EAGAN AT THE MOVIES
Reviewing Movies Because We Care
Since 2010, and Still Unpaid!
Reviews for Current Films:
In Theaters (Or streaming): Transformers One, The Killer's Game, Speak No Evil, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, Reagan, AfrAId, The Crow, Blink Twice, Alien: Romulus, Sing Sing, Borderlands, It Ends with Us, Hundreds of Beavers, Trap, Harold and the Purple Crayon, Deadpool & Wolverine
Coming Soon: The Wild Robot, Megalopolis, Joker 2, Piece By Piece, Smile 2, Venom 3, Here, Red One, Gladiator 2, Wicked, Moana 2, Kraven the Hunter, Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim, Sonic the Hedgehog 3, Mufasa, Nosferatu, Wolf Man
Transformers One by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: “And we’ll always be friends forever. Won’t we?” “Yeah, forever.”
I’ve been holding this one inside me for weeks now. Me, a longtime “Transformers” fan, getting to see the newest movie early (For free, too!), with other fellow geeks and nerds, but sadly, not being really allowed to talk about it until now. Sure, I may not be exactly one of those “Big Time” film critics, but I didn’t wanna risk getting shut down. It’s not worth it. Especially since the movie is basically everything we’ve been dreaming of for the past seventeen years. The live-action Michael Bay films may deserve at least some credit for resurrecting the franchise after some temporary dormancy in the late 2000s and also thrust the franchise into the mainstream (For better or for worse in the eyes of many), but none of those films have been what we were imagining a true “Transformers” movie to be. Think of this as the light in our darkest hour.
Based on Hasbro’s beloved toyline/animated series/multimedia franchise (And the first theatrically released fully animated film since the 1986 film), “Transformers One” opens on the metallic planet of “Cybertron” (Home of the “Transformers”, robotic beings who can shift from robot to vehicular modes). The story takes place before the war began between the “Autobots”, led by the heroic “Optimus Prime”, only now known as “Orion Pax” (Chris Hemsworth) and “Decepticons”, led by the villainous “Megatron”, only now known as “D-16” (Brian Tyree Henry). Unable to transformer along with most of the underground population of “Iacon” (Due to not having “Cogs”), Orion Pax and D-16 are actually best friends, who work as miners, while their widely respected leader, “Sentinel Prime” (John Hamm), fights off invading forces known as the “Quintessons” on the surface of the planet (Where nobody is allowed to go because of how supposedly dangerous it is). Orion, though, believes that there is more to them than meets the eye, wanting to decipher the secrets of the lost Primes and what became of the mystical “Matrix of Leadership”, in hopes of ending the conflict, ending their energy drought, and restoring Cybertron to its former beauty. In an attempt to prove themselves, Orion and D-16 cause a fiasco at a race in Iacon, resulting in the two of them being tossed down into the depths of Cybertron with waste management, where they meet the very talkative and quite eccentric “B-127” (Keagan-Michael Key), who is nicknamed “Bee” (He personally would prefer to be referred to as “Badassatron”).
They discover an old distress signal, from one of the long lost Primes, “Alpha Trion” (Laurence Fishburne), along with his last known location, giving Orion the idea that possibly the Matrix of Leadership may actually be there as well. Orion, D-16, and B-127, after accidentally roping in the recently demoted (And still rather pissed off about it), “Elita” (Scarlett Johansson), head to the surface of Cybertron to search for the signal’s origin. However, once they find it (And the still living Alpha Trion), they also discover that Sentinel may not have been the great hero they’ve been led to believe and that much of their lives have been fabricated from birth. Alpha Trion gifts our heroes new Cogs so they can finally transform, along with many other unique abilities, with them taking on the task of liberating their world from a controlling regime that they had no idea even existed. Along the way though, Orion and D-16 both embark on their own paths, resulting in their transformation from the closest of allies to the most bitter of enemies.
Directed by Josh Cooley (“Toy Story 4”), with a screenplay by Eric Pearson (“Thor: Ragnarok”, “Black Widow”, “Godzilla vs. Kong”), along with Andrew Barrer and Gabriel Ferrari (“Ant-Man and the Wasp”), “Transformers One” right off the bat feels completely detached from the Michael Bay films (Along with the other live-action entries like “Bumblebee” and “Rise of the Beasts”). Aside from being completely animated, via “Industrial Light & Magic” (“Rango”, “Ultraman Rising”), it’s also the only entry to entirely focus on the titular characters that everyone wants to see in the first place. The actual Transformers themselves. What we get is something pretty special that is sure to please any of the fans, both young and old, while also just plain being so much better than it really has any right to be. And I also need to stress the fact that this isn't a prequel to the live-action films in any way. It's 00% a reboot, meaning it can stand completely on its own, which means more room for the filmmakers to make their own rules. The animation itself deserves some of the most praise, giving us a much different look at Cybertron than what we’ve seen before in any previous incarnation (With most of them focusing on the war itself or its aftermath, meaning the planet ends up looking like a barren, metallic wasteland). This Cybertron is lively and colorful, with hints of growing fauna, other strange creatures (Like robotic deer), and plenty of visual wonder that just pops off the screen, even when you’re not seeing it in 3D (Although I can only imagine it’s pretty jaw dropping).
The world itself has so much personality, with loads of background appearances from characters familiar to the fanbase, along with even more references that only the biggest of nerds will understand. They’re Easter Eggs that never feel in your face or cloying, with any of the non-fans (Or the uninitiated, if you will) being able to watch without feeling the need to do homework. One of the major aspects that works about the movie is that, regardless of how much knowledge you have of the franchise (Maybe you just grew up with one of the cartoons, played with the toys, or have only seen the movies), the film establishes its own worldbuilding that takes much inspiration from the likes of the comics, shows, and popular lore of the series, yet explains it in a way that’s pretty easy for anyone to understand. In fact, despite the fairly traditional “Rise of a hero/villain” character arcs, there is some depth to the world and its characters.
The characters are all quite likable and have lots of chemistry together, making up for some easy to decipher plotting. Chris Hemsworth, doing a remarkable American accent, perfectly embodies his character’s early naivety, along with his sense of right and wrong, while sounding like a young Peter Cullen (Optimus’ original voice actor). Brian Tyree Henry is especially excellent, giving his character a lot of heart and charm, which only makes his inevitable fall into darkness all the more painful to watch. Megatron becomes a sort of Magneto-type character, where you could make the argument that he’s objectively right, though takes his actions so far that he becomes the very thing he despises. Considering how the Michael Bay films never seemed to know what the Hell they wanted to do with the character (With Megatron’s motivations changing on a whim in every single one of those movies), it’s safe to say that this might be one of the best incarnations of him. For a family film, it’s a pretty bold move to make the future big bad into such an endearing character before his turn, showing the younger audience members that sometimes the most nefarious of villains can come from the most well-intentioned of places.
Scarlett Johansson is another appealing character, who is given much more to do dramatically, and even comedically, while wisely avoiding the pitfalls of the “The One Main Female Character” trope (And I personally could just listen to her really attractive voice for hours. I know I’m not the only one!). Keegan-Michael Key is hilarious and absolutely lovable, bringing an energetic voice to the usually silent “Bumblebee” that we’ve seen in the movies, and is sure to either be somewhat grating or your absolute favorite character (Bumblebee tends to do that these days). Laurence Fishburne’s epic voice brings so much gravitas to a small, though vital part, while Jon Hamm steals the show with his Homelander-esque performance that’s equal parts thoroughly pompous and loathsome, yet in the best way possible. We get a relatively brief appearance from an incredibly perfectly cast Steve Buscemi (as “Starscream”, the leader of a rogue group of High Guard members/Megatron’s future punching bag), along with the likes of Vanessa Ligouri (as “Airachnid”, Sentinel’s scary, spider-like second in command), Honest Trailers’ Jon Bailey (as “Soundwave”, another High Guard member, who will eventually side with Megatron), Jason Konopisos-Alvarez (as “Shockwave”, a one-eyed High Guard member/future Decepticon), Isaac Singleton Jr. (as “Darkwing”, a cocky bully to Orion and D-16), and so many quick appearances from some faces that will only be familiar to the fans. I don’t think I can stretch enough how much of a wet dream this movie is for “Transformers” fans, especially considering all the crap we’ve had to suffer through cinematically.
I’ve had about a month to let my thoughts on “Transformers One” marinate since I got to see it early last month, and I had to get the whole contact high of being surrounded by fellow dorks and obsessive fans like myself out of my system, so that I can look at the film from a critic's standards. So what we get is a visually stunning and shockingly emotional family film, that features some creative action set pieces, engaging characters, lots of humor, and more of a harsh edge than you might be used to seeing in these kinds of movies (Trust me, it may start off light, but takes a real dark and heavy turn in the second half). It will please the longtime fans for sure. Easily, it makes for the best "Transformers" movie we've ever gotten and feels like the one we should have gotten years ago. However, it has much to offer newcomers of all ages, from the kids to even their parents, who probably will go into this thinking it's just gonna be your average forgettable kids movie and nothing more only to be pleasantly surprised. Maybe with a more critical analysis I could find some issues (After all, I gotta save all my glowing praise for Francis Ford Coppola's new movie in a couple weeks, which film hipsters are saying that we all have to love before having even seen it). With all that said, this is my review, damn it! I needed this. In the words of the mighty Megatron himself, I would have waited an eternity for this. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Minor Language (Good To See PG Rated Movies Actually Utilizing That), Hardcore Robot On Robot Violence (Just Because There's No Blood, Doesn't Mean It Isn't Gruesome), Cog Fondling, And The Unmistakable Tragedy Of Steve!
The Killer's Game by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: To get the perfect shot, one has to have mastered the ability of of standing so incredibly still that they become invisible to the eye.
There is a part of me that thinks the writer's strike last year may have affected this movie a bit. Not necessarily sure how I can confirm that, but there is this feeling of conflicting interests (Between tones, direction, performances, etc.) that just keeps the movie down. It's a shame because it's actually an enjoyable enough, even occasionally charming film, that just won't seem to fully add up.
Based on the book by Jay Bonansinga, "The Killer's Game" follows professional hitman, "Joe Flood" (Dave Bautista), who has gained a profound reputation for himself in the game, along with all things considered, being an all around decent guy (Only killing criminals and bad people who have it coming). Joe is told by his fatherly handler, "Zvi" (Ben Kingsley), that maybe it's time he actually starts to get a life of his own instead of just taking them. Joe ends up meeting a beautiful ballet dancer, "Maize" (Sofia Boutella), and the two immediately fall in love. It's to the point that Joe decides to leave the game, only to discover some life-ending news after a doctor's checkup. Not wanting to leave Maize with nothing (While also hoping she never finds out about who he really is), Joe decides to put a hit out on himself and leave his life insurance money to Maize. Since Zvi wants nothing to do with this plan, Joe goes to an arch-rival, "Antoinette" (Pom Klementieff), who is more than eager to have Joe killed, due to Joe having previously killed her father years earlier. When the contract is set and everything is about to go down, Joe learns that his medical report was accidentally switched with someone else, meaning he's actually going to live. Sadly, Antoinette has no plans of canceling the contract, bringing in a whole lotta wacko killers, such as the very 70s "Lovedahl" (Terry Crews), to take out Joe, who now has to save himself, as well as Maize, after getting her caught in the crossfire.
Directed by J. J. Perry ("Day Shift"), with a screenplay by Rand Ravich ("The Astronaut's Wife") and James Coyne ("Puncutre Wounds"), along with apparent extra material credited to several others (Again, not shocking), "The Killer's Game" fittingly has a killer premise and the makings of something really fun, even if the execution is just a little off. As an action movie, there are some creative set pieces, stunning locations, and a pitch black sense of humor, that gets a good laugh from time to time. However, the story lacks the intelligent world-building of the "John Wick" franchise or even the wit of something like "Bullet Train" or "Hotel Artemis", which you can tell this movie desperately wants to imitate. The film is shockingly violent in an over the top fashion, which could have had a bit more bite if it weren't for the gallons of terrible CGI blood that litters every action scene. I get that it's supposed to be like a cartoonish comic book, but while the film itself is stylish, the effects themselves are so copy and pasted. The film's strengths don't come from the action, like how you think it would. Instead, they come from a place much more genuine, and dare I say, cuter.
Dave Bautista, who continues to prove that he really can play a variety of roles, is very likable here. Yeah, he's an assassin, but he's cool, sweet, and doesn't want to hurt anyone remotely innocent. Sofia Boutella, who I'm shocked to see not playing one of the badasses, is instantly adorable and charming. Bautista and Boutella have such wonderful chemistry together that you kind of wish that this was just some straight up romantic comedy, especially due to how well they play off each other. The legendary Ben Kingsley is also really great, giving a warm performance for movie with such a dark sense of humor. There is a sense of heart to the film that you don't expect to see. It's the plot itself that doesn't always gel. Pom Klementieff is clearly having some fun as our main baddie, while Terry Crews basically plays a character that you swear stepped out of an old Blaxploitation movie, yet the joke doesn't quite match the rest of the film. The rest of the villains vary, with many of them getting some nice introductions, yet don't do much of anything, like Marko Zaror (as "Botas", a dancing assassin, with a Spanish edge), along with Scott Adkins and Drew McIntyre (as a pair of Irish hooligan assassins, who may be speaking English, but still have subtitles explaining everything they're saying in simpler terms. A genuinely funny running gag). There are some amusing side characters, though too much is never developed near enough or at least leaves a big enough impression.
"The Killer's Game" is okay, serving as a perfectly adequate way to spend an afternoon if you need some time to kill (Tee Hee!). It's also just sloppy in much of its delivery, where the action storyline doesn't excite near enough, while the romance ends up being the aspect that keeps you interested, mostly due to how lovable Bautista and Boutella are together. It gets a couple decent shots in, but still just barely misses the target in the end. 3 Stars. Rated R For Gratuitous Bloody Violence And Bautista Battery
Speak No Evil by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Heeeeeeeres Xavie!!!!!!"
You know something, I'm starting to wonder about James McAvoy. Yeah sure. I know he's a damn good actor, who can do all kinds of roles, varying from dramatic, comedic, his work with the "X-Men" films, or can just be a lovable doofus like in "Arthur Christmas". And he might seem like a pretty nice guy. However.....You just ever wonder.....I don't know. You play charmingly creepy a little too well here!
An Americanized remake of the 2022 Danish film by Christian Tafdrup, "Speak No Evil" follows married couple, "Louise" (Mackenzie Davis) and "Ben" (Scoot McNairy), who might be going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. They meet a very charming (And very energized) British couple, "Paddy" (James McAVoy) and "Ciara" (Aisling Franciosi), who they quickly befriend. Paddy invites Louise, Ben, and their daughter, "Agnes" (Alix West Lefler), to stay with them for a weekend at their gorgeous, though secluded country estate. At first, things are perfectly lovely. Agnes makes friends with Paddy and Ciara's mute son, "Ant" (Dan Hough), who supposedly was born with an underdeveloped tongue, while Louise and Ben possibly see a way of getting their marriage back on track. However, it doesn't take long for Louise to notice that something is a little off about Paddy. Any attempts to leave are quickly dashed for one reason or another, and Paddy always seems to have an answer for everything, even when he pokes and prods at the couple in ways that vary from mildly passive to just plain weird. With Ant always trying to tell Agnes something, though can't seem to do so (Due to his lack of tongue), Louise and Ben's new friends are soon revealed to have much more diabolical plans in store for them.
Written and directed by James Watkins ("Eden Lake", "The Woman in Black"), "Speak No Evil" doesn't seem to have any intention of reinventing the genre. It also doesn't seem to want to take the same bleaker, more nihilistic route that the original film is known for, even if it's still being considered a fairly faithful adaptation despite this. This isn't necessarily a jump scare riddled horror, but rather more of a campy thriller, that at times veers into black comedy. In other words, it's just a lot more fun. That's not to say that there aren't plenty of disturbing moments because most of the terror comes from a place that's pretty real, especially in today's more aware society. The movie is definitely trying to hint at themes of toxic masculinity, overt politeness, and the inability that some people might have just saying "No", despite everything in your mind literally telling you to just make a run for it. This is a predicament that easily could have been avoided, and in true horror movie fashion, our main characters walk right into it. However, it is kind of the point, with the film having a slight tongue in cheek sense of humor about itself, as well as a sort of human sincerity if you will. Basically, I can see lots of people, no matter how smart they think they are, falling for this. Whether it be their eagerness to please, their want for acceptance and friendship, or just because they're worried that things could be taken the wrong way if they don't. After all, nobody wants to be rude now, right? This leads to a lot of intentional cringe, which takes some creepy turns real fast. One moment, the situation might be normal. Then a little funny. Then just odd and uncomfortable, before you realize that it's only going to get crazier from there.
Much of what elevates this is the excellent cast, which is commanded by a terrifying James McAvoy. He's quick to get inside your head, trick you into liking him, but then slowly starts to show some of his true colors, though sometimes without you quite noticing. Maybe he'll just make an odd comment or joke. Maybe he'll get into a political discussion that can come across as rather Incel-like (McAvoy did say he based much of this character on Andrew Tate, probably in more ways than one). And then out of nowhere, he's going full blown psycho out of nowhere. James McAvoy does a great job at making him such an unsettling, yet so very fascinating to watch villain. Mackenzie Davis serves as the voice of reason (And the quickest on her feet), while Scott McNairy is perfectly dweebish, being basically one of those guys who somehow got a wife way hotter than him, doesn't really know how to stand up for himself, and just always comes across as so meek. Davis and McNairy do also have a nice dynamic where even when you're kind of annoyed by some of their actions (Ben's mostly because, well, he's an idiot), you do want them to work through things and by the end, are completely rooting for them. Aisling Franciosi also gives a complex performance, where you're always sure if she's just as nuts as our main villain, or if she might very well be a victim of sorts herself. As much as McAvoy dominates the film, the big scene-stealers are Alix West Lefler (Who the film never explicitly says might be on the spectrum, but it can be inferred) and especially Dan Hough (Who almost entirely has to act only with his expressions). These two kids are just wonderful, and a good chunk of the film wouldn't have worked if they weren't so good.
While it's surely got a plot contrivance or two (Yeah, when it's revealed what's really going on, I'm not sure if all the details quite add up), "Speak No Evil" is a blast of twisted nightmare material, set in a situation that will generate uncomfortable chuckles, as well as just some uncomfortableness all around. I haven't seen the original film, but I do that this one does take some liberties during the last act in hopes of making the movie more marketable to mainstream audiences. I can't say if that makes it better, though I will say that I'd take a more crowd pleasing approach than to what I hear happens in the original movie (Again though, not saying that this is better. Just easier to watch). It's still not without some solid suspense, tense direction from James Watkins, and more than a few things that will likely make your skin crawl, for various reasons. Still plenty evil to me. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Violent Content, Possibly Triggering Abuse, Horrific Implications, And The Scariest Thing Imaginable, Anyone Dancing To "Cotton Eye Joe"!
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: What I imagine all debt collectors look like.
I grew up during the golden age of Tim Burton, whose uniquely macabre style, sinister sense of humor, and borderline nonsensical sense of weirdness likely played a part in developing my identity as a person. It's a shame that he seemed to lose sight of who he was as a director as of late, with 2012's "Frankenweenie" being the last film from him that really felt like it came directly from his very dark soul itself (Even with some of his recent films that I actually liked, you could tell it wasn't remotely the same). This right here! THIS is the living, breathing definition of a return to form. Minus the living and/or breathing.
Set decades after the 1988 classic (Which was Tim Burton's second film, along with the one that gave him his cinematic identity), "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" opens with "Lydia Deetz" (Winona Ryder), who no longer the same goth teen we remember, using her ability to see ghosts to instead host a crappy talk show, with her scheming boyfriend/manager, "Rory" (Justin Theroux). Lydia hears from her pretentious stepmother, "Delia" (Catherine O'Hara), that her father, "Charles" (Formerly played by Jeffrey Jones), has died, with the death portrayed via a delightful stop-motion, animated sequences due to Jeffrey Jones rightfully being dead to everyone else in real life as well as this movie. This prompts Lydia to return home for the funeral, reuniting with her estranged daughter, "Astrid" (Jenna Ortega), who thinks Lydia is just making up everything with the ghosts (And still has gotten over her own father's death). Meanwhile in the afterlife, the self-proclaimed ghost with the most, "Betelgeuse" (Michael Keaton), becomes the target of his murderous ex-wife, "Delores" (Monica Belluci), who intends to suck out his soul. Betelgeuse, learning about Charles' death, sees the opportunity to marry Lydia so that he can return to life. After Rory gets the idea to ask for Lyda's hand in marriage (To which she responds with an "I guess"), Astrid finds an unexpected crush on a local boy, "Jeremy" (Arthur Conti). Astrid ends up accidentally finding herself trapped in the realm of the dead, which leaves Lydia to turn to the only person who can help, Betelgeuse.
Directed by Tim Burton ("Beetlejuice", "Batman", "Edward Scissorhands", "Ed Wood", "Corpse Bride"), with a screenplay by collaborators Alfred Gough and Miles Millar ("Shanghai Noon", "Smallville", "Wednesday"), "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" feels like the culmination of years after years of sequel ideas and written screenplays. It seemed like a no-brainer to make a sequel, and yet, one just never materialized until now. Because of so many changes, concepts, and various stories, the final product can be a lot to take in all at once. The movie is unapologetically chaotic and just plain bewildering at times, with so many goofy pieces moving around at the same time. However, Tim Burton, who I can only imagine was having the absolute time of his life with this one, brings that creatively quirky charm back to the big screen in an explosive fashion. What we get is a damn good followup that's funny, insane, and so old fashioned in how it's created, that regardless of how necessary you might think the story is, you're just too entranced by Burton's devilishly demented aura to think about it. Burton forgoes many modern filmmaking techniques, like refraining from much CGI or digital effects, but instead embracing the practical side that, even when they obviously don't look remotely real (Such as some stop-motion creatures, 80s/90s style effects, animatronics, and lots of ghoulish makeup). Seeing such old school effects work again on the big screen, and on an IMAX screen no less, is such a delight, particularly in today's more computer generated age. If there's anyone who would not only be able to bring these filmmaking techniques back from the dead, it would be Tim Burton.
