EAGAN AT THE MOVIES
Reviewing Movies Because We Care
Since 2010, and Still Unpaid!
Reviews for Current Films:
In Theaters (Or streaming): Death of a Unicorn, A Working Man Snow White, The Electric State, Novocaine, Black Bag, The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie, Mickey 17, In the Lost Lands, Last Breath, Ne Zha 2, The Monkey, Captain America: Brave New World, Dog Man
Coming Soon: Minecraft, The Amatuer, Sinners, Until Dawn, Thunderbolts, Final Destination 6, Mission: Impossible 8, Lilo & Stitch, Karate Kid 6, Ballerina, Elio, How to Train Your Dragon, 28 Years Later, F1, M3GAN 2.0, Jurassic World 4, Superman, Smurfs, The Fantastic Four, The Bad Guys 2
Death of a Unicorn by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Yeah I think it's a Banksy."
It's funny how before the movie started, I got that new "Thunderbolts*" trailer that essentially parodies "A24" movies and their aesthetic when both "Marvel" and "A24" both seem to be suffering some the same issue lately of repetition, blending together, inconsistent quality, and lacking that same original charm that once was seen with many of their best movies. Except the only difference is that I'm not entirely sure that "A24" has quite realized that yet. And these tend to be a little more annoying to sit through.
"Death of a Unicron" opens with the widowed, "Elliot Kintner" (Paul Rudd) and his teenage daughter, "Ridley" (Jenna Ortega), taking a trip to the nature reserve estate belonging to his sick boss, "Odell Leopold" (Richard E. Grant), as part of a crisis management summit. While on the road, Elliot accidentally hits what appears to be a unicorn. Not wanting to ruin his chances at a promotion, Elliot stashes the unicorn in the back of his car before arriving at Odell's estate, where Odell, along with his wife, "Belinda" (Téa Leoni) and spoiled son, "Shepard" (Will Poulter), await and take an interest in the unicorn (Successfully killing it and learning that its blood has healing capabilities). Once Odell's science team sees that the blood can cure any disease, even cancer, he and his family see dollar signs on the horizon, though Ridley remains worried that something bad is about to happen. That "something bad" arrives in the form of the dead unicorn's parents, who are pissed as Hell and are perfectly willing to brutally slaughter anyone who keeps them from getting to their baby.
Written and directed by first time director, Alex Scharfman, "Death of a Unicorn" has a fun premise, a great cast, a few decent chuckles, and a good point to make. However, that point not only has been done many times before and done better, and not to mention, has become one of the staples of many "A24" films. It's the usual "Eat the Rich" tropes, which are certainly always relevant to address and can still lead to some good satire. Sadly, the script is just a little too broad and lacks much originality of its own. Unlike its snarling, sharp-toothed unicorns, there's no bite at all. It's also just not near as funny as it could be, despite the simple pleasures of watching unicorns skewer people with their horns and stomping heads in with their hooves. I do like that the film attempts to play it a little straight in the horror department, but it doesn't work, mostly because the CGI is shockingly terrible. I know this isn't a big budgeted film and yet, it's jarring how much the movie relies on the special effects, with how poorly rendered the main monsters are ruining anything particularly scary about them. Even the kills feel pretty lame by comparison to how far other movies will go without a second thought (Hey, after "The Monkey", you gotta step up your gore game!).
The stale dialogue is lifted up by the film's far too good for it ensemble cast. Paul Rudd (Who can even find likability in a character that's repeatedly shown to be struggling morally) and especially Jenna Ortega are both wonderful together, with character arcs that feel genuine and their rapport is a lot of fun to watch. From a hammy Richard E. Grant, Téa Leoni, a downright despicable Will Poulter, and Sunita Mani (as "Dr. Bhatia", one of the Leopold family scientists) are all giving very committed performances, with a standout coming from the always great to see Anthony Carrigan (as "Griff", the Leopolds' underappreciated butler). With the exception of Rudd and Ortega, most of the cast is stuck either becoming unicorn fodder or are rather thinly written caricaturist tropes disguised as characters. All of which would normally be fine if the movie were funnier, smarter, and less predictable. It's always very jarring when you have a movie's entire plotline figured out almost an hour before you know damn well you weren't meant to (I was practically shouting "IT'S THE DAMN HORN!" over and over in hopes somebody within the movie would catch on).
"Death of a Unicorn" has its delightful moments, a game cast, and an idea that feels original on paper, yet suffers from an overly safe execution, pitifully bad effects, and a shockingly uninspired approach to its own concept. It honestly doesn't even look all that great direction-wise either (Like a streaming movie at times). It's a disappointing swing and a miss that goes for the horn, but sadly instead takes it right up its own ass, where unfortunately, it sometimes feels like that's exactly where its head is truly at. 2 Stars. Rated R For Strong, Gory Violence, Repulsive Rich People, Horny Pokes And Prodding, And Not Nearly Enough Unicorn Cocaine.
A Working Man by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Working hard? Or hardly working? Or working while hard? Man?
So it's "The Beekeeper", but without all the "Bee" puns? Well this just got a lot less fun then.
Based on the better titled novel, "Levon's Trade" by comic book writer, Chuck Dixon, "A Working Man" follows "Levon Cade" (Jason Statham), an ex-Royal Marine, who now enjoys a more quiet, less violent life as a Chicago construction worker, working for his kind-hearted boss, "Joe Garcia" (Michael Peña). When Joe's daughter, "Jenny" (Arianna Rivas), is kidnapped, Joe's desperation to find her leads to him basically begging Levon (Knowing that Levon has a history) to find her. Despite wanting to move on from his past and still hoping to be able to connect with his own daughter, "Merry" (Isla Gie), Levon realizes that he can't abandon Jenny. Levon learns that Jenny was abducted by human traffickers, leading to Levon to go deep into the criminal underworld of drugs, weapons, and Russian gangsters, if he has any hopes of rescuing her and bringing her home.
Directed by David Ayer ("The Beekeeper", "End of Watch", "Fury", and the first "Suicide Squad"), who co-wrote the screenplay by Sylvester Stallone (The only one of Trump's so-called "Ambassadors of Hollywood" that's at least capable of doing good things lately), "A Working Man" sticks to its guns and its action movie formula in a way that should please fans of seeing Jason Statham beat people up real good. I guess you could almost consider that a recommendation from me, except, well, I've just seen it done better before. The movie has a few things going for it that could set it above the usual silly, bullet-riddled fare, such as a heavier subject, more moving pieces, and a main hero who believe it or not, has to use his intelligence a bit more often than you'd expect. It's not always punching, shooting, and neck snapping. There's a bit of an espionage angle at play here, and I appreciated that. Sometimes though, it all gets jumbled and can't quite overcome the goofiness, which sadly lacks the sincerely tongue in cheek charm of something like "The Beekeeper". Ayer can give us a cool, creative action scene from time to time, though not near enough character and depth to make it anything more. I suppose it's not supposed to be, and yet, we've seen before that you can still have more if you really want to.
I do like Jason Statham, and I commend his attempts to try something a little new from time to time, even when it's more or less the same damn plot over and over again (Also, he might be one of the few action stars to allow for his lack of height to be shown and uses it to his advantage). He's got the one liners, can beat up and kill bad guys with ease, and retains that menacing scowl for half the film, as the audience wants to see. Arianna Rivas is a very likable character (And gets more to do than need to be rescued), There are some solid supporting performances from Michael Peña, David Harbour (as "Gunny", Levon's now blind best friend, who offers guidance and a few funny quips), and a very charming Isla Gie, who has some rather wonderful chemistry with Statham (You'd think the whole father-daughter relationship would take away from the film, but it's actually the best part). The movie doesn't seem to know who its main villain is, constantly switching back and forth between other bad guys with their own motivations and goals (Killing them off, replacing them with new ones and then killing those off too), before eventually settling on the absolute lamest ones (A pair of bumbling kidnappers played by Emmett J. Scanlan and Eve Mauro, who are basically human trafficker versions of Boris and Natasha from "Rocky & Bullwinkle").
"A Working Man" has a lot of moments, solid action and violence, and even some potential to be more than what it is, but also lacks any depth, features an overstuffed collection of forgettable and boring baddies, and suffers from a bloated runtime of almost two hours in serious need of trimming. If you're in the mood for a generic, if not capably made, macho man-tastic fantasy, then it fits the bill perfectly and works just fine. Could have used more "Bee" puns though. Bee-lieve it or not, those go a long way. 2 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong, Bloody Violence, Statham Scowls, And Rowdy, Reprehensible Russians.
Snow White by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Rachel Zegler, seen obtaining her beauty, charm, and talent from the tears of Redditors and YouTubers everywhere.
Why is it that the movies that aren't quite good enough, yet not near bad enough, are the ones that garner the most outrage and controversy? Sure, some of it might be warranted or at least is something to be upset about (Such as this being yet another remake of a beloved animated Disney classic, huge budgets, attempts to avoid offending people with dwarfism and arguably making things worse, and Gal Gadot's apparently overtly Pro-Israeli stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict, which is a can of worms I'd best not open right now), to things that are much less warranted (Such as Rachel Zegler's Pro-Palestine stance on the conflict, her keen ability to tell it like it is and speak her mind when many would prefer a young woman to be silent, the fact she isn't a pure, bread white girl, and just the idea of grown adults getting so bent out of shape over a Disney kids movie seems a bit silly when we have real problems going on in the world). Seems I have to be the voice of reason once again (That's how far we've fallen, people), and say that this is nothing to get all up in arms about. Let's save out anger and hatred for something truly vile. Like the "Minecraft" movie in a couple weeks (Watch that movie actually be good and I literally have to take all this back).
A live-action reimagining of the 1937 animated masterpiece/Walt Disney Pictures' first feature length film/the first feature length animated film overall, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs", this new "Snow White" opens in a far away kingdom, where after the loss of the beloved queen, the king remarries to the beautiful, yet obviously evil...and still never named, "Evil Queen" (Gal Gadot), who almost immediately asserts her tyrannical rule. The Evil Queen sends the king away and turns the kingdom into a place of despair, while also reducing the kind-hearted princess, "Snow White" (Rachel Zegler), to work as a maid within the castle. As the years go by, people just assume the princess died and now have no choice but to submit to the Evil Queen's rule. However, Snow White herself remains a kind, beautiful presence, who seeks to find a way to restore her kingdom to its former happiness.
The Evil Queen learns from her "Magic Mirror" (Voiced by Patrick Page), that she is no longer the fairest one of them all, but rather, now it's Snow White (She should have seen this coming, considering that this IS Rachel Zegler after all). The Queen sends "The Huntsman" (Ansu Kabia) to take Snow White into the woods to kill her, only for the Huntsman to have a change of heart and let her go free. Snow White finds refuge in a small cottage in the woods with the help of some woodland critters, with the cottage belonging to seven magical, and each more appropriately named the last, Dwarfs, made up of "Doc" (Voiced by Jeremy Swift), "Bashful" (Titus Burgess), "Sneezy" (Voiced by Jason Kravits), "Happy" (Voiced by George Salazar), "Sleepy" (Voiced by Andy Grotelueschen), "Grumpy" (Voiced by Martin Klebba), and seemingly mostly silent "Dopey" (Voiced by Andrew Barth Feldman). Snow White bedriends the Dwarfs, as well as finds some unlikely allies with a group of rebels, led by the charismatic "Jonathan" (Andrew Burnap), vowing to save her kingdom from the Evil Queen.
Directed by Marc Webb ("500 Days of Summer" and the "Amazing Spider-Man" films), with a screenplay by Erin Cressida Wilson ("Secretary", "Chloe", "The Girl on the Train"), though with some apparent offscreen credit to Greta Gerwig ("Barbie", "Lady Bird", "Little Women"), "Snow White" clearly is taking a different approach to the average Disney remake in the sense that it's not a "Word for Word" re-telling. It actually deviates from the original movie a lot to fit with the more modern times. While the original "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" is still a classic and important piece of film history and animation (Which also for in spite of its dated aspects, still holds up as a great film in so many ways), it's also a product of the time, with some serious revamps being necessary if it's going to sell to a new audience.
It's nice to report that regardless of all the online controversy, the movie does work a lot better than anticipated and does make a few refreshing changes, along with aspects that compliment the original enough that it makes the idea of a live-action version seem warranted. Even with the heavy use of CGI and green screen (Which do look pretty good. For the most part. More on that later), there's a good amount of practical effects within the film, mostly due to the use of some colorful, gorgeous real life sets. The production design is lovely, and the same goes for the costumes and much of the staging. It retains that fairy tale-like feel, thanks to Webb's more than capable direction. The songs, new and old, from Pasek and Paul (Inspired by the original songs by Lawrence Morey and Frank Churchill), are also not bad at all. Disney has really been struggling to dish out some great musical numbers as of late, with even solid movies like "Moana 2" or "Mufasa: The Lion King", not having any memorable songs to match the likes of Disney's usual caliber. While I can't say that any of them are going to become family favorites any time soon, some of them are either pretty catchy, do stick around in your memory, or in the case of any of the ones featuring Rachel Zegler, are so lovingly sung that they instantly bring the house down.
Most of what works here is Snow White herself. One thing you can't deny about the original is that while all the characters are memorable, the titular princess has always felt like the weakest link (I really always saw the Seven Dwarfs as the actual main characters). The movie gives the character much more urgency, development, and even more meaning than before, setting her up to be a naturally sweet, but smart and brave in spite of seemingly unwinnable odds. This is also helped by how much of a naturally endearing presence Rachel Zegler is. Obviously she has the "Fairest of Them All" look down perfectly (Can you believe that there are guys out there who claim that she's NOT angelically gorgeous?). However, she also electrifies the screen like a Disney princess should. In so many ways, Zegler has to carry this movie completely on her shoulders and deserves all the recognition in the world because of it.
Unfortunately this is where this review is going to take a bit of a drastic turn in tone because while the film improves so much upon Snow White herself and adds much more depth in places to compliment those improvements, there is a lot here that also doesn't quite work as well. Gal Gadot has the look down for sure (Even if she does move her head like Michael Keaton's Batman), and at times, she seems like she's perfectly cast. There are plenty of moments where the performance is lacking or just seems off. Even during her solid musical number, there's always the feeling where you can't tell if she's trying to lay on the camp or if she just doesn't have the range to pull it off, which is odd for a character that is really not complicated at all (Her name is literally just Evil Queen! Doesn't get more one-dimensional than that!). When the Queen later takes her "Old Hag" form in the last act, there's nothing special about it and boy, does it lack the scare factor that the original had. (How can an almost hundred year old, G rated movie have more terrifying imagery than this?). When paired with Zegler, Gadot comes across as weak by comparison.
The Dwarfs are also a bit more of a mixed bag. I see what the filmmakers were going for, trying to adhere to the whimsical elements of the source material and try not to offend at the same time, but this feels too much like an overcorrection and really, I feel like there was an even easier, more acceptable solution here than spending so much money to create CGI Dwarfs. The actors, both in the motion capture suits and doing the voices are all fine and even get a few charming laughs in places, especially with a well cast Andrew Barth Feldman (He literally looks like Dopey!) and a scene stealing Martin Klebba (Thank God, they got my guy, Grumpy, right!). However, the effects vary from looking decent enough to match the film's fantastical setting to looking like a pair of computer generated, hairy butt cheeks with eyes attempting to take human form. Easily one of the film's most misguided aspects. Andrew Burnap is a likable addition (Taking the role of the prince from the original by actually having a personality) and Ansu Kabia at first seems like he's going to have a bigger part, then just sort of fizzles out. The film may also have some welcome changes to the original film, but at times those changes, even the good ones, don't always gel with the parts of the story that the film feels it needs to retain no matter what. The film somewhat writes itself into a bit of a corner in its last act, trying to incorporate too much at the same time, and leaves some of the story's most remembered emotional moments feeling lesser. Everyone remembers how they first reacted to the infamously tearjerking funeral scene as a kid, and while the movie tries its best, there are some things you just can't replicate.
It's not the disaster everyone seemed to want it to be. "Snow White" has the makings of what could have been one of the best remakes yet, with a spellbinding performance from Rachel Zegler, a few solid songs, and some needed updates (Such as making the titular princess an actual character). Yet, it suffers from an overall sense of unevenness, from Gal Gadot's performance, some of the CGI, and even some of the updates themselves don't always mesh with Disney's need to adhere to their corporate checklist. It's a fine family film, with a terrific lead and much to offer in places, though it is also just more of the same in other ways. Still can't quite get past the feeling that there's an already better version waiting for all of us at home. 3 Stars. Rated PG For Scary-Ish Images, Unkempt Hairy Little Men, And Witches With Attitude.
The Electric State by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: I had a dream like this one, and yes, I was, in fact, the peanut.
It's odd how the Russo Brothers can give us some of the best films in the "Marvel Cinematic Universe", which also happen to be some of the most ideal blockbusters in the past couple decades, and yet, they just can't seem to get it right anywhere else. You guys brought in billions and even earned yourself some recognition among the masses, and for some reason, THIS is what you're doing with it?
Based on the illustrated novel by Simon Stålenhag (Though apparently very loosely), "The Electric State" is set in an alternate 1990s, where a war between humans and robots built to simply make their lives easier, commanded by a robotic "Mr. Peanut" mascot (Voiced by Woody Harrelson), which has been left in a state of chaos, with peace only being brokered by the robots surrendering and secluding themselves away from humanity and "Ethan Skate" (Stanley Tucci), the CEO of "Sentre" (Big bad tech corporation), capitalizing on this by providing a way of escape for humanity (Via virtual reality). A spunky orphan, "Michelle Green" (Millie Bobby Brown), who lost her family in a car accident, along with her child prodigy brother, "Christopher" (Woody Norman), years prior, meets a smiling robot named "Cosmo" (Voiced by Alan Tudyk), who claims to be Christopher. Believing her brother to be alive, Michelle embarks on a journey with Cosmo to find the scientist "Dr. Clark Amherst" (Ke Huy Quan), who she thinks is responsible for Christopher's disappearance. Along the way, Michelle meets a former, washed up soldier, "John D. Keats" (Chris Pratt) and his little robot partner in crime, "Herman" (Played by Martin Klebba via motion capture and voiced by Anthony Mackie), while avoiding capture by the robot hating "Marshall Bradbury" (Giancarlo Esposito), who controls an AI drone to hunt them down on orders from Skate himself. When our heroes discover Mr. Peanut and his fellow robots in hiding, they also learn about Skate's own nefarious deeds, Dr. Amherst's true motivations, and the real secret behind what's become of Christopher, which will lead to a revolution that just might save both mankind and robotkind alike.
Directed by Anthony and Joe Russo ("Captain America: The Winter Soldier", "Captain America: Civil War", "Avengers: Infinity War", "Avengers: Endgame", and "The Gray Man"), with a screenplay by their Marvel collaborators Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, "The Electric State" has garnered a lot of unfortunately earned hate. This reportedly $320 million Netflix production is yet another sign that the age of streaming continues to play favorites, leaves actual creativity to struggle to get out, and retains this generally distasteful feeling of studio mandates and board member notes. How this got (And required) so much money behind it is baffling, and nobody still understands how Netflix can keep popping out overly expensive films like this without the slightest care in the world? I will play Devil's advocate here and say that this is still nowhere near as bad as many have been saying. Mostly due to the incredibly low bar set by many other Netflix films (From "Uglies", the "Rebel Moon" films, and pretty much everything Tyler Perry has done for the last five years) and because this, whether you like it or not, actually looks like a movie. Sure, the budget is way too high, but at least you can definitely see the money onscreen. The visual effects are occasionally quite spectacular, blending seamlessly into the real world to the point you'd swear most of the animated characters were animatronics. The Russo Brothers can also certainly deliver on spectacle, even if the film almost entirely relies on it the more the movie goes on. I can also see the good intentions behind the story and its themes, though the script lacks nuance, memorable characters, or a good enough sense of humor to make it work. What we get is a tragically muddled mess that's at times confusing, too long, and frustratingly misguided in what it's trying to say. The film has some hefty ambitions, though has none of the commitment and ends up feeling like a lesser Spielberg clone. The movie attempts to balance kid friendly whimsical tone with some heavy world building and dark subject matter, along with some really goofy humor. That's not impossible to do, but it could border on disaster if you don't do it right. Everything now and then, something works, mostly because of the efforts of the ensemble cast or the blockbuster filmmaking style shining through. The film just drags too often and overindulges on its own special effects.
Millie Bobby Brown seems to be one of those young actresses that can really retain some charm, even when she's forced to act against literally nothing (However, the movie's reliance on grandiose visuals takes up too much focus and she almost gets lost in all the mechanical mayhem). She comes out as unscathed as one can when the extravagant presentation takes center stage. Chris Pratt essentially plays a lamer version of Star-Lord, while we still get some solidly earnest performances from the likes of Ke Huy Quan (Playing double duty, also voicing Amherst's computer buddy, "P.C."), along with the always reliable presences of Giancarlo Esposito and Stanley Tucci (Both capable of playing good villains without even trying). There is also plenty to like about the voice cast, which includes Woody Harrelson, an unrecognizable Anthony Mackie, Alan Tudyk, Jenny Slate (as the voice of "Penny Pal", a postal service bot), Colman Domingo (as the voice of "Wolfe", a human operated drone trying to kill Keats), and an especially amusing Brian Cox (as the voice of "Popfly", a rather unhinged baseball bot).
