Image: There's no cure for what he's got.
After all these years of reviewing films, I still have a difficult time rating a film that is more interesting than good. Do I give a good, but uninteresting film 2 1/2 Stars? What if you literally have no idea what you've just watched? It's a burden I wish on no one.
"A Cure for Wellness" begins with a young, ambitious, workaholic executive named "Lockhart" (Dane DeHaan) taking over a position at a financial service office after the last guy dies of a sudden heart attack. Lockhart is forced by his superiors to head over to a spa in the Swiss Alps to track down and bring home the seemingly insane CEO, "Pembroke" (Harry Groener), who refuses to return, believing he has found a so called "Cure".
When Lockhart arrives, he becomes suspicious of the spa, the guests staying there, and the creepy spa director himself, "Dr. Volmer" (Jason Isaacs). Lockhart attempts to leave, only to get into a car crash, resulting in his leg being broken. Despite the claims that the doctors are trying to cure him, Lockhart eventually stumbles upon (Or believes he does) a disturbing conspiracy involving the patrons, workers, life essence, and a mysterious young girl, "Hannah" (Mia Goth). Also, lots of eels. Lots and lots of slippery eels.
"A Cure For Wellness" is.....Something. I just haven't decided exactly what. The ideas are genuinely interesting, and Director Gore Verbinski certainly has always had a flair for imagery. But after a while it feels as if that's all there is to the film. Mood and style isn't near enough for a near two and a half hour movie that wears on you more and more as it goes. The film is purposely out of structure, repeating scenes and images out of order, which is both unnecessary and confusing.
Dane DeHaan is one of the better young actors around, and he's very good here, giving a fully committed performance. Jason Isaacs plays up the creep factor to the hilt and looks like he's having a ball, while Mia Goth is oddly and endearingly strange.
The film suffers toward it's finale, with seemingly no idea how it wants to end or where it wants to go. It's big reveal isn't as shocking as it should have been, proving "A Cure For Wellness" is too clever for it's own good. Yes, the movie made me think. Just mostly about my own critical criteria. And this, I must wrestle with alone. 2 1/2 Stars. Rated R Disturbing Images, Disturbing Nudity, And Disturbing Eels In Disturbing Water.
Image: Save us MYATT DAYMIN!
There are so many things wrong with "The Great Wall" that outside controversies (Historical whitewashing, the white dude in the lead role in a blockbuster Chinese movie, etc.), and I only have so much time, so , in a nutshell....Yes, I wish they they didn't feel they needed a major American white actor to sell the film....No, I didn't expect to see the true story of slave labor and mass death involved in the building of the real wall....And no, none of this has anything to do with what's wrong with this film.
"The Great Wall" tells the "True story" of why the Great Wall of China was built. A group of men, in search of "Black Powder" (aka Gunpowder) are attacked by some kind of Lizard/Dragon hybrids, leaving only "William" (Matt Damon) and "Tovar" (Pedro Pascal) to escape over to the Great Wall, where they are taken in by the soldiers guarding it.
Turns out the wall was built to keep out these "Bad Hombres" and now William and Tovar are forced into the battle. While Tovar secretly just wants to steal the gunpowder and leave, William slowly starts to see a reason to stay and fight, partly due to the fact that the female commander, "Lin" (Jing Tian) is pretty cute. So the Army prepares for battle against the slimy Dragon monsters, hoping to find a way to finally destroy them.
"The Great Wall" starts off with promise, with a cool first action scene that Director Zhang Yimou delivers with visual flair. The creatures are original looking, and the weapons and battle tactics are unique to say the least (I never would have come up with it.) And as soon as the the first battle ends, the tedium begins. Boredom sets in. And that's when you realize that the film makers may not have thought past the neat idea of monsters attacking a wall.
The film doesn't bother to develop any of it's characters. When someone kicks the bucket, you won't care because you won't remember who it was. The storytelling is sloppy, seemingly not knowing where it's leading. and yet it all ends exactly how you think it will. The monsters and the idea may be original, but nothing else about "The Great Wall" is.