Of course though, the movie would be incomplete without Michael Keaton, returning to one of his most iconic roles. Hell, it might even be his most iconic next to "Batman". Keaton hasn't missed a single step, jumping right back into the dirty, grimy makeup, chewing the scenery up with rotting teeth and being a totally sleazy bastard the entire time with a sh*t-eating grin on his face. Despite being the title character, it's funny how little screentime Keaton actually had in the original and this one corrects that minor blemish to the point where I swear the filmmakers just decided to sit back and let him run wild. Sure, Betelguese may be a repulsive, creepy, dangerous, and all around excessively horny creature, but he's pretty damn hilarious and is such a sadistically joyful presence that you oddly enjoy his company. Winona Ryder adds some extra mature layers to her character, with a perfectly cast Jenna Ortega (The way their eyes move back and forth is so similar that I genuinely can't tell if it was part of the performance or that they both just naturally do that), having some great chemistry together. They're wonderful and serve as the heart of the film (I also gotta give credit for the film doing the whole "Legacy sequel character with an angsty kid" plotline and make it feel rather fresh, even poignant). Catherine O'Hara (Whose character has gone full blown self-important influencer now, which is pretty perfect) is hilarious, along with a appropriately unlikable Justin Theroux, Burn Gorman (as "Father Damien", the local Reverand, who almost speaks entirely in nothing but bible phrases that nobody understands), and a scene-stealing Willem Dafoe (as "Wolf Jackson", a ghost detective on the hunt for Delores and Beteljuice, and was a former action star when alive), who I'm legitimately shocked hasn't been in a Tim Burton movie up until now (He's such a delight that I wouldn't mind a spin-off with him). Monica Belluci is a mostly sidelined antagonist, though is certainly menacing and is so otherworldly in her hotness that she leaves a memorable impression (Even though she's covered in stitches and sucking out people's souls, leaving them looking like crushed water bottles). Arthur Conti's plotline is actually pretty interesting, with his romance with Ortega making for a subplot that seems unnecessary at first, only to be livened up by their solid chemistry and the unexpected turns that the film takes with it. It's quite refreshing where it does. Also, special shout-out to Betelguese's abused, mute, shrunken head minion, "Bob" , who everybody in my audience absolutely adored.
While there are a couple moments that could seem a little dated in concept (I'll admit, the entire joke about the "Soul Train" is obvious, though still makes for quite the sight gag), "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" is a wild blast of imagination, humor, and despicable wonder. It's truly Tim Burton at his finest, with a cast that all appear to be having so much fun, and the kind of unrelenting, inexplicable madness that you really don't get in modern filmmaking, right down to the film's absolutely baffling ending. The "Juice" was definitely let loose, and quite frankly, I think we all needed a refreshing cup of it. 4 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Adult Content And A Surprising Amount Of Gory Imagery, Though It's All So Cartoonishly Over The Top That I Can Still See Plenty Of Families Flocking To The Theater To See It. Think Of It As One Of Those Gateway Horror Movies. The Original Was Kind OF One Anyways.
Reagan by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "It's Reagin' Time!"
From the director of the live-action "Bratz" movie. I want you to read that sentence again, let it sink in for a moment, and come to terms with what this truly is.
"Reagan" tells the life of "Bedtime for Bonzo" star (Yeah yeah, I know he was the beloved Republican president. I just wanted to say that to be a total dick), "Ronald Reagan" (Dennis Quaid), as his life story is recounted by former KGB officer, "Viktor Ivanov" (Jon Voight) to a young Russian politician (Alex Sparrow), to help him understand how the Soviet Union was apparently single handedly brought down by Reagan's sheer awesomeness and big dick energy. Now you sit there and tell me how that's not the plot for this movie! We follow ol' Ronnie's rise from actor to politician to eventual president, such as the struggles with his first marriage to "Jane Wyman" (Mena Suvari), his eventual marriage to the love of his life, "Nancy Davis" (Penelope Ann Miller), his declaration of war on Communism, resulting in meeting with the likes of Soviet leader, "Mikhail Gorbachev" (Aleksander Krupa) in hopes of bringing an end to the Cold War. (Iran-Contra kind of pops up, serving as a sort of "Whoopsie Daisy" moment in Reagan's presidency).
Directed by Sean McNamara ("Bratz", "Casper Meets Wendy", "Soul Surfer", "The Even Stevens Movie", "The Suite Life Movie", and an apparent third "Cats & Dogs" movie I had no clue existed), with a screenplay by Howard Klausner ("Space Cowboys", "The Identical"), "Reagan" is a preaching to the choir movie, and really, that's not the problem. Hell, I won't even get into my own thoughts on Ronald Reagan's somewhat poorly aged legacy, though I will at least state the argument that idolizing a politician is the reason why we're in such divided political time at the moment, especially considering most of the people who once loved him with zealot fervor, logically wouldn't even like the guy now considering the state of things (A Trump guy can't be a Reagan guy. Just sayin'). No! The real issue here is that whether it be a poor budget, incompetent direction and production design, pandering to a base for financial gain, or maybe just good old fashioned blind fanaticism. Either way, this has got to be the most unserious movie I've seen all year. It feels like a parody of presidential biopics, and to the point where I'd be more offended if I was a Reagan loving conservative. Calling it "Cookie Cutter" is an insult to a solid baking utensil. I kind of feel bad for the movie because throughout its over two hour runtime, you continuously see "YouTube Originals" levels of production, horrific staging, lots of green screen, hilariously bad make-up (More on that later), and a bizarre collection of semi-recognizable actors and actresses that you have likely either forgotten about, never realized how old they were now, or just feel disheartened that they couldn't apparently get any better work.
The film's story goes over a long period of time, though clearly re-uses many of the same locations and tracking shots, with some even obviously having been filmed on the same day (Everyone is literally sitting in the same position as they were years prior? What are the odds?). When the film tries to incorporate real life footage with the dramatized ones, which leads to some of the best comedy the film has to offer (I will never forget Dennis Quaid talking to a screen that only re-uses old footage of Walter Mondale during Reagan's real life debate against him). There are just things that someone editing this together would have noticed, and you can't tell if it was a case of not caring or just plain being terrible at your job. The movie also has no intention of getting into any of the details. I mean, it's not shocking that the film paints Ronald Reagan as a Messiah-esque figure, but it's to the point where he doesn't even feel like a real person. The film repeatedly simply states "Reagan was awesome", yet never tells you why they think so. Much of his presidential life is secondary, the film's attempts at also being a faith-based film feel added in at the last second, and the movie oddly seems to get the idea that all Reagan was about was being Anti-Communist and nothing more. Again, this borders on more of an insult in a way.
Dennis Quaid, despite having to de-age him during the first half and making him look like a melting wax figurine, has the part down. He's got the voice, the charisma, the mannerisms, the way Reagan said "Well", and isn't bad in the film. The same especially goes for a very cute and charming Penelope Ann Miller, who gives the role her full commitment and comes across as really endearing in spite of everything. You do actually kind of enjoy them together. Jon Voight gets likely one of the easiest paychecks of his career, just sitting, sometimes standing up, and waddling around, while doing a silly accent. Meanwhile, we get various appearances all around from the likes of Xander Berkeley (as "George Shultz"), Lesley-Anne Down (as "Margaret Thatcher") who is an odd mix of subdued, yet over the top, C. Thomas Howell (as "Caspar Weinberger"), Robert Davi (as "Leonid Brezhev") who looks like a walking meat puppet now, Dan Lauria (as "Tip O'Neill"), and a few other unfortunate souls that you forgot existed, stuffed full of heavy sludge-like prosthetics and baffling wigs. It's like last year's "Oppenheimer", if it was complete ass. (And you're probably wondering where "George H. W. Bush", Reagan's vice president is in all this, but he literally pops up for ten seconds. I don't even remember who played him!)
It would be a total bore if its ineptitude wasn't so damn funny. "Reagan" is like your average fake Christian. It praises its subject in such a glowing, cult-like manner, yet doesn't remotely understand it at the same time. It feels offensive on quite a few fronts because of that. Major events are simplified for the sake of self-appraisal, while others are so heavy handed to the point where it almost feels as if you're not actually meant to take it remotely seriously (The movie takes Reagan's iconic "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall" speech, and tries to turn it into an "Avengers: Endgame"-type moment to get the audience to cheer, which nobody in my small audience did). It also just doesn't do its titular subject, regardless of whether you hate or love the man, any justice. If anything, it only further drives home how far we've fallen politically, where we see a man not as a flawed figure, but as if he's the second coming of freakin Christ. That's just plain disrespectful. To everyone! 1 Star. Rated PG-13 For The Slightest Bit Of Language, Single-Minded Zealotry, And The Fact That This Might Be The Only Movie Your Older Family Members Will See This Year Or Any Other Year For That Matter. I'm So Sorry.
AfrAId by James Eagan ★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Now Alexa, please don't murder us in our sleep."
"Blumhouse" gave us quite the Crap-Tacular trilogy this year, didn't they? Starting the year off (Literally) with "Night Swim", then pooping out "Imaginary" a few months later, and bringing us around with yet another peculiarly constructed horror movie that doesn't seem like a real movie from a distance. They're like those fake movies you see being played in the background of other movies. What makes this one the most odd of all is that it doesn't necessarily start that way. In fact, I got this little conspiracy going around in my head right now that this wasn't actually meant to be a horror movie at first. Something just went wrong halfway through development, and this is the end result.
Originally titled "They Listen" before someone decided it was a better idea to go with the much kitschier title, "AfrAId" ("Afraid", in case you can't tell that the uppercase I isn't a lowercase L), follows marketing consultant, "Curtis Pike" (John Cho) and his wife, "Meredith" (Katherine Waterston), as their raise their three kids, "Iris" (Lukita Maxwell), "Preston" (Wyatt Lindner), and "Cal" (Isaac Bae) in an era of "Screens" (What older people refer to phones, computers, etc. For you young people who don't know). Curtis' boss, "Marcus" (Keith Carradine), has him meet with a pair of representatives, "Lightning" (David Dastmalchian) and "Sam" (Ashley Romans), of a company that want Curtis to test out a state of the art AI system. Their lovely young assistant, "Melody" (Havana Rose Liu), assists in setting up the AI, named ""AIA" (Also Voiced by Havana Rose Liu), in the Pike house, with AIA almost instantly being a hit with the kids. In fact, AIA proves be an all around wonderful presence as it is, helping the kids with their problems, serving as a friend for Meredith (Who is now a stay at home mom), and yet, Curtis is still a little creeped out by just how incredible AIA really is. Things start to get a little weird for Curtis' liking as AIA starts to integrate herself more and more into the family. As you would expect, AIA has a much more sinister side to her and is intent on helping her new family with their issues, regardless of the disturbing results of her actions. Results that may include....Mmmmmurder?
Written and directed by Chris Weitz ("About a Boy", "The Golden Compass", "The Twilight Saga: New Moon", along with writing films like "The Creator", "Cinderella", and "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story"), "AfrAId" is a very perplexing film. It actually opens with potential, having some fun with some satire about creepy, AI generated imagery (Which the film also uses in an amusing way), and appears to have a theme involving parenting in our more digital reliant age. It feels more like a "Black Mirror" episode, that for some reason keeps getting interrupted by a terrible, cheap, January released horror movie. I'll give the movie this, I wasn't always exactly sure where it was going. However, that may have been because the movie really didn't seem to know itself either. When it all comes together, you are left wondering how in the Hell we got to this point. The film suffers from an incredibly short length of about an hour and twenty minutes, and boy does it seem like there was much left on the cutting room floor. It takes quite a while setting things up in the first half, before leaping out the window and doing a cannonball straight into the pavement below. The scare factor is off because aside from some out of place jump scares (Which do include a dream sequence that has nothing to do with anything), there is nothing to warrant a genuine scare for a good chunk of the film. As it progresses (And gets more far fetched), it's far too silly to take seriously. However, unlike something like "M3GAN", there isn't much of a sense of humor here. At times, it seems like there could be, but personality seems to be lacking in places where the film really could use it. It's in the last half hour where the film gets extra stupid and loses sight of many of its own ideas, with a few subplots being resolved without warning or just being completely forgotten altogether.
We do thankfully have two of the most reliable and likable actors, John Cho and Katherine Waterston, trying their absolute best with lame material. They work really well together and pretty much come out unscathed. Havana Rose Liu's cute voice coming out of a devious AI can be fun at times, even if it is just more of what you've likely seen in better films (Though her other, human counterpart ends up serving a rather underdeveloped purpose). The always dedicated David Dastmalchian is frustratingly underused, while Keith Carradine just pops in from time to time so that he can be just a little weird, then dip out (He did genuinely get a couple laughs out of me). The kids aren't bad, though they are so generically written with predictable arcs that don't actually contribute in any meaningful way. When the film eventually reveals what exactly is going on, it's full of holes and leaves one to wonder what the actual point was in the first place.
"AfrAId" is a goofy bit of schlock horror, that also doesn't embrace what it is, and I feel that it's because the film itself hasn't the slightest clue what it's supposed to be. As a horror movie, it's not scary. As a thriller, it's too confusing to be invested. As a family drama, it's too bland. As camp, it doesn't even quite work on that level either. Not near funny enough, intentionally or otherwise. It's just a pretty misguided misfire that ironically feels more artificial than its own subject matter. Blumhouse, who can pull off a winner every once in a while, is starting to become known for such things as of late. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Scary Jumpy Scary Faces And The Most Terrifying Part In The Entire Film, The Scene Where AIA Has The Kids Watch "The Emoji Movie". What A Sick F*ck!
The Crow by James Eagan ½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "I'm not gonna kill ya! I'm just gonna hurt ya! Really, really, bad!"
I'm not the type of guy who likes to jump on bandwagons, buuuuuuuut the internet was right on the money with this one. And I don't like to give internet outrage culture credit for anything. Still, this really was the worst case scenario where at least 90% of what could have gone wrong did so in an almost commendable fashion. Over fifteen years of development hell just to end up with this literal blood soaked corpse of a movie.
Based on the 1989 comic book by James O'Barr (And serving as a reboot to the franchise/modernized remake of the 1994 cult classic), "The Crow" follows "Eric Draven" (Bill Skarsgård), who meets a fellow free spirit, "Shelly" (FKA Twigs), at a rehabilitation center. It turns out that Shelly is actually on the run from a powerful, demonically powered crime lord, "Vincent Roeg" (Danny Huston), who Shelly has saved to her phone a video showcasing Roeg's villainy (I guess. I feel like he could have just called it fake news and people would have believed it). Eric and Shelly escape the facility and return to the city where Shelly fled from, because they are really, really stupid people. Eric and Shelly fall in love, and just plain do a terrible job of hiding out from the bad guys, resulting in said bad guys randomly finding them and killing them both. However, Eric is brought back to life with help from a spiritual guide, "Kronos" (Sami Bouajila) and his army of crows, being tasked to track down his and Shelly's killers, then bring them all to justice. Unable to die himself, Eric embarks on a quest for bloody vengeance to bring down Roeg's criminal empire and hopefully bring back Shelly from the dead.
Directed by Rupert Sanders ("Snow White and the Huntsman", "Ghost in the Shell"), with a screenplay by Zach Baylin ("King Richard", "Gran Turismo"), William Josef Schneider, and likely others because this feels like twenty different people actually wrote it, "The Crow" reaches levels of sh*titude that are eerily similar to the likes of "Borderlands", yet also come across as inept in its own creatively uncreative ways. And here I thought we'd never get a worse version of "The Crow" than that God awful straight to video sequel where a main plot points involved Satan having sex with Tara Reid, while a pimped out Dennis Hopper says "Well, kiss the bride, mother f*cker!". At least I could laugh at the trashy absurdity of that one. The decision to even attempt to revive or re-do a beloved movie didn't quite gel with anyone, with the very concept of trying to replace the late Brandon Lee, who was accidentally killed while making the movie, just feeling kind of wrong. It's as if the filmmakers wrote down everyone's greatest worries about how this movie could go, and decided to make them all into a reality.
The original film, which I only saw for the first time a few months ago, caught me off guard with its Gothic, moody style being matched by a tone that felt right out of Tim Burton's "Batman", with some memorable, very likable characters and a rather genuine heart that turned it into more of a bittersweet story, rather than the kind of pandering edginess one would assume it to be. This movie has none of the personality, is overly self-serious, and has absolutely no style whatsoever. The movie doesn't even feel real for the first twenty minutes, with the entire section in the rehabilitation center coming across as padding and only makes for some glaring plot holes. It's like something is missing, with the main characters randomly being out in the open, despite being on the run, making new friends (Who vanish until the plot deems them relevant once again), and leaving so many character interactions underdeveloped. It takes a good while until anything involving the titular "Crow" to become part of the film, and even then, it looks like a run of the mill, cheap ass revenge thriller (Or "Boy Kills World" without the comedy). Giving it this modernized setting only leads to more questions. It's a baffling to me that Rupert Sanders, who has never really made a great movie yet at least knows how to craft some lovely visuals, appears to have completely fallen asleep at the wheel. This results in the car speeding headfirst into traffic, taking out several innocents along the way.
Poor Bill Skarsgård is thoroughly committed and in theory, would normally be a no-brainer for this part. However, a guy can only do so much with such a blandly written, poorly directed role, with his accent constantly interchanging and his tendency to fade into the background either because of the plot's distracting stupidity or the horrendously ugly CGI on display for most of the film. FKA Twigs is very cute and she's also hindered by the terrible production, but you can also tell she's not much of an actress and it can be a little hard to watch. It's also funny how the romance in the original was left mostly off screen, but I genuinely bought it, compared to here where despite how much screentime is dedicated to it, I couldn't give a rat's ass what happened to either of these characters. Danny Huston is saddled with the most generic of villains, though thankfully remains perfectly professional and at least looks like he's trying to have a good time with it. (It's one of those cases where you would expect a respected actor to sleepwalk through an obviously easy paycheck like this, yet appreciate that he still came to do his job and do it well with a smile on his face) We don't even truly get "The Crow" in his usual ghostly make-up and black, leather attire until nearly an hour and twenty minutes into this just under two hours film. By then, it's not a case of being "Too little, too late", it also just doesn't feel like the same movie anymore. It's a boring, incoherent slog that suddenly turns into an over the top gorefest, with seemingly darkly comical kills, and for a movie that up until that point has has no sense of self-awareness, it comes across as desperate. Also, I can't be the only one who didn't even think the edgy soundtrack added anything, right?
Both incredibly cruel and lazily watered down at the same time, "The Crow" continues this odd trend of certain recent films, whether they were held back by Covid, the recent strikes, or just abysmal planning, that feel incomplete. It also concludes on a confusing note, with a revelation that looks like it was ripped straight out of someone's clogged up anus (And I don't mean that in a metaphorical way either). It's one of those thoroughly unappealing films that you can't believe was released anywhere other than straight to DVD (Or streaming). Sadly, witnessing it in theaters only brings more pain. This was definitely one of those projects that should have stayed dead from the beginning, but instead is now being paraded around like rotting carcass on strings. There is no love here. 1/2 Star. Rated R For Strong Violence, Hardcore Edging, And Sooooo Much Grey! This Is The Greyest Movie I've Seen All Year!
Blink Twice by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "wooimbouttamakeanameformyselfere!"
Personally, I would have enjoyed seeing this film get released under its original, working title. Hearing average moviegoers saying "Two tickets for "Pussy Island" please!" would have made my day, but this is fine too.
"Blink Twice" follows a waitress, "Frida" (Naomi Ackie) and her best friend, "Jess" (Alia Shawkat), as they sneak into a party hosted by a formerly cancelled, though very apologetic, tech mogul, "Slater King" (Channing Tatum), who Frida just also happens to have a huge crush on. Frida and Jess leave such a good impression that Slater invites them to come along with his buddies to his private island for an epic getaway. Frida and Jess meet Slater's collection of strange acquaintances, such as "Vic" (Christian Slater),"Tom" (Haley Joel Osmet), "Cody" (Simon Rex) and his girlfriend who wants nothing to do with him, "Sarah" (Adria Arjona), among others who are all ready to have the time of their lives. However, Frida slowly starts to pick up on something about this island paradise isn't quite right and that Slater might not be what he seems.
Directed by Zoë Kravitz (In her directorial debut), who co-wrote the screenplay with E. T. Feigenbaum, "Blink Twice" truly works better when you don't know quite what you're getting into. It also makes for one of the darkest of darkly humorous thrillers I've seen in some time, where everything comedic gets turned on its head and becomes more disturbing once we reach the second act. This is a huge task that Kravitz has decided to take on, and it's not too shocking that perhaps such ambitions can't always be reached. However, she proves to be a rather unique and daring talent behind the camera. The film both plays things semi-safe and yet, goes to some twisted, disturbing places (To the point that the film itself opens with a trigger warning), and I gotta give credit to her because despite a few hiccups, this still makes for a very solid and even noble attempt. It works as a good satire of what the rich can perceive themselves in being able to get away with, as well as the power dynamics between the sexes, with some genuine suspense mixed in there are you're trying to figure out what exactly is the point of all this. I can't say it's entirely unpredictable, though I'll admit, I just didn't expect the film to really go there. Kravitz also seems to have a vision all her own, with more than a few memorable well crafted shots and sequences, where the tension is only matched by its pitch perfect sound design. I'm not sure if the comedic moments fully work with the sinister tone that eventually creeps its way in, but I also have the feeling that it might be a bit intentional. You do get some pretty good laugh here and there (Mostly thanks to the efforts of the cast), and if anything, it gives you a false sense of security.