While it's nowhere near as terrible as you've been led to believe, "The Electric State" has its periods of visual wonder and even some sweet moments that feel sincere, despite Netflix's grubby claws feeling very apparent in every frame. However, it bites off way too much at once, lets the overabundance of CGI dictate the story, and concludes in a way that feels troublingly misguided at best or entirely hypocritical at worst. Maybe it sounded like a future family classic on paper, but it ends up being worn out tech from a bygone era in need of some serious upgrades and more heart. 2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Sci-Fi Violence, Slight Language, The Inability To Differentiate 80s Nostalgia From 90s Nostalgia, And The Possibly Implied Heavy Casualties That May Have Happened At The End Of This Movie. We Just Not Gonna Mention That? No? Okay...
Novocaine by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: The only way to deal with his rabid Uncle Randy.
It's funny. Jack Quaid seems like a cool, likable, funny guy. And yet, no matter what kind of role he's playing, he always has to get the absolute sh*t beaten out of him. Whether he's playing a bad guy or some innocent dork, he just has to end up humiliated, bloodied, and in an immense amount of pain, and for some reason, it's always enjoyable to watch.
"Novocaine" follows "Nathan Caine" (Jack Quaid), a timid and mild mannered assistant manager at credit union in San Diego, who suffers from an extreme congenital insensitivity to pain, meaning that he literally can't feel any kind of pain no matter what (Having earned the nickname "Novocaine" in school). This makes Nathan mostly keep to himself and refuse to try new things. However, Nathan meets a new cute co-worker, "Sherry Margrave" (Amber Midthunder), and after a date, the two form an immediate connection. The next day though, the bank is robbed by a group, dressed as Santas and led by the especially maniacal "Simon" (Ray Nicholson), who gets away with a load of cash and takes Sherry hostage. Ever the lovestruck hero, despite having absolutely no skills whatsoever, Nathan sets out to rescue Sherry, inviting himself into a world of crime and violence that he logically has no chance of surviving. Luckily, Nathan's tolerance to pain and all around jovial nature just might be enough to save the day, save the girl, and you know, not bleed to death due to how much excessive bodily harm he endures.
Directed by filmmaking duo Dan Berk and Robert Olsen ("Villains", "Significant Other", "Body"), with a screenplay by Lars Jacobson, "Novocaine" is an amusingly original premise that embraces the macabre and mixes it with the genuinely sweet. It's a tough couple of tones to juggle, and while it doesn't quite always work, it always comes from a place that's genuine and undeniably enjoyable. Berk and Olsen find a solid balance, with some creative action scenes, where our hero rather hilariously attempts to reason his way out of a dire situation, barely notice how much wear and tear his body is taking, and then use his supposed disability to his advantage (Such as jabbing his fists into a pile of glass, then punching a guy with them). It's one of those things where the leveled up violence, which can be quite shocking at times, works towards the film's advantage, even in terms of the comedy. Sure, realistically he should have been on the verge of death a long time ago, but that wouldn't have been fun. Probably the first time I've ever seen a character in a movie intentionally draw out a torture scene (Mostly by faking his screams of agony).
Jack Quaid's lovably dorkish performance is a blast to see, and boy he really commits to it. I always do like to see an action hero take a few hits, and he takes knives to the hand, several degree burns, all matter of sharp objects lodged in every nook and cranny of his body, yet retains a sweet smile on his face. Quaid also has some really excellent chemistry with Amber Midthunder (Who just resonates so much charm), and there are some fun supporting parts for the likes of a hilarious Jacob Batalon (as "Roscoe", Nathan's online gaming buddy, who he's never even met in person and just assumes is a tall, buff guy with a Harley), along with Betty Gabriel and Matt Walsh (as a pair of cops, who suspect that Nathan may be in cahoots with the robbers). Ray Nicholson brings a lot more personality and menace to his one note villain, with the villain subplot itself being pretty lame and predictable (There's an obvious plot twist that's way too telegraphed to not see coming).
A little on the predictable side, but often hilarious, surprisingly action packed, and even sincerely cute, "Novocaine" is an inventively unique take on your average action movie. Thanks in part to some capable hands behind the camera, as well as Jack Quaid's willingness (And admirable eagerness) to get himself torn to shreds in the bloodiest of ways, all while shrugging it off with a smile. I'm actually shocked he never says "Aw Shucks!" once in this. It's a brisk, bloody, and boldly bubbly blast. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And So Much To Be Squeamish About.
Black Bag by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Can we do another take?" "We've already done fifty takes!"
Maybe I'm just getting older, but damn it, these so called "Boomer" movies kind of do it for me.
"Black Bag" follows intelligence agent, "George Woodhouse" (Michael Fassbender), who learns that there is a traitor in the organization that's threatening to leak top secret Intel that could result in the loss of many lives. George has to gather whatever information he can on some of his fellow agents, such as "Dr. Zoe Vaughan" (Naomie Harris), "James Stokes" (Regé-Jean Page), "Freddie Smalls" (Tom Burke), "Clarissa Dubose" (Marisa Abela), and most frightening of all, his own wife, "Kathryn St. Jean" (Cate Blanchett). With so much seemingly tying Kathryn to treason, George must investigate further, while struggling with his loyalty to his country, as well as his love for his wife.
Directed by Steven Soderbergh ("Sex, Lies, and Videotape", "Ocean's Eleven", "Logan Lucky", and who only released "Presence" a few months ago), with a screenplay by his frequent collaborator David Koepp ("Jurassic Park", "Spider-Man"), "Black Bag" is not a spy thriller that's trying to emulate the likes of "James Bond" or "Mission: Impossible". No disguises. Not much time for exotic locations. No big shoot outs or action scenes. That's not what this is about. It's an old school, espionage mystery, where you're basically told who the responsible party is as soon as the story starts and the actually mission is trying to figure out how, why, and you know, what possible consequences could come of it. It definitely gives off vibes of a 40s or 50s thriller, where the excitement comes from the back and forth games of Mental Chess between characters and trying to piece together the film's many moving parts (Where sometimes what doesn't seetoo important at first, ends up becoming the prime focus). Most fascinating of all, it's surprisingly really funny. Koepp's screenplay is sprinkled with sharp dialogue and an exceptional wit that's so dry that the lightest flame could set it ablaze (Proud of that one!).
It also helps that you got some damn fine actors, who know how to physically glue your eyes to the screen by their mere presence alone. From Michael Fassbender's equally layered stoic and intense delivery to Cate Blanchett's immensely sexy and confident performance, their chemistry is top tier and a blast to watch. The rest of the cast is also quite perfect, each getting their moments to stand out, from a sly Marisa Abela, a humorously pathetic Tom Burke, a smarmy Regé-Jean Page, a commanding Naomie Harris, and the always welcome Pierce Prosnan (as "Arthur Steiglitz", the organization's head).
A short, fast paced, impeccably edited, and anchored by the superlative combination of Soderbergh's competently slick direction, a smart screenplay, and memorable performances, "Black Bag" is the kind of movie that's great in the kind of way your dad is absolutely gonna love. As he should, because it's just plain an old fashioned bit of exhilaratingly intellectually pleasing entertainment, that also works as the perfect date movie if you ask me (In its own way). It's best to go in as blind as possible, making for one of 2025's coolest and smoothest movies yet. 4 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Violence, And Professional Sphincter Clenching.
The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The "Animation is Cinema" crowd better not let this movie flop, or else there will be Hell to pay!
It is my headcanon that one of the Looney Tunes murdered someone in David Zaslav's family (Probaby Tweety. Always knew he had a dark side), because it's the only explanation I can gather from how the current state of Warner Bros. (aka "Warner Bros. Discovery") has been treating such a beloved, sacred childhood property for no reason (Say what you will about Disney, but if you make them money, they'll show you all the love). Removing animation left and right from "MAX" (Formerly "HBO MAX"), getting rid of the classic "Cartoon Network" website, canning the already mostly finished "Coyote vs. Acme" movie (Despite positive word of mouth from test screenings) and leaving it to rot in a vault, and by now tossing out the first ever, fully animated, feature length "Looney Tunes" movie (No live-action stars or basketball needed this time), leaving it to scramble for distribution (Only to get picked up by much lesser known, independent studio, "Ketchup Entertainment"), and getting absolutely zero fanfare for its release, essentially dooming it to flop at the box office. Our cartoon heroes deserve better than this!
Inspired by the classic cartoon characters, and being a spin-off of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons" (Which were modeled after the old school iteration of the characters), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" opens with the origin story of two favorite looney tunes, "Daffy Duck" (Eric Bauza) and "Porky Pig" (Also Eric Bauza), who are raised by the overly detailed "Farmer Jim" (Fred Tatasciore). Years later, Daffy and Porky are left to tend to their family home, which they don't particularly do the best job taking care of, such as not noticing a giant hole in their roof caused by an alien object crashing through it the night before. Given only a matter of days to get their house up to community standards, Daffy and Porky are forced to look for a job, which thankfully comes in the form of "Petunia Pig" (Candi Milo), who works for a gum factory (And who Porky also develops a crush on). However, it turns out an alien invader, simply named "The Invader" (Peter MacNicol), arrives on Earth, with a plan to turn everyone into gum chewing zombies (Via alien goo), with it looking like Daffy and Porky might be the only ones who can save the day.
Directed by Pete Browngardt (Creator of the newer "Looney Tunes Cartoons", who co-wrote the film with a pretty sizable collection of animation writers (They make up one-fifth of the opening credits), "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" clearly went through a lot to get itself out to the public. Developed by Warner Bros. Animation, along with a few other studios and vendors, changing release dates, changing studios, going from originally being a straight to streaming film to a theatrically released one, and was even released in other countries last year (Coinciding with its surprise animation film festival release, which garnered itself early acclaim). In a way, the film just finding theaters willing to play it, despite how likely it won't last long, is miraculous on its own. It's too bad because you can see all of the love and craft that went into it, from the animation to emulating the classic music and sounds of old Looney Tunes, getting the tone and characters just right, and right down to it just plain being funny in ways that kids and adults can both appreciate. 2D animation is such a lost art, and to see it once again on the big screen is already worth the ticket price. It's wondrously expressive, bouncy and stretchy, vibrantly colorful, and genuinely, just makes for gorgeous storytelling. Sometimes nothing funny is happening onscreen, but you're just so enamored by the film's infectious direction (Animation like this really brings layers to the mundane). The animation also shifts styles, sometimes for the sake of comedy (I don't know why Famer Jim looks like a too realistic caricature of the Brawny paper towel guy) or just because the movie wants to do something completely different for a brief sequence, making for a movie that's rather unpredictable at least in how it's telling its story. The story itself is a bit of cartoonish nonsense, though it would have been weirder if it actually did make sense. What's important is that it makes bizarre sense to the characters, and keeps the audience laughing throughout.
It's an amazing showcase for voice actor Eric Bauza, who has been doing "Looney Tunes" voices for a good chunk of his voice acting career (And also having voiced Daffy Duck for almost seven years). He does a pitch perfect job emulating the late Mel Blanc, as well as providing his own spin on these celebrated characters (Not to mention, doing a flawless job playing back and forth against himself and making it feel organic). There also ends up being something quite sweet about their story, and an unexpected heart. Candi Milo is the voice of reason, yet is just as Looney as the rest of them, while Peter MacNicol is an absolute riot and was likely even more animated in the recording booth than his already wildly animated character. The movie's zippiness, much like earlier this year's "Dog Man", could get exhausting, but for any longtime "Looney Tunes" fan, you'd expect nothing less. Plus, how can you not find pure joy in watching our heroes fight against a bunch of gum chewing alien-zombies, set to "It's the End of the World as We Know It" by R.E.M.? (And follow that up with the questionable nature of how exactly does Daffy lay eggs anyways?)
Wacky, unrestrained, and delightfully daffy, "The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie" is the kind of feature that will enchant the kids with its always buffoonish nature and silly humor, will charm the adults looking for some good natured nostalgia without a hint of cynicism in sight, and will just please anyone looking for a fun, animated comedy that seems to be oh so happy to be, well, this animated. It's nice to see cartoons be what they are. Cartoons, and creative ones at that (Not to mention, it's actually even a pretty solid old school alien invasion movie, with a few references tossed in for some giggles). Featuring one of the most hilariously stupid plot twists in recent memory and a sense of self that's just too contagious to resist (Even the weakest of jokes get a mild chuckle out of you just because of how earnest it is), it's a wonderful time for the whole family. Please don't let it flop! 4 Stars. Rated PG For Crude Humor, Surprising Body Horror, Extreme Close-Ups, More Of Daffy's Ass Than I Expected, And Earth's Apparent Greatest Resource (Pretty Sure It Is To A Lot Of People).
Mickey 17 by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: So now that we got two Pattinsons, can we get the sequel for "The Batman" faster?
I think it's high time that everyone, especially the younger cinephiles who just don't know it yet, acknowledge that award winning, successful, and highly respected South Korean director, Bong Joon-ho (Who is still fresh off sweeping the 2020 Oscars with his brilliant film, "Parasite"), is at his core, just a goofy ass guy with a goofy ass sense of humor. If you didn't notice it before, you sure as Hell are gonna notice it now!
Based on the book, "Mickey 7" by Edward Ashton, "Mickey 17" (How much you wanna bet that the only reason we got a title change for the movie is because Bong Joon-Ho thought it would be funny to have ten more Mickeys?) opens in the future, with simple minded, but sweet and down on his luck, "Mickey Barnes" (Robert Pattinson) and his terrible friend, "Timo" (Steven Yeun), finding themselves on the run from a mob boss, deciding the only way to get to freedom is to get off-world, aboard a spaceship set to colonize the alien world of "Nilfheim". The whole operation is headed by the incredibly moronic, but nonetheless maniacal and evil politician, "Kenneth Marshall" (Mark Ruffalo) and his sauce-obsessed wife, "Ylfa" (Toni Collette), along with their religious, fanatical, red hat wearing followers. While Timo gets a cushy pilot job, Mickey unfortunately ends up signing up to be an "Expendable", meaning that he will essentially be a living crash test dummy, taking part in obviously lethal experiments and extra missions, though if, er, when he dies, Mickey will just be literally printed out via a clone body with all his memories retained (Rinse and Repeat!).
Luckily, Mickey finds love with a security agent, "Nasha Barridge" (Naomi Ackie), and despite the many, many deaths he has to suffer (And cloned bodies that follow), their relationship keeps Mickey from losing all hope in the universe. However, Mickey's newest clone, "Mickey 17" (Also Robert Pattinson), ends up left for dead on Nilfheim, after the discovery of some large, rolly-polly-esque aliens, which Marshall's team have referred to as "Creepers". To Mickey 17's surprise, he somehow survives his run-in with the Creepers and makes his way back to the ship.....Only to discover that another clone, "Mickey 18" (Robert Pattinson, duh), has already been printed out. Due to Marshall's hard stance on the idea of multiple clones existing at once (aka "Multiples"), which means that all clones will be immediately exterminated, both Mickey 17 and Mickey 18 must find a way to avoid being discovered, though with possible war looming between Marshall's forces and the Creepers being imminent, that might be the least of their worries.
Written and directed by Bong Joon-ho ("Parasite", "The Host", "Snowpiercer", "Okja"), "Mickey 17" is part Science Fiction, part Dark Screwball Comedy, and part biting Political Satire, making for a film that could so easily go off the rails with its wild ideas, twistedly silly antics, and rather unsubtle commentary on current TV host-like politicians (One in particular. Cough Cough!). It's a bold piece of work, and in the right hands, like Bong Joon-ho, it makes for 2025's first truly great film and maybe even one of its most important for the simple fact that we're not as far off from this kind of world as we'd like to think we are. Most importantly of all though, in spite of how dark and even somewhat dispiriting it is, it's at its heart genuinely delightful and downright adorable. It's obvious that Joon-ho wants to make a point, while also having so much quirky fun while doing it. It's a credit to his range as a director how he can blend different genres and tones so naturally without collapsing under its own heaviness. Sure, it's horrifying watching someone as sweet and naive as Mickey essentially get tortured for the stupidest of reasons (Like testing to see every excruciating detail of what a killer virus will do to a body or somebody not noticing one of the clones isn't dead yet before incineration), and yet, it's also just hilariously warped in how it at some point starts to seem like another day at the office for poor Mickey.
Much of this wouldn't come together without the immense charisma of Robert Pattinson, who has really committed to going against the usual "Leading Man" roles, despite fitting the bill absolutely perfectly. Both of Pattinson's characters are unique and oddly endearing in their own bizarre ways, from Mickey 17 being a more meak, if not still well meaning dork and Mickey 18 being a more daring, if not overtly murderous borderline psychopath. Similar to Jim Carrey in "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" and Theo James in "The Monkey" (Lotta dual role films recently), Pattinson has fantastic chemistry with himself, giving equally wonderful performances at the same time, where the facade never once breaks. This is also an excellent showcase for Naomi Ackie, who embodies strength and a comedic balance (And isn't afraid to be as weird as all of the other characters in the movie). It's one of those movies that allows everyone to have their moment, with Steven Yuen perfectly playing an absolute a-hole that never seems to learn anything from his actions, Anamaria Vartolomei (as "Kai", one of Marshall's security agents, who he mostly praises due to seeing her as nothing more than a healthy, viable uterus), a mesmerizing Holliday Grainger (as the head scientist behind the cloning program, who literally lures Mickey into a false sense of security, before subjecting him to the inhumanity of the project), an instantly lovable Patsy Ferran (as one of the only decent, well intentioned scientists in the cloning program), and an amusing Tim Key (as a Marshall fanatic, who spends the film's runtime dressed in a goofy pigeon costume).
Toni Collette looks to be having a ball playing a comic Lady Macbeth type, while Mark Ruffalo is just absurdly hammy in all the right ways as our more than obvious Donal Trump expy. It's also nice to have a movie that showcases the villainy and danger that comes from uncapped Capitalism (Easily turned into full blown Fascism), along with the most damning part of all being just how freakin stupid these people are once you look past their onscreen personas. (It's one thing for Marshall/Trump to be a racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and all around bigoted Hitler wannabe, and yet, the worst part is that he's a f*cking moron who might just get us all killed!). Visually, the film is stunning (Deserving to be seen in IMAX), especially when it comes to the Creepers, who resemble the super pig from "Okja", except more bug-like, who are all kinds of ugly cute.
"Mickey 17" is almost overwhelming in how much it has going on and how much it's trying to tackle, and it also has no intention of being under-stated or delicate about its message (Granted, maybe a sledgehammer to the face wouldn't be enough to wake people up). However, Bong Joon-ho is such a skilled artist and a totally wacky one at that, it's tightly compacted in a rather silly, but thoughtful Sci-Fi epic with a big brain and an even bigger heart. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Moments Of Shocking Violence, Depressing Real Life Parallels, And The Hilarious Sight Of Batman Flopping Out Of A Tube Like A Squishy Sausage.
In the Lost Lands by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: "I'll have you know that I've mastered the ability of standing so incredibly still that I become invisible to the....Ow! That knife is sharp!"
Ooooh! Now let's see what we got here! Let's get into some Fantasy mixed with a little Western, except make it post-apocalyptic like "Mad Max" and "Furiosa", except we'll also toss in some "Resident Evil". Not like good "Resident Evil". Movie "Resident Evil". How about we throw in some demonic Groots, a pinch of "Rebel Moon" (Because somebody somewhere liked those movies, right?), a werewolf, and so much lens flare that even J. J. Abrams would say that you've gone too far? Perfect! That's the kind of slop that you'd swear you would have seen in the Wal-Mart dollar bin like half a decade ago, but are for some reason seeing released in theaters nationwide.
Based on the George R. R. Martin short story of the same name, "In the Lost Lands" opens in a dystopian, fantasy world, with a feared witch, "Gray Alys" (Milla Jovovich), who is tasked by the queen (Amara Okereke) of the dying "Overlord" to grant her the magical power to shapeshift. Since Alys can't refuse any requests of her (I can see many ways how that can go wrong), Alys tells the queen she will return by the next full moon with the power, then give it to the queen (Who is already in the midst of planning for a future where she is the only ruler). Alys hires a famous hunter, "Boyce" (Dave Bautista), to serve as a guide into the dangerous Lost Lands, which is mostly made up of desert, a destroyed city, and a demonic creature or two. Meanwhile, the religious higher ups, consisting of the fanatical "Patriarch Johan" (Fraser James) and his bloodthirsty enforcer, "Ash" (Arly Jover), want Alys to hang for her crimes of witchcraft, sending in their zealots to kill her. Gray Alys and Boyce traverse the brutal world before them, while the audience struggles to comprehend what's going on due to the nonsensical nature of the story and the fact that the movie itself is so goddamn ugly to look at.
Directed by the king of mid-2000s edgy trash, Paul W. S. Anderson ("Event Horizon", "Monster Hunter", and the "Resident Evil" film series), with a screenplay by Constantin Werner, "In the Lost Lands" completely seems to be going by the "Rule of Cool", and if you ask me, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So long as it's fun.......Which this isn't. It's an uneven, exhausting, and visually unpleasant mix of genres and concepts that lack compelling characters, an interesting story, and anything resembling an actual personality of its own. Paul W. S. Anderson does seem content with making essentially the same movie over and over again, with heavy slo-mo, gratuitous green screen, and the worst CGI you'll see in a wide release film, but act like that's perfectly okay because it's just supposed a dumb popcorn flick. I mean, I can't necessarily fault the guy for embracing what he knows, yet it's 2025 and I only have so much time to spend in a movie theater these days. This has no business playing in one. It's a fairly simple, even straight forward story (With increasingly predictable dialogue), with a pair of characters going on a long adventure, making a couple pit stops along the way, and getting into an occasional drawn out action scene. However, the film repeatedly stops dead to focus on what's going on back in the kingdom, which ends up having little to no effect on the actual plot at hand. It just stretches things out, and when your movie is already too long at an hour and forty minutes, it's obvious what should have been shaved off. There is far too much going on in the subplots, when your main plot could have been serviceable enough, although even that too does wear thin in the last act.