It probably isn't surprising that Matt Damon doesn't exactly give his greatest performance here. His accent is a strange hybrid of sorts, and it's questionable at best (I'm not sure what anyone could have done with this, to be fair.) Willem Dafoe (as "Sir Ballard", another traveler in search on gunpowder) pops up for a paycheck and hams it up accordingly, Jing Tian is cute but plenty tough, and Pedro Pascal sneaks in the film's only humor and the film's only personality.
"The Great Wall" is huge, so to speak, and I'm sure they were going for something grand here. But the execution is choppy, and shockingly lazy for such an expensive film. It's a grand epic that is only a grand epic fail. Any more time spent on the outside social controversy should be saved for a better time and a far more interesting movie. Oh, and MYATT DAYMIN! 1/2 stars. Rated PG-13 for Violence and Shoving Dragons In Your Face.
Image: "But sir, he won't stop scowling at me."
"Fist Fight" is a joke. No, seriously. The joke is in the movie title. Just like "Office Christmas Party", and "Ride Along". Like "Bad Moms" and "Dirty Grandpa". If you like the idea of hilarious hijinks surrounding an office Christmas party, then you get the joke. "Fist Fight" is about a fist fight between two teachers. Sound funny?
If you want a little more detail, "Fist Fight" is about possibly the most violent, chaotic, downright dangerous high school in the history of mankind. On the last day of school, all the students perform elaborate (and definitely illegal) pranks on all the teachers and faculty.
One of the teachers, "Andy Campbell" (Charlie Day), who is pretty much a wimp who lets everyone walk all over him, witnesses another teacher, "Ron Strickland" (Ice Cube), a violent, angry, lunatic, lose his sh*t over a prank by smashing a desk with a fire axe. The school principal (Dean Norris) threatens to fire one of them, so Campbell snitches on Strickland, who challenges Campbell to a fist fight after school. For the remaining hours left, Campbell begins looking for any reason he can avoid getting his ass kicked.
And that's the joke. "Fist Fight" just fills in an hour and a half running time around the premise. The hope is that the joke works, and once in a while it does. Though most of the film is padding, there are a few moments here and there that are funny and provide some mild amusement. There's nothing original here, but there at least a couple of cast members who play off the joke well and milk enough laughs out of the silliness.
Charlie Day is hands down the funniest part of the film, bringing in the biggest laughs, and when all else fails, his incredibly high vocal pitch will keep you from dozing off. Ice Cube scowls and growls like a pro, and has a few funny reactions out of it, while Tracy Morgan (as "Coach Freddie", a constantly shouting coach), Jillian Bell (as "Holly", the drug addict guidance counselor) and Christina Hendricks (as "Miss Monet", the hottest and most sadistic drama teacher you'll ever see), all make the most of their outrageous characters.
It's the cartoonishness of "Fist Fight" that helps (or prevents) you from taking any of this even remotely seriously. So when the jokes land, it's fine. When they don't, you roll your eyes in amazement that they can keep churning out profitable movies based on one joke. Then again, if we took this seriously, then we'd be wondering how everyone at the school wouldn't have died and or been arrested. 2 Stars. Rated R For Constant, Never Ending Bad Language, And For The Blood That Will Pour Out Of Your Ear When Charlie Day Raises His Voice To An Inhuman Frequency.
Image: Yeah, I guess he's back.
"John Wick", and it's sequel defies the odds in every way imaginable. They have brought an energy, originality and technique to an action genre that sorely needed it. And they have created a character, a (Former) hired killer, who is as likable and accessible as Mary Poppins. Amazing.
"John Wick: Chapter 2" starts off by tying up loose ends, with former Hitman "John Wick" (Keanu Reeves), a.k.a."The Bogeyman", taking back his car (or what remains of it) and making "peace" with "Abram Tarasov" (Peter Stormare), the brother of "Viggo Tarasov" (The villain from the first film). Wick hopes to finally retire in peace with his new doggy, but an old "Friend" that he owes a blood oath to, "Santino D'Antonio" (Riccardo Scamarcio), wants John to assassinate his sister, "Gianna" (Claudia Gerini), so that he can take her place with the other high level crime lords.