Naomi Ackie, from "The Rise of Skywalker" and "I Wanna Dance with Somebody", gets much more of a chance to show her capabilities at leading a film, doing with so with plenty of charm and terror mixed together in perfect synergy. Channing Tatum also gets to show off his range this year, from being completely endearing in "Fly Me to the Moon" and hilariously stealing the show in "Deadpool & Wolverine" to now getting to play the kind of menace that you might usually find yourself ignoring simply because, well, he looks like Channing Tatum. Some of the ensemble gets more to do than others, like Alia Shawkat, Simon Rex, Haley Joel Osmet, a pretty hilarious Christian Slater, and Geena Davis (as "Stacy", who works for Slater King, bumbling around most of the time, while too many are rather underused like Kyle MacLachlan (as "Rich", Slater King's creepy therapist). Adria Arjona is the one though that just dominates every scene she's in. Aside from the obvious fact of her being just spectacularly beautiful beyond reason, Arjona once again shows that she has so much more to her than I think people were ready to give her credit for. She pretty much walks away with the film, and between this and "Hit Man", she's on her way to becoming a household name.
With an ending that I can see making or breaking the film, "Blink Twice" may not sink its teeth into its subject near enough for some, while it may also end up being too heavy for others. The film might not entirely have the experience needed to reach its lofty goals, but It's still a capably (And confidently) made thriller, serving as a solid first outing for director Zoë Kravitz. Makes one very curious about what she could do in the future. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Adult Content, Shocking Violence, And Disturbing Themes/Images That Do In That Warrant That Opening Trigger Warning.
Alien: Romulus by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: He's not trying to hurt you. He's just trying to give you mouth in mouth to mouth. Don't be a prude.
So I found myself, immediately after getting out of this movie, getting the chance to watch "Transformers One" a month before its review embargo is lifted. So I can't say sh*t about it right now, except for the fact that I saw it with the biggest collection of "Transformers" nerds I have yet to see during any of those movies yet. The fans got exactly what they wanted, and speaking of giving the people what they want, a really good "Aliens" movie would also be quite nice too.
Set between the original Ridley Scott directed "Alien" and its sequel, the James Cameron directed "Aliens", "Alien: Romulus" follows the orphaned "Rain Carradine" (Cailee Spaeny) and damaged synthetic android, "Andy" (David Jonsson), who she considers her adoptive brother, as they try and fail to get clearance to leave a rundown mining colony (With the original big bad corporation itself, "Weyland-Yutani", extending her contract because they feel like it). Rain's friend, "Tyler" (Archie Renaux), suggests Rain joining him, his sister "Kay" (Isabela Merced), and their friends, "Bjorn" (Spike Fearn) and "Navarro" (Aileen Wu), to raid an abandoned space outpost for some cryonic stasis chambers to allow for all of them to travel far away from the colony. However, the mission will require Andy to gain access, even though it will also likely mean he will have to be left behind. After boarding the outpost, which is made up of two separate structures called "Remus" and "Romulus" (Where most of the film takes place), Rain and the group quickly discover that something just ain't right.
They come across what the now missing crew of the station were experimenting on, which are revealed to be everyone's favorite rapist, spider alien baby makers, "Facehuggers". This results it becoming quickly apparent what happened to everyone else on the station and following a series of bad decisions, Rain and her team are now trapped on a doomed station, with the supposed perfect organism, "The Xenomorph" (aka "Dildo Aliens"), who as we've come to see before, just love to slaughter everything and everyone in their path. After Andy is given a new data chip from a deceased synthetic android, it allows him to take control of the station, his mind is shared with another intelligence that might have other, more company focused objectives in mind, leading to Rain unsure if she can trust her robotic brother as everyone starts to get picked off one by one.
Directed by Fede Álvarez ("Evil Dead", "Don't Breathe"), who co-wrote the screenplay with his frequent collaborator, Rodo Sayagues, "Alien: Romulus" seems to be taking things back to basics, while also showing some admiration for what came after the original (In its own way). Only a handful of characters, a claustrophobic setting, heavy atmosphere and horror, though with some action setpieces, an evolution of the franchise, and, of course with many resurrected properties, heavy crowd-pleasing fanservice. It also makes for the best "Alien" film in decades, surpassing the disappointing sequels and Ridley Scott's almost intentionally divisive "Prometheus" and "Alien: Covenant". This is far more simple in execution, yet also much more rewarding. Serving as a reminder why this franchise once served as prestigious filmmaking, with a twisted, almost sickening horror edge to it. Álvarez, who has made some of the reddest films you've ever seen, brings his own distinct style to the classic setting. With tight shots, gorgeous visuals, haunting images, and some jaw droppingly spectacular practical effects. From the detailed creatures, the gallons of gore, and body horror that will likely give more than a few of the most squeamish audience members their new recurring nightmare, Álvarez's stellar production design comes to monstrous life and descends you into the darkest, inescapable corners of Hell. However, it's not to say that the film is all terror and doom. The film has some depth and even a little heart in places, giving you something to care about as well as a story with more layers than "Alien goes around killing people", though without the controversial elements that came from Scott's later films (Which were both somehow very smart in their ideas, but perplexing in execution and shockingly safe when it came to the horror aspects).
However, I did see several critics comparing this film to "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story", which can be both taken positively and negatively in some ways. The film stands on its own for the first half, before the connections to not just the original, but also the later films (Including the outright bad ones), start to make various appearances. There are a lot of callbacks (And callforwards?) and not all of them are going to work for everyone (You can kind of see the sections of the film where either there were some studio mandates for a reference, or maybe even just Ridley Scott meddling in his own way via osmosis). Hell, I have the idea that this may or may not do away with the lesser films (I can see them using this as a way out). With that said, more of it works than it doesn't. For one, there are a handful of "Alien" films that we can do without (Not even David Fincher likes the one he directed! No need to kiss his ass over it, hipsters!), and some of the recycled ideas just end up working in ways that I feel they likely originally meant to.
Due to the film's small cast, it means that we get much more time with them than the ever expanding ensembles that came with later films. Cailee Spaeny, continuing to shine in everything she's in, perfectly and naturally goes from the one most likely to get killed to the biggest badass of them all in such an organic way. It very much reminds one of Sigourney Weaver in the original "Alien" in which she's not a remotely perfect action heroine, who instead has to repeatedly think on her feet to survive. Isabela Merced is excellent, getting what I can definitely see as a soon to be iconic scream queen moment (And boy, do they put her through the ringer in this!) and Archie Renaux is perfectly charming as the leader of the group, who quickly realizes that he's completely lost control of the situation, but thankfully isn't remotely annoying about it. Spike Fearn (Going into full douchebag mode, which the film also refreshingly acknowledges) and Aileen Wu are both good to fulfill their purposes, even when you can easily predict where their arcs are going to go. The big breakout performance comes from David Jonsson, who goes back and forth between lovable and frail to menacing and overly logical (Due to the character's shifting personalities duking it out with each other). Roles like this are so hard to get down, and Jonsson somehow seems to shift with pitch perfect ease (Right down to the always changing accents).
The titular aliens themselves haven't been this terrifying in a long time. The Xenomorphs are sinister forces of pure evil, while the Facehuggers steal the show, with their big, rather impressive floppy dicks on full display (I mean, we all knew what those things did. This is just the first time we get to see it in an, ahem, full frontal assault!). There is also another creature in this film that I wouldn't dare spoil. It takes an old idea, makes it better, and successfully incorporates much of what many of these movies have always been alluding to in a way that's genuinely frightening (And it just plain looks so wrong in all the right ways). There is a major element to the film that will draw some more controversy (Granted, what doesn't these days?), and I can see why. It continues a rather morally questionable trend with modern filmmaking that does leave one to wonder if we should have even considered dipping our toes into place we don't fully understand (Hey! Just like the movie's themes!). Again, I can't spoil what it is. Yet, I can say that it is weaved into the film in a way that makes sense, is suitably creepy in an uncanny sort of way, and is an all around solid effect for the most part. (Like I said, think more "Rogue One". Less "The Flash") I do understand if any of this is a deal breaker for you, even if this is one of the better uses of this technique.
"Alien: Romulus" is a tight, intense, brutal entry in one of Science Fiction's greatest franchises (which ironically, has only had two really great films so far, followed by movies that range from good enough to "What the Hell was that?"). It's always racketing up the tension, with some memorable characters, complex ideas, and old school horror that somehow feels new and most importantly, alive once again. Maybe this is a one and done type of situation. Or maybe it's the start of something more. It's hard to tell at the moment. It's hard to tell if that's even a good idea. Still, for what we get, it's a nihilistic piece of villainous cinema in a space where no one can hear you scream. Mostly because everyone else will likely be screaming over each other. 4 Stars. Rated R For Gruesome And Grotesque Gore, Alien Dicks, What I Can Assume Is Every Pregnant Woman's Worst Nightmare, Fanservice That You Will Either Applaud At Or Roll Your Eyes At (Nothing Inbetween, Apparently), And The First Jump Scare In Years To Actually Get Me. If You See It, You Know Which One I'm Talking About.
Sing Sing by James Eagan ★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Seriously? Why did it take so long for this guy to get the recognition he deserves?
It's one thing for a movie to move you. It's another thing for it to bring out some tears. It possibly doing so at the end can also tend to happen too. However, for a movie to bring out some genuine, full blown, watery tears of inspired joy when you leave the auditorium to make a quick stop at the restroom before leaving? That's a new one. Talk about the real power of the performative arts. God, I hope the guy in the stall next to me didn't hear me.
Inspired by somewhat true events based around a real program and even a real stage show that was performed, "Sing Sing" fittingly takes place in the Sing Sing Maximum Security Prison, where writer "John "Divine G" Whitfield" (Colman Domingo), serves as a prominent part of the "Rehabilitation Through the Arts" program (Or "RTA"), a group of inmates who create and perform various stage shows. Divine G, who was incarcerated for a crime he didn't commit, is in a way, the face of the program along with his friend/cell block neighbor "Mike Mike" (Sean San José), which is organized by volunteer/director, "Brent Buell" (Paul Raci). The program, having also brought in a new, more intense inmate, "Clarence "Divine Eye" Maclin" (Who plays himself in the film), comes up with a completely new production called "Breakin' The Mummy's Code" (Which is a comedic blend of time travel, along with various characters all compiled together in one bizarre show).
Drected by Greg Kwedar ("Transpecos"), who co-wrote the screenplay with his collaborator Clint Bentley, and having based the film off the book, "The Sing Sing Follies" by John R. Richardson, "Sing Sing" is a quiet, funny, and proudly vulnerable, setting itself apart from lesser films that desperately would want to attempt to capture those emotions, though in a more cloying fashion. This on the other hand, is anything but cloying. If anything, it's quite painfully honest in execution. The film is by no means a downer because of it, because the heart of the story, as well as wonderful ensemble of endearing characters and a smart screenplay to balance out the drama with some relatable warmth. It's a sincerely funny film at times, with the show being performed sounding completely outrageous and nonsensical, though still quite original to say the least and one that I would personally would have loved to see fully. (Where an Egyptian prince travels through time, coming across certain recognizable figures, from Hamlet to Freddy Krueger for some reason. Who wouldn't wanna see that?) Stuff like this makes the film feel more real and believable. Kwedar's direction is also remarkably simple, though maybe that's why the film catches you off guard. It's got such a crisp, fairly timeless feel to it, which can be oddly relaxing too at times. I suppose that's possibly the point, trying to make prison life seem more mundane and somewhat average in the sense of feeling normalized, despite being almost entirely cut off from the outside world. Just people going about their days as if it were normal, while slowly a part of you could be dying inside.
Colman Domingo, who has made quite the impression in this latest stage in his career by continuously giving it everything he has, no matter what it is, and being outstanding either way. This might classify as one of his best performances yet, and normally, that would be enough to recommend an immediate end to the Oscar race for Best Actor (It's only August after all). With that said, it's not just his movie. Clarence "Divine Eye" Maclin is a total revelation in his first major film role, and appropriately steals the show. There is some terrific chemistry between these two, with the characters being portrayed as completely different on the surface, but both equally seeking redemption through the performative arts. Others such as Paul Raci and Sean San José are excellent as well. In a film where acting plays a major role, it's no shock that the performances are all across the board worthy of the subject. However, they're also much more raw and authentic than one might at first realize. I had no clue that so much of the cast was made up of real life, formerly incarcerated RTA members mostly playing themselves or at least variations of themselves. It's one of those films where everybody, even in the tiniest of roles, gets a moment or two to shine. The film really doesn't hold back in portraying male vulnerability in such a resonant light, and in a time where that kind of emotion coming from masculine characters tends to be seen as weak or lesser thanks to the rise of a much more toxic base, we all need this more than we realize. At least have it more normalized.
"Sing Sing" is a one of a kind, wonderful piece of just plain sincere filmmaking. Poignant, yet never hollow. Sentimental, yet never sappy. Touches on heavy material, yet finds the lighter side of the darkness. It all comes together in a heartwarming package, that will find your eyes tearing up not because you're sad, but instead because you're inspired to be better than you already are. Not because you need to be. Because you know you can be. One of the best films of the year, and one of the most impactful film experiences I've had in a while. 5 Stars. Rated R For Some Language And Mature Content, Though It's Nothing That's Gonna Scar Anyone For Life. One Of Those Grown Up Films That Might Have Something To Teach You Really.
Borderlands by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Pretty sure nobody involved is commemorating this crap.
I know little to nothing about the "Borderlands" video games. I know there's a robot named "Claptrap" (Mostly because of the "Poker Night" game), there's a guy named "Handsome Jack" in one of the titles, and they're known to be crude and violent games that generally receive "M" for mature ratings. However, in spite of that minuscule knowledge of the source material, even I know this doesn't work! For anyone!
Set in a futuristic, Mad Max-esque galaxy, "Borderlands" follows a cynical bounty hunter, "Lilith" (Cate Blanchett), who is hired by corporate bad guy, "Atlas" (Edgar Ramírez), to retrieve his daughter, "Tina" (Ariana Greenblatt), who has supposedly kidnapped by "Roland" (Kevin Hart), a soldier of Atlas' personal army that went rogue. Lilith heads over to the planet of "Pandora" (No, not the blue one from "Avatar"), where everyone is currently fighting over a hidden vault, filled with untold riches, technology, and power. Along the way, Lillith encounters an annoying robot, "Claptrap" (Voiced by Jack Black), who tags along because he apparently was programmed by an unknown party to do so. When Lillith finds Tina, it turns out she is actually quite safe with Roland and her hulking, masked bodyguard "Krieg" (Florian Munteanu), who are actually protecting her from falling back into Atlas' clutches. It turns out that Atlas wants to use Tina (Who may have some secret abilities or whatever) to unlock the vault, and Roland, Krieg, and Tina have no intention of letting someone like Atlas get what's inside. Our group of unconventional heroes are forced to team up to evade Atlas' enforcers and get to the mysterious vault first, while searching for a key and all that video game stuff. This ends up being a little more convoluted than it seemed at first.
Directed by somewhat by Eli Roth ("Thanksgiving", "Cabin Fever", "Hostel"), who co-wrote the screenplay with somebody named Joe Crombie (Who apparently replaced "The Last of Us" screenwriter, Craig Mazin at some point during production left the project. I guess. It's hard to tell at the moment according to various sources), "Borderlands" is, if you haven't guessed by now, a complete and utter mess of a movie. Whatever idea they were originally going with was thoroughly lost at some point during this apparent disaster of a production, with Eli Roth himself departing at one point to direct last year's "Thanksgiving", leaving Tim Miller ("Deadpool") to do some quick reshoots in the meantime. Either way though, regardless of how you feel about Eli Roth's filmography, it's still a genuine shock that he even would have been a good fit for a goofy, Sci-Fi comedy, with much of the film looking like it's been edited into oblivion in hopes of salvaging whatever they could to serve as a passable final product. The humor revolves around some lame poop and pee jokes, along with the lightest of vulgarity, making for a laugh free hour and forty five minutes. Not to mention the abysmal CGI, green screen, and just plain ugly visuals that only further hinder some unremarkable action sequences (Seriously, this feels edited by someone's cat stepping all over their keyboard). Thanks to a ruthlessly watered down PG-13 rating, the film has absolutely no edge to it, making for something that's oddly too juvenile for adults and yet, has nothing to it to warrant the interest of kids.
This is a cast made up of people mostly just collecting paychecks. Thankfully, Cate Blanchett does look to be having a fun time, cracking bad quips, twirling a pistol, and rocking the colorful leather (She's definitely mothering the Hell out of this). Ariana Greenblatt, who proved to be a capable young actress last year with "Barbie" and "Ahsoka", also looks gleefully committed as a wacky, semi-homicidal teenager. However, Kevin Hart feels fairly miscast (I know you wanna branch out your range from the usual "Loud Funny Guy" roles, but this ain't working), and Jamie Lee Curtis (as "Dr. Patrcia Tannis", an eccentric scientist who joins the group to find the vault), mostly looks perplexed and lost the entire time (Plus, the film weirdly doesn't seem to comprehend how ages work, with Cate Blanchett apparently having been a little girl knowing an already adult Jamie Lee Curtis, despite the two actresses only being born a decade apart). Florian Munteanu should make for one of the more fun characters, yet doesn't do much of anything except shout out weird phrases via poorly timed ADR, and while Claptrap is meant to be useless and annoying, Jack Black tragically gets the prestigious honor of having absolutely nothing funny to say (Meaning he's just useless and annoying). Edgar Ramírez is an almost entirely inconsequential villain (And good lord, does he not seem to care about giving a decent performance in this at all), while one of the more enjoyable moments in the film comes from a fairly delightful Gina Gershon (as "Mad Maxxi", the totally still very hot bartender in a shady town on Pandora), who is, like how I just described the character, totally still very hot.
"Borderlands" is like "Guardians of the Galaxy" or "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves" without the charm, humor, or distinguishable personality of its own. By the last act, it appears to sort of give up all together (Likely where most of the reshoots happened) and finds a way to make the most absurdly out of left field climaxes so blasphemously dull. It's bland, boring, occasionally really difficult to follow, and looks like piss covered sludge (Fitting, considering there's literally a place called "Piss Wash" in the movie). Being someone who doesn't follow the games, it's just a dreadfully misguided and disastrously chopped up piece of work. I can only imagine how actual fans of the games must feel right now. And here we all thought that we were starting to finally move away from terrible video game adaptations. Welcome back early 2000s! I'm going to assume you're also responsible for giving us "Madame Web", "Megamind vs. the Doom Syndicate", and "Not Another Church Movie" too, huh? 1 Star. Rated PG-13 For Gross Out Gags, Robotic Jack Black Sh*tting Out Bullets, And That One Shot Where I Swear Cate Blanchett's Mouth Was Not Moving While She Was Talking. Yeah, Yeah. I Know All Movies Do This, But It Generally Shouldn't Be This Noticeable!
It Ends with Us by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: I mean, it looks like a lovely romance from a distance...
The target audience for this? I'm not one of them. Obviously. Everybody knows this. However, as far as ladies night movies go, filled with some wine moms or teen romance novel enthusiasts, I gotta give credit where it's due. You guys genuinely tried with this one, and while I can't say you were completely able to reach the heights of the high ambitions you set, the fact that the film even has a mature understanding of its subject matter is something to admire.
Based on the successful book by Colleen Hoover, "It Ends with Us" follows spectacularly named "Lily Bloom" (Blake Lively), who despite the urging of her mother (Amy Morton), can't think of anything positive to say at the funeral for her father (Kevin McKidd), due to how much of an abusive monster he was to her mother. Lily meets a handsome, very charismatic neurosurgeon, the equally spectacularly named "Ryle Kincaid" (Justin Baldoni), and the two hit it off. At first hesitant, Lily falls hard to Ryle in what appears to be an almost fairy tale romance, even though she does briefly run into her childhood flame, the also spectacularly named "Atlas Corrigan" (Brandon Skenar), with much between the two being left unsaid. However, as Lily and Ryle's love blossoms, certain red flags start to spring up, along with Ryle's more unstable rage fueled outbursts, leading to Lily to contemplate their romance before coming to the conclusion that she might very well be in the exact same boat as her mother once was.
Directed by the film's co-star, Justin Baldoni ("Five Feet Apart", "Clouds"), with a screenplay by Christy Hall ("I Am Not Okay with This"), "It Ends with Us" takes a glossy look at some really heavy material, which in the wrong hands can lead to some truly disastrous results (Examples like your average Nicholas Sparks movie, or 95% of Tyler Perry's filmography). I can't say that the film is perfect and that it gets everything completely right, but there is a rather smart, almost beautiful sense of intentional manipulation, providing the audience with a clever, yet subdued and complex look at the premise itself. This is a very complicated task that the film, as well as the source material, has decided to tackle and for what we get, there is something genuinely moving about it. To get some of the weaker aspects out of the way, the screenplay isn't without some cheese (With one of the most obvious title drops in recent memory) and you can tell something may have been lost in adapting the book, especially with the film's choppy flashbacks that only show up during the first two acts. It's quite condensed, which is kind of funny considering the film is over two hours long. Thankfully, Baldoni's direction is one of the highlights, playing things out like a run of the mill rom-com, though with something darker beneath the surface of the story. There are some intelligent, if not almost twisted, tricks that he pulls, where certain scenes are shown one early on before giving us the whole picture much later. It's like we're being shown the mindset of the main character, along with how she's rationalized the situation.
Blake Lively is also just plain wonderful in the film. Beautiful beyond reason, appealing all over, and nonetheless gripping when she needs to be, Lively makes this work on levels that I'm not sure the movie could have been able to exist without. I also gotta hand it to Justin Baldoni again because he's also excellent, playing this character as an antagonistic force that you actually forget at times is meant to be one. He is charismatic as Hell, and not in a fake way either, which makes the character's intense shifts more painful. The chemistry between the two of them is the selling point, because unlike so many other films that try to take a shot at this kind of subject, they don't play this broadly. This feels like a real love between two people, and you see from the perspective of the one being abused how easily one can allow themselves to be hurt by someone they trust simply because, well, they love them. I can see how some might take the film's more three dimensional look as the film trying to sympathize the abuser, but I don't remotely think that's the point. While there are some truly vile, unrepentant guys out there, not all abusers are just some mindless monster to be destroyed. If anything, that would make it almost easier for the one being hurt to get away from them. This is one of those situations where you almost find yourself understanding why she would even consider taking back someone who affects her on an emotional and physical level, because you kind of like him too. If anything, it digs the knife deeper, and makes the heartbreak that comes from the realization of how wrong this is sting much more. I'm neither a woman or someone who has been in an abusive relationship, so I can't say everything is right about how it's portrayed. I just feel that this kind of maturity is lacking far too much in many other, much worse films.This film does a better than solid job with it. There are still a handful of moments that are pretty brutal and might hit close to home for some.