Dave Bautista is still a charming, even respectable actor, doing what he can with what's been given and walking away unharmed, and to be honest, it's not like he doesn't have some chemistry with Jovovich (That might actually be the strongest part of the film). Speaking of Milla Jovovich, she's in way too much crap for someone I know can be a good actress (Granted, I completely understand the director wanting his hot wife to always be front and center of all his movies). She even shows those capabilities here where she has to do most if not all of the heavy lifting for her character. The screenplay does neither of them any favors, and I gotta commend the leads for at least getting through this without snickering the entire time. For as stupid as it all is, I buy them at least. Some of the other performances are pretty rough, like Amara Okereke (Who spouts out some inconsistent semi-feminist dialogue in a movie clearly written by a man) and an out of place Arly Jover (Who is way too over the top for a movie taking itself THIS seriously), while Fraser James does get some unintentional comedy out of his scenery-chewing. It's probably a bad sign when the best character in the movie is a two-headed snake that Bautista carries around, and even that doesn't last.
The movie seems to have an idea for grand world-building, but even at over $55 million, it feels so unrealized. There are cool concepts of how the world looks, yet it's so abysmal to look at that it ruins the whole image. You might get an idea for a unique action sequence, though it's edited in such a quick fashion that you can tell much of it had to be salvaged in whatever possible way during post production (Something that apparently took two years after the movie was already shot). Even sequences that have potential (Such as when our main characters are forced to defend themselves against some skeletal, demonic zombies with a ring of fire), rarely hold still long enough for the audience to actually get a good look at anything. Or in the case of the film's climax (Which features the worst CGI werewolf put to screen in over a decade), sometimes you have no choice but to stare in awe of the grotesquely unrendered visuals that were for somehow approved of. Not to mention, the film is like 80% green screen, to the point it just looks like Bautista and Jovovich just wandered their way into an unfinished PS3 video game.
Obnoxiously loud, ugly to look at, and surprisingly boring in parts, "In the Lost Lands" becomes such a sludge-like meshing of different Fantasy and Sci-Fi Horror concepts, with blindingly unappealing visual effects so brown and red, it's as if you were looking into the very ass of George R. R. Martin himself. I'm all for trashy fun, but you actually have to put more emphasis on the fun part to make it, well, not just trash. It just hurts your eyes and gives your brain a headache. This was a journey that was long lost before it even started. 1 Star. Rated R For Loads Of CGI Blood (Feels Like It Was Meant To Be PG-13, Before Shifting To An R Rating), Bautista Boobs, And Seizure Inducing Visuals. Seriously, This Movie Might Be Lethal To Some People With Sensitive Eyes.
Last Breath by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: This is what High School detention would look like from any movie before the Nineties.
Damn, I hate movies like this. Oh not because it's bad. It's actually perfectly fine. In fact, I actually end up recommending it, especially since we're going to have a bit of a slow movie weekend. It's just that movies like this aren't fun to write reviews for. There's nothing outright wrong with it. Nothing groundbreaking. Nothing bad. Not boring. Not memorable. Not deserving of ridicule or hate. Not much to really fully praise. Not mid (As the kids say). Not, well, not much. It's alright. Go see it. Or don't. I just work here!
Based on the remarkable true story, "Last Breath" follows a saturation diving crew, consisting of "Duncan Allcock" (Woody Harrelson), "David Yuasa" (Simu Liu), and "Chris Lemons" (Finn Cole). When an underwater mission goes wrong, resulting in Chris being left hundreds of meters below in pitch black darkness, the rest of the team has to work tirelessly to rescue him before Chris runs out of air, with it logically seeming like this will likely become a body retrieval, rather than a rescue mission. However (And if you know the true story), the power of human ingenuity and spirit just might be enough to overcome such dire odds.
Directed by Alex Parkinson (Co-Director of the documentary "Last Breath" with Richard da Costa, which this movie is essentially a feature film remake of), who co-wrote the screenplay with Mitchell LaFortune ("Kandahar") and David Brooks, "Last Breath" is a fairly by the book recapturing of true events, being short, sweet, and to the point, barely clocking in at an hour and a half (Despite a little obvious padding here and there). Much of the film, from the screenplay to its characterizations to even the direction somewhat, are all just fine, though there isn't much to write home about. Parkinson does convey some tension during the sequence where Chris is lost in the midst of the chaotic accident, resulting in him having to find his way to safety in absolute darkness. Most of the film looks like a TV movie or something you'd see only on streaming, which feels unworthy of such an impressive story. The cast is more or less required to do some of the heavy lifting, which they all do in praise worthy fashion. Finn Cole has to generate likability before spending a good chunk of the film's runtime passed out, while the likes of Woody Harrelson (Who even finds time for a couple solid quips), Simu Liu, Mark Bonnar (as "Craig", the team's supervisor, determined to save Chris) and Cliff Curtis (as "Andre Jenson", the team's captain, who has to make the tough decisions nobody else can), are all pretty damn excellent.
"Last Breath" is a mostly effective tale of endurance and survival, even if the film itself doesn't quite pack the punch it surely requires. The true events are already inspiring enough as it is, and leaves you with a sense of hope in spite of the movie just being, again, perfectly fine. Definitely worth your time, but not immediately necessary. Probably could have been better, though I can't get mad at a film for being competent. See what I mean? No fun to talk about these kinds of movies! We need another "Kraven the Hunter"! Pronto! 3 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Perilous Peril, Sea Sickness, And Overwhelming Wetness.
Ne Zha 2 by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The face of an over $1 Billion franchise.
So Pixar and DreamWorks got their work cut out for them the rest of this year. Granted, this literally came out of nowhere and despite being a cultural phenomenon, is a sequel to another highly successful animated film, and as of now becoming the highest grossing animated film of all time (With $1.7 Billion), nobody here knows what it is. How do I explain to the Average Joe that "Ne Zha 2" is already one of the best movies of 2025?
Inspired by the 16th century Chinese novel, "The Investiture of the Gods" (aka "Fengshen Yanyi") that combined much of Chinese history and folklore, "Ne Zha 2" opens almost directly after the events of the first film (Released back in 2019), with the mischievous, yet ultimately heroic little demon, "Ne Zha" (Lü Yanting) and his counterpart/bestest friend/borderline love interest, "Ao Bing" (Han Mo), having both lost their physical forms, retaining spectral forms. Ne Zha's mentor, the chubby "Taiyi Zhenren" (Zhang Jiaming), conjures a way to give Ne Zha and Ao Bing back their bodies, only for it to be interrupted by an assault from the villain from the first film/Ao Bing's former master, "Shen Gongbao" (Yang Wei) and Ao Bing's vengeful dragon father, "Ao Guang" (Voiced in his human form by Yu Chen and in his dragon form by Li Nan). Ne Zha gets his body back, though Ao Bing isn't so lucky, with Ne Zha allowing him to share his own body to save him.
Despite his wanting of revenge and freedom from his underwater imprisonment, Ao Guang agrees to a deal that if Ne Zha and Taiyi can get Ao Bing a new body, he'll spare Ne Zha's hometown and his family. Taiyi deduces the only way to get their hands on a potion that should provide Ao Bing a new body revolves around a rather complicated plan to win the favor of the Immortals through a series of trials from the wise, big-headed "Master Wuliang" (Wang Deshun), thus allowing them access to the potion. While keeping his identity as a demon a secret, Ne Zha (With Ao Bing sharing his body until they get the potion) must endure the trials and prove himself truly worthy in the eyes of the gods, though little does everyone know, there is another, more vile scheme going on behind the scenes that could cost the lives of everyone that Ne Zha holds dear.
Written and directed by the returning Jiaozi (Now the highest grossing Chinese film director of all time), "Ne Zha 2" is a follow up to 2019's Chinese animated smash hit, and wisely begins with the quickest of recaps so that it really shouldn't lose any newcomers. With that said though, it's still a fairly complicated storyline like the first one, with every character having their own motivations and place in Chinese folklore, meaning that it's easy to get lost at times. The movie basically asks you to more or less just go with it, letting you grasp what you need to really focus on and leaving the small details as simply small details. It can also be a bit jarring with how the film juggles so much, from crude humor, epic battles, heavy world building, and mature themes. However, it shockingly comes together in a beautiful symphony of grand spectacle, mixed with likable characters and a strong, beating heart.
In spite of its occasional silliness (Which even then, gets quite a few big laughs), there is something rather profound about the film, with topics of bigotry, anti-establishment, and going against perceived destiny. It's done with animation that feels like a bizarre hybrid of current Disney films, combined with DreamWorks films such as "Kung Fu Panda", and even a little "SpiderVerse" tossed in there for good measure (At times it feels like an Anime too). For what begins as a wacky adventure, slowly morphs into a tale of overcoming prejudice, accepting loss, and standing against the injustices created by the elites. Sure, we'll have Ne Zha engage in an occasional fart or pee joke (He is a little sh*t after all), but that never feels too out of place when the film's sweeping visuals come into play, with action setpieces that put the likes of even Marvel to shame. The characters are full of charm, even down to the villains, with some returning ones getting more development and dimensions than before. There are some really powerful images on display, and while sometimes the film can just jump right into certain developments (Maybe it's just one of those lost in translation sort of things), it's hard not to get caught up the emotions. Who would have thought a movie where some demon kid pisses in sacred water can also have tearjerking moments with loved ones?
"Ne Zha 2" clocks in at almost two and a half hours, yet never quite feels the length. The film may have more of an edge than your average Pixar film (With language, scary moments, and violence that earn itself a PG-13 rating), it still works as a good family film, with lots of great laughs (Both lowbrow and much more subtle), a wonderful cast of colorful characters both major and otherwise, and mind-blowing action that deserves to be seen on the biggest screen imaginable. Also, I'm not even one of those people who likes to read into those kinds of things with characters, but the film's late interactions between Ne Zha and Ao Bing have so much homoeroticism that rivals Pixar's "Luca". I was expecting a full blown kiss at the end! There's no way any of this was THAT accidental! Stunningly animated and thought provoking, while still hilarious and lots of fun, it's clear why it's garnered such a following in China, and deserves to grow here in the United States as well. 4 Stars. Rated PG-13 For An Occasional Gross Out Gag, Fantasy Violence That Often Gets More Real Than You'd Expect, Taiyi's Jiggling Fat, And Top Heavy Rock Women That Surely Will Find Themselves The Subject Of Much Questionable Fan Art.
Captain America: Brave New World by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: To all you neckbeards out there, try telling him that he's not "YOUR Captain America" to his face and see what happens.
The once unstoppable "Marvel Cinematic Universe" is still yet to truly fall ("Deadpool & Wolverine" did make over $1 Billion worldwide after all. They ain't dead yet!), but things have been admittedly rocky as of late. Post-Endgame may have given us some all time greats like "Spider-Man: No Way Home", "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever", "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3", and "Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings", but the ones that either don't work or just aren't up to the high standard that had been set really have brought down some of the enthusiasm. Even with this movie being one of their biggest no-brainers, it suffered during this slight seasonal rot that they've been going through. Delays, reshoots, rewrites, supposed terrible test screenings (If Sony thought "Kraven the Hunter" was still okay, then I don't buy it), and well, some good old fashioned racism (I've learned people tend to be much harsher to basic flaws when somebody other than a straight, white man is front and center). Apparently a large part of the film was reworked, resulting in bad faith in the eyes of the public. In a way, at least for me, I think it's fitting that some of these movies are giving off "Phase One" vibes (Similar with "The Marvels" and "Thor: Love and Thunder"), where you can see Marvel and Disney slowly starting to get their act together in places, though it wouldn't be surprising if some of these aren't exactly big deals once we reach the next main event. You kind of see it happening in real time with this film. Flaws and all.
Following the events of "Avengers: Endgame" and Disney+'s "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier", "Captain America: Brave New World" starts with the former Falcon, "Sam Wilson" (Anthony Mackie) having embraced his new role as "Captain America" (With some cool ass Vibranium wings to go with the classic shield too). Sam and his friend/future Falcon, "Joaquin Torres" (Danny Ramirez), foil an attempt to sell off a now much coveted new element, "Adamantium" (Ask your geek friends why that's so important), though the seller, "Seth Voelker/Sidewinder" (Giancarlo Esposito) is able to escape. The recently elected president, "Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross" (Harrison Ford, replacing the late William Hurt), is trying to redeem himself in the eyes of the public, spearheading a treaty between nations that will allow them to share in the distribution of the Adamantium, which has been located within the discovered body of a Celestial Titan in the middle of the ocean (See "Eternals" for more details on where the Hell that thing came from). Ross also wants Sam to work with him on possibly bringing back "The Avengers" (Despite Ross himself being the one responsible for the team falling apart back in "Captain America: Civil War").
While addressing world leaders, Sam's close friend and a former super soldier who suffered from American bureaucracy, "Isaiah Bradley" (Carl Lumbly), out of the blue attempts to assassinate Ross. Isaiah is arrested and faces the possible highest penalty, while Ross' temperament threatens to tear apart the treaty, causing yet another rift between him and Sam. Sam and Joaquin discover that somebody is pulling the strings behind the scenes, leading them to go rogue to find out what's really going on. Their search leads them into dangerous territory and into the clutches of the horrifically disfigured, yet incredibly intelligent "Samuel Sterns" (Tim Blake Nelson), who has it out for Ross (Tying into the events of 2008's "The Incredible Hulk"). With Sterns' maniacal master plan slowly reaching its peak, Sam must prove to the world why he was chosen to inherit the shield, before Ross' actions lead to disastrous consequences for the world. Hulk-Level consequences, if you will. Wink Wink!
Directed by Julius Onah ("The Cloverfield Paradox", "Luce"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Rob Edwards ("The Princess and the Frog"), Malcolm Spellman and Dalan Musson ("The Falcon and the Winter Soldier"), along with Peter Glanz, "Captain America: Brave New World" is both more of the same when it comes to the MCU's struggling phase, yet also a return to form when it eventually comes together. You can tell that this had a lot of changes. There's been talk of character design changes, a reworked story, new additions, and the complete nuking of an entire, more fantastical element that would have clashed with how surprisingly grounded the film is. It's definitely one of those movies where all of those reshoots and changes were all for the better. Still, you can't help but notice some of them if you really look hard enough. Some quick cuts early on and speeding through a few details to get to the bigger picture, along with a couple moments where maybe some more fleshing out of some story aspects could have been needed. With that said, in spite of production issues, Julius Onah's direction is earnest and genuinely has some aspirations to set itself apart from the usual MCU films. It's not all big battles and superheroics. It plays like a political thriller, with some espionage thrown in there too, mixed into the superhero genre. It brings it back to the feel of the last two "Captain America" movies, and even when things do eventually get bigger and grander towards the climax, that too feels toned down in its own way. It's not an unpredictable mystery at play here, and the trailers really couldn't resist spoiling the eventual Red Hulk conclusion, yet there is a fast paced, fun sense of suspense trying to figure out how exactly this is all going to get there by the end. It also tones down the humor for a good chunk of the film, and while I appreciate the idea, the humor is what of this shared universe's trademarks and it would be incomplete without it (Thankfully, the film realizes that fairly quickly) Effects-wise, it tends to vary. Sometimes it's just unavoidable due to how effects heavy some things just need to be (Red Hulk looks damn good all things considered, even if we still can't seem to make Hulks look ultra realistic), and a good chunk of the time, the visuals are really good (An aerial battle above the Titan in the ocean looks amazing in 3D). There are plenty of moments where the CGI doesn't quite gel or the green screen is obvious (Though there isn't near as much as you'd expect).
This is truly Anthony Mackie's time to shine, especially as the current Captain America, and you just can't deny how damn charming he is. Mackie just seamlessly steps out of the supporting role and takes command, with his own spin how the title is handled and once it's over, it becomes increasingly clear why he is the perfect guy for the job. Sam Wilson deserved a win, and even with the film's flaws, he gets one. While it's still sad not to see William Hurt in the role (And with where the film leads, it would have been incredible to witness), Harrison Ford does the character justice. Equal amounts complex, yet by no means a good person, Ford shows Ross' vulnerability as he finally faces the consequences of the actions he once felt justified for (Funny how this president in a comic book movie is still more of a three dimensional character than our actual current president). Mackie and Ford butting heads together is literally why we love these kinds of political back and forths in movies. Returning faces like Danny Ramirez (Who steals scenes left and right) and the great Carl Lumbly (Who was robbed an Emmy nomination for "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier") are both terrific, serving as a reminder that the MCU is still capable of strong character work, even when they're more secondary.
It's almost funny in a depressing way how much of a controversy that the very appearance of Shira Haas (as "Ruth Bat-Seraph", a former "Black Widow", who now serves as personal security to Ross) has generated, due to the original character's origins as "Sabra" (An Israeli superhero, who starred in a few comics with rather offensive and dangerous Palestinian stereotypes), Haas' real life volunteer service in the Israeli Defense Force, and just the still ongoing Israel-Gaza conflict (Which doesn't seem to be getting any better unfortunately). For some, she was the deal breaker to not only refuse to see the movie, but also boycott it and shame anyone who sees it. She does fine, but she's actually not in the movie all that much. She plays a vital part, yet is limited in screentime (With focus elsewhere most of the time). Was her part trimmed due to the controversy or was there really not much to worry about in the first place? Odds are the filmmakers just plucked a random character out of a hat to include in the movie and just so happened to pick the one with the most baggage at the worst possible time. Giancarlo Esposito, whose entire role was added in late in production, plays a pretty by the book baddie, but Esposito's calm, cool demeanor makes it worthwhile. While part of me is a little disappointed that they didn't go for a more comic book accurate design for Tim Blake Nelson's main villain (Granted, it probably would have looked silly in motion, with the filmmakers opting for a more practical, disturbing design), Nelson does bring some sympathy to the character to match with the unsettling menace (And he just looks like he's having a lot of fun). It's a bit of a stealth sequel to 2008's "The Incredible Hulk" (One of the MCU's earliest and still weakest movies), and it's genuinely quite awesome to see it get some kind of vindication and inclusion in the grander MCU.
Hindered in the first act a bit by the troubled production, "Captain America: Brave New World" makes for another flawed addition to the MCU. When it works though, it really does soar, with strong action sequences, moments of sincere character, and committed performances, particularly from Mackie and Ford. When it doesn't work, it's just messy, being salvaged from the ground up so that we can move onto the next entry. However, the film's best aspects feel like classic MCU in just the right way (Remember always leaving these movies with a big smile on your face? Even when it wasn't all that important compared to others?). Maybe, in spite of a couple hiccups, this is the sign that even their weakest films have something to offer and that we still have so much to anticipate in the future. Still eager to see if they can finally do "The Fantastic Four" right or if they'll stick the landing with that whole Robert Downey Jr. as Doctor Doom casting. While there's still a chance of them failing, if anyone can make any of these work, it's Marvel. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Strong Violence, Bulging Brains, White House Destruction, And Harrison Hulk Chest Hair.
Paddington in Peru by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: I would commit murder for that bear.
Let's see. How are things going right now? It's like every day we hear about how much closer we are then ever to global catastrophe, record breaking cold (And likely record breaking heat later this year), everything is too expensive and we're only two months into the year, the PlayStation network was down, the new "Captain America" movie is getting mixed reviews (Which actually isn't even that bad, but since it's lower than a 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, it must be end times), we're likely never going to get a sequel to "Transformers: One", "Star Wars" fans are all basically Nazis, the Oscars are littered with controversy (The first and most likely last Trans actress to get nominated for an Oscar apparently is bigoted towards literally everybody!), Film Bros continue to not know how movies work, Elon Musk has run Twitter into the ground and will likely do the same to us next, along with Donald Trump blaming minorities, gay and Trans people, and anyone different for planes crashing. I swear I'm forgetting something! Only one bear can possibly bring joy to this cruel, manner-free world of our's.
Based on the beloved character created by Michael Bond and the third film in the critically acclaimed series, "Paddington in Peru" follows that titular lovable, if not clumsy, bear, "Paddington" (Voiced by Ben Whishaw), as he has officially become a London citizen. Still living with his adopted family, "The Browns", with "Henry" (Hugh Bonneville), "Mary" (Emily Mortimer, replacing Sally Hawkins), "Judy" (Madeleine Harris), "Jonathan" (Samuel Joslin), and their eccentric housekeeper, "Mrs. Bird" (Julie Walters), Paddington still writes to his "Aunt Lucy" (Voiced by Imelda Staunton) at the "Home For Retired Bears" in Peru. When Paddington gets a letter from the always smiling "Reverend Mother" (Olivia Colman) that Aunt Lucy seems a little off, it's arranged for him and the Browns to take a trip to Peru to see her. However, once they arrive, Aunt Lucy has vanished into the jungle, leading to Paddington and the Browns to seek help from the charismatic "Hunter Cabot" (Antonio Banderas) and his daughter, "Gina" (Carla Tous), to serve as their guide into the darkest parts of Peru. Unfortunately, it turns out that Hunter is out of his dang mind, believing that Aunt Lucy has gone looking for the lost city of El Dorado and its gold. Paddington's search for Aunt Lucy will lead to his own discovery about himself and where he came from as he realizes where he truly belongs in the world.
