Sadly, it still lacks a sense of humor, much like the rest of these movies have also equally lacked (There's a cute gag where a kid is wearing a shirt of the first "Blood and Honey" movie). I get that there is some
heavy subject matter here, and it makes sense for it to be taken more seriously. However, with such a silly premise, there's a frustrating absence of fun. That's something that even the "Terrifier" films have over these. Regardless though, this is a vast improvement over previously entries in both this shared film universe, as well as this new genre intentionally bastardizing beloved children's' characters as a whole. With more still being promised/threatened over the next couple years, maybe we'll actually start to get something good out of them. 2 1/2 Stars. Not Rated, Though Essentially R Rated For Gruesome Goriness, Disturbing Images, And The Fact That All Young Women In These Movies Are Smoking Hot For Some Reason. Like, All Of Them!
Den of Thieves 2: Pantera by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Do you remember what happened in the first movie?" "Nope. You?" "Nope."
Yeah, I don't have much with this one. I saw the original, but God help me, I don't remember much of anything about it. I remember Gerard Butler was quite good, playing a less heroic, sleazy type, and 50 Cent was there for a bit, and it was too long. Stuff like this. No 50 Cent this time. We do get more of Gerard Butler playing against type, and it's still quite delightful to see.
Following up with the events of the first one, "Den of Thieves: Pantera" begins with the now disgraced former cop, "Nicholas "Big Nick" O'Brien" (Gerard Butler), who still hasn't forgotten how his former friend turned expert thief, "Donnie Wilson" (O'Shea Jackson Jr.), screwed him over and escaped with the booty, leaving Nick to deal with the consequences (Then again though, Nick is kind of a dick, so he deserves it). Nick eventually tracks down Donnie to Europe, where he's planning another heist with a new crew, revealing that he is done with the cop life and that he wants in. Donnie is hesitant at first, though Nick proves himself, and the two do genuinely start to rekindle their old friendship. With it turning out that Donnie stole from the wrong people, the heist within a highly secured vault, full of safety deposit boxes, becomes much more important.
Written and directed by Christian Gudegast (Returning from the previous film), "Den of Thieves 2: Pantera" is a serviceable heist movie, which avoids certain pratfalls of the genre in places, and gladly dives right into others. It's not a particularly memorable film, and considering it's the first release of 2025, I doubt it's supposed to be. It's not exactly unpredictable, with a bloated runtime of almost two and a half hours due to the film taking too much time to get wrapped up in the details that most movies would gloss over. Thankfully, there are enough intense moments and enough humor to keep it just lively enough. In fact, the film borders on a Bro-Rom-Com due to the very entertaining chemistry between its two main stars.
Gerard Butler and O'Shea Jackson Jr. are great together, continuing off the events of the first film (Which again, I don't remember too well), going from enemies to friends in a way that believe it or not, surprisingly works. Butler is an arrogant, crude, and admittedly corrupt A-Hole, who is just funny and smart enough to make himself seem halfway likable, while Jackson Jr. plays the role of the incredibly skilled, though fairly noble thief (In the sense that he doesn't want to kill or even hurt anybody), with both characters finding some kind of weird connection and understanding. There are some unnecessary (And forgettable) villains, while some of the supporting characters, such as the quite lovely Evin Ahmad (as "Jovanna", the brains behind Donnie's crew), who don't get much of a role. It's a bit off how the film is so long and gets so invested in little details about certain characters (Like where the concierge guy is while the heist is going down, or an admittedly funny gag about how the security is too enamoured by the Soccer game to notice the break-in), yet doesn't really develop any of them.
"Den of Thieves 2: Pantera" gets the job done, even if it's not near fast enough or with as much personality as its appealing leads generate. It's entertaining enough in places, while kind of dull in others. Even then, I can't say it's a bad film at all. It genuinely isn't. Maybe it will work better if you're a big fan of the first film (I assume there are a few. Somewhere), and it might be just enough for others to simply kill some time until the bigger releases. It's just one of those, see it if you want, but you won't miss much if you don't sort of movies. And if you do see it, you'll likely leave satisfied for the most part, though will forget all about it in a couple days or so. 2 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Some Silly Accent Offs, And Drugged Out Gerard Butler, Which Is Honestly, Just As Amazing As It Sounds.