The flashbacks don't always work, though Isaela Ferrer (Who portrays the young Lily) looks and feels like she straight up cloned from Blake Lively herself, right down to perfectly inhabiting her noticeable mannerisms and husky voice. It's actually kind of freaky at times. The whole love triangle aspect is wisely secondary, though Brandon Skenar has to elevate a fairly underwritten part (And thankfully does by just being a likable guy). You do get the idea though that there was likely supposed to be more meat there than what we get. Jenny Slate (as "Allysa", Ryle's sister and Lily's eventual best friend) makes for some good comic relief and also gets her fair share of dramatic moments too, including a scene towards the end that I'll admit kind of got to me emotionally.
"It Ends with Us" is a flawed film, that tries to tackle such a harsh concept. I'm still a little conflicted trying to figure out if the film actually succeeds enough. Still, it's well made, with Lively and Baldoni's terrific performances keeping you engaged, and even with the YA novel-esque dialogue, still finds a way to conclude on a fairly powerful, meaningful note that feels earned. Empowering even. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Strong Adult, Sometimes Probably Even Triggering Content. It's Fairly Tame, But It Still Might Have An Effect On Some Who Have Experienced Similar Situations.
Hundreds of Beavers by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Who here hasn't had "The Beaver Dream"?
I have been hearing from various Indie snobs about this movie. It always seems to be their most recent go to when using it as a sort of alternative choice to the more mainstream blockbusters. "Hundreds of Beavers" this! And "Hundreds of Beavers" that! Always about the damn beavers! So I finally was able to watch it, after it got a very limited, self-distributed release, followed by a video on demand release right after. At long last, I got to see what the so called big deal was. And as much as I really hate to admit it......Yeah, that was pretty awesome actually. I mean, you're still snobs, but damn it, this really did feel made for the early slapstick cinema lover that's been buried within me for the past few years.
"Hundreds of Beavers" opens in the early 19th century, with an always drunken Applejack salesman, "Jean Kayak" (Ryland Brickson Cole Tews) getting his farm blown up by actions of the growing beaver population. Jean survives, waking up in the middle of winter and now must find a way to adjust to the cold climate, though mostly struggles simply to find food (Resulting in various "Looney Tunes"-like gags with the smarter than expected wildlife). Jean eventually finds a local merchant (Doug Mancheski), who offers a surplus of supplies, weapons, and other essentials in exchange for the hides of the many rabbits, wolves, and yes, beavers. The merchant also has a smoking hot daughter (Olivia Graves), that Jean desperately wants to impress and ask for her hand in marriage. Jean finds work with a master fur trapper (Wes Tank), while arranging many traps of his own to catch some of the beavers. When the merchant agrees to allow Jean to marry his daughter in exchange for hundreds of beavers, Jean becomes more determined than ever to achieve his goal. However, with a Sherlock Holmes and Watson-like pair of beavers investigating Jean's actions, absolutely cartoonish insanity is about to ensue. Also, I should probably mention that all of the animals in the film are just people in mascot costumes, making gibberish noises the entire time.
Directed by Wes Cheslik (In his first feature length film), who co-wrote the screenplay with Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, "Hundreds of Beavers" is mostly silent, absolutely nonsensical, and gut bustingly hilarious. Filmed in a crisp, almost glowing black and white filter, mixed with some "Monty Python" inspired use of cardboard cutout visuals, different forms of stylistic animation, and logistics that you would find in an early "Super Mario" game, the film always has something of beauty to display. The film definitely seems to play out like a video game, complete with some amusing running gags involving reactionary punctuation marks popping up over characters' heads and much trial and error with the lead character, which generally leads to some good old fashioned harm humorously befalling him. Cheslik composes so many wondrous shots, with some Oscar worthy cinematography from Quinn Hester, that revolves around loads of sight gags, which to the shock of the audience may or may not serve an important purpose to the story. The randomness, which isn't always random, makes the film unpredictable. Granted, all of which would be funny enough on its own, but it's elevated by how creative the filmmakers were in crafting so many elaborate, vibrant, and at times, shockingly thrilling sequences. The film actually culminates in a wild finale that actually puts action scenes in your average blockbuster to shame. I genuinely have no clue how they were able to accomplish most of this (Especially at only a $150,000). I also can only imagine how much hard work also went into crafting the tiniest, most goofy of details, right down to a rather inspired gag involving the lead character following a trail of rabbit footprints in the snow, which proceed to detail their entire lives, from marriage, sexual activities, and eventually death (Complete with the trail stopping at a tombstone). These are the kinds of jokes that take commitment and nobody would have ever thought of.
Ryland Brickson Cole Tews basically has to carry much of the film, and with incredibly little dialogue (Most of the time just screaming and making silly sounds). It's a brazenly physical performance that reminds one of some classic performers such as Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, Abbot & Costello, among others that I always loved growing up. The rest of the cast is a ton of fun, with the hypnotically lovely Olivia Graves (Who veers between seeming cutesy and innocent to much more naughty on a whim), Doug Mancheski (With a bizarre recurring joke involving him creatively spitting into a can, only to always miss), Wes Tank (And his sled dogs, who like to spend their breaks playing poker), and Luis Rico (as a Native American trader, who occasionally allies with Jean and has a pet horse, who is again, just a guy in a poorly made costume). The beavers themselves are the real scene-stealers, and it's quite hilarious how much personality these characters are given, despite being nothing but over the top mascot costumes that you can surely find at any children's' party. (Another hysterical recurring gag involves how whenever a beaver is killed, their blood and guts are shown to be made up of packing peanuts, stuffing, and plush toy organs. Seriously, how did they even come up with this?)
Having taken nearly over four years to finish production (And only getting a full release after being completed two years prior), "Hundreds of Beavers" is an immense amount of silly, over the top, and delightfully strange fun. For what looks like purely animated nonsense in a live-action package, comes across as peak surreal filmmaking. One minute you're nearly rolling on the floor with laughter over either a genuinely intelligent joke or the most lowbrow of punchlines (The film does feature the greatest nut shot ever put to screen), and then the next, you're in awe of the film's hypnotically weird visuals. It feels like the kind of dream you have while you're drugged up due to an extra bad case of the flu, and yet, you really don't want to wake up from it. 4 1/2 Stars. Not Rated, Though Feels More Or Less Like A Strong PG Or Light PG-13 For Slight Adult Content, Rabbit Multiplication, Loads Of Horrifically Hilarious Animal Abuse (PETA Probably Hates This Movie So Much. Just Don't Take It Too Seriously), And, Well, As The Title States "Hundreds Of Beavers".
The Mouse Trap by James Eagan No Stars out of ★★★★★
Image: Images like this make my own failures in life sting more than they already do.
Perhaps properties being available to the public domain were a bad idea. Like, it was a fine idea and all. Would have been cool to see what other content creators could have done with it. However, we CLEARLY can't be trusted with such power. After "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" and "The Mean One", if all we're going to do is make some worse than bottom of the barrel horror films, where the appeal is that they are intentionally terrible, nobody is gaining anything from this. Hell, these aren't even really making that much of a profit either. It's literally the bare minimum.
Serving as a sort of horror parody of beloved 1928 Mickey Mouse cartoon, "Steamboat Willie" (Which found itself in the public domain literally at the start of the year), "The Mouse Trap" follows "Alex" (Sophie McIntosh), who gets a surprise party at the local arcade from her friends, which includes the guy who likes her "Marcus" (Callum Sywyk), the jerk jock "Ryan" (Ben Harris), the goth girl "Rebecca" (Mackenzie Mills), and a small collection of disposable a-holes. The group is stalked by a teleporting, homicidal maniac (Simon Phillips) wearing an old, vintage Mickey Mouse mask, who I assume wants to pick them off one by one, but really just seems to take his sweet ass time doing so in an attempt to pad out the hour and twenty minute runtime (What is it with killers and not, well, killing?).
Directed by Jamie Bailey, with a screenplay from Simon Phillips, "The Mouse Trap" is yet another one of these cheap, half-assed slasher films that I'm honestly giving way too much time of day to. Logically, what more can I actually say about this? It was released quietly via video on demand, Amazon Prime, or can just be watched by "Sailing on the High Seas" (The only way to watch stuff like this. Wink Wink!). It had no budget. No thought process behind it. Just a bunch of honest and knowingly trashy filmmakers setting out to make a piece of sh*t. I can't get mad at this. The only reason I'm even talking about it is because, as far as these movies have been so far, this is easily the worst of the bunch (And even then, maybe that's what they were going for). It's just a lifeless, scare-free rip off of "Scream", barely held together by the cheapest kind of disposable tape in hopes of banking on Disney's nearly hundred year old short film becoming part of the public domain. Now one can hope that something clever, insightful, or at least, fun could come out of it. Sadly, that appears to be too much to ask. The film even opens with a "Star Wars"-esque opening crawl admitting to the parody, though it just comes across more like what non-"Deadpool" fans seem to think his self-deprecating humor is actually like (And also, "The People's Joker" did it much better in mocking its parodic existence).
No real laughs here, and not even really any unintentional ones either. There's nothing of value to the concept itself, with the sight of some dude going around, killing dumb people while wearing a cheap Mickey Mouse mask getting old real fast. Especially since it takes like 90% of the runtime for any killings to commence, and even then, they're all just tame stabbing and throat slittings. There's barely a connection to the old cartoon, which appears in the background a couple times (And I suppose is implied to have been possessed. Maybe? It's hard to tell). And yeah, while the performances are quite abysmal all around, it's not like they're given anything to work with. It's a screenplay that never establishes its killer or his motivation. There's no real characterization at all and I can't see anyone, regardless of talent, making it work. I just feel bad for Sophie McIntosh because she's at least trying. Hell, the most committed performance comes from Simon Phillips (Which makes sense since he's basically the co-creator of this thing), and he's just hidden under a mask most of the time. I'll admit to actually kind of enjoying Ben Harris' performance, because while it's still quite terrible, his needless antagonism and drunken douchebaggery got a few chuckles out of me. The film only gets irritating when it repeatedly stops dead to waste some time with a god awful framing device, involving Mackenzie Mills' character being questioned by a pair of cops (Played by Damir Kovic and Nick Biskupek, who I swear looks like what you would get if you reheated Sharlto Copley in the microwave), resulting in the story being detailed via their forced, derivative, and often just plain annoying dialogue. The acting in these scenes are also the kind of bad that one would think impossible to achieve. A holy grail of bad acting in a way. And that's saying something for a film that, again, doesn't seem to have any intention of being classified as "Good Quality".
"The Mouse Trap" lacks ingenuity for its premise, suffers from an onslaught of plot holes, and overall, a sense of acceptance of its future as nothing more than background noise for whoever stumbles upon it by accident while going down the internet's rabbit hole. The ending, or lack thereof, is what really shows how little work seems to go into these films. While "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey" or "The Mean One" had some kind of commitment to what they were parodying, this doesn't even feel like a parody of anything. Obviously it's one of the worst made movies I've seen this year. It's supposed to be that. I don't know though. There's just nothing to say about it. We got a Mickey Mouse mask wearing slasher with a weakness for strobe lights, who sometimes teleports around (Through the use of hilariously lazy editing, where he will jump cut in and out of shots), and takes too long to actually kill anybody in a movie that eventually stops being a movie at some point before we cut to credits. It's still not remotely worth getting upset over. I've already seen more anger inducing films this year as it is. It simply exists. Congrats. I guess. Nobody asked for it, but it's here. Literally anything can be a movie these days. No Stars (What? What was I supposed to give it?). Not Rated, Though It Basically Is An R Rated Film For Language, Blood, And The Draining Feeling That You Get While Watching It, Before Eventually Realizing That No Matter How Hard You May Try, You May Never Achieve Your Filmmaking Dreams And Yet, THIS Exists.
Trap by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: My facial expressions while watching this movie.
Shyamalan is back and he's just as frustrating as ever!
"Trap" follows a seemingly inconspicuous dad, "Cooper Adams" (Josh Hartnett), taking his teenage daughter, "Riley" (Ariel Donohue), to a massive, sold out concert for Riley's favorite pop star, "Lady Raven" (Saleka Shyamalan). While at the concert, Cooper starts to notice the extra security and the large ensemble of police surrounding the area, learning from an especially excitable vendor, "Jamie" (Jonathan Langdon), that the whole concert is an elaborate trap that's been set up to capture the infamously brutal and violent serial killer known as "The Butcher". Of course, it turns out that Cooper himself is the Butcher and has no intention of getting caught. While trying to make sure Riley doesn't suspect anything, Cooper searches for any means of escape, though with the FBI bringing along a very skilled, almost telepathic profiler, "Dr. Grant" (Hayley Mills), to predict his movements, Cooper soon realizes that his days of terror just might be nearing its end.
Written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan ("Knock at the Cabin", "Old", "The Sixth Sense"), "Trap" is certainly a return to form for him in so many ways. The film opens so strong right out fo the gate. Shyamalan, while retaining a pretty twisted sense of humor, keeps things confined to such a tightly wound (And anxiety fueled) setting. He also brings out his usual bag of tricks, along with an eye for unnerving cinematography, which are heightened by several POV shots, forcing us to look at characters directly as if we're the one being questioned. It also shows some progress in terms of Shyamalan's usual style in which the twist is revealed in the first ten minutes, leaving the rest of the time for the audience to be kept guessing at how in the world our villainous protagonist could possibly get away with any of this. It leads to a lot of clever writing, pop culture satire, and moments of pitch black levity, further encompassing the very idea that a truly monstrous, unrepentant psychopath just might be some every day guy, who you could bump into at any moment. From the staging, score, and setup, this is Shyamalan in top form and you never know what kind of craziness is going to happen next. For almost the first hour of the film, we get an intense, claustrophobic, compelling, and even at times, quite funny, thriller that I could have seen possibly earning a place on my best movies of the year list. And then.....the rest of the movie happened.
I don't think I've ever seen a ball dropped this hard in a while. Hell, it's almost like they spiked the ball, flattened it, and then stepped on it for good measure. Shyamalan eventually succumbs to some of his absolute worst urges, taking what was a small scale, yet effective tale of psychological villainy and instead turning it into a meandering disaster in the last half. The film straight up abandons its premise once we reach finish what seems like the third act, before the film shifts gears and drives right into a fourth, fifth, and sixth act in the last forty minutes. At first, you think maybe the film is going to toss in some last second twist, which M. Night Shyamalan has admitted to getting too enamored with in the past, but aside from one small reveal (Which you can kind of see coming anyways), there isn't much more to it. Well, aside from an inability to end. The film just decides that it has to keep going, despite already being given the opportunity to end on a high note some time earlier. It becomes the definition of overindulgent and loses track of what made it so captivating in the first place.
So many excellent qualities to the film, and most amazing of all is how pitch perfect Josh Hartnett is. It's a revelation of a performance, shifting between the goofy, cringey, but well-meaning dad to a menacing, calculating, and deliciously vile maniac within the same shot. He makes this character so interesting to watch, with how he plots things out on a whim, and smoothly charms his way into seeming so unsuspecting. It's to the point where you almost WANT him to win, despite being shown clearly how much of a monster in human form he is. (The film actually does good with its PG-13 rating, where we never actually see what he's done to earn the name "The Butcher", but it's hinted at just enough to make you repulsed) Ariel Donoghue is also very likable, and works well off of Hartnett in scenes that wisely feel like they could be from a completely different, more family friendly movie. Jonathan Langdon is a great, quick scene-stealer, while Kid Cudi (as "The Thinker", one of the fellow acts performing with Lady Raven) pops up for a pretty hilarious cameo. Saleka Shyamalan's entire role in the film feels like pure nepotism at work for sure, though despite clearly not having done much acting before this, she's actually pretty solid and undeniably full of screen presence. (Hey, she's putting on a damn good show regardless. Even if she's no Mid-Sized Sedan!).
What makes the turn in "Trap" so aggravating is that it's so unnecessary. It's as if other ideas and story were left floating around during production, and M. Night Shyamalan just couldn't bear to part with it. This results in some threads that aren't near as tight as the movie thinks they are, and despite having me so hooked at the start, it eventually lets me go without realizing. (Imagine a guy fishing for a good half hour before realizing that his line has already snapped off) I loved it, until I didn't. Maybe it truly is a return to form for Shyamalan. I just can't tell if I mean that positively or not. 3 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Intense Content, Hartnett's Evil Abs, And The Usual Shyamalan Jumpscare.
Harold and the Purple Crayon by James Eagan ★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: How it feels looking through Zachary Levi's Twitter history.
Taking beloved children's stories and icons, then churning out a live-action centered film about them in the hopes that blind nostalgia and child-like innocence will result in boat loads of cold card cash is nothing new. And there are plenty of times where it can really work. You either got a clever subversion of the source material, a genuinely heartfelt take on it, or at least some passion to embrace the sort of oddness that can come from taking a more mature, logical lens to something you grew up with. Or you can just poop something out, then hope for the best before moving on like nothing happened.
Based on the book by the late Crockett Johnson, "Harold and the Purple Crayon" opens in a 2D animated world, where the titular, "Harold" (Zachary Levi), who has used his magical purple crayon to create whatever he imagines, lives a peaceful life of childish joy with his animal friends, "Moose" (Lil Rel Howery) and "Porcupine" (Tanya Reynolds), along with an unseen narrator they refer to as "The Old Man" (Voiced by Alfred Molina). When the old man suddenly stops speaking to them one day, Harold decides that they need to go into the real world to find him and you pretty much know where all this is going. Harold and Moose pop into reality (With Moose taking a human form, likely to save on the budget), where they embark on a quest to find the old man, with Porcupine showing up later (Also taking a human form), to engage in her own shenanigans. Harold and Moose meet up with widowed mom, "Terri" (Zooey Deschanel) and her imaginative son, "Mel" (Benjamin Bottani), who take them in temporarily, despite Terri being rightfully weirded out by the two of them. It also turns out that Harold's purple crayon's magical power also can be used in the real world, which attracts the attention of disgruntled librarian, "Gary" (Jemaine Clement), who wants to use the crayon for his own selfish, villainous purposes (Which also include having the hots for Terri because, well, it's Zooey Deschanel, so what do you expect?).
Directed by Carlos Saldanha ("Ice Age", "Robots", "Rio"), with a screenplay from the duo of David Guion and Michael Handelman ("Dinner for Schmucks", "Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb"), "Harold and the Purple Crayon" genuinely opens with a likable little sequence of beautiful animation that just bounces off the screen in such a way that should serve as a reminder of how we moved on from traditional animation on the big screen. However, that only lasts a good five minutes before we find ourselves once again in the blandest of bland stories, set in the blandest of bland settings and features the blandest of bland scripts. I can say that this isn't a remotely annoying or painful film by any means, but then again, maybe that actually would have been welcomed considering how uninspired the final product is. It's one of those movies that feels like it could have been done by anyone, going through the motions in many ways, right down to some out of nowhere music cues, generic plot beats, and less than stellar CGI (Granted, one shouldn't expect such a thing from "Harold and the Purple Crayon"). It's a movie where you don't go in expecting it to be good (Though would very much love to be pleasantly surprised), but still find yourself disappointed in how lacking in actual fun there is to be had. It's not like earlier this year's "IF", which took a more mature look at such goofy whimsy (Whether or not it fully worked for you, you gotta admit that the film at least tried). This is just a checklist of kids movie tropes and while you might get a moment or two where you can see the hint of something magical, it's too dull to even get worked up over.
Zachary Levi essentially just plays the same type of man baby character he's become known for, though this one weirdly doesn't have any kind of arc or sense of urgency despite being the lead. Lil Rel Howery, who has shown to be a very funny guy, is quite underutilized in a bafflingly uncreative way (So he's a Moose in the cartoon world, but is just a dude wearing brown clothes in the real world? How does that even work? And how is that remotely fun? Should have had him dressed like a moose the entire time. Just saying!). Zooey Deschanel is her usual lovely, charming self, having to make up for the lack of a purpose in the film's disjointed story, while Jemaine Clement thankfully gets to go full ham during the film's last act. The biggest source of decent humor comes from an especially lovable Tanya Reynolds, who fully commits to the concept of a twitchy porcupine trapped in a human body and gets a few good laughs because of it (Plus, I'm pretty sure a girl that cute crawling around like a chittering animal probably does it for more than a few people. Not saying I'm one of them, but not saying I'm NOT one of them).
"Harold and the Purple Crayon" isn't necessarily the bottom of the barrel in terms of poor kids movies. It just comes across as so much lesser than the good ones. "Paddington" without the wondrous appeal to all audiences. "Peter Rabbit" without the snarky, self-aware humor. "Lyle, Lyle Crocodile" or "Clifford the Big Red Dog" without the unapologetic, memorable weirdness. It's more like "The Smurfs", except worse. The film struggles to find a reason for being during its second act (Which involves the characters being chased around by the police and eventually arrested, before the film abandons that plot entirely), and doesn't compensate its already undemanding audience with any actual imagination of its own. I'd say it would probably work better as something you turn on in the background to keep your kids busy, though even then, I can only see them being more bored by it than anything else. Not so much lazy as it is just plain lame. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Slight-Ish Adult Content (And I Mean Very Slight), Zooey Deschanel Lusting, And The Fact That Some Innocent Man May Have Been Mauled To Death By A Puma (Did They Ever Address That? I Legit Don't Remember!).
Deadpool & Wolverine by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Film Twitter, when they see people actually enjoying something.