Directed by music video director Dougal Wilson (In his first feature film, replacing Paul King), with a screenplay by Mark Burton ("Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit"), along with Jon Foster and James Lamont ("The Amazing World of Gumball", "The Adventures of Paddington"), "Paddington in Peru" isn't quite near as magical as the first two, which have become instant family classics. Let's just get that out of the way right now. It just isn't quite up to the same level. And since that level was incredibly high, this being still a wonderful, hilarious, and heartwarming adventure that any age from, from the youngest of kids to the oldest of adults, makes it the best movie I've seen so far this year. While Dougal Wilson never fully recaptures Paul King's Storybook feel that the first two had, he does put his own whimsical spin on it. The film is still very much set in its own silly world, full of color and wondrous visuals (Even with the film's change in location from the streets of London to jungles of Peru). The script is just as witty and clever as before, while Wilson's direction makes room for a few elaborate set pieces and some good old fashioned physical comedy (Paddington just can't help knocking things over, then setting off a Rube Goldberg-esque series of comical events).
Ben Whishaw's voice is once again delightful, giving our little chaotic, though so friendly bear his innocent charm. Hugh Bonneville is excellent as usual, with Julie Walters getting her own kooky little subplot (Trying to figure out what's obviously not right going on at the Home for Retired Bears), along with bigger roles for Madeleine Harris and Samuel Joslin (Those two grew up fast!). It's sad not to see Sally Hawkins return, but Emily Mortimer is the ideal replacement with her own natural cuteness and likability. Antonio Banderas looks like he's just having an absolute blast, with his character seeing visions of his ancestors (All played by Antonio Banderas), and becoming just as animated as our titular animated lead. The same goes for Olivia Colman, who might be literally sinking her teeth into her role and hamming it up like there's no tomorrow. There are also some returning appearances from the likes of Imelda Staunton, a brief appearance from the marvelous Jim Broadbent (as "Mr. Gruber", who has formed a friendship due to being an immigrant like Paddington), and a few others, though sadly Peter Capaldi's "Mr. Curry" doesn't pop up this time. We do a quick cameo from Hayley Atwell (as Henry's new, intense boss) doing a killer American accent and just, well, looking unfairly beautiful at the same time.
"Paddington in Peru" has much to live up to and in spite of a couple hiccups, it's a worthy follow-up to a pair of perfect family films. It's still funny and sweet, with memorable characters and good messages of sincerity, love, and understanding your fellow man (Or in this case, bear). It might even get a misty-eyed smile out of you too. It's all about the kindness and decency that we should all aspire to adhere to. Sure, something like "Dog Man" is a lot of fun and is great for the little kids. However, these films can appeal to everyone and in such emotionally distressing times, Paddington is the real role model we all need right now. 4 Stars. Rated PG For Some More PG-Rated Humor, Antonio Banderas In A Wig And A Bald Cap, Nutty Nuns, And Paddington's Hard Stare. Most Powerful Weapon In The Known Universe.
The Monkey by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Still not as scary as the Monkey from "Toy Story 3".
It's hard to believe that it wasn't even a year ago when Osgood Perkins made an official name for himself in the eyes of the public with his acclaimed and surprisingly financial successful film, "Longlegs".And after providing us with a look into the fires of Hell, now he's free to let his true freak flag fly. Basically he can show us what a macabre and bloodthirsty guy he really is. You've probably never seen a horror-comedy quite like this. One that wants you to know just how hilarious it can be to see someone just go out in the least dignified, most unhinged, and grotesquely violent of ways, while a creepy ass little monkey just plays his little drum with a smile on his face. The monkey is likely symbolic for Osgood Perkins himself. That's my headcanon anyways.
Based on the short story by Stephen King, "The Monkey" follows the awkward "Hal Shelburn" (Played by Christian Convery as a kid, then by Theo James as an adult), and his more abrasive twin brother, "Bill" (Also played by Christian Convery, then Theo James), after they discover a creepy drumming Monkey figurine a closet full of their disappeared dad's things. Living with their cynical, but nonetheless loving mother, "Lois" (Tatiana Maslany), Hal and Bill despise each other to the point where they don't even seem to consider each other brothers. After turning the key on the Monkey's back, resulting in the toy playing its cute little drum, Hal and Bill's babysitter ends up decapitated. When it becomes clear that the Monkey has this strange, unexplainable power to cause people to die in horrifically violent, though pretty hilarious ways, the brothers attempt to get rid of it. Twenty-Five years later, Hal is now a failed dad and is on the verge of losing any and all contact with his son, "Petey" (Colin O'Brien), taking him on a week-long trip to compensate. When more bonkers deaths start to happen, Hal gets a call from Bill (Who he lost contact with years prior) that the Monkey has apparently returned. Hal embarks on a wild goose chase to find out where the Monkey is, how its come back, and all before more bodies start to pile up.
Written and directed by Osgood Perkins ("Longlegs", "Gretel & Hansel"), with a producing credit to James Wan (Creator of the "Saw" and "Conjuring" series), "The Monkey" is something that can only come into existence from the most f*cked up minds in the business, and with the posters straight up only advertising the involvement of Perkins, Wan, and Stephen King, horror movies got a lot to live up to for the rest of the year. This movie makes last week's "Heart Eyes" look tame by comparison! Perkins, who is the son of Actor Anthony Perkins {"Psycho"}, lost both his parents too soon, and you can tell he's incorporated that kind of tragedy into much of his work, though in such a wildly comedic manner. "Longlegs", despite how sinister and sadistic it was, still had an odd, almost quirky sense of humor, and this movie dials that up to past a hundred. This is straight up a live action "Tom & Jerry" cartoon, except the cartoon violence will actually result in grisly deaths. These kills are just absurd and are done through mostly practical effects, resulting in some gnarly images that also seems to treat them like a sick game. Nothing about the movie is pleasant, and yet, Osgood Perkins shoots the film with a sense of whimsy that's too damn contagious. It's the kind of movie that gets you to burst out laughing at a random loaded shotgun literally obliterating a character (Next to a sign that states "Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People") and a woman running around wildly with a flaming stroller. It's so freakin wrong and often in such poor taste, but that's what makes it awesome.
Theo James is quite the revelation in this, playing double duty and proving to have rather remarkable comedic timing. Encompassing two varying versions of the overgrown man child archetype, James brings to life levels of eccentricity and crazy that would make Nicholas Cage blush (Credit to Christian Convery too, who has to do the exact same thing for the film's first half hour). While the film obviously doesn't quite have the budget to blend him playing both characters in the same scene in an entirely seamless manner (Lots of back and forth shots), the performances are so good and unique on their own that you really have to simply go with it. Tatiana Maslany is wonderful in her important small part, and there are some equally strange parts for the likes of Rohan Campbell (as "Ricky", who basically injects himself into the whole Monkey situation, along with his silly hairdo), Elijah Wood (as "Ted", Petey's adoptive self-help advertising dad), and a couple out of nowhere cameos. The titular Monkey itself is fittingly creepy, despite rarely moving at all. It just has this kind of thematically nightmarish glow that somehow finds ways of retaining a presence, even when it's not onscreen.
While it might be just too quirky for some (The movie is pretty nonsensical, even if that's meant to be part of the fun), "The Monkey" is a joyfully fiendish farce, which never pulls punches, but rather jabs a fist full of glass shards into your face. Then randomly sets you on fire, while being Blasé about it in an oddly charming manner. You'll be disturbed and terrorized, then will leave the film with a grin bigger than the Monkey itself. 4 Stars. Rated R For All Kinds Of Deaths Both Real And Unreal, Complete With Bowling Balls, Arrows, Lawnmowers, A Cobra, Sign Posts, Hornets, And Vapes.
Love Hurts by James Eagan ★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Ke Huy Quan enjoying a nice big cup of Awesome.
I love Ke Huy Quan. You love Ke Huy Quan. We all love Ke Huy Quan. How can you not? And now we got him in his own, "John Wick" style action movie? That sounds awesome by construction, and that's why the final film is, well, not so much bad.....Okay, it's a little bad. It's just more, er, immensely disappointing.
"Love Hurts" opens with goody-toe shoes real estate agent, "Marvin Gable" (Ke Huy Quan), going about his day normally, only to get a mysterious Valentine's Day card from "Rose" (Ariana DeBose), a woman from his past. It turns out that Marvin was a deadly assassin from his even worse brother, "Alvin" (Daniel Wu) aka "Knuckles". Marvin had previously been tasked to kill Rose for betraying his brother, only to let her go due to falling in love with her (As any man would do with Ariana DeBose). Marvin quit his murderous lifestyle to live a normal life and has embraced it. However, it seems Rose wants to come out of hiding and bring down Knuckles and his criminal empire. Sadly, this leaves Marvin also exposed and now he has to avoid several specialized killers as he reunites with Rose, who is determined to return Marvin to what she believes is his true self. Marvin on the other hand loves his new life, though he can't help but wonder which of his personas is the real him. The tough, unstoppable killer or the harmless, kind hearted dork.
Directed by first timer, Jonathan Eusebio (Known for his stuntwork on "The Fall Guy", "Black Panther", and "John Wick"), with a screenplay by Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard ("The Shannara Chronicles"), and Luke Passmore, along with a producing credit from David Leitch ("Bullet Train", "The Fall Guy"), "Love Hurts" has all the ingredients for an instant action classic. Fun premise, with a charming cast playing what should have been colorful characters, and elaborate action set pieces, brought to life via crazy, yet well thought out stuntwork. It's so depressing how much of a mess the film is and even for a barely hour and twenty minute runtime, it feels so padded out and longer than necessary. That's something that's also funny, because it also feels incomplete, like another hour is missing from the film. The film can't seem to figure out its own tone or even what genre it wants to be classified as. It's okay for a film to mix genres or twist them around. However, it's not organic. The comedy clashes with the heavy violence (Which is much bloodier and gorier than you'd expect) and the odd 70s exploitation feel. Not to mention, it also wants to be a Romantic Comedy too! Maybe if there was more character development, better dialogue, or some less time spent on certain goofier, unnecessary aspects. There's a lot weirdly going on in such a fast paced amount of time (Twenty minutes in, we already got our main plot going on, followed by the romance, along with a couple subplots involving some of the villains, and another separate romantic subplot introduced).
Ke Huy Quan is great, period, and he's great here. He's pretty much doing all of the heavy lifting, and boy, that baggage can be pretty damn heavy at times. Ariana DeBose looks like she's having a lot of fun, and yeah, she's just gorgeous beyond reason, though her character is frustratingly incoherent and DeBose suffers for it big time. They also shockingly don't have much chemistry, and I can't tell if that's because of the performances, the script, the editing, or all of the above. Daniel Wu is a serviceable, if underdeveloped, villain, while Cam Gigandet (as "Merlow", Knuckles' number two, with his own agenda) starts off like he's going to be a bigger deal and then fizzles out. There's another subplot with Mustafa Shakir (as "Raven", a poetic, knife throwing assassin sent after Marvin) and Lio Tipton (as "Ashley", Marvin's assistant, who falls in love with Raven), that's more annoying than funny, while the most surprisingly fun characters end up being Marshawn Lynch and André Eriksen (as "King" and "Otis", a pair of bumbling assassins hired by Merlow), getting a few genuine laughs. It was also pretty cute to see Ke Huy Quan reunite with "Goonies" buddy Sean Astin (as "Cliff", Marvin's caring boss), and there's a whole thing where one of the Property Brothers pops up in a prolonged cameo that's bizarrely hilarious in a way I still can't exactly comprehend (It makes you wonder who this movie is meant for exactly).
While not quite the disaster that some would lead you to believe, "Love Hurts" really needed more time in development, because this doesn't feel remotely finished. It has its moments of charm (And picks up action-wise during the last act with an admittedly well done final fight), but its beaten down by the weak script, a lack of laughs, somewhat cringey dialogue (Which may have been intentional, but it falls flat), and ironically, its own identity crisis. It was a cool concept. Just never came together. Everyone deserves better. Including audiences. 2 Stars. Rated R For Excessively Strong Violence, Ke Huy Quan Do, Beast Mode, And Brutal Boba.
Heart Eyes by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Nothing but love in his eyes. A love of DEATH!
They really screwed the pooch with the "Scream" franchise, didn't they? I mean, there's a chance the next movie will be fine, but the goodwill, especially from the fans, is gone. Guess we're gonna need a new slasher, folks!
"Heart Eyes" opens with the now notorious "Heart Eyes Killer" (Or "HEK" for short) has been on several Valentine's Day killing sprees for the past couple years, with there being no leads as to who the killer is or their true motivation, other than slaughtering couples on the day of love (Mostly the overly in your face, love dovey ones). In Seattle, a pitch designer for a fashion company (Specialized in romance), "Ally" (Olivia Holt), is not doing too well after a recent breakup, and is now fearing that she is going to lose the job that she also happens to hate so much. After a failed marketing campaign based around doomed lovers (Including some amusing parodies of "Titanic" and "Bonnie & Clyde" in pretentious ad form), Ally's boss, "Crystal" (Michaela Watkins) forces her to work with a new designer, "Jay" (Mason Gooding), who Ally did happen to have a semi-meet cute earlier that day. Jay invites Ally to dinner to discuss the new campaign, though Ally's newfound cynicism kind of gets in the way, despite the two of them actually having genuine chemistry. Unfortunately for the two of them, the Heart Eyes Killer happens to notice and now targets them as the next pair of victims. Ally and Jay now must evade the ruthless killer, who is willing to slice and dice anyone who happens to get in the way, while their possible romance starts to blossom amidst all the blood and carnage.
Directed by Josh Ruben ("Werewolves Within"), with a screenplay by Phillip Murphy ("Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard"), Christopher Landon (The "Happy Death Day" films), and Michael Kennedy ("It's A Wonderful Knife"), "Heart Eyes" isn't anything too new for the slasher genre, and in some ways in spite of the decent size body count and grisly deaths, it's more of a comedy first and a slasher second. It's as if a pretty normal Romantic Comedy is happening, only to get interrupted by a serial killer. What the film lacks in originality, it makes up for with some clever twists to the genre, Ruben's inspired direction, and the fact that it's genuinely really funny in such a nihilistic kind of way, yet still comes across as oddly adorable due to the liability of its main characters. It's a shock to me how much fun this is. Right when the film starts (With a couple trying to make the perfect engagement, getting rather comically, though nonetheless gruesomely, murdered in a winery), you get the idea what this movie is going for. Even the deaths aren't meant to be taken overly seriously due to how absolutely unhinged they are, and Josh Ruben can still craft some elaborate setpieces that can be equally suspenseful and fun (It's never particularly scary, though Slasher movies rarely are to me anyways). It's brutal at times, though that quite hilariously only makes the film's surprisingly big heart both effective and funny at the same time. It's how you do a complete tonal shift right.
Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding are an excellent pairing, with charismatic chemistry, that avoids certain Rom-Com pratfalls. They get on each other's nerves at times, yet aren't always bickering. They're infectiously cute together, though never overtly so. With great comedic timing, Holt and Gooding really are the film's biggest selling point. There are some amusing moments from the likes of an overly intense Devon Sawa and an overly flirty/really hot Jordana Brewster (as bumbling cops, ludicrously named "Hobbs" and "Shaw"), while I was shocked at how small of a role Michaela Watkins and Gigi Zumbado (as "Monica", Ally's sassy friend) ended up playing, despite it seeming as if they were going to serve bigger purposes at first. As for the titular killer, Heart Eyes makes for a good, fairly old school, slasher, even with the humorous edge. The mask is creepy, and the killer's unhinged ways of taking out their victims are certainly unique (Not to mention how the killer will take moments to just kill a random bystander who happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time). The whole aspect of who the killer actually is isn't exactly a big deal in the grand scheme, which is good because it's actually really easy to figure out, even with the curve balls the movie tries to throw in.
As usual with Slasher films like this, "Heart Eyes" does start to lose some steam towards the end. Still, it's well paced, deliciously deranged, and even quite adorable, thanks to the killer back and forth between Olivia Holt and Mason Gooding. It's the right amount of vicious and the right amount of sweet. A date movie that all can enjoy, whether you're cheesy and want some romance, snarky and are just looking for a good comedy, or if you're just sick as f*ck and are looking to see some poor saps get horrifically murdered in grisly fashion. You could do much worse this Valentine's Day. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Bloody Violence, Scary Stuff, And The Best Use Of A Metal Straw.
Dog Man by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: If Dog Man is willing to wear a body-cam, then so should you!
Believe it or not, cartoonishly frantic and dangerously energized kids movies might be therapeutic for the mind.
Based on the book series by Dave Pilkey (The books being a spin-off of his "Captain Underpants" series, being one of the comics made by George and Harold from those books), "Dog Man" opens in the colorfully wacky world of "OK City", which is repeatedly terrorized by the dastardly (And incredibly cynical) villainous cat, "Petey" (Pete Davidson). Moronic cop, "Officer Knight", and his beloved dog, "Greg", attempt to capture Petey, only to end up being blown up to the point where the doctors can only save Knight's body (But not his head) and Greg's head (But not his body). This leads to them coming up with the brilliant idea to.....put the dog's head on the man's body. This results in "Dog Man", a crime fighting "Supa Cop", who immediately becomes beloved by the community, despite his inability to successfully catch the always escaping Petey. The city's mayor (Cheri Oteri), demands some results, telling the "Chief" (Lil Rel Howery), that if Dog Man can't catch Petey for good, then Dog Man must be taken off the case. Meanwhile, after failing to defeat Dog Man several times, Petey comes up with a new scheme, involving a dead, evil robotic fish named "Flippy", a building that makes "Living Spray", and a cloning machine, which he uses to clone himself. Unfortunately, Petey ends ups with a kitten clone of himself, "Li'l Petey" (Lucas Hopkins Calderon), who sees Petey as his papa. The ever lonely Dog Man befriends Li'l Petey (After Petey abandons him), leading to Dog Man and Petey's rivalry to come to an end, and an even bigger threat about to bring an end to the city and its citizens.
Written and directed by Peter Hastings (Known for work on "Tiny Toon Adventures", "Animaniacs", "Pinky and the Brain", and others), "Dog Man" is, as you can tell from that mumbo jumbo I described in the plot, not meant to be logical. It's literally supposed to be a story, come up with by some sugar-fueled Elementary school kids, and the film perfectly encompasses that. If you're up to what's not even an hour and a half of that is up to you. However, I can bet fans of the book series and kids in general will have a ball with it, and while it doesn't have the depth of say "The LEGO Movie" or even the same level humor of "Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie" (Which also came from DreamWorks Animation like this did), it's still an irresistible and often, pretty hilarious bit of silly nonsense. It knows what it's meant to be, and thankfully, it doesn't use that as an excuse to be lazy or to just dangle some keys for a quick runtime.
For what the film lacks in, er, coherence I suppose, it makes up for in clever wordplay, creative visuals, a surprising amount of heart, and enough laughs that might even get some of the parents snickering more than they thought. I also can't praise the animation style enough. It looks like a stop-motion comic book, brought to life with vigorous energy, breathtaking storyboarding, and even a few intentionally conflicting art aesthetics (Where the animation will jump back and forth from 3D to 2D, or find something in-between). It's genuinely quite funny, whether it be the outlandish places the plot goes, some blink and you'll miss it background or sign gags (Always a favorite of mine), or just plain things that are so absurdly stupid that it gets a big laugh out of you. Like Petey's "Secret Lair" is literally out in the open, with signs pointing to it, or the Chief taking Dog Man through a secret tunnel to show him his awesome, special gear, which only leads them right back into the same exact room as before. (There's also apparently a hotline that character's can call when they say "Life's Not Fair", where the guy on the other line just tells them "Life's Not Fair", and then hangs up) Props to the filmmakers for making the first funny "I can see my house from here" joke I've seen in years.
It may be Dog Man's movie (And he's plenty lovable), but the real scene-stealer ends up being Pete Davidson. He's got the kind of active personality and animated voice that seems made for voice work, while also being the film's most complicated character. Somehow, he's hilariously dastardly, yet shockingly tragic, with his whole relationship with Lucas Hopkins Calderon serving as a place where the film finds some extra heart. Lil Rel Howery is a blast, along with an adorable Isla Fisher (as "Sarah Hatoff", the city's news reporter, that the Chief has a crush on), Billy Boyd (as "Seamus", Sarah's loyal cameraman), Cheri Oteri, Stephen Root (as Petey's absolutely terrible, uncaring father), and underused, but delightful Ricky Gervais (as the voice of the eventually resurrected "Flippy the Fish"), who only comes in during the third act as the true main villain (Making the most out of limited screentime).
Underneath all of the manic silliness, "Dog Man" has a sweet side, a good message of optimism, stellar animation, and some outstanding voice work (Peter Davidson especially is unexpectedly wonderful). I can't say that the movie will do much for the older crowd, with there being more mature animated films to choose from that the whole family can love. However, there isn't a mean bone in this movie's fluffy body, making for a totally Supa time for the kiddies and maybe enough for the parents to just go with the goofy antics. As for me, I got a soft spot for it. Crazy kids movies like this are going to keep me sane and hopeful during another four years of Trump. 4 Stars. Rated PG (Though It's Fairly G Rated For The Most Part) For, Well, The Disturbing Concept Of A Man And A Dog Being Forced To Become One Against Their Will, With The Man's Original Head Wasting Away In Some Lab And The Dog's Body Likely Thrown Out To Make Mulch, While......Just Don't Think About It.