But John wants nothing to do with it, so D'Antonio decides to blow up his house. (The dog makes it out okay though). John is now forced to head over to Rome and go through with the assassination. But D'Antonio has plans to double cross John, sending out a $7 million contract on him, bringing out the worst assassins out there to attempt to kill him, including Gianna's loyal bodyguard, "Cassian" (Common) and D'Antonio's mute henchwoman, "Ares" (Ruby Rose).
It shouldn't come as a surprise that "John Wick: Chapter 2" is even better than the terrific first film, which was the ultimate surprise. It brings the same breathtaking, and brutally beautiful film making ability, but it's so well choreographed that it makes the violence and mayhem almost poetic and downright Shakespearean. It's like an interpretive dance. With blood.
"John Wick 2" would be almost preposterous in lesser hands. But Director Chad Stahelski (Co-Director of the last film) continues to expand on this violent, surreal world, and it's a fascinating place, with colorful characters and a macabre sense of humor.
Keanu Reeves has discovered a Hell of a second career with these films, and he's downright terrific in this role, eliciting great sympathy and relatability for a guy who can kill with nothing but a pencil. And kudos to Common for making his Hitman interesting as well (These guys could be you or me. Sort of.) Riccardo Scamarcio plays up the smarm with relish, while Ian McShane (Returning as "Winston", the Manager of The Continental/Hitman Hotel) chews up and spits out his dialogue with his usual charm. Ruby Rose is fully capable and a lot of fun, and "Matrix" fans are sure to be thrilled to have Laurence Fishburne (as "The Bowery King", an underground crime lord) reunite with "Neo", and he's an absolute blast here.
"John Wick: Chapter 2" is the almost unheard of superior action sequel, and a thrilling continuation to what should be a long, ongoing franchise with the film's ending setting things up perfectly. See, it isn't that difficult to make a great action movie. All you need is a simple story about a man and his dog. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated R For Gloriously Sexy Violence.
Image: "I'll have what she's having."
It's all right. This isn't our first time. we'll make it a quickie.
"Fifty Shades Darker" opens sometime after the last one with "Anastasia Steele" (Dakota Johnson) now working for her creepy, obviously evil boss named (And I'm not joking here), "Mr. Hyde" (Eric Johnson), who totally wants to sexually harass her. Ana runs into her also creepy, but totally hunky and rich (So it's okay) ex-boyfriend, "Christian Grey" (Jamie Dornan), who wants Ana back and even says that he is willing to change his kinky, dominating ways just for her.
So pretty much the rest of the two hour runtime is just watching these two go at it like a bunch of horny rabbits while insisting that they make a good couple, despite the many, many ,many flaws with the basic idea of this entire relationship existing. Also, there's also a pointless subplot, something to do with Christian's former lover, "Elena" (Kim Basinger), and the return of one of Christian's now loony, former submissives, "Leila" (Bella Heathcote).
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that "Fifty Shades Darker" may be even worse than "Fifty Shades of Grey", or that it may beat "The Lego Batman Movie" at the box office (Seriously. What the Hell?) "Darker" is even more painful and unsatisfying than the first time (I didn't think it was supposed to happen that way.) The film drips along through an incredibly needlessly long, and extended time. By the end, it isn't good for anyone. There's not even a climax, really. It just sort of peters out, only leaving us exhausted, awkward and embarrassed.
And whoever wrote the atrocious dialogue should be punished, but i'm guessing the writers would enjoy it more than I would. "Darker" is even more painful to listen to than to watch. The one bright spot is Dakota Johnson, who at least is trying to rise to the occasion and above the limp material, despite the film's best efforts to sabotage her. But Jamie Dornan still can get up for the role, looking again like he's just going through the motion. Johnson and Dornan still have zero chemistry with each other. The rest of the actors, characters and subplots do nothing but pad the film's length, unnecessary devices that don't provide any satisfaction.