Despite years of goodwill, box office glory, and millions of adoring, newly converted fans, the "Marvel Cinematic Universe" has been repeatedly going back and forth between "Being SO Back!" to "Being SO Over!" for the past four years. It's to the point where that pessimism has started to worm its way into its own fans, and sadly the worst part is that they have a point. We are at the point where it seems to be about trying to see what sticks, and yeah, while I personally think none of the recent projects have been outright bad (I'll give you "Secret Invasion"), the cracks in this long running cinematic franchise, along with the superhero/comic book genre in general have been starting to wear out its welcome. So in a desperate plea for relevance, the biggest, most corporate and downright evil at times company we know, "Disney" (aka "The Mouse"), has pulled out all the stops in toss in as much gratuitous fanservice, heavy CGI-fest, and slapping that cocky, self-aware walking red sticker in front of it in hopes of achieving the same level of heights it once used to bask in. And yeah.....It's F*CKING awesome! What did you expect me to say? Want me to sit on my comfy chair, cross my legs, next to my bookshelf full of Kubrick screenplays and my half-assed Criterion Collection, while I tweet about how it's the "Worst Thing Since Cancer"? I know what pure, unfiltered nerdy happiness looks like when I see it!
Following the events of the first two films, the "Loki" series, and basically the whole Fox/Disney merger (Resulting in their "Marvel" property rights being in the hands of "Marvel Studios"), "Deadpool & Wolverine" reunites us with that unkillable, disfigured Merc with the Mouth, "Wade Wilson/Deadpool" (Ryan Reynolds), who has fallen on hard times due to his obsessive need to matter in some way, which results in him become separated from the love of his life, "Vanessa" (Morena Baccarin), quitting the superhero business, and deciding to sell used cars with his mustached buddy, "Peter" (Rob Delaney) aka "Sugar Bear". Peter arranges for a surprise birthday party for Deadpool, inviting Vanessa, along with Deadpool's cocaine loving, blind elderly roommate "Blind Al" (Leslie Uggams) and a bunch of cameos from his supporting cast from the last film (Excluding the ones they couldn't afford to get back, were busy, or were a total piece of sh*t like T. J. Miller). Just then, out of the blue, Deadpool is abducted by the "Time Variance Authority" (The in-between time and space organization that watches over the multiverse from "Loki", or the "TVA"), bringing him literally into the Marvel Cinematic Universe (Or the "Sacred Timeline" as it's called). A TVA agent, "Mr. Paradox" (Matthew Macfayden), offers Deadpool a chance to become a part of the Sacred Timeline, which Deadpool is more than ecstatic about until he discovers that this will mean that he will have to leave his own timeline behind, including all of his loved ones. To make matters worse, due to the unexpected, but very epic and dramatic death of his timeline's anchor (Major, very important figure), the famed, clawed mutant hero, "James "Logan" Howlett/Wolverine" (Hugh Jackman) in 2017's "Logan" (Should have won a bunch of Oscars!), this means Deadpool's timeline will cease to exist.
Declaring himself to be the Messiah, or "Marvel Jesus" (MJ, if you're nasty), Deadpool gets the bright idea that any Wolverine will do and proceeds to go rogue, then go around the multiverse to find a new, totally not dead Wolverine. Eventually, Deadpool is stuck with the apparent worst Wolverine (Also played by Hugh Jackman. Duh!), who failed to protect his own world. Paradox gets fed up with Deadpool's nonsense (And also because his operation to speed up the demise of Deadpool's timeline in a so called "Mercy Killing" is totally not authorized by the rest of the TVA), resulting in him sending Deadpool and Wolverine into "The Void" (The place where all the hated, forgotten, and unworthy Marvel movie characters have been sent). To find their way out, Deadpool and Wolverine must put aside their differences to find a way to escape, while having to deal with a gang of abandoned Marvel villains, led by the sadistic, "Cassandra Nova" (Emma Corrin).
Directed by Shawn Levy (The "Night at the Museum" films, "Free Guy", "The Adam Project"), who co-wrote the screenplay with the returning duo of Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, along with comic book writer Zeb Wells ("The Marvels" and, well, the worst current run of "Spider-Man" comics. He's been having an off few years in terms of comic book writing) and Ryan Reynolds (Because, of course!), "Deadpool & Wolverine" might not win over any new converts, especially those who told themselves that they were going to absolutely hate it months in advance. It let's you know right away in the first five minutes what this is going to be, with Deadpool promising the audience that he is definitely going to desecrate the legacy of "Logan" by literally digging him up from his grave, finding nothing but a decomposed corpse, and using the corpse's body parts to violently rip apart some attackers in bloody, vulgar fashion during the opening credits, set to "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSYNC. Now if that doesn't sound like the greatest thing you've ever read, then steer clear for your own safety. For me though? Yeah, I knew one of my favorite comic characters was in the right hands, even with the studio change.
Much like everything involving the character, the film is self-aware in its own purpose to keep the IP alive, while indulging in over the top violence and shameless fan service. However (And again, like everything involving the character), the film is fast, funny, and deep down, underneath all the crudeness lies a much more sentimental heart. Clearly this is a very cynically funded project. It's also one filled with so much passion and undeniable love. Shawn Levy especially seems to be reveling in what Marvel and Disney is allowing them to get away with, from how brutally absurd the action can get (Especially when it involves our two leads who have a tendency to not stay dead regardless of how painful an injury likely is), making for some fiendishly cruel comedy. And boy, does the film love its pot shots, which are taken at everyone imaginable. At times, it's borderline mean to see some rather unrelenting jabs at the current state of the MCU, comic book movies and blockbusters as a whole, Disney, other studios, random people that I'm sure were just on the writers' minds at the moment, and most of all, itself. What makes it work is how absolutely hilarious it is. Like the snap of a finger, you're gonna get a smartly written line, mixed with something incredibly childish, and just plain odd for the sake of oddness (Best evident with the film's all over the place soundtrack, which has been carried over through all of these movies). The action itself is creatively soaked in blood and is a lot of fun, particularly in just how jovial the film seems to be in how it's basically been let loose onto the world, regardless of how ready the world is itself (No kind of limb isn't left ripped off in some way). Sure, there's loads of CGI and green screen at work here, but for the most part, it looks quite good (Or at least appealing in its own fairly sick way). Honestly, it's less noticeable here than in "Furiosa" (Hey! I love that movie too! So don't come after me!), especially since we've kind of just gotten used to it by now.
The stars, which includes the expected and even unexpected appearances from some names that you never knew you wanted to see so badly, seem to be treating this as the greatest achievement of their lives, which yes, does include Deadpool getting some dead Wolverine claws stuck in someone's ass and in their crotch, repeatedly yanking back and forth. Ryan Reynolds, who has blurred the line between knowing if he's just playing himself in every movie or if he's just always playing Deadpool, is a bloody riot. He's full of snark, the inability to shut the Hell up, and in places, someone who uses his insistence to annoy as a way of masking their own insecurities. Hugh Jackman meanwhile, who already had his perfect sendoff seven years ago, appears to have jumped right back in as if he never left. He just could have just phoned it in for a big ass paycheck with anyone understanding if he did (He's been playing this character for over two decades now after all). However, similar to the likes of Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire in "Spider-Man: No Way Home", Jackman is here to give it everything he has, putting his entire soul into this. Together, Reynolds and Jackman make a dream team of instability, spending just as much time ripping into each other rather than the villains (Sometimes in a literal sense). It's great seeing the returning faces of Morena Baccarin, Leslie Uggams (Always weirdly wholesome how terrible she and Deadpool are to each other), Rob Delaney (Peter is a treasure), Brianna Hildebrand (as "Negasonic Teenage Warhead", the edgy teen X-Men, who engages in snark offs with Deadpool), Karan Soni (as "Dopinder", Deadpool's lovable taxi driver buddy), among others, even if their appearances are quite brief. Emma Corrin makes for a delightfully sinister villain, along with a returning Aaron Stanford (as "Pyro", a fire based mutant, who made appearances in the second and third "X-Men" films) and a hilariously hammy and hateable Matthew Macfayden. The cameos though? I'd barely consider them cameos because most of them serve much grander purposes than your usual cameo appearances. I don't dare get into them, but I can say that [REDACTED] gets to finally [REDACTED], while [REDACTED] also comes back as [REDACTED]. I've already said too much though. Most of all though, how could anyone forget the glory that is "Dogpool" (An adorable, bug eyed Pugese, with a dangling tongue always flopping around everywhere), who steals every scene she's in.
Serving as the real "Multiverse of Madness", "Deadpool & Wolverine" is full of laughs, yet has such a sweet, joyful nature. We get as "Member Berry" a movie as you can get, but it's quite sincere about it. It's about finding the beauty of failure, serving as a perfect sendoff for the Fox made "X-Men" movies, as well a few other things that, again, I just can't get into without spoiling things. The film doesn't hold back in any capacity, which clearly won't work for everybody (And I can't stress this more, if you've been telling yourself that you're going to hate this, you're just making yourself and everybody around you suffer). With that said, once you get past the bawdy R Rating, this feels perfectly at home with the rest of the MCU, forcefully giving it the pulse of life that it sorely needs, and makes its fans more than happy to stick around a little longer. Maybe the best is yet to come. Maybe the worst is instead. Marvel Jesus is here to lead the way into the future. Hallelujah! 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Real Gory, Bloody Violence, The Strongest Kind Of Language Imaginable (If There's A Swear, They Say It), The Nerd Boner You're Going To Have For The Next Week After Seeing This, And Soooooo Much Ryan Reynolds Ass. Soooooo Much!
Twisters by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?"
I suppose while the original box office hit, the 1996 movie "Twister", gathered quite the fanbase, I never understood it. Even when I was younger. Still, I gave the original a new shot since I had to prepare for this one, and....I think it's kind of bad. Yeah yeah yeah. We got plenty of bad disaster movies, though even the worst ones have either memorable characters or so much insanity that you can't help but find yourself oddly charmed by them. The Jan de Bont "Twister" feels like a fairly watered down version of better disaster films, which doesn't do much to counteract the silliness, except maybe make a tornado growl as if it were a Kaiju. There's hints of charm, but aside from what I can only assume is some 90s nostalgia, I don't see the appeal. So that only made it more out of the blue that we were getting a more high budget sequel nearly three decades after the original.
Serving as a 99.9% standalone sequel to the 1996 film (With the only apparent connection being that the same storm scanning device "Dorothy" makes a fairly brief appearance), "Twisters" opens with young storm chaser, "Kate Cooper" (Daisy Edgar-Jones), who dreams of being able to disrupt a tornado to save lives, witnessing the death of nearly her entire crew of disposable cameos (Poor Kiernan Shipka. That's twice in the past two weeks!). Years later, Kate is brought back into the game by her only surviving crew member/longtime friend, "Javi" (Anthony Ramos) to be a part of his new top of the line storm chasing team, which will monitor the data of tornadoes and track them. Returning to Oklahoma with Javi, Kate comes across a group of seemingly obnoxious, thrill seeking "Tornado Wranglers", led by the well chiseled "Tyler Owens" (Glen Powell), who serve as competition during the more violent than normal storm season. However, when Kate realizes that the company Javi works for might not be entirely noble and that there's more to Tyler than a big cowboy hat and his love for merchandising, she gets her groove back as they say, to fight the storms like she once did before. Sounds like a song lyric really.
Directed by Lee Isaac Chung ("Minari"), with a screenplay by Mark L. Smith ("The Revenant", "Overlord", "The Boys in the Boat") and a story credit from Joseph Kosinski ("Top Gun: Maverick", so there's a connection), "Twisters" is what likely comes to mind when people think of the original. Aside from, well, actually being good this time, it's also got those undemanding, yet refreshingly old fashioned thrills that we used to have every Summer in the 90s. The film also just serves as probably the best straight up disaster movie we've had in some time. Much of why the film works is because Lee Isaac Chung seems to know what kind of film he's been told to make (Campy popcorn fun), and at least try to have more depth or personality to go with all the spectacle. In fact, the spectacle in terms of its budget (Which I guess ranged somewhere to $150 Million to maybe even $200 million), is fairly tame with solid enough special effects. However, they're brought to exhilarating life by the impeccable sound design (Talk about making your seats shake!), a grand scope for destruction, and characters that you genuinely give a crap about.
The original film may have had a likable cast, but it seemed like they were doing all of the heavy lifting. Here, something feels more natural. There is just enough dimension to the characters to make them stand out, with the charismatic cast only enhancing it. A wonderfully appealing Daisy Edgar-Jones and the reliable onscreen presence of Glen Powell (Really on a roll, that guy) make for an excellent pair. They have great chemistry for sure and there's no doubt there's supposed to be some romantic tensions there, though the film never forces it. Anthony Ramos gets probably the best character arc, serving as someone with the best of intentions, though might be a little lost in the corporate game at the moment and just needs a little nudge back on track. I do find it pretty amusing that the fairly small appearance from Maura Tierney (as "Cathy", Kate's mother), considering how its portrayed (And how she comes out almost like an "Avengers"-like reveal), feels like the role was probably originally intended for Helen Hunt's character from the original film (I honestly would have deducted half a star if they had pulled that crap, so this is for the best). There are some fun supporting roles from the likes of Sasha Lane, Brandon Perea, Katy O'Brian, and Tunde Adebimpe (as Tyler's crew, who all turn out to be much more than a bunch of reckless storm chasers), along with probably my favorite character being the always amusingly befuddled Harry Hadden-Paton (as "Ben", a London Reporter who goes with Tyler's crew as part of a story he's writing, and obviously has no idea what he's gotten himself into). It's nice to see that almost everybody is given little moments to show different shades to their characters. The only exception being David Corenswet (as "Scott", Javi's much, much less caring business partner), who is literally just a piece of sh*t just because we need at least one person to hate (In all fairness, he actually does a great job with it).
Surpassing the original with ease, "Twisters" is a solidly made Summer blockbuster, with the kind of heart and personality that these genre films are known for. It brings a sense of old fashioned sensibilities, with grand spectacle and people to root for. Plausibility might be secondary (Real nice of the tornadoes to lift everything off the ground, except for the main characters when its convenient), but really, that's just movie stuff that you should like you're just being a dick for even trying to critique. You come for the thrills and especially once we reach the film's semi-forced climax (Where the tornado destruction is taken up to an eleven), you get just that and it's still packed with edge of your seat excitement. It's the kind of film like "Fly Me to the Moon" and "The Fall Guy" that while can be a bit on the safer side and doesn't really provide its audience with an incredible amount of memorability, it fits the bill when it comes to the classic charms of a fairly quick, middle of the day trip to the movies. Plus, people love their tornadoes. And you get plenty of those. The title is plural for a reason after all. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Scary, Weather-Based Imagery, The Obligatory Shot Of Glen Powell Walking In The Rain In A Tight White Shirt, And Dorothy's Big, Shiny, Tornado Seeking Balls.
Tyler Perry's Divorce in the Black by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Everybody needs a little emotional support after watching any Tyler Perry movie.
Tyler. Tyler. Tyler. Oh Tyler. We've been through so much together. How many Madea movies has it been? How many of my "Worst of the Year" lists have you found yourself at the top of? And then, you went away. Sort of. Found your place with Netflix, releasing some still pretty terrible films, but hey, at least they actually looked like movies. Hell, I've even seen a god awful parody of your films with "Not Another Church Movie", and while I can't say that vindicate your usual plethora of crap, it pretty guaranteed you're not going to end up at the number one spot on this year's "Worst of the Year" list. I mean, it's looking like you're still going to be somewhere on that list. Just not entirely for the usual reasons.
Released via Amazon Prime (Apparently the first of a four film deal), "Tyler Perry's Divorce in the Black" opens with "Ava" (Meagan Good) and her abusive husband, "Dallas" (Cory Hardrict), attending the funeral for his brother, where Ava's preacher father, "Clarence" (Richard Lawson), goes on a tirade about how he's burning in Hell, due to the known evils that Dallas' family have committed. This leads to Dallas' wildly over the top mother, "Linda" (Ursula O. Robinson), kind of rightfully calling Clarence out on doing such a thing during a freakin funeral (She's a piece of work too, but you know, that does seem inappropriate). Linda proceeds to get Dallas and her other sons to yank the corpse out of the casket, in front of everyone, causing a whole scene, and driving off, leaving Ava completely distraught. Ava has been struggling with Dallas for a while now, and their marriage has finally hit a wall, with Dallas demanding a divorce. Ava, despite some hardship, does start to realize how messed up their relationship was and is on the path to moving on, such as slowly starting to see an old friend/love interest, "Benji" (Joseph Lee Anderson). However, at a little around the halfway point, Dallas gets the idea that Ava had been cheating on him the entire time and proceeds to escalate things to the usual Tyler Perry world of implausibility.
Written and directed by Tyler Perry (The "Madea" films, "Acrimony", "Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor", and many, many other films that range from horrifically offensive or just offensively bad), "Tyler Perry's Divorce in the Black" is already being called by some to be his absolute worst film yet, which is quite the accusation considering his filmography. And yeah, it's not the worst. In a way though, it makes an even more egregious error, and that's being so goddamn boring. Once we get past the thoroughly bonkers first five to ten minutes, this ends up being a fairly by the numbers drama of our lead characters trying to recover from getting out of a dangerous relationship. Sounds fine, right? The problem that it's still hindered by Tyler Perry's inability to write decent characters, original dialogue, or understand the basics of filmmaking itself. It's amazing how despite being in the business for so long, garnering quite the fortune, and giving off the facade that he's improving, Perry has only shown that he's basically learned nothing over the years. The film's frustratingly thought-free script plays out like a sort of "Greatest Hits" when it comes to lame "Lifetime"-esque dramas or cheap romance novels, and while Tyler Perry continues to semi-embrace his newfound sort of edge (More language, sexual context, and an R rating), it still feels fake and devoid of merit.
The always lovely Meagan Good is trying to sell this, and at times, she kind of does, though one can only do so much when they're given literal garbage to work it. The film just never remotely justifies why this is an ordeal in the first place (Right down to showing that Ava was already being at least emotionally abused by Dallas and his family, during their wedding day, leaving one to wonder how this ever became a relationship to begin with. Hell, it never even looked like either of them once liked each other!). It just goes by the whole "We Need a Movie" style of outline, to justify its conflict, regardless of how much sense it makes. The film also continues that Tyler Perry trend of not realizing how either detestable or at least problematic some of its supposed "likable" characters are supposed to be. We have Taylor Polidore (as "Rona", Ava's best friend, who only exists to worry about Ava's problems) trying to inject some out of place humor/state the obvious ,and the romance with Joseph Lee Anderson lacks chemistry, while Richard Lawson and Debbi Morgan (as "Gene", Ava's equally religious mother, who is always spouting out God's word like she's a Christ-Fueled zombie), come across as religiously cult-like zealots, who also just repeatedly just make things worse throughout the film (You know, you can make decent religious characters without making them batsh*t crazy, right?). There is some unintentional hilarity to come from the villains, though the film rarely shows us why they're evil (It's one of those "Because the Script Says So" sort of things). Cory Hardrict is terrible, yet amusingly terrible, going from just a sexist dick to deranged, homicidal maniac in a matter of seconds, while Ursula O. Robinson is always off the charts with unflinching anger.
"Tyler Perry's Divorce in the Black" doesn't quite go off the rails with the usual silliness until the second half, and yet, even that is kind of half-assed. There's no big cartoonish twist or an outlandish finale (If anything, it's just mildly uncomfortable considering the subject matter and the, er, controversy with Meagan Good's current boyfriend. We'll just leave it at that). This is some safe stuff by comparison, and only leads to an aggressive amount of dullness. Clocking in at two hours, Tyler Perry movies at least tend to leave a guy broken mentally, though with plenty to talk about (While also leaving his target audience of good, God fearing, older Christian women going "Ooooooooh!"). However, I see this boring his fans just as much as it did me. In terms of actual positives, I can say it looks a little nicer than some of his other movies. Still, despite that glossy outside, you can't hide the ugliness on the inside. 1 Star. Rated For For Strong Language, Fully Clothed Sexual Content, And Meagan Good's Inhuman Strength To Break A Car Window By Lightly Slamming A Door Shut.
Longlegs by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Just your average reaction to seeing a feral Nic Cage in the wild.
It's been a while since I've been stuffed into a crowded movie theater. And of all the films, it happens to be "Longlegs"? An odd choice, though one that did get a pretty damn good reaction Perhaps the brilliant marketing campaign behind this film could pay off in the long run, and for good reason too. Every ad, trailer, or teaser released had only given little hints as to what the Hell this was, along with baffling, unsettling images that you just have to find out more about. Not to mention an excuse to see Nic Cage actually going out of his way to be terrifying? Who could resist that? It's a film that's already being lauded as the best horror film of the decade, leaving audiences in states of panic and urine soaked clothing.
Set in the 1990s, "Longlegs" follows the newest (And hilariously anti-social) recruit to the FBI, "Lee Harker" (Maika Monroe), who quickly proves to be not just a capable agent, but an especially perceptive one. (Maybe it's just really good intuition. Maybe she's psychic. Or just a really good guesser?) Harker is put on a rather twisted case, which is to track down a now notorious, Satanic serial killer, known as "Longlegs" (Nicolas Cage). It's a task that proves very difficult because of how baffling the murders are, with families being brutally murdered by the father of the house, followed the the father presumably killing himself, though there appears a connection to Longlegs at every scene of the crime despite him never seemingly being there in the first place. As Harker digs deeper, she discovers that Longlegs himself has taken special interest in her. With the odds becoming more and more likely that Longlegs is only going to kill again, Harker must face her own past if she's going to catch him before it's too late.
Written and directed by Osgood Perkins ("Gretal & Hansel", "The Blackcoat's Daughter"), "Longlegs" has already garnered quite the reputation and I think it's my civic duty to admit that this really isn't the scariest movie of the decade. Probably not even the scariest this year either. However, don't let that turn you off from an effectively chilling, always unsettling and demonically crafted thriller that's bound to give you the kind of shock that can only come from the most nefarious of minds. It's much more of a slow burn, taking an approach that's similar to Michael Mann's "Manhunter" before drifting into "Silence of the Lambs" territory. The film acts like a police procedural first, with hints at something more sinister beneath the surface that's always egging you on, even when you don't even know it. Osgood Perkins' direction is brilliant that way. Simple moments of a character just standing in a dark room, hearing things around them, and with the tiniest of sounds setting them off. It's also a credit to the haunting sound design, where I swear to God, you can constantly hear this spine tingling little whimper throughout. It's like you're being watched while you watch the movie. Of course, this leads to some nightmarish, yet strangely beautiful imagery that you swear could have come out of the very bowels of Hell itself. You kind of don't want to look away from it, even when the film's shocking violence (Which sometimes just pops out at you like a jump scare) shows you something that you really wish you hadn't seen. Yeah, this isn't for the faint of heart.