Companion by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: If you're somehow not in love with Sophie Thatcher after seeing this movie (At least in a metaphorical sense), you're obviously not human.
This is another one of those movies that I can see not sitting well with some people. Dudes mostly. Straight dudes. You know who I'm talking about. The kind who likely get their "Star Wars" news from YouTubers and still have their hate boners for the likes of Brie Larson and Rachel Zegler (Emphasis on the boner part). You gotta love to see it, and it makes for the first really good film of 2025. (And hey, perfect date movie if you ask me. Double Feature with "Your Monster" while you're at it!)
"Companion" opens with loving couple, "Iris" (Sophie Thatcher) and "Josh" (Jack Quaid), taking a trip to remote cabin in the woods (It's less of a cabin, and more of a full blown estate), owned by the morally questionable and very Russian, "Sergey" (Rupert Friend), to meet with Josh's friends, including "Kat" (Megan Suri), along with "Eli" (Harvey Guillén) and his boyfriend, "Patrick" (Lukas Gage). Iris is seemingly the perfect girlfriend, who loves Josh unconditionally, is hot as Hell, completely devoid of her own hobbies or interests, and only lives to make Josh happy (Which should clue you in that something is obviously wrong here). After an altercation with Sergey, Iris' world comes crashing down as she realizes her life is a lie and ends up as part of an elaborate (And poorly planned scheme), which takes some turns that really are best not spoiled.
Written and directed by Drew Hancock (Whose writing credits include, and I'm not making this up, the third "Fred" film for Nickelodeon and a few episodes of "Mr. Pickles" on Adult Swim. Weirdly makes sense now that I think about it), with a producing credit from "Barbarian" director Zach Cregger, "Companion" is what happens when someone takes a hammer to the facade of your average Rom-Com. I will say that the first twist isn't that hard to figure out (And it's revealed in the first twenty minutes or so, along with apparently the most recent trailer), though where they take this macabre, pitch black comedy is both ludicrously insane and cleverly unpredictable. Similar to "Barbarian", the genres are flipped around so much that by the second act, it feels like a completely different film, which I do genuinely mean in the best way. Hancock's direction and screenplay skillfully deconstruct the idea of the perfect relationship (At least the male's version of it), along with the nonsensical feelings of love itself (How does it make us both very happy and violently angry at the same time?) Then of course, the unhinged levels of toxic masculinity, that at the rate we're going, will never not be relevant in some way. I also love how the film plays like a horror movie, yet is filmed like a romance movie, except the film's tone is more darkly comedic than anything else (Credit to the editing, which is intentionally quick and chopped up, giving the feel of an Edgar Wright film). It's an ingenious bending of the genres that pay off with the film's themes. It's also just really funny, particularly when more of what's going on is pieced together and how so much of what's happening could have been avoided, though you damn well it would actually go down like this due to some good old fashioned humor error and stupidity.
Sophie Thatcher, who has been making a big name for herself lately and for good reason too, is mesmerizing in a role that requires her body language, eyes, and even her voice in cleverly surreal ways (Her really hot voice especially). Jack Quaid plays a fidgety douchebag better than any other actor working today, while Lukas Gage really gets to show off his surprise versatility in one of the movie's more complicated parts. Megan Suri is appropriately unapologetic, Rupert Friend has embraced just playing whatever weirdo comes to mind lately, and Harvey Guillén is hilarious, I do like that, despite some of the characters being likely being characterized via certain aspects that have by this point become stock, everyone is fully realized and have more to them than what first appears. Maybe they have unexpected depth or might actually be much worse. You do have to put it all together yourself.
Funny, twisted, and most importantly, smart, "Companion" is a strong first film for director Drew Hancock, with a refreshing take on its subject matter and an eye-catching breakout performance from Sophie Thatcher (Seriously, how can you not have a crush on her after this?). With some shockingly brutal violence, unconventional approaches to old ideas, and damn good satire, it's this year's first must see. 4 Stars. Rated R For Bloody Violence, Sexual Content, Bad Boyfriends, Killer Apps, And Irredeemable Incelness.
Flight Risk by James Eagan ★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: And here I thought if you were on that plane, 9/11 never would have happened. Yet another Marky Mark disappointment.
From one of our newly appointed, so-called "Special Ambassadors of Hollywood", comes the most generic, clearly old school bad January release in recent memory that quite frankly, looks like it could have been directed by literally anyone on auto-pilot. If THIS is what we're supposed to be stuck with for the next few years, the industry truly is doomed. Thanks Mr. President!
"Flight Risk" opens with United States Marshal, "Madelyn Harris" (Michelle Dockery) capturing the fleeing, "Winston" (Topher Grace), who did some accounting for a crime lord, "Moretti". Winston agrees to become an informant to save himself, so long as he gets the best protection possible, knowing what Moretti is capable of. It's arranged for Madelyn to oversee Winston's transportation over the Alaskan mountains in a small plane, piloted by the overly Southern, rednecky pilot, "Daryl Booth" (Mark Wahlberg). Something obviously isn't right from the beginning and Daryl is revealed to be a psychopathic, balding, non-Southern unnamed hitman, who Moretti hired to silence Winston. After subduing the hitman and handcuffing him to the back of the plane, it's up to Madelyn to pilot the aircraft herself, despite not knowing what she's doing. It also becomes apparent that there might not be anyone that she and Winston can trust, while the hitman repeatedly plots ways of killing them both and completing his mission.
Directed by Mel Gibson ("Braveheart", "Hacksaw Ridge"), with a screenplay by Jared Rosenberg, "Flight Risk" is a forgettable and oddly pedestrian feeling thriller, that's not without a cool premise, yet is sadly hindered by uninspired direction and an incredibly safe screenplay. It's easy to rag on Gibson for some of his recent work (The man hasn't given a performance in the last five years or so where he looked like he gave a crap and is slowly turning into one of those steel wool sponges), and even easier to criticize all the, um, "other stuff", that we've all either decided to ignore or are for some reason okay with. Still, the man is a capable director, but you wouldn't know it here. It's not terrible. It's just so damn unremarkable. Nothing about it stands out, aside from some occasionally shoddy CGI and some really bad off screen dubbing (Did Mark Wahlberg not originally do an accent at the beginning? Because most of his dialogue wasn't remotely syncing up with his lips at first!). I'm all for a bare bones story, where everything you see is strictly from the point of view of our main characters, which could make for a tense bottle film. It ends up being too bare bones though, with lots of predictable tropes and the most basic of characterizations for the most part. If anything happens outside of the film's main setting, it has little to no effect on the characters, despite the film trying to convince us that it is.
The always classy and respectable Michelle Dockery (Also, she's so pretty!) is at least capable, even when the script isn't. She does a good job considering the film's limitations, and especially since the film is restricted to its tight quarters, she has to carry a lot of the film's baggage. Topher Grace is also pretty great, getting a few funny lines, and perfectly playing the cowardly dweeb, who should have been killed five minutes in. He also easily gets the film's best character arc, where you do see past his ineptitude and spinelessness to find his humanity. Dockery and Grace are solid together, and that leaves Mark Wahlberg to be a third wheel. It does seem that Wahlberg is trying to do something a little different here, abandoning his Marky Markness in favor of a cartoonishly over the top villain, and I can see what they were going for. Frustratingly though, it just doesn't work. He ends up coming across as more of a silly nuisance than a scary threat. He ends up being so inconsequential to the narrative in a few rinse and repeat sequences where he busts free, tries to kill our main characters, makes a crude (Or mostly homophobic) remark, and then easily gets his ass beat before getting tied back up. That happens like three or four times. Once we reach the film's climax, you realize he didn't need to be there at all.
Despite a few tense moments, "Flight Risk" is sorely lacking in thrills, especially in the last act. It's rather baffling how nonchalant the film ends, cutting to black and leaving you wondering if there was actually supposed to be more or not. It's not like I was exactly asking for more, but it was jarring to see the film literally just stop on such a non-cinematic note. Feels more like a commercial break than an actual ending or what happens when you get tired of watching something on Netflix and simply cut it off. Fitting because this should have been a Netflix movie. Something you either leave on in the background and don't pay attention to or watch on your phone in an almost zombified fashion and immediately forget all about it after. I'd probably be a little easier on it if that had been the case. Seeing it in the theaters feels more like you're actually trapped on a doomed flight with Mark Wahlberg and his bald cap. It's just the lame kind of bad. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, A Little Violence, On The Phone Flirting (I Do Genuinely Hope They Ended Up Together Though!), And That Butt Ugly CGI Moose. Whoever Thought That Was Okay Needs To Be Fired!
Wolf Man by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Now when I said "For Better or For Worse", I don't think this remotely qualifies.
What was once meant to be Universal's so-called "Dark Universe" (A shared universe similar to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, except with their collection of movie monsters like Dracula, the Mummy, and the Wolf Man), failed so hard that it meant that such iconic characters would need a different kind of reboot to make it in this modernized era. The first true successful attempt was 2020's "The Invisible Man", which retained some of the themes and chills of its source material, while integrating itself with a fresh spin, making for one of that year's best films (And only on a $7 million budget too!). Thus the idea of just resurrecting the infamous monsters through a series of standalone stories (Almost like an unofficial anthology) seemed like the best idea.
Inspired very loosely by 1941's "The Wolf Man", "Wolf Man" follows "Blake Lovell" (Christopher Abbott), who finds out that his previously missing father has no legally been declared dead, leaving behind his old childhood home outside San Francisco. Trying to keep what family he has left together, made up of his always working wife, "Charlotte" (Julia Garner) and lovable daughter "Ginger" (Matilda Firth), Blake suggests that they take a trip to his father's farmhouse. Along the way though, once they enter the woods, the family is attacked by some kind of monstrous creature. After finding refuge in the farmhouse, Blake realizes he's been horribly scratched by the creature, thus causing an infection that proceeds to have some rather grotesque side effects. With Blake slowly losing every ounce of his humanity to this disease, Charlotte and Ginger now must find a way to survive against two unstoppable almost human, yet very wolf-like monsters (One of which that just so happens to be someone they love).
Directed by Leigh Whannell ("The Invisible Man", "Upgrade"), who co-wrote the screenplay with his wife, Corbett Tuck, "Wolf Man" takes the same minimalistic approach that "The Invisible Man" had in mind, though for some, it might take it a little too far. Possibly hindered by distributor "Blumhouse Productions", who have been known for their refusal to spend money even when needed (Which they've been doing a lot more lately), Whannell works with what he's given to craft a perfectly solid, intense, dramatic thriller that forgoes the supernatural in favor of practical prosthetics and unsettling body horror. Still, the film's slow burn clearly won't sit well with everyone, especially if they're used to the more over the top, almost ape-like, hulking kind of werewolf design, similar to 2010's "The Wolf Man" (If you ask me, this is much better and a lot less, well, stupid, by comparison).
Christopher Abbott, who really had to commit to the part in more ways than one (Considering all the make-up he's slowly forced to endure), is quite excellent. The same can be said for Julia Garner (Who starts the film semi-detached, before her character steps up into the role of the true protagonist) and Matilda Firth (Who is just charm personified). Whannell's direction is on point, where atmospheric camera angles and some pretty killer concepts, which put a completely new spin on the whole werewolf theme. This has nothing to do with full moons or some kind of curse. Instead, this is treated as a dire sickness of sorts, that slowly turns the victim into a feral being, where he's unable to understand and eventually, unable to identify the people he loves. This results in him lashing out violently, while his body continues to morph into something equally repulsive and tragic. The way Whannell captures these ideas, through lighting and visuals (Where we see the varying perspectives between characters) is really clever. I also like the Wolf Man design, despite it being more Man than Wolf. In a way, it could be seen as just the first phase (Think a shaved, disheveled, and underfed bear), and it's undeniably freaky to see how the human body would contort itself into such a form. There are just some story aspects that don't quite work. While the film takes its time to get to the horror side of things (Something I also actually enjoyed), when it arrives at its conclusion, it's rather shockingly safe. It kind of becomes more of a zombie movie than a werewolf one. On a side note, I think I know why the other Wolf Man never bothered to just, you know, smash the windows to the house to get in. I kind of got the idea that these creatures just act on pure, animalistic instinct instead of actual intelligence and also seem to lack comprehensible eyesight. Just a theory I'm tossing out because, you know Cinema Sins and Film Twitter are going to be babbling about that one like they're some kind of intellectual.
"Wolf Man" has a last act twist that's incredibly obvious to deduce from the start, and after that point, the rest of the film is fairly predictable stuff. It sadly doesn't have any of those shocking moments that we saw with "The Invisible Man" (I believe we all remember our horrified reactions to the infamous dinner scene, with the floating knife), and despite some unsavory effects work that make for a suitably unpleasant watch, you are kind of left wanting a bit more. That's not to say though that when the film works, it fires on all cylinders. Strong performances and Whannell's human take on the subject are what give the film its edge, even if it just doesn't quite have enough bite by the end. 3 Stars. Rated R For Scary Images, Grotesque Transformations, And Wolfy Mannerisms.
Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Sony's Spider-Man-Less "Green Goblin" spin-off.
This is not a drill! From the creators of "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey", "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2", and the rest of the "Twisted Childhood Universe" (Making slasher/horror films out of childhood characters that have entered the public domain), we have their first movie that, and stick with me here, isn't bad. I'll go as far as to say that it's kind of alright. Technically the best movie I've seen so far this year. Granted, I've only seen two 2025 releases, but hey, that's an accomplishment.
Inspired by the stories of "Peter Pan" by J. M. Barrie (Who is likely screaming in his grave, like the rest of the authors behind the source material for the rest of this shared universe), "Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" follows "Wendy Darling" (Megan Placito), who promises to pick up her little brother, "Michael" (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney) from school. Michael is taken by a notorious, hideously scarred and deranged childnapper and serial killer, "Peter Pan" (Martin Portlock), who has evaded capture for years. Wendy is determined to rescue her brother, who Peter has taken to his lair, promising to take him to "Neverland" (Or some place that he calls Neverland). While poor Michael is forced to endure Peter's demented delusions and is kept from escaping by Peter's abused assistant, "Tinker Bell" (Kit Green), who injects herself with "Pixie Dust" (aka likely heroin), Wendy starts to uncover the mystery behind Peter's past victims in a desperate attempt to save Michael from joining Peter's supposed "The Lost Boys" in oblivion.
Written and directed by Scott Jeffrey (Who starred as Christopher Robin in "Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2"), "Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" is just as cruel, exploitative, and twistedly violent as the previous entries in this franchise. However, there's actually something here that works. A few things really. There's an actual story, with genuinely menacing concepts, a few interesting themes, a sense of atmosphere, and a surprisingly effective villain. The film's low budget does work towards its advantage in some aspects, with solid enough staging and moody shadows (With the exception of a few moments where the filmmakers rely a little too heavily on some background lighting, making it seem like it's so bright outside for some reason, despite being the middle of the night). I also gotta commend the heavy use of practical effects and old school gore. Sure, it's all too much and it reveals in the gruesomeness of certain deaths, but still, it's undeniably impressive to see sawed off limbs and ripped open scalps in a way that clearly had a good amount of effort put into making it seem real. Gross, yet creative.
The film's biggest strength is Martin Portlock, who is damn good as the titular menace. Shifting his voice and body language on a whim from playful and fantastical to Joker-esque and mean spirited, then to just plain vile for the Hell of it, he's rather scary and fascinating to watch. Some of the reason is because he does feel like the kind of monster you very much could see wandering around a dark alley. (Honestly, I could totally see Portlock playing a "Batman" villain in the future) The non-binary Kit Green brings some sincere tragedy to what at first feels like a joke, only for it to end up being much more disturbing than you'd expect. (With their character shown to be a former victim of Peter's, swayed into his thrall due to not feeling accepted by society at a young age) Megan Placito and Peter DeSouza-Feighoney are a pair of likable leads, while the film finds a few pretty clever and even unique ways of integrating aspects from the source material into the film's trashily slasher style. Like the crocodile being shown on looped nature footage, Peter's seemingly sentient shadow just being his own manic hallucinations, or the reveal as to what "Going to Neverland" really means. I like what the film does with "Captain Hook" (Played by drag performer Charity Kase), though it deserved much more screentime for an unsettling concept that only appears briefly.
"Peter Pan's Neverland Nightmare" is an occasionally successful, suitably nasty, and at times, smarter than it appears, sort of small scale horror flick. Sadly, it still lacks a sense of humor, much like the rest of these movies have also equally lacked (There's a cute gag where a kid is wearing a shirt of the first "Blood and Honey" movie). I get that there is some
heavy subject matter here, and it makes sense for it to be taken more seriously. However, with such a silly premise, there's a frustrating absence of fun. That's something that even the "Terrifier" films have over these. Regardless though, this is a vast improvement over previously entries in both this shared film universe, as well as this new genre intentionally bastardizing beloved children's' characters as a whole. With more still being promised/threatened over the next couple years, maybe we'll actually start to get something good out of them. 2 1/2 Stars. Not Rated, Though Essentially R Rated For Gruesome Goriness, Disturbing Images, And The Fact That All Young Women In These Movies Are Smoking Hot For Some Reason. Like, All Of Them!
Den of Thieves 2: Pantera by James Eagan ★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Do you remember what happened in the first movie?" "Nope. You?" "Nope."
Yeah, I don't have much with this one. I saw the original, but God help me, I don't remember much of anything about it. I remember Gerard Butler was quite good, playing a less heroic, sleazy type, and 50 Cent was there for a bit, and it was too long. Stuff like this. No 50 Cent this time. We do get more of Gerard Butler playing against type, and it's still quite delightful to see.
Following up with the events of the first one, "Den of Thieves: Pantera" begins with the now disgraced former cop, "Nicholas "Big Nick" O'Brien" (Gerard Butler), who still hasn't forgotten how his former friend turned expert thief, "Donnie Wilson" (O'Shea Jackson Jr.), screwed him over and escaped with the booty, leaving Nick to deal with the consequences (Then again though, Nick is kind of a dick, so he deserves it). Nick eventually tracks down Donnie to Europe, where he's planning another heist with a new crew, revealing that he is done with the cop life and that he wants in. Donnie is hesitant at first, though Nick proves himself, and the two do genuinely start to rekindle their old friendship. With it turning out that Donnie stole from the wrong people, the heist within a highly secured vault, full of safety deposit boxes, becomes much more important.
Written and directed by Christian Gudegast (Returning from the previous film), "Den of Thieves 2: Pantera" is a serviceable heist movie, which avoids certain pratfalls of the genre in places, and gladly dives right into others. It's not a particularly memorable film, and considering it's the first release of 2025, I doubt it's supposed to be. It's not exactly unpredictable, with a bloated runtime of almost two and a half hours due to the film taking too much time to get wrapped up in the details that most movies would gloss over. Thankfully, there are enough intense moments and enough humor to keep it just lively enough. In fact, the film borders on a Bro-Rom-Com due to the very entertaining chemistry between its two main stars.
Gerard Butler and O'Shea Jackson Jr. are great together, continuing off the events of the first film (Which again, I don't remember too well), going from enemies to friends in a way that believe it or not, surprisingly works. Butler is an arrogant, crude, and admittedly corrupt A-Hole, who is just funny and smart enough to make himself seem halfway likable, while Jackson Jr. plays the role of the incredibly skilled, though fairly noble thief (In the sense that he doesn't want to kill or even hurt anybody), with both characters finding some kind of weird connection and understanding. There are some unnecessary (And forgettable) villains, while some of the supporting characters, such as the quite lovely Evin Ahmad (as "Jovanna", the brains behind Donnie's crew), who don't get much of a role. It's a bit off how the film is so long and gets so invested in little details about certain characters (Like where the concierge guy is while the heist is going down, or an admittedly funny gag about how the security is too enamoured by the Soccer game to notice the break-in), yet doesn't really develop any of them.
"Den of Thieves 2: Pantera" gets the job done, even if it's not near fast enough or with as much personality as its appealing leads generate. It's entertaining enough in places, while kind of dull in others. Even then, I can't say it's a bad film at all. It genuinely isn't. Maybe it will work better if you're a big fan of the first film (I assume there are a few. Somewhere), and it might be just enough for others to simply kill some time until the bigger releases. It's just one of those, see it if you want, but you won't miss much if you don't sort of movies. And if you do see it, you'll likely leave satisfied for the most part, though will forget all about it in a couple days or so. 2 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language, Some Silly Accent Offs, And Drugged Out Gerard Butler, Which Is Honestly, Just As Amazing As It Sounds.
Better Man by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Apes Together Strong! Ya Fookin Wankahs!
Always around the end of the year (Into the beginning of next year, since many of these films get delayed nationwide releases), we get some music Biopics that hope to see some Oscar gold. We get plenty of good ones, a few okay ones, some cloying ones, or all of the above. It's gotten old. Most of the time, especially when they have heavy involvement from their subjects or their families, they're fairly safe portrayals that don't want to make said subject look bad. It's kind of refreshing to have a Biopic that basically screams "I was a piece of sh*t. I hated myself, and I wanted to kill myself", while its subject is turned literally into a wild animal. That's certainly a choice, and it makes for a final leftover great film from 2024.