All of my bad puns aside, why is it okay to celebrate a "Relationship" that comes across as nothing but abusive and downright dangerous. Seriously, everything I've been taught about relationships shows me how wrong all of this is, and i'm not talking about the cheesy sex scenes (There may be a few more of them. But bigger isn't better. At least in this case.) The film is shoddy, shallow sh*t. If you're into that kind of thing. 1/2 A Star. Rated R For Graphic Sexual Content And Kinkiness.
Image: "Top this, Affleck!"
I can only imagine how difficult it is to be a Superhero. To constantly be on the move, going from one crisis to another. But always faced with bone crushing responsibility. These are perfect times for a Superhero. Even if he's only made of plastic blocks.
"The Lego Batman Movie" begins with the Lego version of "Bruce Wayne/Batman" (Will Arnett), Gotham City's egotistical, loner Superhero. He has just saved the city from his archenemy, "The Joker" (Zach Galifianakis), whose feelings are hurt since Batman told him that there is "nothing special between them". Things starts to take a turn for Batman after the retirement of "Commissioner Gordon" (Héctor Elizondo), who is replaced by his daughter, "Barbara" (Rosario Dawson), who wants the police force to team up with Batman (Who insists that he works alone.).
To make things more complicated, Batman learns that he accidentally adopted young, wide eyed orphan, "Dick Grayson" (Michael Cera). Batman's butler, "Alfred" (Ralph Fiennes) demands that he take care of and bond with the youngster, while Joker plots to get into the Phantom Zone to release all of the Lego universe's deadliest villains, in hopes of finally getting Batman to acknowledge their unspoken bond.
I'll make it easy for you. If you loved "The Lego Movie", then you'll love "The Lego Batman Movie". The film has the same fun, sarcastic, yet still sweet sense of humor. Both movies are just pure happiness. The dialogue is incredibly intelligent, with the jokes flying at you fast and furious from all angles The story is the perfect fantasy for kids of all ages. Think of "The Lego Batman Movie" as the ultimate mashup of your own personal playtime, only with a better script.
The animation is ridiculously cool to look at and impossibly gorgeous, constantly moving from colorful scene to colorful scene. The action scenes are wholly original and with the Legos, the possibilities are endless. You literally will not see anything else like it on screen.
Will Arnett was born to be a plastic Superhero. His Batman is snide and kind of jerky, but still plenty lovable and hilarious. Michael Cera is a perfect fit for Robin, and his relationship with Batman is kind of adorable. Zach Galifinakis is as funny (And strangely cuddly) as you'll see in a Joker. Rosario Dawson makes her Barbara uniquely her own, while Ralph Fiennes is a warm, wise and embracing Alfred.
There are a whole bunch of supporting cast and cameos in "The Lego Batman Movie" that deserve mention, but it kind of ruins the surprise if I talk about them too much (The film is a geek paradise.) In fact, there's just too much about "Lego Batman" that I want you to discover for yourself. Hidden underneath the goofy fun is a touching emotional core to both "Lego" films. These are the perfect films to watch together as a family, because there is something awesome for everyone. There, once again I have saved the day. Stay tuned for our next issue, where your intrepid hero faces off against "Fifty Shades Darker" Will he survive? Probably not. 4 Stars. Rated PG For Being Just Too Gosh Darn Funny.
Image: The "Hell's Angels" are getting a lot cuter.
Imagine such fine films like "The Fault in Our Stars" and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower", but without anything and everything that made those films entertaining or charming......or good.
"The Space Between Us" begins with a NASA expedition headed by "Nathaniel Shepherd" (Gary Oldman) to colonize Mars. But one of the astronauts, "Sarah Elliot" (Janet Montgomery) discovers she is pregnant, then dies while giving birth. The decision is made to keep this all a secret from the public.