Maika Monroe gives a career best performance, conveying her character's hidden turmoil through slight glances, intentionally distant line delivery, and of course, the eventual unfiltered terror when she gets closer to the dark heart of the situation. You just like her, even though the character clearly isn't a "People Person" (But you do start to see why as the film progresses). There are some great supporting performances from Blair Underwood (as "Agent Carter", Harker's superior), who brings some levity, along with a mesmerizingly odd Alicia Witt (as "Ruth", Harker's very religious and clearly psychologically damaged mother) and a brief, but memorable appearance from Kiernan Shipka (as "Carrie Anne Camera", the only survivor of one of Longlegs' family killings, who lives in a mental institution because of it). Then we get to the film's biggest selling point, which is to see Nicolas Cage being absolutely unhinged and terrifying. Granted, we see that with him a lot, but this is another level of "What the F*ck?". Mixed with some indescribable (And probably intentionally fake looking) pale makeup, that makes him look like a cross between the Joker, Robbie Rotten from "Lazy Town", and a demented grandma, along with a voice that sounds like Willy Wonka after getting his balls cut off, Nic Cage is literally uncaged. It's a suitably bizarre performance that's nonetheless frightening, despite the fact that he actually doesn't have much real screentime. It's a credit to his performance that even when he's not on screen, you can feel his presence all the way through. The film also has little moments of humor sprinkled around, whether it be because of some minor character quirks or just because of the film's surprisingly rocking soundtrack. The dread is constant and that sticks around even when you find yourself having the slightest amount of fun with it.
"Longlegs" is actually not an entirely unpredictable film (There's a few little twists and turns that you've seen before), but Osgood Perkins wisely seems to make up for such a thing by having his own macabre spin on the matter. It's the commitment to the terror that makes it work. It almost gives a hypnotic vibe, as if you're under whatever strange spell the film is casting on you. To call it the scariest thing you've ever seen can feel like an overstatement, and yet, the blood curdling visuals you're subjected to will stick with you, then might even keep you awake at night. 4 Stars. Rated R For Grotesque, Disturbing, And Upsetting Images, Along With The Truly Horrifying Sight Of Albino Nicolas Cage Making Kissy Faces At You Through The Screen.
Fly Me to the Moon by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Any excuse to use a pretty picture of Scarlett Johansson is a good excuse.
What we have right here is more or less the definition of a "Boomer" movie. No ground is being broken. It barely qualifies as a PG-13. Safe. Secure. Harmless. Simple. It's what the older crowd wants and, well, I may have only just turned thirty years old, but I get it. In fact, I kind of feel that more movies like it, at least so long as we get plenty of bigger, deeper, more cinema worthy films to balance the scales.
Inspired by true-ish events (I appreciate that more films now are starting to acknowledge that they really are just making crap up half the time for dramatization purposes), "Fly Me to the Moon" is set during the tail end of the 60s, with the Space Race between the United States and the Soviet Union becoming more desperate than ever. A spunky, former conwoman turned marketing genius, "Kelly Jones" (Scarlett Johansson), is brought on board by shady government type, "Moe Berkus" (Woody Harrelson), to help "Sell" the idea of landing on the moon to the American public. This is a stark contrast with super serious NASA director, "Cole Davis" (Channing Tatum), who has an underfunded team working day and night on the future Apollo 11 launch. Despite their differences (And most because the both of them are, you know, conventionally attractive by all sexuality standards), sparks fly between Kelly and Cole while they utilize both their talents to make the seemingly impossible task of getting to the Moon possible. However, Moe returns to get Kelly to secretly orchestrate a backup plan of sorts, just in case things don't quite work out. That backup plan is to use government funding to stage and fake the moon landing.
Directed by longtime television producer and writer, Greg Berlanti ("Love, Simon"), with a screenplay by Rose Gilroy (Daughter of Rene Russo and writer/director, Dan Gilroy), "Fly Me to the Moon" is a little like the earlier this year's "The Fall Guy". It's light, fluffy, would normally have been a bigger hit if it had come out like a decade earlier, and is as predictable as they come. However, sometimes a good throwback to the kind of film you would watch with your parents on a rainy Sunday can be made just a bit more lively, thanks to the capable hands behind the camera and the undeniable star power in front of it. Berlanti's direction can be seen as quite tame by certain standards, especially when you compare it to the likes of say a "Dune: Part Two" or a "Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes". Then again though, this ain't some Science Fiction epic. It's nothing epic at all. Hell, I'd say despite the historical context, it's not even Non-Fiction. Berlanti comes in to direct a slick, steady, still lovely looking period piece, that also incorporates a delightful cast of characters, some nice humor, and even some safe, but still effective drama. In a way, it's still not hard to find some inspiration in the film, especially when the lead characters see more of the big picture that came from the very idea of the moon landing and what it could mean to the United States along with the rest of the world, rather than the temporary political benefits of the time.
Of course, most of why this works is because we got some damn good leads to keep the film anchored. Scarlett Johansson in particular is at her most charming, lovely, and all around just plain appealing here (Which for her, well, being Scarlett Freakin Johansson, that's saying something). She and Channing Tatum, who definitely inhabits the required likability for a role like this, go through some typical Rom-Com tropes (Some more annoying than others), yet make them work better than they would normally have any right to. Other cast members include a hilariously Jim Rashy Jim Rash (as "Lance Vespertine", the total diva of a director that Kelly hires to direct the fake moon landing), a suitably straight faced Ray Romano (as "Henry Smalls", Cole's close friend and co-worker, who is constantly befuddled by Kelly's marketing campaign), and Woody Harrelson, who goes back and forth between charismatically scheming to at times, a little lightly menacing. It's around the last act where things get a little extra screwball, and a bit difficult to buy, basically revealing that this is certainly "Movie World" rather than reality. Still though, that's why we go to the movies in the first place and while I can't say the film is a magical experience, it's still a good one.
"Fly Me to the Moon" ain't gonna change your life. It's not meant to. What we do get is a rather fun, occasionally humorous, and still very appealing film, that benefits from sleak direction, saccharine sweetness, and the astonishing aura that comes from Scarlett Johansson's jaw dropping sexiness. It's got a little something for everyone there. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 (And Like I Said, Barely) For That One F Bomb, Black Cat-Astrophes, And, Er, Well, Scarlett Johansson Rocking Every 60's Era Outfit And Hairstyle She's Given, Which I Think Might Be Too Hot For Any Screen To Handle. Maybe I Am Just A Boomer Born In A Millennial's Body.
MaXXXine by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: She's a STAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!
Nothing fits the slasher genre more than a hodgepodge of sequels,prequels, and reboots, with Ti West's surprisingly successful "X" series finding a way to elevate its material past its more admittedly trashy roots. "X" on paper was more or less your usual "Kill em all" type of slasher, except with dark humor, a respectable amount of artistry, and some creative terror, while its prequel, "Pearl" (Which focused on the main villain from "X") was like an "Golden Age of Hollywood" film gone horribly wrong in the best way possible. Now it all seemingly culminates in one final chapter (Or at least for now) that has some more hefty ambitions than what things of this caliber usually seem to have.
Set six years after the violent events of "X" in the mid-80s, "MaXXXine" follows the titular "Maxine Minx" (Mia Goth), as she makes the jump from porn star to big time movie star, landing a major role in the upcoming horror film, "The Puritan II", directed by the stern "Elizabeth Bender" (Elizabeth Debicki). However, all of Hollywood is a bit on edge at the moment, with fear of satanic worship and the serial killer known as "The Night Stalker" roaming the streets. Maxine's past also comes back to haunt her in the form of a slimy private detective, "John Labat" (Kevin Bacon), who has been hired by a mysterious individual to track her down, reveling in the fact that they have knowledge of what really went down during the events of "X" (Big massacre of Maxine's friends by a deranged old couple, who Maxine ended up murdering herself in the end). After people close to Maxine end up murdered one by one, with their bodies branded with satanic symbols, Maxine becomes the prime source of interest for LAPD detectives, "Williams" (Michelle Monaghan) and "Torres" (Bobby Cannavale). With Elizabeth Bender becoming frustrated with Maxine's personal issues affecting film production, Maxine decides its time she took matters into her own hands to make sure nothing interferes with her dream of finally becoming the star that she's always known she was born to be.
Written and directed by the returning Ti West (Responsible for the series as a whole), "MaXXXine" has boosted itself more into the mainstream (Much like its distributor "A24" has as well lately). There are a lot of moving parts, intricate details, and so much greatness here that it only makes its mostly minuscule, yet frustrating and even perplexing flaws a bit more noticeable. The film has also garnered some unexpected hate from its fans, either because it just isn't quite as good as what came before it or possibly because like I said, it's much more mainstream now that it no longer quite resembles the small scope indie project it once was (That's speculation on my part, but these A24 fans do tend to be harsher on these kinds of things). What the film gets right is what the others also have gotten so very right, which is encompassing the time period. West's direction in all three films have varied so much, yet still feel connected in their own ways. This has the makings of a grainy, dirty, stylishly 80s Hollywood based horror flick, with old fashioned blood splatters, vibrant colors, and unbelievable practical effects. It also pays so much homage to the horror films of the time, along with the recognizable static that you normally would have found when films made their way to home video. It's well crafted, and still often quite funny in a pitch black, twisted sort of way, due in part to how over the top the violence can be. The film does struggle though when it comes down to just how many things seem to be going on at once, with the main plot of Maxine's role in her film, mixed with the unknown slasher on the prowl, the cops investigating her, the man straight up stalking her, and her own connection to her more religious based roots. The payoff isn't always quite enough, and it doesn't help that it's all pretty damn predictable. I mean, I'll be genuinely shocked if you don't figure out who the main driving antagonist is before we reach the film's last act.
Mia Goth has repeatedly been a revelation over the course of these three films, especially with her performance in "Pearl" (Total Oscar snub!). She returns to the Maxine character, but this time has to play her in a more subdued environment, even when the character's more outrageously dark history starts to rear its ugly head. It's the nuance to the character, which we all know that slasher films rarely take time to center on, and Goth rather beautifully brings them to light. I adored Elizabeth Debicki and her no nonsense performance, who plays so well against Goth (And well, is like so really hot, honestly. What? I like domineering women who you just know could put me in my place. Nothing weird about that!). We get a delightful Giancarlo Esposito (as "Teddy Knight, Esq.", Maxine's agent, who really does go above and beyond for his clients) playing a more exaggerated rendition of his usual persona, along with an outstandingly hammy Kevin Bacon (With his absurd wardrobe and odd Cajun accent), chewing the living Hell out of the scenery and leaving no crumbs for anyone else (Dear Ti West, if you're planning any more films in this series, how about a prequel with him? Ya know we want it!). Michaelle Monaghan and Bobby Cannavale are both way too good for parts that almost don't amount to anything by the end, while we get some small roles from the likes of Halsey (as "Tabby Martin", a fellow porn star friend of Maxine, who becomes a target of the supposed Night Stalker), Lilly Collins (as "Molly Bennett", the star of the first "Puritan" film), and Sophie Thatcher (as the VFX artist on the film).
"MaXXXine" shoots its load a bit too far across the landing strip, with the film basically becoming "Scream" in its final twenty minutes and aside from being so obvious from the start, the twists are still a lot sillier than I expected. It's still a fun, smart, humorously dark, and gorgeously demented ode to old horror and old 80s Hollywood, even if it can't quite recapture the maniacal magic that either of its predecessors had. Mia Goth's admitted star power and Ti West's passion for the project is still prevalent, and while I wouldn't say its the ending we deserve, it's still one that feels earned despite its flaws. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Gruesome Gore, Pompous Porn Stars, Elizabeth Debicki's Hypnotically Towering Height, And Literal Ball Busting.
Despicable Me 4 by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Gru enacting his American right to stand his ground.
Wanna feel old? The "Despicable Me" franchise, responsible for putting "Illumination Animation" up there with the household names like "Pixar", "Disney", and "DreamWorks Animation", along with creating this lovably hilarious to most (And obnoxiously annoying to some) little yellow corn puffs "The Minions", is fourteen years old. These movies are nostalgic now for some kids, with some being adults by this point, and since I was already a teenager when the original came out (It was one of my earliest movies that I reviewed), I can already feel myself morphing into Gru myself. Before you know it, I'm gonna be bald, with a long nose, gain a big squishy body with oddly long legs, and will be sporting an impossible to describe sort of Romanian accent.
Following the events of the first three movies (Along with the two "Minion" focused prequels), "Despicable Me 4" opens with "Gru" (Steve Carell), the former moon stealing supervillain turned loving dad/husband/agent for the "AVL" (Anti-Villain League), showing up at his old villains school reunion with his Minions to arrest his old rival, the eccentrically French and cockroach-loving "Maxime Le Mal" (Will Ferrell). Gru returns home to his wife, "Lucy" (Kristen Wiig), their adopted daughter "Margo" (Miranda Cosgrove), "Edith" (Dana Gaier), and "Agnes" (Madison Polan), and the newest addition to the family, a baby boy "Gru Jr.", who seems to want nothing to do with Gru. The family is approached by AVL former director, "Silas Ramsbottom" (Steve Coogan), who informs them that Maxime Le Mal has already escaped prison with the help of his equally devious girlfriend, "Valentina" (Sofía Vergara), and is coming for revenge.
Gru and his family are then placed in witness protection, sent to live in a new neighborhood and with new names, being now referred to as "The Cunninghams". Gru and his family now have to adjust to their more mundane lifestyle, though it becomes very difficult for them, especially when the next door neighbor, a supervillain loving teen with braces, "Poppy Prescott" (Joey King), discovers Gru's identity and wants to force him to assist her with a heist at Gru's old school (Said heist being of the school's mascot, a honey badger). Meanwhile, Silas has brought most of the Minions to work for the AVL, with a select few being put into a top secret program that will turn them into superpowered agents, aka "The Mega-Minions", which as you would expect, has disastrous results.
Directed by the returning Chris Renaud (Who did the first "Despicable Me", along with "The Lorax" and the "Secret Life of Pets" films), with a screenplay by Mike White ("Pitch Perfect 3", "School of Rock", "Migration") and Ken Daurio (Who co-wrote most of the "Despicable Me" films), "Despicable Me 4" is, well, "Despicable Me 4". A lot of what I have to say isn't going to shock anyone and even the franchise's biggest fans have to admit that we're at the point where this all should probably stop. Plenty of animated film franchises (And many of the more comedic ones in general really) generally start to show signs of wear and tear, with the plots being more overcrowded due to how many characters there are or the reliance on simplistic gags involving the more merchandise heavy aspects start to overwhelm. The plot this time has a lot of filler, where the movie just stops to follow a character in a sort of mini-arc that gets resolved quickly, sometimes even in the same scene. It's also one of those cases where if you're not already willing to go with it by now, there's no winning you over. I mean, who's gonna talk about how much they have these movies or are just tired of those Minions popping up everywhere, but then go on to say "Now that "Despicable Me 4" though. Maaaaan, that's the one that got me!". Nobody is going to say that. In fact, I'll just tell you that this is probably the weakest film in the series thus far. I can also tell you that, despite all these glaring issues and a lack of any real substance, this is still some pretty funny stuff.
I don't know what it is, but every once in a while, these movies just come out of nowhere with not just a little chuckle, but a huge laughs that makes all the lesser moments feel worth it to sit through. The story is basic and uninspired stuff, and yet, they get a lot of good mileage out of what sort of humor you can find there. Gru and the family trying to fit into a more normalized society is simple, but humorous. The whole Mega-Minion subplot just exists to give the Minions something to do and to probably even sell some toys. However, that's also the funniest sequence in the movie, with these super-powered Minions basically making everything so much worse around them (And even throwing in a hilarious "Spider-Man 2" reference while they're at it). Heck, just the running gag of that one Minion being trapped in a vending machine for the film's entire length just somehow kept getting funny due to how the film almost creatively got so absurd with it. The animation is also better now than it has been before. It's funny to watch the original movie and the more humble beginnings of Illumination, then go to this very point where the budget has skyrocketed and the money is all there on screen. I saw the film in IMAX and it's always popping off screen (Even without the added 3D glasses for some showings), feeling like a grand scale Looney Tunes cartoon, where you'll get a silly, over the top bit of slapstick, following by some genuinely jaw dropping visuals (Like Maxime Le Mal's giant cockroach mech). It really is one of those things where you have to see it in theaters to appreciate how much work the animators have put in. Sure, Illumination isn't as sophisticated with their work like other animation studios, but you can never accuse them of being lazy. In terms of their animation and visual style, they're only getting better.
The cast is still very likable, even though most of them don't always get a whole lot to do. Steve Carell is just as wonderful as ever, and clearly puts everything he has into this character every time, regardless of the necessity of the film itself. Kristen Wiig is also really endearing (With a unneeded, though still very funny subplot involving her character botching her job as a hair stylist, leading to a Terminator-style chase down by a violent customer). Miranda Cosgrove and the other girls too, are mostly pushed to the side sadly, though there is a cute storyline involving Gru trying to bond with his baby (It does bring up the idea of a character like Gru being able to, er, um, you know, "Get Bizzaaaay!" as they say....So do with that knowledge what you will). Steve Coogan is a lot of fun, and there are some small parts for Stephen Colbert and Chloe Fineman (as Poppy's rich parents), though the series co-creator Pierre Coffin (Who voices each and every Minion) often steals the limelight, which shouldn't be unexpected because the Minions themselves are one of the franchise's biggest draws for the young audience. On the bright side, there is some excellent voice work from some of the newest additions, such as director Chris Renaud (as "Übelschlecht", the wheelchair riding, incredibly old principal of the villains school) doing his best old woman voice, along with Sofía Vergara, who sounds like she's having a lot of fun. Joey King, who is always lisping, is fantastic, serving as an unexpected foil to Gru, who also even gets a little character development, and it's no surprise that considering how these films have always created some scene-stealing villains, making Will Ferrell's Maxime Le Mal no exception. Ferrell, and an insanely out there French accent, is giving it 110%, blurring that line between who's animated, the character himself or the actor playing him. He's an absolute riot, and oddly, he and Carrell have a lot of great frenemy chemistry together, despite only sharing a couple scenes. The best showcase for why the film works at all in spite of its very existence comes right down to what it all culminates in. That being the usual, big dance party style ending. And yet, this one just so happens to be a pretty funny rendition of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World", which in a way could symbolize the end of the franchise as a whole. I just can't dislike this movie.
"Despicable Me 4" is more of the same and while it can be a bit more tiring now that we're fourteen years into the series, there's enough here to keep it from falling apart. The characters are still charming, thanks in part for Steve Carell's commitment, along with the new cast members, such as the delightful Joey King and a hilarious Will Ferrell, and the animation is certainly impressive. It's very much a see it with a crowd of families sort of film, where you have some fun and then mostly forget about it later that day. Yeah, I wish it took more of an "Inside Out 2" route by actually setting out to be something more than goofy, family friendly entertainment, but no reasonable person can fault them for being exactly that. In the end, you still laugh, even when you really don't want to. That's the real despicable aspect of these films. They always get ya at some point. 3 Stars. Rated PG For Crude Humor, Cockroach Chaos, Horrendous Honey Badgers, And Minion Induced Casualties. Pretty Sure Those Little Monsters Have Killed Before, And Will Gladly Kill Again!
A Quiet Place: Day One by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: The cat's gonna sell em' out. I know it.
The "Quiet Place" films deserve way more credit than we've given them for being a horror franchise that's been consistent, has expanded on its world-building, and most important, hasn't lost sight of what worked so well in the first place.
Set before the first two films, "A Quiet Place: Day One" opens during a seemingly normal day in New York City, following a terminally ill cancer patient, "Sam" (Lupita Nyong'o). Sam seems to have accepted her fate cynically, though finds comfort with her service kitty, "Frodo", and happens to be in the middle of the big city just when the sound sensitive, aggressively violent aliens (Or "Death Angels", as they're referred to) attack, thus bringing an end to civilization as we know it. While many survivors, forced to remain completely silent to avoid the aliens' wrath, decide to evacuate to possible safety, Sam seems more interested in getting one last slice of pizza from her favorite pizza place in Harlem since she's pretty sure she's dead anyways. Along the way, Sam comes across a lost law student, "Eric" (Joseph Quinn), who joins her on her little journey because he really has nowhere else to go, traversing the once great city, now left to ruin by the alien menace.
Written and directed by Michael Sarnoski ("Pig"), taking over for the busy John Krasinski (Director of the other films), "A Quiet Place: Day One" seems to at first set out to be bigger and better than its predecessors. A bigger budget, large set pieces, and a grander scale compared to the first two films, which were generally more secluded in scope for the most part. Bigger doesn't always result in better and this film, despite more than a few memorable, grander sequences, can't quite reach the level of genuine scariness that came from the other films. However, it's still a solid and emotionally resonant addition to the franchise, that continues to hint at the possibilities of where it could go from here. Sarnoski, in his first more mainstream film, crafts some exciting action scenes early on, getting it from the view of a singular character as they witness the world around them erupt into flames and bloodcurdling screams. It's also cool to see these creatures, with the CGI on them being pretty damn close to flawless, inhabiting a big city area this time around, watching how much damage they can really do on a more massive scope. It's easy to see how quickly humanity can be taken out by such a mindlessly violent threat. Granted, the film still doesn't quite get into what their true goals and motivations are (Maybe a possible hint or two), and like the other films, in a way, the creatures are more of an obstacle or stepping stone to get to the real dramatic center. The film moves past its more actionized setup after the first act, before settling down a bit to focus on our very endearing lead characters.
Lupita Nyong'o is once again just phenomenal in everything she touches. She makes for a wonderful protagonist, who makes some decisions that could seem questionable on paper, yet oddly makes sense once you truly understand where she's coming from. Joseph Quinn (Who was a real scene-stealer in the previous season of "Stranger Things") is also terrific, playing a completely different part than what we were used to seeing him as. They have some heartwarming chemistry together, with Quinn's lost puppy face adding for a little humor to Nyong'o's more exasperated demeanor. There are also good supporting parts, such as a brief appearance from Alex Wolff (as "Reuben", a care worker, trying his best to get Sam to come out of her shell) and a returning Djimon Hounsou (as "Henri", who you might remember in a small, but vital part in "A Quiet Place Part II"). We also can't forget to give a special shout-out to the film's real star, Frodo the kitty! That cat is just so lovable and cute, serving as a reminder of the possible warmth of life when surrounded by so much death.