Based on the life of British pop singer, Robbie Williams (Who serves as the film's narrator), "Better Man" opens with a young "Robbie Williams" (Portrayed as a CG animated chimpanzee/human hybrid through motion capture by Jonno Davies), yearning for a chance at stardom, though mostly yearning for the affection of his eventually absent father, "Peter" (Steve Pemberton), who really just tends to make Robbie feel worthless. With some encouragement from his mother, "Janet" (Kate Mulvany) and loving grandmother, "Betty" (Alison Steadman), Robbie is able to get a spot in a boy band, "Take That", before he's later kicked out due to being insufferable to be around. Robbie finds temporary love with singer, "Nicole Appleton" (Raechelle Banno), eventually f*cks that up too, then continuously spirals further and further down a rabbit hole of addiction, depression, and dark thoughts, all while his popularity only sky rockets.
Directed by Michael Gracey ("The Greatest Showman"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Simon Gleeson and Oliver Cole, "Better Man" is part Biopic, part musical, part dark dramedy, and part psychological horror film. It's also something, despite not knowing a whole lot about Robbie Williams (With the exception of a few recognizable songs), that I'm genuinely shocked I loved as much as I did. It's certainly one of the few of these kinds of films that isn't afraid to get down and dirty, showing its main star at his absolute lowest and at his most unappealing. It's a story that we've heard quite a few times, though never told this brutally honest and in such an admittedly baffling way. The very concept alone is both inspired and flabbergasting. Not to mention, kind of funny at times, especially with how absolutely nobody in the film reacts or acknowledges that there's a talking, anthropomorphized chimp running around, getting drunk, having threesomes, doing drugs, getting jerked off behind a curtain, and selling out concerts, where he just goes, heh, bananas. It's insane that somebody thought this was a good idea for a movie, and even more insane how well it works. This is a genuinely fascinating, deep, and exceptionally heavy film, with visual imagery that ranges from wondrous, frightening, saddening, and so odd that you can't help but find yourself moved by the sheer audacity of it. Gracey, who already has some experience crafting some showstopping musical numbers, is let off his leash this time. The film goes through Robbie Williams' Discography (Again, I actually recognized a couple songs when they came up, and didn't know that those were his), and combines them with musical sequences that range from beautiful and poetic to absolutely off its rocker and chaotic. They are fantastic, with the CGI on Robbie's Chimp exterior, provided via the people behind the newer "Planet of the Apes" films, blending in seamlessly. In fact, it blends in so well that it just feels even more abstract to watch. It's one of those rare things where the Uncanny Valley actually works in the film's favor, where instead of taking you out of the experience, the incomprehensibility only draws you in further.
Robbie Williams' suitably quirky, and unapologetically British, narration adds to the unhinged storybook feel, while an excellent Jonno Davies completely carries things, even behind all that computer generated make-up. We also get some damn good supporting work from a charming Raechelle Banno (With the short-lived romance breezed through a well done, heartbreaking montage sequence), Kate Mulvany, a warm Alison Steadman, a smarmy Damon Herriman (as "Nigel Martin-Smith", Robbie's manager during his time with "Take That", who would casually let Robbie know that he doesn't like him), Frazer Hadfield (as "Nate", Robbie's longtime friend, who gave up the chance at stardom for a simpler life), and a complicated Steve Pemberton (Finding a way to humanize such a figure is always a challenge and the film finds a way). The film gets progressively more disturbing in places, such as Robbie seeing visions of himself (All represented by the various Chimp models we've seen throughout the film), who make repeatedly demeaning and threatening remarks to him (Such as telling him how much he sucks, how he's a failure, and that he deserves to die). Once we reach the film's final act, I don't think I've ever seen such a creative, if not harsh, look into what could go on in one's mind, especially when their inner demons are left to fester. To say that the Robbie Williams Chimp movie may be one of 2024's most thought provoking films is both perplexing to me, and yet, wouldn't be a lie.
"Better Man" is a dark, though eventually inspiring critique of one's self, with spellbinding visuals, macabre humor, and moments of unexpected heartbreak. One moment you're laughing at the absurdity of a humanoid chimp enjoying the so called sweet life of a pop star, only to be devastated at the consequences of the action that he admits to only having brought up on himself (There is something quite welcome about a biopic not sugarcoating certain low points and just straight up stating "I f*cked up here!", without trying to find an easy way at false sympathy). A portrait of stunted madness, that's equal parts lovely and terrifying, where we dive into the kind of brilliant, though demented mind of one who can only describe himself as "Unevolved". Like I said, this is insane. Insane enough that it works. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Strong Language (British Language Too. Lots Of C-Words And T-Words), Disturbing Content, And Manic Monkey Business.
Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl by James Eagan ★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: I have stared into the eyes of evil.
This is probably the easiest 5 Stars I've ever given. It was probably around the scene where we see Gromit reading "A Room of One's Own" by "Virginia Woof", and I just knew. 5 Star material right there!
"Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl" reunites us with the brilliant, if not simple minded, cheese loving inventor, "Wallace" (Ben Whitehead, replacing the late Peter Sallis) and his loyal, heroic dog, "Gromit" (Who never speaks). Wallace, whose inventions have a tendency to get out of hand, creates a robotic gnome (Or a "Smart Gnome" as he calls it), named "Norbot" (Reece Shearsmith), to work around the house and even assist Gromit in his garden (Regardless if Gromit even wants the help). The neighbors all take an interest in Norbot, giving Wallace the idea to hire it out to work in everyone's gardens. One night, while Gromit leaves Norbot to charge via Gromit's computer, an old enemy of the duo, the silent, devious penguin (Who dresses like a chicken), known as "Feathers McGraw" (Who they faced off against previously in the classic short film, "The Wrong Trousers"), uses this as a chance to steal the famous "Blue Diamond" and also get revenge on Wallace and Gromit for previously thwarting his plans and landing him in prison (aka The Zoo). After literally switching Norbot's controls to "Evil" (Because of course that would be a function on it), Feathers creates an army of Norbots to steal various things across town, thus implicating Wallace in their crimes. With the former Police Constable, turned Chief Inspector "Macintosh" (Peter Kay) and his excitable young protégée "Mukherjee" (Lauren Patel), looking for a means of proving Wallace's guilt, it's once again up to Gromit to save the day and stop Feathers McGraw's dastardly scheme of vengeance. Vengeance....Most....Fowl!
Directed by series creator Nick Park (Having directed all of the "Wallace & Gromit" shorts, along with feature films like "Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" and "Chicken Run") and frequent collaborator Merlin Crossingham, with a screenplay by Mark Burton (Another collaborator, who also co-directed "Shaun the Sheep Movie"), "Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl" is a return to form for "Aardman Animations". Not that they've ever made an actually bad film, but some of their last few movies ("Early Man", "Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget") just didn't reach their high standards. Not to mention, they haven't had a financial hit in so long (At least here in the United States), and it's to the point they've been left to distribute via Netflix. This newest, lovingly hand-crafted stop-motion masterpiece of comedy and animation is everything we associate with the studio, and so much more. It's funny to say that this actually might only be the third or fourth best in the "Wallace & Gromit" franchise, and it's still pretty cracking flawless. As usual, the animation is an absolute joy to watch. Even after over thirty years, Aardman's claymation puppet wizardry has more soul in a single frame than most live-action films have in their entire runtime. Sure, things have had to be digitally enhanced to a degree, like everything is nowadays, but you can still see every finely tuned detail, along with the little thumbprints on the clay. It's also much more elaborate and creatively directed, despite having less of a budget this time around. Whether it be cute little jokes sprinkled around the foreground and background, or the smart bits of visual storytelling and joke-telling, this iconic duo hasn't lost their charm.
Ben Whitehead, who has been voicing the character for a while now in a couple ads in the UK, is a perfect replacement for the great Peter Sallis. Wallace is still as clueless as ever, to the point of it being dangerously so (Gromit really has to put up with so much crap from him), and yet, he's never intentionally malicious and always learns from his little lesson by the end. Gromit has always had such a peak character design, especially in terms of its simplicity (His face is literally just a pair of eyes and a nose, without any semblance of a mouth). So much personality just resonates from him, making for some great visual gags and plenty of heart. It's great to see Peter Kay returning from the first movie in a larger role, while Lauren Patel is an adorable new addition. Meanwhile, Feathers McGraw is still a magnificently malicious villain, with the recurring gag of him being a so called "master of disguise" getting a laugh (Despite clearly being a penguin, just with a different hat or a rubber glove on his head), and still coming across as genuinely frightening at times (Amazing how they made something like a beady-eyed penguin scary).
Hilarious, sweet, and even quite thrilling (The movie rivals the last "Mission: Impossible" entry in terms of action packed suspense! Seriously!), "Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl" is a last second treat that 2024 had to offer for us, and is sure to become an instant classic, just like its predecessors. The film has some relevant messages about the dangers of AI, police incompetence, and finding a nuanced balance when seeking technological advancement, with the fact that it's coming from something entirely brought to life by the beauty of the human touch, makes it all the more fitting. A triumph of timeless joy, mixed with big laughs and big heart. Shame we didn't get it theatrically, but I suppose it's a solid enough sacrifice simply to see the return of such a beloved duo. Get your cheese and crackers, then make a family movie night out of it. 5 Stars. Rated PG (Funny, Because The First Film Still Got A G Rating) For Some Humor That Will Go Over The Kids' Heads, Ghastly Gnomes, Petulant Penguins, And Weaponized Pun-Mastery. Aardman At Its Finest.
Nosferatu by James Eagan ★★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: This is the skin of a killer, Bella.
Bringing grotesque, irredeemable, blood sucking vampires back baby! Forget all these smooth, slick, and sexy vampires! Nah! What the people want are gross, rat-like, vulture-dudes, who clearly never bathe, likely smell like sh*t, and gurgle out broken Shakespeare in impossible to decipher accents! Classic vampires. Vampyre, if you will!
A remake of the 1922 silent film, which itself was an unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker's "Dracula", "Nosferatu" opens in the 1800s, with real estate agent, "Thomas Hutter" (Nicholas Hoult), getting tasked by his disturbingly eccentric boss, "Herr Knock" (Simon McBurney), to travel to Transylvania, where a mysterious and extremely wealthy nobleman, "Count Orlok" (Bill Skarsgård), seeks a new residence. Despite the pleas of his loving wife, "Ellen" (Lily-Rose Depp), who has always been plagued by disturbing nightmares and believes something terrible is on the horizon, Thomas believes that this will bring the success necessary to provide a better life for her. Ellen is left in the care of her friend, "Anna" (Emma Corrin) and her husband, "Friedrich Harding" (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), while Thomas leaves for Transylvania. After he has a rather odd night in a small Transylvanian village, who all warn of the dangers that await him, Thomas comes face to face with Count Orlok, revealed to be a towering and frightening, inhuman being, that also seems to have a strange infatuation with Ellen.
After getting the papers signed, Thomas attempts to leave, only to end up attacked by the vampiric Orlok, who departs to his new home. Thomas goes missing, while Herr Knock goes mad and ends up locked up in the care of the local doctor, "Wilhelm Sievers" (Ralph Ineson). Sievers is also called in by Harding to take care of Ellen, who is now under Orlok's trance and is on his way to "claim" her. While Thomas tries to find his way home to his beloved, Sievers and Harding turn to the brilliant, but eerily questionable scientist, "Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz" (Willem Dafoe), to deduce a way of stopping the dark force that's controlling Ellen, with Orlok's very arrival bringing about a plague that could wipe out all the living.
Written and directed by Robert Eggers ("The Witch", "The Lighthouse", "The Northman"), "Nosferatu" has been a long time passion project for him, and if you know anything about his filmography, it's pretty obvious right off the bat why. This is easily the most Robert Eggers movie to ever be Eggered by Robert Eggers. That means that the film fits its old school, Hammer Film-like aesthetic like a glove and is proudly f*cked up beyond all reason. I'm really starting to wonder what goes on inside that man's maniacal mind! I can only imagine how insane the production as a whole must have been. From the authentic sets, costumes, and staging, with more reliance on practical effects and creative camera tricks, Eggers creates an atmospheric sense of dread that creates the kind of nightmarish experience you just can't find in a lot of horror movies today. It's all played so straight to the point of camp, where the screenplay itself is ripe with scenery chewing and sophisticatedly bombastic dialogue. Aside from possibly an off screen wink or a nod, there isn't a hint of cynicism or snark here. Eggers loves toying with what we see, utilizing the very shadows themselves, and seducing you with darkness. It's so hypnotic that you become lost in the pools dark gray and black, only to get snapped out of the trance by an abrupt cut, sound, or a demonic face that you swear would be the one that would escort you to the gates of Hell. (Jump scares are used sparingly, yet so effectively)
Nicholas Hoult, who spends much of the movie sweating and in a state of absolute dread, is fantastic, playing our nice, though unfortunately naive hero. However, this is Lily-Rose Depp's time to shine. Much like Emma Stone in last year's "Poor Things", this is a very bold, risky performance, that certainly isn't afraid to get freaky. It's a fine line to walk, between sweet and innocent, sensual and needing, broken and unhinged, and by the end, truly powerful. Depp plays a woman of stronger will than the times of the film would expect of her, confronting a dark, predatory figure of the past and choosing to make what at first seems like something filled with shame, but instead turn it into a strength. (Plus, I can only assume her bones are aching like Hell after all the contorting she has to do). We get strong work from a kind-hearted Emma Corrin and an overly skeptical, almost buffoonish Aaron Taylor-Johnson, along with the likes of an understated Ralph Ineson, a deranged Simon McBurney, and of course, a perfectly cast Willem Dafoe (Who you can tell is relishing every second he's onscreen). Everyone is so good that you pretty much forget that it's yet another movie where everybody is just British, despite being set in Germany. Bill Skarsgård on the other hand seems to jump at the chance to become absolutely unrecognizable as our monstrous villain. I swear, if you didn't see his name on the poster, you'd have no clue it was him. Dressed in Oscar worthy make-up and prosthetics that make him look like a decaying Peter Stormare, mixed with that creepy uncle you and your family is no longer allowed to talk about, Skarsgård himself is nowhere to be seen. Taking cues from the classic movie monsters of old, it's all about bringing the physical embodiment of fear to the screen. It's one of those things you really need to see with your own eyes.
Stunningly filmed, with ghastly imagery, and complex themes of a feral and sexual nature (Just a heads up. This might trigger some people), "Nosferatu" breathes new, undead life into an old tale, with Eggers' love for the macabre and revolting, along with a top notch cast and a score that you swear is synced perfectly with your own heartbeat. An unforgivingly brutal and bloody scary story, that also might just be the best "Dracula" adaptation without needing to actually be one. Beastly, yet beautiful. Sensual, yet sick. Despicable, yet deep. All around unforgettable. Even if you try to resist, you WILL find yourself succumbing to the darkness' almost lecherous allure. Good luck! 5 Stars. Rated R For Heavy, Heart-Stopping Violence, Disturbing Content Of A Sexual Nature, Rat Riots, Blood Sucking, And Nosferatu Nads.
Mufasa: The Lion King by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: The look on Disney's face when they realized "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" might beat them at the box office. I repeat. "Sonic the Hedgehog 3"!
The original, 1994 animated Disney masterpiece, "The Lion King", is something that many of us hold near and dear to our hearts and very souls. It's a remarkable, artistically flawless testament to story, character, music, and animation itself (Which is saying something considering it may have actually just been a rip-off of "Kimba the White Lion". Something we've all just kind of accepted because, well, it's "The Lion King"). So 2019's live-action remake (And by live-action, I mean photorealistically animated), despite featuring some groundbreaking visual effects and more effort than yet another Disney cash grab deserves, left a bit of a bad taste in everyone's mouths, simply because the heart just wasn't there. Sure, there were plenty of well made, charming moments, but it seemed even more unnecessary than many of Disney's already too big collection of live-action remakes (Which were becoming increasingly less necessary the more they made). It was almost too realistic looking, was more or less a shot for shot remake, and left audiences wondering what was the point, especially since we already had a perfectly, well, perfect movie at home, waiting for us to watch it whenever we wanted (Didn't stop the remake from making over $1 billion worldwide though). Thankfully, this sequel/prequel decides to tell a more original story, and that alone makes it better than the first.
Opening some time after the events of the first film, following the deaths of "Mufasa" (Previously voiced by the late James Earl Jones, with the film opening with a dedication to him) and "Scar" (Previously voiced by Chiwetel Ejiofor), "Mufasa: The Lion King" opens with "Simba" (Donald Glover), leaving "Pride Rock" to be with his pregnant mate, "Nala" (Beyoncé Knowles-Carter), having entrusted the bumbling and lovably obnoxious duo of the meerkat "Timon" (Billy Eichner) and "Pumbaa" (Seth Rogen), to watch over their young daughter, "Kiara" (Blue Ivy Carter). The eccentric, but wise mandrill, "Rafiki" (John Kani), visits to tell Kiara a story during a frightening storm, about the origins of the young outsider, "Mufasa" (Voiced as a child by Braelyn and Brielle Rankins, then as an adult by Aaron Pierre), who would later become the beloved king of the Pride Lands. After losing his parents, "Afia" (Anika Noni Rose) and "Masego" (Keith David) in a flood, Mufasa is rescued by another young lion, "Taka" (Voiced by Theo Somolu as a child, then by Kelvin Harrison Jr. as an adult).
The excitable Taka brings Mufasa to his Pride, with Taka's kind-hearted mother "Eshe" (Thandiwe Newton), accepting Mufasa as her own, and Taka's less loving father, "Obasi" (Lenny James), seeing Mufasa only as an outsider that will never earn his place among the other lions. Years later, Mufasa and Taka form a close bond, becoming both best friends and brothers, only for their family to be ripped away from them by a group of violent, power hungry white lions, led by the especially vile "Kiros" (Mads Mikkelsen). Mufasa and Taka flee to safety, being told to find their own Pride, with Mufasa (Having developed a rather impressive sense of smell, sight, and sound), hoping to find the fabled, peaceful land of "Milele". Along the way, Mufasa and Taka meet "Sarabi" (Tiffany Boone), her hornbill scout "Zazu" (Preston Nyman), and a younger "Rafiki" (Voiced during these flashbacks by Kagiso Lediga), who helps them along on their journey to escape Kiros and find Milele. However, envy, resentment, and eventual betrayal are on the horizon, as Mufasa nears his destiny to become the one true king, while Taka eventually becomes the villain we all know as "Scar".
Directed by the Oscar winning Barry Jenkins ("If Beale Street Could Talk", along with "Moonlight", which I consider the best film of the last decade, and possibly even the century so far), with a screenplay by Jeff Nathanson (Returning from the 2019 film, along with "Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales"), "Mufasa: The Lion King" has earned the resentment and slight mockery on the internet to a degree, due to being a follow-up to such a divisive remake and opening in theaters on the same day as "Sonic the Hedgehog 3". To get the obvious out of the way, this ain't as good as "Sonic the Hedgehog 3". It also doesn't touch the original 1994 classic either. It still has a couple of frustrating aspects right off the bat, with the photorealistic animation still not being everybody's cup of tea. This time though, along with the filmmakers doing their own story, the animation being much more expressive and the filmmakers taking extra time to show that off (The film practically opens with a cute lion cub smiling from ear to ear). The level of expression is very much welcome, and makes the characters more appealing to watch, though I still don't understand how after all these years, Disney hasn't been able to get such life-like creatures to look near as lovely as they did in the 2016 "The Jungle Book" remake. Something that was already commendable was at least how gorgeous the film's extensively realistic textures, fur, scenery, and visuals were, and they have only gotten better here. Especially in 3D, everything just pops off the screen. Director Barry Jenkins does seem to be giving it everything he has, despite also admitting that he wasn't remotely prepared for such a big budgeted, effects heavy project. It feels like someone trying to bring much more emotion to something that's almost inherently designed to be artificial and lifeless, and in spite of a few glaring hiccups, there is something strong here. It just has to claw its way out from time to time.
The presentation has a grand, epic feel to it, with a few clever nods to future events (A recurring theme involving Taka's rescue of Mufasa cleverly mirrors Mufasa's eventual fate in the previous film, along with an amusing gag showing how Rafiki got his trademark stick, portraying it as a showstopping moment despite just being a comical coincidence). The music is solid, though the songs from Lin-Manuel Miranda shockingly leave a little to be desired. Maybe it's just because the original songs are so iconic (Even seeing some of them in the remake still felt worth it), but they aren't entirely memorable for the most part. The film is actually barely a musical, with only a handful of songs for it's two hour runtime. They're not bad and can be enjoyable in the moment, yet aren't exactly up there with "Hakuna Matata" or "I Just Can't Wait to Be King". The biggest standout is "I Always Wanted a Brother" (Sung by the young Mufasa and Taka), which is a cute little number, which even conveys some of the eventual tragedy that's destined to follow, right down to getting a slightly more villainous reprise later in the movie. (I also weirdly found the villain song, "Bye Bye", sung by Mads Mikkelsen, to be a little catchy, though mostly because of how sort of out of place it is. Oddly hummable)
The voice cast is one of the places where the film truly shines, particularly due to the pitch perfect casting of Aaron Pierre and Kelvin Harrison Jr., who both have the difficult task of expanding on such well known characters. Pierre finds a sense of unsureness to conflict with the nobility of the character, as well as even possibly conveying the message that it's possible to be a little TOO nice. Might be reading into that one, but I just kind of got the feeling that the movie was showing Mufasa's inherit nature to back down or let Taka take credit for his own good deeds end up leading to further consequences until he realizes that he needs to show more intimidation or harshness if he's going to be the future king. Kelvin Harrison Jr. is brilliant in this, giving us a more in-depth look at an iconic Disney villain, while never losing sight of what made the character work in the first place. It's like a "Wicked" or "Maleficent" situation where the villain is shown to just be misunderstood, or even quite like "Transformers One", where we at least come to comprehend how a brotherly character can do down such a dark path. It's more like "The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes", where see how a villain doesn't necessarily start off as one, but through a series of bad, selfish decisions can turn a sweet, if not overly naive lion cub, can turn into a murderous, pure evil monster fueled by jealously over not getting what he feels he's owed despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve it (Plus it's something else to hear how Harrison Jr.'s voice morphs into that slimy, more sinister and sneaky tone as the movie progresses). We get the returning Seth Rogen and Billy Eichner (Though in much, muuuuuch smaller parts), who gets some pretty big laughs, mostly through ad-libing (You can tell they recorded their lines in the same room together due to how well they just bounce off each other). Blue Ivy Carter is endearing, along with a warm John Kani. In fact, Rafiki might be the movie's MVP this time around, with a deceptively heartwarming mini-arc and a few wise words that might even hit some of the adults harder than it would for the kids watching. From Tiffany Boone, Thandiwe Newton, Preston Nyman (Although he doesn't get near enough chuckles as John Oliver did in the previous movie), and Mads Mikkelsen (Bringing a subtlety crazed menace to what could have been a by the numbers villain), they're all quite excellent. However, if you're excited to see Donald Glover and Beyoncé, um, doing anything at all, you're gonna be immensely disappointed (I think they both got a combined total of five or six sentences).