16 years later, the child, "Gardner" (Asa Butterfield), has been living on Mars, knowing nothing of Earth aside from an online relationship with a pretty high school girl, "Tulsa" (Britt Robertson). Shepherd is eventually convinced by Gardner's parental guardian on Mars, "Kendra" (Carla Cugino) to allow Gardner to finally come to Earth, despite what the possible effects Earth's gravity might have on his body. Once on Earth, Gardner escapes and finds his way to Tulsa (The person. Not the place) and asks for her help in tracking down his real father.
"The Space Between Us" does have an solid and interesting premise, but relies way to heavily on the outline of far superior movies. Teen love and angst, a darker subtext, a soundtrack of songs only your teenage daughter would know, etc. "Space" lacks a sold script, with dialogue filled with overblown sentimentality and awkward attempts at humor.
The film isn't able to develop it's characters, despite it's fine cast. Asa Butterfield and Britt Robertson are likable actors, but there isn't remotely enough chemistry to carry the film (The fact that Robertson is several years older than the boyish looking Butterfield doesn't help.) Gary Oldman could walk out of a porno with his greatness unscathed, so he gets a pass, and Carla Gugino provides plenty of maternal warmth, but B.D.Wong (as "Tom", the Genesis Director) is criminally underused.
"The Space Between Us" feels like a studio creation specifically manufactured for a quick buck, with it all leading to a plot reveal that does nothing but present questions the film has no intentions of answering. Also, I'm not particularly good at all that Science stuff, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't work this way. It's just impossible to take any of "Space" seriously. He should have just stayed on Mars. 1 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Adult Content, And An Astonishing Amount Of Auto Theft.
Image: "You be a good boy and I won't throw you in the water."
So I suppose it would be pretty much impossible to get out of having to talk about the bit of controversy surrounding this film, right? I'll get there.
"A Dog's Purpose" follows the life (or lives) of a dog (voiced by Josh Gad). In his first life, he is named "Bailey" and develops a close relationship with his owner, "Ethan". Bailey helps Ethan through his difficult family life and his relationship with a cute girl, "Hannah" (Britt Robertson), all while questioning the world around him and his purpose in life.
When Bailey eventually passes away, he is reincarnated, this time as a female German Shepherd, "Ellie", who serves as a police dog to a lonely officer, "Carlos" (John Ortiz). When Ellie also dies (Whole lotta death in this), she is reincarnated again, this time as "Tino", now owned by a shy woman, "Maya" (Kirby Howell-Baptiste). Only to die yet again, to be reborn as "Buddy", who finds his way back to a now older "Ethan" (Dennis Quaid).
"A Dog's Purpose" is designed to be a tearjerker (Think Nicholas Sparks. But with dogs. Or the show "Quantum Leap". But with dogs.) But this film at least has a brisk pace, and a few effective moments that are sure to get to any dog lover. But though the book may be have been a best seller, the film's end result is a sloppy mess. It's oddly structured narrative doesn't give the viewer any time to absorb the different "Lives" of the dog, or the humans they meet.
The dog, or dogs themselves are predictably adorable (I've never given a bad review to a dog), and they help make "A Dog's Purpose" fairly watchable, and getting Josh Gad to voice the main dog is pretty inspired (Adam Sandler? Nick Nolte? Gad's a pretty good choice.) As far as the humans, there's not enough time given to them for the audience to connect, though Britt Robertson is predictably adorable.
So you've heard about the trainer who threw the dog in the water on the set of the film, right? What did or didn't happen doesn't really affect the film, though from my perspective, yeah, the guy was forcing a dog into the water that wanted, in that moment, no part of it (Imagine forcing a child in the same circumstance). And that's not okay. But boycotting seems a bit much. No one seems to condone it, and the filmmakers seem genuinely upset, so that helps. The throw the trainer in the water and be done with it.