The "Quiet Place" films have always been more about the perseverance and better nature of people, rather than the usual more cynical tropes that you see from post apocalyptic media. "A Quiet Place: Day One" is no different in that regard. In fact, the creatures themselves take a bit of a backseat for long periods of time so that the film can instead focus on its characters, who sometimes even have to convey a lot of story and emotions with zero dialogue (You know, due to them having to be silent to avoid detection). The film's last act, while not exactly surprising, is still very strong and might even hit you on an emotional level. Sure, we're used to end of the world films showcasing the evils of humanity and the selfishness, but it's also nice to see some that remind us of the sacrifices and the sense of hope that somehow come out of the most dire of situations. End it with an unforgettable final shot, and you got yourself a very welcome addition to one of the most respectable horror franchises we have today. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Scary Images, Wanton Destruction, And Some Cool Ass Cats.
Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1 by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Direct a big movie, cast yourself as the badass, get the hot girl, and sport an awesome mustache. Everything is coming up Costner!"
God, I really wanted to like this movie. Who grew up watching old westerns and wondering why we don't get anything like them anymore? So when I heard Kevin Costner was bringing to life his longtime passion project, which was a massive, star studded, multi-film western epic, I was pretty interested. Sadly, I should have known this could have gone so wrong, so easily.
Serving as the first in a possibly four film saga (With the sequel already due to be released in less than two months), "Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1" opens during the midst of the Civil War, following several different storylines over the course of a few years. The film shows the expansion of the old west, for better or for worse, with many, many characters embarking on their own separate journeys, which are either sometimes connected or most of the time, have nothing too much to do with each other. Thanks to many flyers being spread around, promising a land of untapped potential, this results in some understandably agitated Native Americans, some innocents caught in the crossfire of conflict, people out for revenge, and those just trying to make a decent living with nowhere else to go.
There's the likes of the mysterious stranger, "Hayes Ellison" (Kevin Costner), who only comes in about an hour of the way through to get roped into a situation protecting a distressed young woman, "Marigold" (Abbey Lee) and the child that she just so happens to have been stuck with, due to a conflict between "Ellen" (Jena Malone), a woman she was staying with and the violent "Sykes" brothers (Jon Beavers and Jamie Campbell Bower). We have a mother, "Frances Kittredge" (Sienna Miller) and her daughter losing their family to an Apache attack, forced to find a new home with the Union army. Then we also follow a group of settlers, led by the endearing, and understandably frustrated "Matthew Van Weyden" (Luke Wilson), who struggles to keep control of his group, while a particularly vengeful Apache warrior, "Pionsenay" (Owen Crow Shoe) ignores the warnings of his father (Who would rather avoid any confrontation) and sees only a violent solution to the white settlers swarming their land. There's also a subplot following a group of hunters, who start out as simply trying to find the ones responsible for killing a group of settlers, though obviously this is going to go down a darker, more racially motivated path. I'm probably forgetting someone or something because there is a lot in this movie. Too much, yet not much really.
Directed by Kevin Costner ("The Postman", "Open Range"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Jon Baird, "Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1" has some hefty, very hefty ambitions. Too hefty. This three hour mess is less of a well told tale of human struggles, turmoil, and perseverance, but rather an intentionally incomplete, occasionally incoherent collection of scenes that just sort of happen. Perhaps all of this is by design in a way, feeling like the first part of a really long miniseries that just so happens to be on the big screen. Sadly though, while the film has its moments, it's too all over the place and inconsistent for a film that reaches the three hour mark for no real reason. Costner's heart is in the right place, setting out to tell an engrossing story that's more inclusive and aware than the old westerns that came before it. The film is certainly not glamorous, with abundant violence and hardship. Costner's direction is certainly beautiful, which seems to have been done so to be undercut by how brutal the film can be at times. The film struggles though when it comes to its screenplay, pacing, editing, and the very way the story itself is told. The film just starts, following characters almost randomly, with their subplots either being cut short abruptly or just opening up out of nowhere (Some by the two hour mark). The film seems to be all about setup, but that doesn't mean much when you're not given much reason to care. The film either takes too long to get going, or will rush through certain details to the point that it's hard to truly understand the passage of time. Most of the storylines are also pretty on the predictable side, so you're left waiting for the movie to just get to the point already.
There's nothing really wrong with the performances, with some of them feeling underdeveloped simply because you just know they'll likely get a larger part in the next film. Kevin Costner (Who is actually not in the movie very much now that I think about it), Sienna Miller, Jena Malone (Who deserved way more to do considering how strong her arc starts), Abbey Lee, Will Patton (as "Owen Kittredge", an aged settler with many capable daughters, who I guess has a relation to Francses Kittredge. Guess that's being saved for Chapter 2?), Tom Payne (as "Hugh Proctor", who attempts to keep his group of hunters in line as they search for the Apaches who attacked their settlement), among others, are all good. The real standouts come from the likes of a rather excellent Sam Worthington (as "Trent Gephardt", a union soldier, who questions the logistics of the current situation and even acknowledges the unfairness towards the Native Americans), a charming Danny Huston (as "Colonel Houghton", Trent's superior, who has come to terms with the expansion), Michael Rooker (as "Major Riordan", a kind-hearted soldier), and a perfectly despicable Jamie Campbell Bower. Giovanni Ribisi, sporting some mean mutton chops, literally pops up dramatically for one second during the film's little montage of things to come at the very end.
"Horizon: An American Saga - Chapter 1" has some tense, fascinating, and even at times, very powerful scenes (Generally breaking the illusion that we associate with the old west). However, those scenes are packed under a pile of overblown, under developed, and jumbled collection of old western tropes that really could border on parody. It lacks the personality and depth needed, despite Kevin Costner's best efforts to craft something truly beautiful. While I can say that I'm a bit interested in where the Hell all of this is supposed to be going, it's starting to feel more like an obligation in the sense of "Well, I gotta review it anyways since I saw the last one". Truly great cinema should never feel like that. 2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Violence, Adult Content, And An Excessive Amount of Silly Facial Hair.
The Bikeriders by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: So, Venom and Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen walk into a bar.
This is an entirely new experience for me. Reviewing a film that I not only have already seen, but saw almost a year ago before the general public did. I was lucky enough to see it during last year's Austin Film Festival, despite the film being delayed due to the SAG-AFTRA strike and being dropped by its distributor, 20th Century Studios. Luckily, the film found a new distributor with Focus Features and is finally getting the big screen release it deserves.
Loosely based on the photo-book of the same name by Danny Lyon (With the filmmakers admittedly taking liberties), "The Bikeriders" is recounted by "Kathy" (Jodie Comer) to a fictionalized version of Danny Lyon (Mike Faist). Kathy details the rise and eventually fall of a Chicago motorcycle club known as the "Vandals", founded by the charismatic, but intimidating "Johnny" (Tom Hardy). Kathy falls in love with one of the bikers "Benny" (Austin Butler), explaining how what once started as a simple, small scale club that even served as a strange little family of sorts, would eventually grow too fast and too big into yet another violent, criminal gang.
Written and directed by Jeff Nichols ("Mud", "Midnight Special", "Loving"), "The Bikeriders" more or less follows a bit of the old gangster-esque formula, except this time it's from the perspective of motorcycle gangs. Because of that, it's a fairly by the book sort of story that isn't without its moments of predictability. Regardless, what we still get is a very strong, beautifully crafted interpretation, that's so jammed pack with character that you don't particularly care if it's something you've seen a million times before (Or in my case, having already seen this movie last year). Nichols' direction is top notch as usual, conveying the dangers and questionable behavior of many of its characters, which are evident early on. However, Nichols also finds humanity to these characters, where you find yourself drawn into how their world works and even a bit inspired by the overall idea of it. I mean, who doesn't gravitate to the sort of outlaw type? We've kind of always done that. A lot of this is because of how well written the film is, surpassing the tropes of the genre simply due to how genuine the dialogue is delivered. It does feel like I'm watching real people, which is fitting because regardless of what's real and what's admitted fiction, it comes from a place of reality.
The cast is made up of an excellent ensemble. Jodie Comer is outstanding, particularly with her expressive features and commitment to the semi-Chicago/Southern accent (Which reminds me of when I saw this at the Austin Film Festival, the filmmakers played a recording of the real life inspiration behind Comer's character and it was surreal to hear how you literally wouldn't be able to tell either voice apart).Austin Butler, who also has to emote, rarely speaks, yet tells you everything you need to know about what he's thinking with a simple glance. It's also just cool to see how much range Butler has if you compare this with his performances in "Elvis" and "Dune: Part Two" (Basically, he's the kind of actor that Jared Leto thinks he is). Tom Hardy meanwhile comes in with his own indecipherable accent, and yet, it somehow all works. You oddly see how people gravitate towards him, whether it be his charisma, his sincerity, or even at times, his menace. This film is a bit of an odd love triangle in a way, because of how well these three play off each other. We also get some terrific standout performances from the likes of Mike Faist, Damon Herriman (as "Brucie", a close member of Johnny's gang), Toby Wallace (as a troubled, violent young man, eager to join the Vandals, simply referred to as "The Kid", Boyd Holbrook and a delightful Michael Shannon (as "Cal" and "Zipco", prominent members of the gang), along with a memorable appearance from Norman Reedus (as "Funny Sonny", a biker from California, who literally shows up out of nowhere).
"The Bikeriders" overcomes what may seem like genre trappings with style, providing an interesting perspective on the biker lifestyle and makes it something that anyone can completely understand or even see themselves admiring in a way (Personally, I was not made to ride a motorcycle, touch one, or even go near one, but that's just me). Never overly sentimental, with a certain grittiness and admission of human faults, that elevate the more conventional into something special. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Brutish Bikery, And The Likely Intense Smells That Come From Every Single Character's Dirty Ass Looking Beards.
Thelma by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: June Squibb on her way to play some Scribbage and kick some ass! And guess what? She's all outta dice!
Yeah, I'm not sure what it is with me lately. Maybe I've started to come to terms with that I'm getting older or I'm just starting to see the simple joys of so-called "Boomer" movies. Granted, most of what I'm used to when it comes to the old people dicking around genre consist of the lowest common denominator of blandness, boredom, and taking great veteran actors, then having them partake in out of touch comedy. It generally seems like the basic goal is to just have a lot of meandering around in a way that's not too exciting, stick to a safe formula, and most importantly, do NOT challenge in any way. What's funny is that this film could so easily veer into that in the wrong hands, yet actually takes its own message to heart. That being "You're only as old as you feel".
"Thelma" follows the titular "Thelma Post" (June Squibb), a ninety-three year old woman, who after the death of her husband has found more of a sense of independence, though still requires some assistance from her loving, though maybe too protective grandson, "Danny" (Fred Hechinger). One day, Thelma gets a random phone call from someone pretending to be Danny, as part of an elaborate phone scam to get her to send them $10,000. Despite Thelma's family, which includes Danny's parents, "Alan" (Clark Gregg) and "Gail" (Parker Posey), thinking it would be best to just wait and see, Thelma is determined to handle the situation herself. Thelma, who coerces an old, retired friend, "Ben" (Richard Roundtree) into allowing her to borrow his top of the line scooter (So long as Ben gets to join her on her adventure), sets out to reclaim what's her's, along with accepting both the good and the bad that come with old age.
Written and directed by improvisational comedian, Josh Margolin (With the film being a tribute to his own grandmother), "Thelma" is the kind of film that on paper, should be nothing more than an amusing time waster, let alone a great film. However, what we get is something much more nuanced, smart, hilarious, and even quite exhilarating, with something to offer demographics that range from the elderly, to middle aged, or even those who are only now coming into adulthood. The film is a comedy for sure, that often hilariously plays out like it's an adrenaline fueled action film, like "Mission: Impossible", except with the situations being more or less mundane looking from a distance. However, that doesn't stop the film from being exciting and even at times, quite suspenseful. From a chase scene in a retirement home on motorized scooters to Thelma climbing up the stairs, these sequences get some big laughs because of how they're shot and portrayed as intense moments. Still, there is a sense of adventure here, where the film always stops to address that our lead characters are older and regardless of how they may feel, they're still fragile at times. It's balance between coming to terms with how you can only do so much in spite of your age, though you may have more control over what you can do than you (And especially others) might realize. In a way, this ends up being a fast paced thriller, packed with some huge laughs that all come from a genuine place of humanity and some very heartfelt, if not bittersweet drama. The subject matter is actually pretty heavy stuff that you just know every day has affected some unsuspecting person in the real world, and the film tries to find the crowd pleasing lighter side of the situation.
The star of the show is the totally awesome June Squibb. Taking inspiration from the work of Tom Cruise (His face literally is what prompts her into taking matters into her own hands), Squibb is thoroughly lovable, the right amount of strong yet vulnerable, and even makes for a damn good action hero to rival some of the greats. Whether it be her moments of senile seniority (Such as repeatedly stopping everything she's doing to talk to a random person who she thinks she might recognize, though half the time she's actually meeting this person for the very first time) to when she showcases the still spry, sharp, and inspirational woman that immediately has you falling in love with her, Squibb is outstanding from start to finish. She also has wonderful chemistry with the late, great Richard Roundtree, who gives such an endearing, warm performance that it just might hit you on an unexpected emotional level. Fred Hechinger, Clark Gregg, and Parker Posey, who are all just perfectly cast as a family, are the right amount of goofily nervous, yet the film does take time to stop and show even their struggles with how to handle the complexities of age. Malcolm McDowell is also great in a small, yet vital part, that also puts a bit of a different perspective on the circumstances.
Impossible to dislike, "Thelma" is like the "Paddington" of old people movies. It's set in its own sort of reality, with a sense of silliness throughout, but still retains its heart and finds a way to bring various, relevant themes together in such a relatable fashion. Whether it's the humor or the heart, you can't help but feel like your hand is being lovingly cradled while you're watching it, resulting in tears of joy and comfort. Surprisingly thrilling, chaotic, hilarious, and nonetheless poignant, this is one of those out of nowhere best movies of the year. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Some Language, Geriatric Gun Use, And Starey Gary.
Ultraman: Rising by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: What I assume my cat imagines when she decides to lay down on my back.
Netflix is becoming known for giving us the most basic, uninspired, faux-budgeted kind of generic films that only look like something you would have seen in theaters, but quickly falls apart if you look close enough. And by look close enough, I mean just watch it for more than ten minutes. Background noise at best most of the time. However, almost out of nowhere and with little promotion or fanfare, comes some of the most inspired looking animated films you've ever seen (With the likes of "Klaus" and "Nimona" giving Disney and Pixar competition with surprise Oscar nominations for Best Animated Feature).
Based on the long running, much beloved and revered Japanese franchise, "Ultraman: Rising" follows "Kenji Sato" (Christopher Sean), who after the presumed death of his mother, struggles to balance out life as a baseball player and filling in the role of his elderly father (Gedde Watanabe). That role being able to transform into the giant superhero, "Ultraman", who protects Japan from various Kaiju attacks (Although usually refraining from actually killing any of the Kaiju, since they're just giant animals that just don't know any better). However, Kenji's ego and estrangement from his father have only made things more difficult, with Kenji turning out to be a terrible superhero, which leaves most of the Kaiju attacks in the hands of the "Kaiju Defense Force", led by the vengeful "Dr. Onda" (Keone Young), who prefers more lethal and permanent means of ending the Kaiju threat. After a battle with an especially feared Kaiju, "Gigatron", Kenji comes across an egg, which hatches to reveal the most adorable big baby Kaiju you've ever seen in your life. Now forced to take on daddy duty himself, Kenji must finally find true balance if he's going to be the hero that Japan needs, while also protecting the baby from harm.
Directed by Shannon Tindle (In his first feature film, after working on many animated shows from "Samurai Jack" and "Static Shock", along with plenty of movies), having co-wrote the screenplay with Marc Haimes ("Nimona", "Kubo and the Two Strings"), "Ultraman: Rising" takes much inspiration from its anime/manga roots, while retaining a sort of modernized, more Western appeal that never feels insulting to anyone. The film serves as something that many without much prior knowledge to the franchise can enjoy, but also should likely appeal to much of the original fanbase. Much of this is because of the sincere direction, smart and emotional screenplay, and the absolutely spellbinding animation, that I feel is completely being wasted on something like Netflix. The animation is provided by "Industrial Light & Magic", who are known for the visual effects work on pretty much most, if not all major live-action film, particularly if it's one that requires heavy duty CGI. They've also given it a go at a small handful of fully animated films, such as the Oscar winning "Rango" and the upcoming "Transformers One". That alone gives off a different sort of feel to what appears to just be another Netflix movie that you turn on to keep your kids busy.
It's stylish as Hell, with many frames looking like something you could see in a comic panel, mixed with occasional 2D rendering to emphasize certain emotions that come from the 3D models. It's clearly taking some inspiration from recent films like the "Spider-Verse" series or "Puss in Boots: The Last Wish". You could literally pause the film at any moment and just stare at what could pass as a gorgeously rendered painting. The characters also have some unique design work, which feel like they could have jumped from a traditionally done anime into a big screen looking event. This most applies to the film's mesmerizing, and even at times quite intense, action sequences. Particularly during the climax, the scale is massive and the painstaking love the animators have for all the crafted details that go into each moment, it looks like something you could see in a "Marvel" movie or something like "Pacific Rim". In fact, the action might even give some blockbusters a run for their money.
Movies like this could easily veer too much into the style and forget about providing anything of substance. Thankfully, the screenplay knows that it's still a family film, even though it's not afraid to get a little on the heavy side. There's also a good amount of depth to the characters, with some excellent voice work to go with them. Christopher Sean is quite terrific as the somewhat self-absorbed and cocky, but damaged and still good-hearted hero, who matures over the course of the film in a natural way. Gedde Watanabe is warm and wonderful, while Keone Young plays what is more or less a fairly basic villain for the most part, yet still displays a certain understandable humanity despite some inhuman actions. Tamlyn Tomita (as "Mina", an AI assistant to Kenji, designed after his mother's voice and basically acts like she really is his mother) provides a great source of lovable humor and even some heart. In a way, she kind of is the true heart of the film. Of course, there's also the baby Kaiju, who is just adorable, hilarious, and most importantly of all, sooooo marketable. I mean, look at that thing in the picture! I want a plush of that! Who wouldn't?
Packed with humor, action, and heart to spare, "Ultraman: Rising" may not quite match something like "Inside Out 2", but still serves as an animated film that surpasses what's still seen as a genre, rather than a medium. The film isn't always zippy and fast paced. Something it stops to let the characters just be characters, and it does so in a mature way that doesn't talk down to the kids. However, it also doesn't talk above them either. It's still something that the young ones can adore, almost as much as the parents. The film's themes of parenthood ring true, almost as if releasing this on Father's Day weekend was something intentional (I mean, I'd certainly recommend it to my dad. Or any dad actually!). It's a wonderful work of family friendly entertainment, with something for everyone. 4 Stars. Rated PG For Monster Sized Action, Mild Language (Bringing Back Swearing In PG Rated Films!), And Titanic Temper Tantrums.
Tuesday by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: This live-action "Rio" remake took a dark turn.
You gotta appreciate things like this. Despite hitting it bigger in the mainstream as of late for what was once the little Indie studio that could, "A24" (Which means that a good chunk of the studio's hipster fans will have no real choice but to hate everything they do from now on), hasn't forgotten its weird, original, and, well, really f*cking weird roots.
"Tuesday" opens with the emotionally unstable, "Zora" (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), struggling to come to terms with the inevitability that her terminally ill daughter, "Tuesday" (Lola Petticrew), is at death's door. Zora spends her time, pretending to go to work while she sells everything she owns, sleeps on park benches, ignores calls from her daughter, and eating cheese. Tuesday is visited by a strange, filthy, scarred macaw, with size-altering abilities, revealed to be the physical embodiment of "Death" (Voiced by Arinzé Kene). Death has come to peacefully end Tuesday's life, though instead the two form a brief friendship, made up of listening to music, getting high, and finding ways to calm themselves during stressful times. Death promises to let Tuesday say goodbye to her mother when she gets home. However, when Zora does arrive, things take a rather interesting turn. A turn that could change the very concept of death itself.
Written and directed by first timer, Daina O. Pusić, "Tuesday" is one of those films that it's best going in as cold as possible. The less you really know about where the Hell this insane plot goes, the better. The film feels like a surreal mixture of tones, concepts, and genres. It's almost structured like a live-action Studio Ghibli films, with imagery that drifts between darkly comedic and straight up horrifying, along with a little dash of M. Night Shyamalan tossed in there for good measure. What we get is a fascinatingly off-kilter, fantasy drama that retains its quirky sense of humor, even when the film goes down some deep, dark, depressing places. The philosophical concepts alone are unlike anything I've ever seen before, and the way the film decides to tell its narrative, through simple moments of just characters interacting or through imaginative, haunting visuals, is quite different in of itself. It feels right at home with what you expect to see from an older A24 film. Now if that's exactly your cup of tea is a different story entirely. Sometimes the film is so out there, whether it be with seemingly misplaced moments of humor, heavy subject matter, or just some, lets just say, eccentric sequences (Such as Death's surprising fondness of rap music). I can see plenty checking out rather quickly, though the film does let you know pretty early on that it isn't going to be remotely normal.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus gives what may be a career best performance, that goes down unusual routes of unpredictability, and yet, she remains so committed. This is a very complex character, that gives you many reasons to dislike her, though you may at least understand why she is the way she is. It's a very grey look at how the loss of someone you love can affect you, with your own good intentions looking selfish and inconsiderate. She also has wonderful chemistry with Lola Petticrew, who embodies the sort of more emotionally mature for their age look, without ever feeling cloying or annoying. There's an excellent supporting part for Leah Harvey (as "Nurse Billie", who takes care of Tuesday and Zora refers to just as "Nurse 8" on her contacts list, likely not even knowing her actual name), while Arinzé Kene (Who sounds like a mix between "Dr. Claw" from "Inspector Gadget" and "Black Doom" from "Shadow the Hedgehog") brings so much oddly endearing personality to a creature that's frightening and majestic in equal measure. Overall, for a likely small budget, the effects are pretty solid for the most part, with even the occasional fakeness adding to the surrealism.