"Mufasa: The Lion King" doesn't exactly tell an original story (I mean, "Transformers One" more or less did something similar earlier this year and that was one of this year's best movies!), it's still more effective than not. The characters are likable, the voice work is outstanding (Seriously, I can't praise Kelvin Harrison Jr. enough here!), there is genuine emotion and even a few heavy, mature moments that remind one of classic Disney, and the visuals, while still flawed, do lend themselves to moments of beauty. Still though, one can't help but wonder how much stronger this would have been had it been a traditional animated prequel/sequel to the original 1994 film, with the more soulful designs and heart, which this visual style even now can't seem to successfully emulate. It's just something that was consistently bugging me, even though I still left the film plenty moved in spite of itself. It's something I still recommend to families this holiday season......though only if you have time to see it after "Sonic the Hedgehog 3". Hey! I may have liked this movie, but I still wouldn't mind seeing Disney get its ass kicked at the box office by freakin Sonic! 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Animal On Animal Violence, Brotherly Betrayal, Monkey Business, White Supremacist Lions, And The Recurring Questions Surrounding What Exactly Is The Relationship Between Timon and Pumbaa.
Sonic the Hedgehog 3 by James Eagan ★★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Yeah! I'm thinking I'm back!
My "Sonic the Hedgehog" fans, can you believe we actually got this far? Three movies? Not just that. Three movies, along with an introduction of one of the video game franchise's most beloved characters to the mainstream audience? Think about it. Before we saw a single frame of the original 2020 live-action film, we expected the worst. The Sonic series has had many ups, many downs, and many more downs, becoming a bit of a joke in the eyes of the gaming community (And let's be honest, sometimes a little too harshly, yet also deservedly so to a degree). We had been through a lot, and when we all heard our favorite speedy blue hedgehog was getting his very own movie, it was hard not to be wary. Not to mention when it was revealed that it would revolve around him ending up in our world, with human characters. Then we all saw the first trailer and Sonic's nightmare inducing design. Our worst fears were becoming a reality. This was officially going to bury the franchise, and if what happened next didn't happen, it likely literally would have done exactly that. Thankfully, the film had been delayed, resulting in a complete overhaul of Sonic's design, fitting more in line with what the fans wanted, what the filmmakers had always intended from the start, and by ignoring the corporate studio morons who don't know anything about anything (They were the ones who INSISTED that Sonic look overly realistic for some baffling reason). It was a hit, critics reacted fairly well, the fans left perfectly satisfied, and even some young newcomers took an interest in the blue blur. "Sonic the Hedgehog 2" came out two years later, bringing in more fan favorite characters, was an even bigger success, got even better critical reactions, more fan love, and proved that Sonic the Hedgehog had found himself redeemed in the eyes of the public (Along with a successful comic and even the game series itself finding some new love). Now we're here! At the place we never imagined we would ever be. We finally have freakin Shadow on the big screen!
Based on the video game franchise loved near and far (And by myself so much), with some loose inspiration taken specifically from "Sonic Adventure 2", "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" opens some time after the last film, with mad scientist turned supervillain, "Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik" (Jim Carrey), being presumed defeated and dead. The titular fastest, blue hedgehog in the universe, "Sonic the Hedgehog" (Voiced by Ben Schwartz), celebrates his time on Earth with his adoptive human parents, "Tom" (James Marsden) and "Maddie" (Tika Sumpter), along with his best friends, the flying fox "Miles "Tails" Prower" (Voiced by Colleeen O'Shaughnessey) and the hot headed, though nonetheless kind hearted "Knuckles the Echidna" (Voiced by Idris Elba). They are called in by "Director Rockwell" (Krysten Ritter), of "G.U.N.", to assist in taking down a powerful threat. When Sonic and his friends arrive, they come face to face with an immensely powerful and thoroughly pissed off black hedgehog, "Shadow" (Voiced by Keanu Reeves), who has it out for G.U.N., as well as humanity as a whole.
After taking a serious beating from Shadow, Sonic and friends get some information from "Commander Walters" (Tom Butler), about how Shadow's past is filled with tragedy and loss (With Shadow having previously been in a state of suspended animation before being released by an unknown third party). They all end up attacked by what appear to be drones sent by Robotnik and with G. U. N. apparently wanting to hide secrets of their own, leaving Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles to try to get to the bottom of this mystery by themselves. The trio end up coming face to face with Robotnik's lackey/boyfriend, "Agent Stone" (Lee Majdoub), who reveals that Robotnik is alive, crazier than ever, and has completely let himself go. After learning from Robotnik that someone else sent the drones after them, Sonic and friends have to form an uneasy alliance with the maniacal madman to stop Shadow's vengeful path of destruction. Their search leads them to discovering Robotnik's long lost grandfather, "Professor Gerald" (Also Jim Carrey, because who else would play him?), along with a diabolical scheme over fifty years in the making that might just mean the end of the world as they know it.
Directed by the returning Jeff Fowler (Who did the first two movies, along with one of his earliest moments in his career involving doing some work on the CGI cinematics for the 2005 spin-off, "Shadow the Hedgehog"), with a screenplay from also returning Pat Casey, Josh Miller, and John Whittington, "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" has a lot to live up to, a lot to get right, and a lot to fix if we're being honest. Even if it's doing it in the loosest way, adapting a storyline like this is a challenge, especially with the film series taking a more family friendly approach. While there are plenty of changes, I just wanna put all the fans are ease by saying that they do it justice. The themes of the game are still intact, along with a few unavoidable plot beats, and of course, the absolute best parts that are bound to have you geeking out just as much as I did. Guys, this movie is awesome! It feels like the natural progression of this film series, going from an admittedly simply, but delightfully fun first film, before speeding into action packed, superhero movie territory, with higher stakes and bigger set pieces. Jeff Fowler has truly come quite a long way, showing off his potential as a director, with epic sequences that feels straight out of "Dragon Ball Z" (Hell, this probably a better live action "Dragon Ball" movie than the actual live-action "Dragon Ball" movie).
From the top notch visual effects (Which have only gotten better and better every movie), the vibrant colors, and a music score that has just as many Easter Eggs for the fans to look out for than whatever is in the forefront and the background of the overall film itself (And yeah, there's plenty of those too!). The movie also isn't afraid to bring in the darker aspects of the games. Sure, they tone some stuff down, but you still feel the impact of what's going on and it's nonetheless pretty heavy for a family film involving a talking blue hedgehog. I wouldn't be surprised if it gets a few tears out of some audiences, especially from the more general audience who likely won't see something like this coming. Don't let the serious moments fool you though, it still might also be the funniest of the three films so far. Something about the writing just really clicks here. The goofiness, mixed in with the newfound sense of maturity, finds a nice balance so that all the bases are covered.
The characters from the games are just as lovable as ever. Ben Schwartz has been a pretty perfect Sonic, acting like a furry Spider-Man, where he cracks bad jokes when he shouldn't, repeatedly gets himself punched around, and has such a kind heart in spite of his seemingly reckless attitude. (He also has a maturing arc in the movie) Always great to hear Colleen O'Shaughnessey coming back to voice Tails, while Idris Elba is wonderfully naive and still brings a sense of respectability that the character seemed to be lacking in the games for a while up until recently. James Marsden and Tika Sumpter return in slightly smaller parts, though are still very likable and have earned their place in the canon if you ask me. Everything with Lee Majdoub is great (And the homo-eroticism is off the charts with this one), while Krysten Ritter (And the G. U. N. subplot as a whole) is given a fairly thankless role as a secondary, semi-antagonistic threat (It serves a purpose, but there isn't much focus on it).
The big question on everyone's mind is how Shadow is handled, and yeah, it's better than any of us could have hoped for. From a flawlessly cast Keanu Reeves, bringing a rage-filled sense of menace and sadness, the character's genuinely heartbreaking friendship with Gerald's granddaughter, "Maria" (Played rather wonderfully by Alyla Browne), and even a few quick little references to some of the franchise's more, er, "interesting" concepts, I'd go as far to say that it might be slightly done better here than in the games (Or at least made a little less complicated). Of course though, Jim Carrey is an absolute laugh riot, and playing double duty no less. Delightfully dastardly, absurdly over the top, and even shows some depth in a few moments. It's a sincere credit to how great an actor he can be, with an incredible makeup job, and some even better effects wizardry to make it seem like he's actually playing two characters who are just bouncing off each other. There is a lot of passion in his performance (Or performances), and it might rank up with one of his funniest, which is saying something.
After a somewhat speedy first fifteen minutes (It's a threequel, so you don't really need too much setup), "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" is easily the best video game movie I can think of at the moment, yet also just works as a really movie for the family to flock to this Christmas. Funny, with a lot of heart, some great action, and most shocking of all, a rather soft message about grief, along with how we have to choose the way it affects us (Freakin "Sonic the Hedgehog 3" man!). It's something that I think will stick with the kids in ways they may not have expected. And as for the fans, you're gonna be in heaven. Trust me, when we reach the film's much anticipated last act, your mind might even struggle to comprehend if this is reality that you're seeing before your eyes or if you're just hallucinating the greatest dream possible (And I'm not even going to get into the post credits scenes). Am I being excessively lenient? You know what? I don't think so! It's a wonderfully (And fittingly) chaotic, adrenaline fueled ride, that will make my fellow geeks happy, will make the kids very happy, and might actually get a smile or two out of the parents as well. Not bad for a series that at one point almost would have absolutely destroyed one of the most iconic video game characters' legacy because of that original design's juicy thighs and human teeth. After the questionable year that many of us have had, this was kind of needed. 4 Stars. Rated PG For Speedy Blue Action, Some Surprisingly Heavy Themes Of Death And Mourning, The Den Of Madness Known Only As "The Chao Garden", Fat Jim Carrey In Spandex, And Revenge Guac.
The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: The whole "Lord of the Rings" saga has been a bit of a sausage fest for far too long.
There have been talks about further expansions, spin-offs, or any other attempts to somehow continue Peter Jackson's now classic adaptations of J. R R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings" for a while now. I can't necessarily argue against an idea, though there are plenty of reasons to, even with the "Hobbit" films have garnered an acceptance in the fandom, despite an early mixed reception. Hell, the movie likely seems to only have gotten a theatrical release just so Warner Bros. can retain the right to the source material. However, while I can't say this is exactly the absolute best addition to the source material, I wouldn't mind there being more like it. In a time of remakes and reboots, there is always something of wonder from taking a more, ahem, animated approach.
Inspired by the works of J. R. R. Tolkien (And set centuries before the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy), "The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim" is narrated by "Éowyn" (Miranda Otto), as she tells the story of how "Helm's Deep" (That place where everybody fought in "The Two Towers") got its name. "Héra" (Gaia Wise) is the headstrong daughter of the king of "Rohan", "Helm Hammerhand" (Brian Cox). Conflict arises in the form of the brutish "Dunlending" lord, "Freca" (Shaun Dooley), who wants Hammerhand to have Héra marry his son, "Wulf" (Luke Pasqualino), a once old friend of Héra's. Hammerhand knows that Freca can't be trusted and only wants to use this marriage as a way to get to the crown of Rohan. Hammerhand and Freca decide to settle things via fist to fist combat, where Hammerhand ends up accidentally killing Freca with one, exceptionally strong punch. Before being banished along with the rest of the Dunlendings, Wulf swears vengeance. Some time later, Héra learns that Wulf has returned, with a powerful army of maniacs now at his disposal. The overly prideful Hammerhand refuses to call for aid, while also denying Héra the choice to fight. The battle ends up going horribly wrong, resulting in many deaths and Hammerhand's people being forced to flee to an old, though thankfully heavily fortified stronghold (The future Helm's Deep). Cornered and with no way to escape from Wulf's forces, it's up to Héra to prove to her father her worth and save her people from destruction.
Directed by Kenji Kamiyama (Known for his work on the "Ghost in the Shell" franchise, the more recent "Ultraman" anime, and even contributed to the acclaimed "Star Wars: Visions"), with a screenplay by Jeffrey Addiss and Will Matthews ("The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance"), along with Phoebe Gittins, and Arty Papageorgiou, "The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim" is not an entirely complicated film if you go by its story and characters. In a way, it's a fairly basic anime movie that just so happens to be set in the "Lord of the Rings" universe, and while that stops it from being a particularly amazing film on its own, it's very much still welcome within the film franchise's own little continuity, along with the very source material itself (Being exclusively made up of appendices and background material from the original books). It's all about how the story is told, and it's an undeniably visual feast for the eyes, which feel right at home on the big screen. The film seems to be more about spectacle than the usual depth that we associate with these films, and Kamiyama delivers in suitably epic fashion. Middle Earth has never looked more sweeping, from the flawless art design, fluid character movements, and those little, Miyazaki-esque touches of cold, dark atmosphere. It's hard not to get invested by everything that's going on, simply because you're just so mesmerized by how fantastical it all seems. And like other film franchises have recently been starting to realize, animation adds so much more than live-action ever could when it comes to making the unreal seem possible.
Brian Cox's awesome, surround sound shattering voice is made for something like this, playing a character that's pretty complex in that he's quite brutal and too proud for his own good, yet it comes from a place of worry and an eventual belief that our main heroine can be more than even she realizes. Gaia Wise makes for a strong, compelling lead, while Luke Pasqualino is actually a fairly solid villain (It's kind of cool to see a bad guy in this world who is actually just a guy, corrupted by power and anger at what he feels he's earned, rather than just being an embodiment of pure evil) And it's always nice to hear Miranda Otto's soothing voice, along with a few rather surprise cameos from other "Lord of the Rings" alumni in some shape or form. The supporting characters don't quite stand out, and unlike the Peter Jackson films, the emotions don't quite hit the same way in terms of the script as the original films ever did. Even in the "Hobbit" films, when somebody died, you felt that in your very soul and remembered it. Despite some rather shocking violence that slightly pushes that PG-13 rating, there's no "Death of Boromir" moment or anything like that.
Flawed from conception, with a screenplay that doesn't shoot for the stars and a runtime that only feels a little longer due to how differently animation is paced against live-action, "The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim" is rooted in style over substance. From spellbinding action, sublime presentation, and beautiful images, it's likely not going to be a yearly rewatch like the other films (Unless you're an absolute completionist), yet still serves as an enjoyable return to Middle Earth, which is definitely a place nobody could ever possibly grow tired of revisiting. You can still see the joy and wonder in every frame. It doesn't hurt the franchise in any way, and if we're destined to get more, regardless if we want it or not, I'd take something safe, though still graceful in its own right, over something without a hint of effort put into it. 3 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Strong Fantasy Violence, Elephant Endangering, Hammerhanding, And, Er, Possible Incestuous Subtext? Hey, If The Movie Had Never Stated Those Two Characters Were Cousins, I Would Have Assumed That Relationship Was Romantic!
Kraven the Hunter by James Eagan ★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Kraven the Stripper Cowboy.
There's an old saying. "Don't be sad that it ended, but rather, be pissed off that it even began in the first place." Or something like that. I don't know. This movie sucked. There! Blunt and to the point!
Based a little on the "Marvel Comics" supervillain of the same name, "Kraven the Hunter" follows "Sergei Kravinoff" (Played by Levi Miller as a teen, then by Aaron Taylor-Johnson as an adult), who despises his crime lord father, "Nikolai" (Russell Crowe). While on a hunt with Nikolai and his more meek half-brother, "Dmitri" (Fred Hechinger), Sergei ends up viciously mauled by a lion, only to be rescued by the power of voodoo, the lion's magic blood, and whatever else Sony just pulled right out of their ass (None of this is the backstory in the comics, because even they wouldn't get THIS stupid). After recovering, Sergei decides to leave on his own, deciding to use his newfound, animal-like powers to defend the animals of the world from poachers. Years later, Sergei, having been targeting various criminals across the world, getting the name "The Hunter", or "Kraven" as he prefers to be called (Wait! Your last name is Kravinoff, and you call yourself Kraven? Didn't you want to stay hidden? It's like if I became an assassin and called myself something like "Eagen", with an E instead of an A towards the end!).
Kraven reunites with the one who saved him, "Calypso" (Ariana DeBose), who has now become a lawyer (Or so the movie claims), ready with a list that he's checking twice to see if the people on it are naughty or nice (Spoiler! They are all naughty bad guys, and he's gonna kill them all!). One gangster, "Aleksei Sytsevich" (Alessandro Nivola), who goes by the nickname "The Rhino" (Due to his, er, "skin condition"), knows that at one point he'll be targeted by Kraven, so he decides to take him out first. After learning of Kraven's identity, The Rhino and another empowered assassin, known only as "The Foreigner" (Christopher Abbot), set a plot in motion to kidnap Dmitri and knowing Nikolai isn't gonna do crap to help, Kraven sets out on his own to rescue his bro and hunt down the people responsible. It's actually a harder synopsis to put together than I thought it would be, considering I actually didn't know what the actual story was until an hour in.
Directed by J. C. Chandler ("Margin Call", "All Is Lost"), with a cobbled together screenplay by Richard Wenk ("The Equalizer"), along with Art Marcum and Matt Holloway ("Iron Man", "Uncharted", "Transformers: The Last Knight"), "Kraven the Hunter" is the newest entry in "Sony's Spider-Man Universe" (aka the "Spider-Man Free Spider-Man Universe"), and judging from early projections, the last entry as well. And thank goodness for that! Look! Aside from the "Venom" films, which even then, get by on campy stupidity and the charm that goes with it, these films seemed to only exist so that Sony could keep their hands on the property rights. This means that Disney and Marvel Studios can't use these characters for the "Marvel Cinematic Universe", thus removing the possibilities that fans actually want to see in favor of minuscule profit by comparison. It's definitely for the best that everything ends here, though it's frustrating that it all had to come to a close with the worst of the bunch. While "Morbius" has the meme potential, and "Madame Web" was just so batsh*t that it was at least fun to talk about after the fact, this feels like the chopped up remains of reshoots, rewrites, post production ADR work, and the foul stretch of desperation.
The thing is though, the movie didn't have to end up this way. Giving an origin story to a fan favorite Spider-Man villain should be fun, but just like the other films, nobody wants to commit. The comic character is a maniacal poacher, who decides to start hunting people (Setting his sights on the likes of Spider-Man), with his recent appearance in "Spider-Man 2" for the PS5 being seen as a definitive version of the character (Where he gets the idea to make his cancer diagnosis everybody else's problem, setting the games plot in motion to fulfill his death wish of the ultimate hunt). The version we get in this movie has absolutely no resemblance to the one we know from the source material, with the film even stopping to make sure the audience knows that he actually loves animals. Basically, he's just a generic anti-hero, though barely even that. The changes themselves don't have to be the deal breaker, yet with a plot so muddled, incoherent, and seemingly made up on the fly, this story could have been about anyone. J. C. Chandler is a good director, but he leaves absolutely no impact here whatsoever. From the choppy action, the bloody violence (Which tries to be over the top gruesome, though in such an uninspired way that you barely notice), and the most egregious flaw of all that it just drags on for so long. The film is over two hours for some godforsaken reason, with the film somehow not finding time for character, depth, or a reason to give a damn. With how poorly the film's paced, you might even be shocked when we reach the film's unsatisfying, unremarkable climax. You'd almost swear there's still another hour to go, and can't tell if you'll ever be free from this temple of boredom.