"A Dog's Purpose" is fine for it's intended audience, if not a bit dark for younger audiences who may have trouble handling all the death in the film. There was probably a better movie to be made, with filmmakers who could have kept the film more organized. Maybe they just needed a treat. Who's a good boy! 2 Stars. Rated PG For For More Dog Death Than Your Local Dog Pound.
Image: Vin Diesel desperately races towards "Fast and Furious 8"
I'll give this movie credit for something. It gave me a new appreciation for the deep intellect and Shakespearean like dialogue of the "Fast and Furious" franchise. Those films may be silly, dumb popcorn entertainment. But I admit that the franchise has heart, and a weird charm to go with all the stupidity.
"xXx: The Return of Xander Cage" begins with NSA Agent "Gibbons" (Samuel L. Jackson) getting a satellite dropped on him due to a superweapon device thingy known as "Pandora's Box", which is now in the hands of criminal, "Xiang" (Donnie Yen). So CIA agent, "Jane Marke" (Toni Collette) enlists the help of the thought to be dead extreme athlete/government agent, "Xander Cage" (Vin Diesel), also known as "xXx" (Because he likes extreme stuff. And porn.)
Cage brings in his own team of extremists, including nut job car crasher "Tennyson" (Rory McCann), expert sharpshooter "Adele Wolff" (Ruby Rose), and (for some reason) a DJ named "Zhou" (Kris Wu) to track down Xiang's gang and get back the device before someone else gets a satellite dropped on their head.
Good Lord. It's alright that "xXx: The Return of Xander Cage" aspires to be nothing more than big, stupid, musclebound action. And that's kind of commendable (I'm trying to be generous) since they embrace it and stick to it the whole way through. The problem is that there isn't very much that's interesting about the film, (These extreme stunts have grown old fast) and the dialogue and characters come across as snotty and unlikable, which doesn't really give you any reason to care much for anything that's happening.
Vin Diesel doesn't really do a bad job in the film. It's just that his character's "Badassery" and "Coolness" come across as more annoying than anything else. Toni Collette seems to be having as much fun as an Oscar nominated actress can have in a movie like this. Same goes for Samuel L. Jackson, who is in way to little of the film (Every film he's in needs more Samuel L. Jackson.) Donnie Yen plays hands down the best character (His martial arts are incredibly impressive), though why they would make the gorgeous Nina Dobrev (as "Becky", the nerdy tech girl) into the comic relief makes little sense.
The plot (and I use that term loosely) of "xXx 3" is basically a series of over the top action scenes that, despite being well shot, are totally ludicrous to the point of being laughable. So while it's impossible to take any of it seriously, I can't seem to muster up any anger frustration either. It is what it is. Now Vin Diesel doing Shakespeare? Now that would be exciting. 2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For Extreme Everything.
Image: I'm guessing he shaved his head a little to close.
So M. Night Shyamalan, the guy who made "The Last Airbender" and "The Happening", used to be good? The guy who brought us "After Earth"? That guy? I guess it's time to finally watch "The Sixth Sense".
"Split" begins with the seemingly random abduction of three young girls, a quiet outsider named "Casey" (Anya Taylor-Joy), along with her BFFs "Claire" (Haley Lu Richardson) and "Marcia" (Jessica Sula). They are locked into a windowless, underground room with no way of escaping.
Their captor, "Kevin" (James McAvoy) suffers from DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), with 23 different personalities living inside him. Three of the personalities, "Dennis", the germophobic leader, "Patricia" an odd English woman, and "Hedwig" a disturbed 9 year old boy claim that the three girls are going to be used for a strange ritual involving a mysterious 24th personality known as "The Beast". Its up to Casey to figure a way of escaping before the personalities enact their plan and the Beast arrives.
"Split" could have gone wrong in so many ways. The premise is, to say the least, pretty out there, and the script could have taken the silly, easy route. But Shyamalan, who wrote and directed the film, creates suspense from the first scene and never lets up. Yet "Split" allows character and story development, as well as bizarre humor to develop, helping make an unsettling premise into an exciting (and yet still very unsettling) movie.