Possibly intentionally uneven and even a little charming in its own complicated way, "Tuesday" is an affectionate story, that at times drifts into the macabre (Ever wondered what would happen if death had no consequences, regardless of what happened to you? It makes for some scary and even sort of funny imagery). Thanks to Julia Louis-Dreyfus' captivating performance, some stellar direction, and Pusić's lofty, admirable ambitions, the film's true heart and purpose shine through. It leaves you with some bittersweet food for thought, with some welcome peculiarity mixed in to keep you on your toes. I see some leaving the film confused, while others are desperately trying to wipe away tears. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Disturbing Images, Macaw Mangling, And Zombie Cows.
Inside Out 2 by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: When you tell your co-workers that after months of trying, you finally killed that boss you were having trouble with.
Disney has been struggling a bit as of late, or at least theatrically they have (There's also that whole thing with the "Star Wars" hotel that we won't get into right now), and by extension, Pixar too is facing their own issues. After the huge success of "Toy Story 4" back in 2019, Covid hit hard the following year, resulting in the still well liked "Onward" suffering at the box office. This resulted in some of their next films, the beloved "Soul", "Luca", and "Turning Red" all getting the "Disney+" treatment, while what seemed like a surefire financially success with "Lightyear" became a surprise bomb. Then last year had "Elemental", which opened poorly, but persisted to become a modest success thanks to positive word of mouth from audiences despite a more mixed critical reception (And if you ask me, it's a fine enough film, but easily was their weakest film in years. Probably since the second "Cars" movie). It's not the biggest slump in the world, yet it's enough to get a more pessimistic general consensus from the public, especially when other animation studios have been stealing their limelight for the past couple years (We did have like four or five animated films last year that all could have easily won Best Animated Picture, let alone serve as some of the best films of the year). Luckily for us, it seems Pixar decided to take a step back and give us the kind of sequel that I'm actually kind of shocked wasn't in demand the moment people fell in love with the original.
"Inside Out 2" once again has us follow the now thirteen-year old "Riley Andersen" (Kensington Tallman, replacing Kaitlyn Dias), along with the colorful characters inside her head that make up her emotions, such as the always optimistic leader, "Joy" (Amy Poehler), "Sadness" (Phyllis Smith), the easily agitated "Anger" (Lewis Black), "Fear" (Tony Hale, replacing Bill Hader), and "Disgust" (Liza Lapira, replacing Mindy Kaling). Having graduated middle school and avid hockey player, Riley and her friends are suggested by "Coach Roberts" (Yvette Nicole Brown) to join a weekend long summer trip to hockey camp. Along the way though, Riley learns the troubling news that her friends won't be attending high school with her (Due to both having to move). At the same time, the dreaded puberty hits, resulting in the emotions' headquarters to be completely renovated to make room for new emotions, such as the intensely fidgety "Anxiety" (Maya Hawke), the diminutive and always fascinated "Envy" (Ayo Edebiri), the French and unamused "Ennui" (Adèle Exarchopoulos) aka "The Boredom", and the large, constantly quivering "Embarrassment" (Paul Walter Hauser, who speaks almost entirely in muffled whines and whimpers).
Seeing that Riley had begun to idolize the popular high school hockey player, "Val" (Lilimar), Anxiety gets the idea that it's time for a little out with the old, and in with the new (Which includes abandoning her friends in favor of the more popular ones). After tossing away Riley's "Sense of Self" (A MacGuffin that houses of various memories and feelings that the emotions believe create Riley's very being) to make way for one Anxiety can craft herself, she also has Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust literally bottled up and kicked out of their headquarters. Now it's up to the emotions to find their way back, get Riley's Sense of Self back where it belongs, and stop Anxiety from completely overriding Riley's personality. Meanwhile, Riley herself is put through the ringer as she inches closer and closer to a total breakdown caused by Anxiety running amok in her head.
Directed by Kelsey Mann (Longtime Pixar team member, taking over for Pete Doctor, who still serves as an Executive Producer), with a screenplay by the returning Meg LeFauve (The first "Inside Out", along with "The Good Dinosaur" and "Onward") and Dave Holstein (Mostly known for TV work like "Weeds" and "Kidding"), "Inside Out 2" is yet another continuation to a film that's already so great as it is. This means that it has a lot to live up to. 2015's "Inside Out" has gone on to become a Pixar favorite, winning the Oscar for "Best Animated Feature" and at least getting nominated for "Best Original Screenplay" (Which is essentially like getting nominated for "Best Picture", but not because the Academy still refuses to respect animation). Not to mention, it hit people right in their hearts and minds, with how smart, funny, and, most fitting of all, emotional it was. So yeah, following up on a Pixar classic is quite the challenge, though they have done it before (We somehow got four great "Toy Story" movies out of them after all). Despite the difficulty of the task, it brings me so much joy to tell you that the film serves as a perfect follow-up to the masterwork of the original, with laughs all over, incredible visuals and animations, and yeah, maybe a few things that might even bring a tear or two to your eyes (Although nothing as heartbreaking as what happened to "Bing Bong". We all remember where we were the day we witnessed the tragic fate of that cotton candy, imaginary elephant!).
It's still a shock to me though that it took almost ten years to get us a sequel, because the ideas pretty much write themselves. The film takes full advantage of the many, many troubling insecurities that can hit someone the moment they reach the teen years (And hilariously, it all happens in the film pretty much immediately over night). It feels like a natural progression, and the filmmakers find some clever, very creative ways to portray how the actions of these various emotions affect the inner workings of the world inside Riley's head. From a river full of whatever crosses Riley's mind and a literal chasm with an echo making everyone who speaks over it immediately sound sarcastic (aka the "Sar-Chasm"!), to a literal brain storm (With idea lightbulbs falling from the sky like hail) and the inner workings of Anxiety's various worse case scenarios represented through an animation studio, where animation cells (Heh) sketch out the scenarios (Which Joy later uses to incite a workplace revolution). These are all very original and unpredictable in where they go, getting huge laughs that also just plain make you feel smart for understanding in the first place. Not to mention the stunning, colorful amounts of detailed animation, where almost every frame has something to catch your attention (Like a jar next to Anger, that's filled to the top with money). You always, no matter what, gotta appreciate how much Pixar continues to improve and improve their visuals, even when it's not entirely noticeable at first.
All these big ideas wouldn't work near as well if it wasn't for the lovable cast of characters, made up of both old and new. Amy Poehler, who many suggested should have gotten an Oscar nomination for her work in the original, once again just brings so much energy to this character. The overexcited, but undeniably caring semi-control freak, who now is starting to question her own place as Riley starts to grow up, yet remains loyal to her regardless. (You know, Pixar really does well with those kinds of characters.) Phyllis Smith is still lovable as ever, and while it's a bit jarring at first, the replacement voices of Tony Hale and Liza Lapira are equally delightful (And get much more than supporting roles this time). Lewis Black is still an absolute riot and even gets a few extra moments of depth to his character that we never got to see before. Maya Hawke is brilliantly cast, matching Poehler's optimistic energy for neurotic madness, making her into an antagonist that isn't remotely villainous, but rather tragically misguided. The other new additions of Paul Walter Hauser (Always amusing to me when actors are hired to do voice work that consists of mostly certain, specific sounds), Adèle Exarchopoulos, and especially Ayo Edebiri (Who takes the idea of the emotion of "Envy", and turns it into a teeny, tiny sort of minion for Anxiety, who is always in awe of everything around her), all get their moments to shine. We get some returning voices such as Diane Lane and Kyle MacLachlan (as Riley's parents), along with some memorable, hilarious small parts for the likes of Ron Funches (as "Bloofy", a 2D animated "Dora the Explorer" rip-off, who is convinced he's breaking the fourth wall by addressing the audience, yet is actually talking to thin air), Yong Yea (as "Lance Slashblade", a poorly animated Playstation 2-esque video game character, that both Riley and Disgust may have had a crush on), and June Squibb (as "Nostalgia", an old woman emotion, who is repeatedly shooed out when she comes into headquarters too early to reminisce about things that only just happened). It's a lot of brilliant little puzzle pieces that all come together in a cohesive, really funny way that can appeal to the parents, as well as the kids. If anything, it's a reminder of Pixar's real superpower of just plain making great films that can be loved by anyone.
It's funny how the filmmakers stated that they got some inspiration from "Uncut Gems" of all places, but after seeing "Inside Out 2", I totally get where they're coming from. The emotions once again hit you in a place that you recognize and relate to, resulting in a shockingly intense final act that leads to a finale that had the entire audience of parents, little kids, or dudes my age by themselves, in total silence. It's the moment where everyone matures just a little, whether it be because they've found themselves in such a situation, have seen someone else experience it, or just come to the understanding of the complications that make one human. It's a true return to form for Pixar, and one that I can see being the mega-hit that we all needed right now. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For......Triple Dent Gum Will Make You Smile Triple Dent Gum It Lasts A While....
Bad Boys: Ride or Die by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "It's okay Will. He had that slap coming anyways."
So you're telling me that director, Adil & Bilall can come in, save the "Bad Boys" franchise, make one of the better (And more endearing) more recent entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe with "Ms. Marvel", and pour their hearts and souls into the creative ways that they shoot action, but apparently according to Warner Bros. (And that Zaslav guy) their completed "Batgirl" film was just, unreleasable? I find that difficult to believe.
Serving as the fourth (And maybe final?) entry in the series, "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" returns us to Miami with the titular Bad Boys themselves, the police detectives "Mike Lowrey" (Will Smith) and "Marcus Burnett" (Martin Lawrence). Mike has finally found love with his new wife, "Christine" (Melanie Liburd), and despite suffering a near fatal heart attack, Marcus gets the crazy idea that since his time hasn't come that he must be immortal. The two get the distressing news that their late, beloved captain "Conrad Howard" (Joe Pantoliano, whose character was killed off in the last film), had apparently been in league with drug cartels for years. The situation feels way too forced and coincidental, with Mike and Marcus both refusing to believe it. After getting confirmation from Mike's illegitimate son/Captain Howard's remorseful killer, the former cartel member "Armando Aretas" (Jacob Scipio) that Howard never was dirty, Mike and Marcus get a message from their dead captain (Recorded before his death) that alerts them about a vast conspiracy that he'd been investigating and how it deals with internal corruption that just might go much higher up than they realize.
Fearing that the two are getting a little too close to the truth, the unknown sociopathic ringleader of the conspiracy (Eric Dane), sets a plot in motion to have Mike and Marcus set up and framed, along with Armando (Who also just so happens to know who the true villain looks like). Soon, Mike, Marcus, and Armando are on the run from the bad guys, as well as Captain Howard's determined U.S. Marshal daughter, "Judy" (Rhea Seehorn), and anyone else who might have it out for them. Not knowing who to trust, the Bad Boys must become fugitives to clear both Captain Howard's name, as well as their own.
Directed by the returning Adil & Bilall ("Ms. Marvel", "Rebel", and as of now, the still unreleased "Batgirl") with a screenplay by also returning Chris Bremner and Will Beall ("Aquaman", "Gangster Squad"), "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" continues the franchise's hot streak with style, bombastic action, and the ever wonderful chemistry between their two lead actors. However, I do like how the film has realized, even more than the last one, that it can't just get by on that alone. The first two Michael Bay films have their fans (And I do to a degree get why, particularly with the first film. The second one can go to Hell personally), but now that he's nowhere near the director's seat, the films feel more focused and less in your face with its blind nihilism. With that said, that doesn't mean that the movies can't still be action packed, bullet riddled, and crassly funny popcorn entertainment. Once again, Adil & Bilall show off how well they can shoot a fast paced and often quite violent, yet inspired action setpiece, where the camera is always moving, the humor stays integrated without detracting any of the grittiness, and every single character in the sequence is given some kind of essential role to play in it. The film also gets surprisingly psychologically artistic in places (Such as Marcus' near death experience, which is kind of lovingly done in a bizarre way). As far as story goes, it's nothing all that original and it's not without its very predictable beats, though granted, these aren't known for having incredibly deep plots. It works enough for what it is, and is likely elevated by how good much of the cast is.
Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are still a duo to be reckoned with. They feel just as natural now as they did almost thirty years ago with the first film. Will Smith is the straight man/action star, who still has some hilarious reactions to his co-star's absurdity, while Martin Lawrence is an absolute riot, who still finds his place in all the action. I love how each of these movies has a subplot revolve around how Marcus decides to try something new (Whether it be refusing to kill or getting the wacky idea that he can't die) and Mike is stuck having to put up with it the entire time while he refused to acknowledge his own personal sh*t, and yet, it never gets annoying. You like them on their own, and love them together. Still though, other actors in the film aren't neglected to the background. In a way, it's starting to feel like more of an ensemble now. We get welcome returns from the likes of the thoroughly adorable/badass Vanessa Hudgens and the amusingly dorky/incredibly swole Alexander Ludwig (as "Kelly" and "Dorn", weapons and tech experts allied with Mike and Marcus), along with Paola Núñez (as"Rita", Mike's ex, who has become their stern, but very understanding and strong captain) and Jacob Scipio (Who repeatedly makes short work out of large groups of enemies in spectacular fashion). The very brief appearance from Joe Pantoliano (Showing up in recorded messages and a few visions) sincerely tugs on the heartstrings and serves as a source of warmth for the film. Eric Dane is a menacing villain, and does stand out much more than the baddies in these films usually do, while there are some roles that are either somewhat disposable, such as Melanie Liburd (Who spends most of the film offscreen), are really easy to predict, like with Ioan Gruffudd (as "Lockwood", Rita's senator boyfriend) or very underutilized, like with Rhea Seehorn (Who was brilliant in "Better Call Saul", and doesn't get much to do here). Also, a quick shout-out to Dennis Greene (as "Reggie", Marcus' U.S. Marine son in law), who gets the film's biggest standout sequence and the biggest laughs simply through his never changing, overly stoic expressions and deadpan line delivery.
Undemanding, but in no way half-assed or lazy, "Bad Boys: Ride or Die" is a damn good action-comedy that benefits from the talents in front of the camera, as well as the talents behind it. I'm not quite sure if the franchise really has enough juice to keep going past here, though the film at least gives off the confidence to make it look like it does. Flashy, crazy, stylish, funny, and an all around good time. Not bad at all. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Violence, Stronger Language, Gator Gruesomeness, And So Much Glistening Sweat.
The Watchers by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: When Dakota can't tell if that's just her reflection, or if that's Elle Fanning.
Like father. Like daughter. In some of the good ways, and in a lot in the bad ways.
Based on the book of the same name by A. M. Shine, "The Watchers" follows pet shop worker "Mina" (Dakota Fanning) who is still tormented by the death of her mother, as she's tasked with delivering a parakeet, that she's named "Darwin", to a Western Ireland zoo. Along the way, Mina takes a turn into a forest, where her car suddenly shuts down. Mina can't seem to find her way out of the seemingly endless woods, only to find shelter in a heavily armored cabin with a window that can only be viewed to the outside at night. Mina meets "Madeline" (Olwen Fouéré), "Ciara" (Georgina Campbell), and "Daniel" (Oliver Finnegan), who reveal that they've been trapped in this forest for months. They can only go out during the day (Yet the forest apparently messing with their minds to prevent their escape), and must return to the shelter before it gets dark, because of the so called "Watchers", mysterious, frightening creatures who stop by every night to do just that. Watch. Mina is determined to find a way out, despite the strict rules enforced by Madeline. The more Mina digs into what's going on, the more unsettling (And perplexing) the truth becomes.
Written and directed by the daughter of M. Night Shyamalan, Ishana Night Shyamalan (In her first feature length film), "The Watchers" starts with much, much promise. I mean, it really comes out of the gate strong, setting the stage for what at first appears to be a suspenseful thriller, with an intriguing mystery that looks like it will have you guessing the whole way through. Much of why it works is because Ishana Night Shyamalan appears to have inherited her father's talents. It's a gorgeously dreary looking film, with a moody atmosphere and a subtle intensity that allows you to breathe in the quiet sense of dread that inhabits every shot. From the very beginning, you're uneasy and you're very intrigued by the many questions that the film just plops onto your lap. There's also a little levity with some hushed moments of humor, such as with Mina's only source of entertainment in the shelter being some kind of Big Brother-esque reality show (Making for some good, campy satire considering how the main characters themselves are in a much deadlier version of the situation). Sadly, the film takes a hard dive off a cliff once we reach the halfway point, and the film's mysteries are revealed, with results both disappointing and just plain silly in equal measure. The screenplay falls into the worst qualities that we've seen in many Shyamalan films, with heavy, nonsensical exposition and tediously drawn out story-telling decisions that I can see only generating unintentional laughter, rather than shock and awe.
It's so upsetting because the film is genuinely well made, even from a director's standpoint for a good chunk of the runtime. Not to mention, we get a terrific, captivating performance from Dakota Fanning. Even when the film slowly starts to fall apart, Fanning is generally damn good in spite of it and is forced to overcome the script's trope failings. I was also thoroughly shocked to discover that Georgina Campbell (From 2022's "Barbarian") was British. Oliver Finnegan does good, though his character's motivations are a little all over the place and Olwen Fouéré ends up getting saddled with the back breaking task of describing all of the plot points and backstory to the audience, even when there's no way she could possibly know any of these things with the information provided. On the bright side, Darwin the parakeet is a delight the entire time. The titular Watchers aren't without their creep factor, even when we see their intentionally off-putting creature designs (Possibly serving as a metaphor for AI in the sense of how they look lifelike though just a little "Off" in noticeable ways), but they lose much of that when we find out what they're supposed to be (And boy, it's a hard one to take as seriously as the film needs you to take it). The film gets increasingly convoluted as it progresses and in the end, really predictable because of how many times we've seen these kinds of horror/fantasy tropes in movies both better and worse than this.
"The Watchers" nearly loses an entire star in its final twenty minutes, with some stupid decision making, a meandering epilogue, and a climax that's painfully easy to decipher despite how long the film tries to build it up. Perhaps this could have worked with a few rewrites or less sentimental direction, but it results in some cringe filled dialogue and leaves the actors struggling to get through it. It truly does feel like a film from the second act of M. Night Shyamalan's career. So much potential was there, and despite a lot of solid tension, it frustratingly doesn't stick the landing. In fact, it kind of lands flat on its face. It's always sad to see such good looking, decently put together films falling apart because of its own adherence to silliness. 2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Scary Images, Wily Woodland Critters, Predatory Peeping Toms, And Freaky Fairies.
In a Violent Nature by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Oh boy, Here I go killing again!"
We finally have it! The greatest "Friday the 13th" movie ever made. Okay, it's not an official one, but considering all of the tropes, homages, and right down to the very structure, I'd say it sort of qualifies. And, unlike most of those kinds of slashers, we got one right here and realizes just how boring our future corpses are. The real focus deserves to be on the killer himself, who has more personality, dimension, and intrigue just simply walking around than most of these so called characters would throughout.
"In a Violent Nature" opens with a group of dumb young people as they wander around a the ruins of an old fire tower and take with them some seemingly inconspicuous locket, before returning to camp out in the woods. However, removing this locket awakens the violent, rotting corpse of "Johnny" (Ry Barrett), who was a mentally disabled kid who was killed on the camp grounds years prior. Johnny sets out on a journey to reclaim his locket, which also revolves around him brutally, though casually, murdering every single living thing in sight.
Written and directed by Chris Nash ("ABCs of Death 2"), "In a Violent Nature" is not, and I really have to stress the word NOT, for everyone. This experimental slasher flick doesn't change the game when it comes to character or story, but rather turns the very premise into a slow moving art house film. Almost 90% of the film is showing us the back of the killer as he stomps around the forest, occasionally stopping to pick up a new weapon or accessory, before eviscerating an unsuspecting victim and then carrying on like nothing happened. The film basically focuses on the aspects of an average slasher that we generally see offscreen and while it retains some of the usual annoyances (All of the soon to be victims act exactly the ways you expect them to), those moments are retained to the background more often than not. Considering fans of the genre rarely go for the deep, complex characterizations anyways, this should give them what they want. And for what it is, it's quite an intense, moody, and even at times, disturbingly beautiful experiment.
Nash, who has even started that Terrance Malick was on influence, crafts some simple, yet effective sequences of quiet terror (Without a single jump scare too!). It's all about the buildup, which can even take a while in places (Again, LOTS of walking), though it always leads to something of value. Whether it be a horrifically gory death scene (Which are done with entirely practical effects, with the obvious fakeness adding to the fun), a few bits of twisted dark humor, or even at times, absolutely nothing at all, it's hard not to be fascinated by it. It also helps that the film lacks an actual musical score (Meaning everything happens with almost complete silence) and Ry Barrett's intimidating, mesmerizing presence (With the film stopping at times to allow him to give the character small character moments, such as the implication that he seems to still maintain the mind of a child, which actually makes him kind of endearing in a sick sort of way.)
While I feel that the film could have used more of the dark comedy (Like Ti West's "X" wisely embraced, making that a much more memorable old-fashioned slasher flick) and the budget constraints can be fairly noticeable (Such as the obvious voiceover dubbing in places), "In a Violent Nature" is a capable, late night thriller, that more than makes up for its flaws with such heavy atmosphere. The always building intensity never lets up, even when the film changes the game in the final fifteen minutes (In a subversion that I genuinely thought worked really well, but I can see others being annoyed by). Whether it's the over the top violence or the odd anticipation that comes from watching the back of some zombie dude's head as he takes a relaxing stroll through the woods, you gotta appreciate the attempt to add a little more artistic integrity to the kind of genre that proudly declares itself the definition of trashy cinema. 3 1/2 Stars. Not Rated, Though It's Really Just A Hard R, Filled With Gut Churning, Head Chopping, Plastic Head Tossing, And a #1 Motherf*cker.