Aaron Taylor-Johnson really is quite miscast. In theory this could have worked, but maybe there were studio notes demanding his intensity be toned down or a lack of direction. It just doesn't work, with Taylor-Johnson coming across as more of an unlikable, blank slate, though clearly not in the way the film intends him to be. Ariana DeBose, who does only get progressively more and more gorgeous in every scene she's in, is unfortunately terrible in this. She's a freakin Oscar winner for God's sake! Granted, the material ain't helping. I do legitimately think the filmmakers had no clue what to do with her character, never fully committing to her being a love interest who gets roped into the plot or a capably intelligent semi-protagonist (And she tragically gets some of the worst dialogue in the movie, which do need to be seen to be believed. There's a quote involving the character's deceased grandmother that's going to be memed to Hell.). Fred Hechinger is trying (And logically, seems like a good fit for who his character is supposed to be, even if the foreshadowing is too on the nose), but it's too predictable a part, with not much meat to it. The same goes for an incredibly underused Christopher Abbott (And his goofy turtleneck sweater), who could have been cut from the film entirely and nobody would have noticed. Even Russell Crowe, who deserves credit for showing up to get his paycheck, being professional, and having fun while he's doing it, is almost a non-character for too much of the film. It's upsetting because at one point, Russell Crowe would have made a perfect Kraven. Hell, even now I could see him as an older, more worn down (And, um, heavier) version of the character, who would still be plenty intense and threatening. Easily the best part of this whole ordeal is Alessandro Nivola, who came to have the time of his life chewing absolute f*ck out of the scenery, while still making for a villain that's enjoyable to watch. Honestly, while you're subjected to Taylor-Johnson and DeBose giving the all time worst performances of their career, you're just waiting for Nivola to pop back onscreen with his hammy villainy. Personality! That's something this movie is lacking, and our main villain has to pick up all the slack.
"Kraven the Hunter" is far too serious, inept in its attempts at humor, and such piss poor visual effects that you really wonder how anyone online can complain about the MCU about anything (I know it's hard to make a character like The Rhino look not ridiculous, but boy, did you somehow find a way to make it even worse than we could have imagined). The potential was there, such as the concept of a crime story, involving various supervillains and gangsters, yet what we get is an overcrowded, underdeveloped, ugly to look at slog of a movie that continues to give good (Or at least decent) comic book films a bad name. I mean, if you can't be good or even at least entertaining with your cash grabs, you could at least be so moronic that it's enjoyable. Instead, this is so incompetently stupid and bland that nobody ends up Kraven more. Dosvedanya, Sony's Spider-Man Universe. I spit on your grave! Ptooey! 1 Star. Rated R For Gory Violence, Rough Nose Biting, Rhino Rimming, And Convenient Russian Accents.
Flow by James Eagan ★★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Low Budget "Life of Pi".
There are things that you can convey with the art of animation that you just can't with live-action. Films this year like "The Wild Robot", "Transformers One", "Inside Out 2", and now this, all prove that. Even at a quick, less than half an hour runtime, I feel like I got so much character, heart, story, and depth, than most long winded, overblown Oscar contenders, and not a single bit of dialogue needed to be uttered. I just sat back, listened, and witnessed one of this year's most epic, profound adventures, and it's all about some cute little animals on a boat during what I can only assume is the end of the world.
Set in a now human-free world where the oceans appear to be rising and consuming everything in their path, "Flow" follows a tiny, adorable black cat, struggling to survive against the larger, tougher creatures. When the water proceeds to rapidly rise once more, the cat finds salvation in the form of a small, falling apart sailboat, with an old, but brave capybara onboard. While sailing in search of a new home, the cat and capybara come across more colorful animal characters, like a kleptomaniac lemur, an excitable Labrador (Who seems to only want to be the annoyed cat's friend), and a wounded secretary-bird (Whose injury protecting the cat prevents it from taking flight), facing numerous obstacles along the way.
Directed by Latvian filmmaker Gints Zilbalodis ("Away"), who co-wrote the screenplay with Matīss Kaža and took part in the musical score development with Rihards Zalupe, "Flow" is a short, yet genuinely monumentally sweeping tale, told in a unique style of animation that's almost haunting to look at, even though you can't help but be almost hypnotized by it. For whatever the film lacks in aggressive amounts of detail and overt textures, it makes up for in impeccable art design, vibrant colors, and personality to spare. The film even has such fluid direction, with the camera following characters around as if you're right there with them, in a way that is quite jarring to see done in animated form. It's like a series of long shots that rarely cut away from what we're meant to be focused on. You're literally experiencing the world with the characters. And that world, while frightening, is also quite stunning. The film in a way feels like it could take place in the same universe as "The Wild Robot". The world as we know it is gone, with humans nowhere to be found (Though there are hints that they at least used to be around), and impossible to explain elements of possibly something supernatural, Sci-Fi, or just psychological. So much is left open for interpretation, yet not in a way that feels slight. Either way, we figure out just enough and are so entranced by the world building that we're willing to just go with it. Go with the flow if you will.
Even without dialogue and little over anthropomorphism, the animals have so much complexity, while retaining their animalistic quirks. The cat is overly curious and easily agitated, though courageous and in the end, heroic. The capybara is much smarter than it lets on, spending most of the time sleeping and smelling bad, before catching everyone off guard with what it's capable of. The Labrador is not the brightest, but the sweetest (Reminds me of one of my dogs, especially with how much it just wants to show the cat some love, even when the cat literally has no interest), while the lemur is more enamored with its trinkets at first, though it isn't without its own moments of selflessness. The secretary-bird ends up being one of the most complex characters (And has one of the most surreal of arcs), and throughout the film, the characters encounter an almost alien-like whale, that serves its own, rather unknown purpose to the story. The characters are odd, funny, and all exhibit a realistic sense of development, as if they;re literally evolving before our eyes, adapting to the harsh situations like many animals would naturally be forced to. And there's something always hilarious about the cat suddenly stopping everything its doing just to chase a little light or attack the lemur's dangling tail.
"Flow" is an imaginative, animated triumph of storytelling, told in its most purest forms, through visuals and music. It tells a heartfelt, gripping tale of survival, friendship, perseverance, and wonder in a way that's certainly mature, but still in such a delightful, warm way that anyone of any age can be lured into its affecting enchantment. One of this year's best, most touching, and heart affirming films, just so happens to be told through innocent, wordless eyes, making for an unforgettable experience and an instant classic. 4 1/2 Stars. Rated PG, Being Perfectly Acceptable For A Family Audience, Even If It Might Be A Bit Too Much To Handle For Those Who Just Can't Stand To See Cute Animals In Peril.
Werewolves by James Eagan ★★★ out of ★★★★★
Image: Always knew he had "That Dog" in him, but this is just ridiculous!
Okay, so think "The Purge", except with Werewolves. Let that sink in for a moment. Yeah, regardless of quality, you knew something like this was going to get made. I bet that was just the pitch and the studio was like "Hell Yeah!". I'd do the same. Anyone would! Don't pretend to act like some kind of intellectual about it, because deep down, you're oddly curious. Even just a little bit.
Somehow NOT based on a comic book of some kind, "Werewolves" opens in a world where, due to an unexplainable supermoon event, a latent gene in humanity is trigger, thus turning anyone who happens to be caught in the supermoon's light to undergo a horrifying change into a Werewolf, gaining a craving for destruction and blood. Cut to a year later, under the advisement of scientist, "Dr. Aranda" (Lou Diamond Phillips) to take shelter, the world prepares for yet another supermoon event, as well as more Werewolf carnage. Badass macho scientist, "Wesley Marshall" (Frank Grillo), who has been taking care of his deceased brother's wife, "Lucy" (Ilfenesh Hadera) and daughter, is now part of Dr. Aranda's team of fellow scientists, like "Dr. Amy Chen" (Katrina Law), to develop a cure for the Werewolf disease. However, when the supermoon rises, the attempts at the secret lab to find a cure go horribly wrong, resulting in Werewolves running wild, leaving Wesley and Amy as the only survivors. Now with Wesley's family in danger, he and Amy must fight their way past an army of bloodthirsty Wolfmen (And Wolfwomen too! They don't discriminate), to rescue them.
Directed by Steven C. Miller (Director of quite a few forgettably named straight to DVD action flicks), with a screenplay by Matthew Kennedy, "Werewolves" is about, well, exactly what it says on the label. The real shocker is that there is genuinely a lot working in the film's favor, especially for something that if we're being honest, could have had "0%" on Rotten Tomatoes written all over it. Even though there just seems to be something missing from the final product, what we still get is an enjoyable, undemanding B movie, that brings some old school monsters into the modern era. The film embraces its low budget, going for bringing the nightmarish wolves to life via practical effects, right down to the obviously rubbery snouts they all have. Sure, they're never exactly "real" looking in the traditional sense, but there is something to having such fantastical beasts, dressed in what remains of their human garb (And even retaining some of their human mannerisms to a degree), actually standing there, out in the middle of a fiery, battle worn street with little to no CGI accompanying them. We don't get these kinds of things nowadays, and there is a silly, even thrilling charm to it. The film unfortunately doesn't do much original in terms of its story (Which at times leaves much to be desired) and also doesn't seem to want to make time for actual character development.
Frank Grillo brings much more personality than what's likely been provided on the script, whether it be some good action one-liners or just by having a cool screen presence. The simple pleasures of watching Grillo say "Bite Me!", before unloading a mini-gun on a snarling Werewolf is undeniably one of those things you never knew you wanted to see. There's not much to the other characters, even when it at first seems like there might be, such as Katrina Law (Who gets to contribute, until she just doesn't anymore) and Lou Diamond Phillips (Who, and this isn't a spoiler, let's just say isn't around too long. Obviously). I did thoroughly enjoy James Michael Cummings (as "Cody Walker", Lucy's gun-toting, Murica loving neighbor, who has been waiting his whole life for a night like this, only for it to go as hilariously wrong as you'd expect) in a part that would seem like a caricature-like, if only these kinds of morons weren't actually real.
A wisely short, fast paced, high octane bit of bloody chaos, "Werewolves" leaves a lot of unanswered questions (Sequel hopes? Maybe?), and could have used some touchups in terms of its script. However, when the film works, it's a completely gory delight! The old fashioned visual effects are commendable, with enough decent suspense and some creative camera work for a film like this, leading up to giving the audience the kind of campy, unhinged, and undeniably moronic excitement that they all came for in the first place. It's the kind of movie made to make you go "F*****CK YESSSSSS!!!!" at the most wildly stupid thing imaginable, and while it doesn't have near as many of those moments as it should, I'd be lying if I didn't admit to doing that myself at least a couple times. Rule of Cool, I guess. 3 Stars. Rated R For Brutally Gruesome Violence, Snarling Slobbery Snouts, Head-Ripping Werewolf Action (Awesome!), And Nicely Shredded Grillo Guts.
Moana 2 by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: "Gonna have to start repopulating somehow!"
Let me tell ya something, youngsters! Gather round! You see, back in my day, when we got a Disney sequel, it was straight to video, had animation that was worse or at least cheaper, with getting only a handful of the original voice cast if you're lucky (And if not, you get some noticeably lesser replacements), and the final product would either end up being a movie pilot for a television series that may never come to be or even worse, would just be three episodes stitched together from that television series that never came to be. So for something that started off originally as a "Disney+" limited series that instead got the theatrical, full blown sequel treatment due to being a pretty obvious safe bet considering how beloved the original was (And because Disney really needs a big hit right now after how hard "Wish" bombed last year), my generation had it much worse than you guys. At least you're getting an actual movie!
Years after the original, "Moana 2" follows the titular wayfinder, "Moana" (Auliʻi Cravalho), returning home to her island of "Motunui", where her fellow villagers have embraced their sailing ancestry, along with her parents, "Chief Tui" (Temuera Morrison) and "Sina" (Nicole Scherzinger), and her little sister, "Simea" (Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda). Moana has a vision from the ancestors, telling her to find the ancient island of "Motufetu", which once connected all people of the ocean, only to be cursed by the evil, destructive entity, "Nalo". Moana assembles a crew, consisting of her animal sidekicks, the piggy "Pua", and the moronic chicken, "Heihei" (Alan Tudyk, returning to make nothing but chicken noises), along with the nerdy "Moni" (Hualālai Chung), the eccentric "Loto" (Rose Matafeo), and the grumpy, elderly "Kele" (David Fane), to venture off onto the high seas to find the missing island. Along the way, Moana and her friends encounter many troubles, such as a sinister bat lady, "Matangi" (Awhimai Fraser), though thankfully, she's eventually reunited with the shape shifting demigod/hero of men, "Maui" (Dwayne Johnson), to help complete their quest and reunite Moana's people with the rest of the world.
Directed by Storyboard Artist David Derrick Jr., Animator Jason Hand, and Writer Dana Ledoux Miller, who also co-wrote the screenplay with the returning Jared Bush ("Moana", "Encanto", "Zootopia"), "Moana 2" shows some clear signs of late development changes, and really, for what we get, it's kind of remarkable that the movie is any good at all. It's a perfectly solid, likable sequel, even if it sadly just plain isn't near as great as the original (Which I recently just watched again for the first time in years, only to see that it's actually better than I remembered it). Having been animated outside of Disney's usual animation studio (And I can only imagine how much crunch time may have gone into getting it out as quickly as they did), it's still better than top notch animation. If anything, despite having a smaller budget than some of Disney's most recent work (Which all seemed to consist of $200 million budgets), it's a phenomenal looking film, with gorgeous visuals, epic scale, loving attention to the details (Like the water movements), and energetic characters. I mean, I didn't mind the animation style in last year's "Wish" as much as others, but yeah, this blows that movie out of the water by a long shot. Pun intended.
I can't stress enough how much of a spectacle it is in 3D too. While I hope the animators weren't tortured horrifically rushing this movie out, the hard work and money is all there on display in classic, stunning Disney fashion. The story just isn't all that strong. It's not a bad one and a sequel to such a fan favorite movie is such a no brainier that this feels like a natural continuation. It's similar to "Frozen II" in how it deviates from the usual Disney formula, yet in a way that's just kind of messy and difficult to grasp onto. Unlike "Frozen II" though (Which featured a soundtrack on par with its predecessor), this can't quite recapture the magic. The score by the returning Mark Mancina and Opetia Foa'i is still wonderful. It's just that the songs, from Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear, replacing Lin-Manuel Miranda, aren't anything special. None of them are bad. They just don't stand out. It's hard to top memorable songs like "How Far I'll Go", "You're Welcome", "Shiny", etc. We get the aesthetically pleasing Maui's "Can I Get A Chee Hoo?" and the very catchy "Get Lost" from Matangi (Easily the best song), though it's still quite the downgrade.
Our returning heroine is still a standout in the Disney canon. Even with disappointing songs, Auliʻi Cravalho can belt them out like it's nothing, and remains a Disney (NOT) princess, that's become an icon to many young girls for good reason. It's also nice to get a reminder that Dwayne Johnson can actually be a really good actor when he wants to be. While his main involvement in the story takes some time, his return is so very welcome, getting laughs a plenty and is all around just a delight. However, his absence is felt a bit beforehand. I like the new characters just fine. They're nice and funny, but pretty stock. Alan Tudyk hilariously collects one heck of a paycheck, making Heihei one of Disney's strangest, yet effectively amusing sidekicks. Awhimai Fraser makes for an interesting subversion of the villain twist (And again, she gets the best song in the movie), while our main villain doesn't really make a full appearance and I'm not completely sure how well that works for the film (He's basically "Sauron" from "The Lord of the Rings". Not what we're used to with Disney baddies). On a side note though, why did they make Fraser's Matangi ridiculously attractive? Seriously! Hottest Disney villainess ever! The film also does some creative things with the returning threat of the tribe of silent, pirate coconuts,"The Kakmora" (With one of them even joining our heroes in the second half of their journey).
"Moana 2" is a good, but far from great follow-up to a film that was already great on its own, though had the very concept of a sequel written all over it from the start. It's got charm and heart, breathtaking visuals and animation, and is enough to keep the parents invested with their kids, who I bet will love it, while some of the more mature (Or immature?) fans might be left mixed. For what might have been conceptualized as just a cash grab at a popular property, you can see the effort to make something grand. And in a way, it still is in parts. It's tough to dislike and will likely make enough money to hopefully get Disney out of their creative rut, while also just as likely, setting the stage for possibly a "Moana 3" very soon. Although, that's going to be really weird to have both a third film come out, around the time they already got a live-action remake in development. You're Welcome? 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG For Scary Images, Hot Bat Ladies, Expressive Tattooing, And Hardcore Chee Hooing.
Gladiator II by James Eagan ★★★½ out of ★★★★★
Image: Don't Get Madiator. Get Gladiator.
I think people have gotten the wrong idea about Ridley Scott. To some, he was a legendary, sophisticated director, known for making legit films of the highest caliber that could be enjoyed by the mass public, who sadly has fallen off in recent years due to a sense of crudeness, silliness, and a bizarre disregard for certain facts in favor of the rule of cool. Guys, it's time to rip off the band-aid now. He's literally always been like this. Freakin "Legend" was one of his earliest movies, following the likes of "Alien" and "Blade Runner". 2000's "Gladiator" may have found itself with accolades and love from audiences, but it was at its core, a ridiculous, purely entertainment focused popcorn muncher, that just so happened to have a little depth to it. This sequel is no different.
Set years after the original film, "Gladiator II" follows "Lucius Verus" (Paul Mescal, replacing Spencer Treat Clark), the illegitimate son of the deceased "Maximus Decimus Meridius" (Previously played by Russell Crowe) and the former emperor's daughter, "Lucilla" (Connie Nielsen). Lucius was sent away from Rome into hiding moments after the first film, and now, going by the name "Hanno", lives in Numidia with his wife, "Arishat" (Yuval Gonen). The Roman army, commanded by the conflicted "Marcus Acacius" (Pedro Pascal), attacks and conquers Numidia, resulting in Lucius' capture and the death of Arishat. Lucius is sold into slavery, becoming a gladiator owned by the charismatic, but manipulative "Macrinus" (Denzel Washington), who promises Lucius a chance to get his revenge on Acacius so long as he becomes the gladiator that Macrinus can gain the power that he feels he deserves. Once in Rome, Lucius must impress the corrupt, psychopathic emperors, "Geta" (Joseph Quinn) and "Caracalla" (Fred Hechinger) in the upcoming Colosseum Games. However, things become complicated when it's revealed that Acacius, who despises the wacko emperors, is married to Lucius' mother, Lucilla. When Lucilla discovers who Lucius is, she attempts to help him, putting her husband's plan to bring down the emperors and free Rome in jeopardy. However, Lucius is too blinded by his lust for vengeance, struggling to come to terms with his family's legacy, while Marcinus' schemes start to come to fruition, thus putting all of Rome in danger.
Directed by the returning Ridley Scott ("Alien", "Blade Runner", "Legend", "Black Hawk Down", "Napoleon", and, er, a lot more), with a screenplay with his frequent collaborator David Scarpa, "Gladiator II" seems to have the right idea. At least in terms of, quite fittingly, giving the audience exactly what they want. Epic battles, shocking violence, Shakespearean melodrama, and a total bastardization of anything historically accurate, which he apparently will do gladly and will tell you to f*ck yourself if you dare question him. If you don't know what you're in for, you're not gonna make it through the nearly two and a half hour runtime. Now if you're down for, I don't know, killer baboons, a video game boss battle against a barbarian on a rhino, and an underwater shark battle in the Colosseum, then you're gonna have a damn good time! I mean, the original wasn't historically accurate either, and the whole premise alone is all based around contrivances. It's a movie! Regardless of your tolerance for such things, you have to appreciate that Ridley Scott never holds back. The man still has an eye for scale, action, and storytelling, no matter how preposterous, and always brings it to the big screen in an appropriately legendary fashion. There are some gorgeously designed set pieces, which are only elevated by the impeccable production, a startling sound design, the score from another Scott collaborator, Harry Gregson-Williams, and yes, an unrelenting amount of brutality. I know it shouldn't be too shocking when Ridley Scott ventures into some bloody violence, but somehow, he finds rather sophisticated ways to make death in the heat of battle look cold, unfair, and horrifying.
One thing that the original film does have over this one is that our main character this time is just not near as interesting as everything else going on, and yeah, there is a lot going on at once. It's no fault of Paul Mescal, who is still genuinely good in the film. The character is just a little too wrapped up in his revenge arc for too much of the film's runtime. He eventually grows out of it towards the last act, though I just feel that there could have been such a better way to balance the part out, much like Russell Crowe wonderfully did in the original. It's remarkable that Pedro Pascal (Who gets much less screentime than you'd expect), can literally just pop up anywhere in any kind of role so often, and yet, still finds a way to make it feel unique and nonetheless engrossing (That man really likes to work). Joseph Quinn and Fred Hechinger make for some entertainingly cartoonish baddies, while still coming across as legit threatening because, well, what's more frightening than a pair of crazy buffoons holding the lives of thousands in their hands? (Also, can we give a shout-out to "Dundas" the monkey? Literally the MVP. Pun intended!) There's good supporting work from the likes of a returning Connie Nielsen and Alexander Karim (as "Ravi", a former gladiator that went on to become a doctor, who Lucius befriends), along with an unrecognizable Matt Lucas (as the eccentrically pale "Master of Ceremonies") and Derek Jacobi (as "Senator Gracchus", who still opposes the corruption in Rome), who is still cool to see, even if they don't do much with him. Now we get to Denzel Washington, who yes, doesn't remotely bother with an accent, though is undeniably such a powerful, commanding performer that you honestly don't care. He single-handedly steals the show as a sometimes charming, sometimes peculiar, and mysteriously frightening entity that you find yourself wanting to trust due to how strong his presence is, but know you likely shouldn't.
Campy, though however, affectionately so, "Gladiator II" recaptures the thrills and blood spills of the original, with enough slight sophistication to give off the feeling that you're just watching an over the top, empty calorie blockbuster. And you know what? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that (The few sprinkles of humor also probably helped). Are you NOT ENTERTAINED? Damn right I was! Oh!, And LONG LIVE DUNDAS! 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Harsh Violence, Roman Lechery, Unprofessional Beheading, Baboon Biting, And The Revelation That A Monkey In A Dress Is Still More Qualified Than Most Politicians.