The split personalities of the villain are all given great detail and unique characteristics. This is where "Split" could have gone off the rails (Or been incredibly disrespectful), but Shyamalan keeps things grounded in a weird form of reality, in no small part to the astonishing performance by James McAvoy (Is It Too Late For A 2016 Oscar Nomination?) McAvoy is absolutely brilliant in an absurdly difficult role, and he makes each of his "Characters" impossible to turn away from. Anna Taylor-Joy and Betty Buckley are excellent as well, bringing great empathy to roles that are also extremely well written and respectful.
There are a story element or two in "Split" that don't quite flow convincingly, but it all comes together by the frighting climax, and the ending certainly eaves things open for interpretation and discussion . Let's put it this way. There is a Shyamalan twist, but one no one seemed to see coming. All I will say is that I need to watch "The Sixth Sense" and "Unbreakable" ASAP. 3 1/2 Stars. Rated PG-13 For As Many Disturbing Themes And Images As Allowed In A PG-13 Film.
Image: The tall guy is a real lady killer.
This review is as much for me as it is for the rest of you Anime lovers. I may be a little behind on this particular anime (About 400 episodes behind. I'll get there.) But I think I get for the most part what's going on. Plus this was a much better way to start off the new year for me then having to deal with the typical dumping ground we get with January movies ("The Bye Bye Man"?)
"One Piece Film: Gold" opens with the arrival of the "Straw Hat Pirates", a large entertainment city/ship made out of gold called "Gran Tereso". The crew includes rubberman captain "Monkey D. Luffy" (Colleen Clinkenbeard), skilled swordsman "Roronoa Zoro" (Christopher R. Sabat), money loving navigator "Nami" (Luci Christian), long nosed marksman "Usopp" (Sonny Strait), cool cook "Sanji" (Eric Vale), adorable talking reindeer "Chopper" (Brina Palencia), calm archaeologist "Nico Robin" (Stephanie Young), cyborg shipwright "Franky" (Patrick Seitz), and Afro skeleton guy "Brook" (Ian Sinclair).
The crew is offered VIP status and a chance to win millions at the casino, only to discover that its all an elaborate scheme to steal all they have set up by the evil ruler of the city, "Gild Tesoro" (Keith Silverstein), who has the power to manipulate gold. Tesoro takes Zoro hostage and demands that the crew pay him back what they've lost or else Zoro will be executed. One of Tesoro's henchwoman, "Carina" (Michaele Knotz), reveals herself to be an old acquaintance of Nami, teaming up with the crew in hopes of stealing Tesoro's riches, save Zoro, and the rest of the city's citizens who also lost everything and have been forced into slavery.
Let me try to explain this weird and wonderful movie. First, it's not for everybody, clearly. But for fans of the series, the film is a complete blast. The action never stops, and though it's incredibly frenetic, it's also incredibly colorful and visually stunning (I'm curious to know the film's budget. That's a lot of "Yen".) The different styles of animation mashed together, along with the overall scope of the film, is exhausting but exhilarating.The cast and characters all still have great chemistry and bring a clear sense of fun to their roles. The villain is pretty intimidating and we get plenty of enjoyable new characters
The action scenes are thoroughly over the top, but they are exciting. Still all of this madness and mayhem wears you out after a while. "One Piece" is a bit too long, even for me. The film is (At least, I think) trying to provide a message about money and class, the poor being slaves to the rich, etc. It's all kind of drowned out in the cartoonishness, but at least they gave it a shot.
"One Piece Film:Gold" has a lot of heart and a bizarre sense of humor, and it's not really all that hard to follow (My cousin seemed to enjoyed it without understanding a lick of it.) But I doubt I'll get too many converts to give it a shot. If you do, just look at as kind of a psychedelic trip. Its nothing deep or special, but as the film's villain says: "That's what you call entertainment!" 3 Stars. No Film Rating, Though I'd Suggest PG-13, For Bulging Muscles, Heaving Bosoms, And One Character Who Is A Proud Pervert.