Image: Wolverine sings his little heart out.
Image: Christoph Waltz and Jaime Foxx coming for their Oscar nominations.
Above: "You can keep the ring. Just give me some pants!"
Above: The stuffed animal contemplates escaping from "Playing For Keeps"
Above: Sir Anthony Hopkins as Sir Alfred Hitchcock.
Image: BACK OFF, COOPER! SHES MINE!
Image: Here kitty kitty! Good kitty!
Image: "Kittridge, you've never seen me upset!"
Image: Its the fight of the century! Jack vs.Rabbit.
Image: Abraham Lincoln, as resurrected by Daniel Day-Lewis.
Image: Spoiler alert! They all die. The end. Go home.
Image: Here kitty kitty! Good kitty!
Image: "Ralph, it's time to admit your meth addiction."
Image: Me, in my best Halloween costume ever!
Image:"I'll get you my pretty! .........No, seriously Victoria. I will."
Image: "King Kong 'aint got 'nothin on me!"
The plane crash sequence is masterfully directed and terrifying, and with the Oscar worthy performances, "Flight" is exciting and fascinating, yet just flawed enough to keep it from being a truly great film. Now excuse me, I have go rent out Denzel's other acclaimed performances. Like "Training Day". And "Glory". And "Malcolm X". And "Crimson Tide",etc. etc. 3 Stars. Rated R for Drugs, Alcohol, Nudity, Language, and A Plane Crash So Scary You'll Wet Yourself.
Image:Ben Affleck can't understand the State Department's response to Libya, either.
Image: A boy and his dead dog.
Image: "Hey! Let me go... I mean you... I mean us..Oh, screw it!"
Image: THIS IS FOR ZOOKEEPER!
Image: Screw bows and arrows, this Katniss is packing heat.
Image: Bradley Cooper searches desperately for a better script.
Image: "Holy tight bicycle shorts, Batman!"
Image: Two American Idols
Image: Had a dream like this once.
Image: "This is my bicycle *seagull laughs* I've had since i was ten *seagull laughs*
Above: Picture of me, being forced to watch "Total Recall".
Above: "The Mob", sticking it to society through interpretive dance
Above: Uh Batman, This is not how a High-Five works.
Above: "We're going to hold a cloth over your mouth and pour water down your throat to simulate the sensation of drowning! YEAH! SMALL GOVERNMENT!"
Above: Kids grow out of the ground so fast these days.
Above: "Sorry,Spidey.I was holding out for Batman."
Above: She's good, but she ain't got nothing on Katniss
Above: Tom Cruise is not gonna' take it!No! He 'aint gonna' take it!
Above:James Eagan's High School Graduation picture.
Above:"It would mean a lot to me if you would take my Alien zapper thingy."
Above: Johnny Depp admires his fabulous manicure.
Above: Another Halloween party gets out of hand
"The Avengers" is, without a doubt, of all the stupendously, fantastically
You've got Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.),Captain America (Chris Evans),Thor (Chris Hemsworth),The Incredible Hulk(Mark Ruffalo).Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and Hawkeye(Jeremy Renner).Almost every Superhero known to Marvel is here (Spider Man and Wolverene were unavoidably detained and strip searched at the airport).
"The Avengers" begins with Nick Fury(Samuel L. Jackson) (I'm going to change my name to Nick Fury. Or Samuel L. Jackson. I haven't decided) enlisting the Superheroes, who join forces to stop Thor's step-brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston).Loki is angry with Thor after falling into a worm hole. I guess you could say he's a little Thor! Ha!
Anyway, Loki is trying to take over the world, with help from the aliens from "Halo"(I swear! Tell me they don't look exactly like them!) In the final, epic, monumental finale of epic proportions, "The Avengers" battle Loki for the WWE title, and for the fate of mankind.
"The Avengers" could have gone wrong very easily without the sure handed direction of Joss Whedon, who somehow keeps track of every detail and story line, and turns it into an epic, superhero film that somehow lives up to the hype. The stars and the characters are perfect, starting with Robert Downey Jr..But the rest of the cast all have their chance to shine, with great humor and a fun script to back them up.
Now, after careful deliberation, I have decided to give "The Avengers" my coveted 4 Star rating, despite the fact that it's so long that I actually began to check my watch, especially during the long, protracted finale that could have been a little bit of overkill.
But "The Avengers" is just too much darn fun, with so much time and care put into pleasing it's audience, that I find it impossible to not to give it my 4 Star rating. As I said, it's highly coveted. Rated PG-13 for what? Being loud? Should have been PG.
Above: "You're possible the worst pirate I've ever heard of !" "But you have heard of me "
Do you think Dreamworks is beginning to regret dropping Aardman yet ?
For those of you who don't follow this kind of thing,the studio that made such classics such as "Chicken Run" and "Wallace and Gromit" was dumped a few years ago,to make room for "Be...e Movie" and "Shrek 13".I told them they should have hired me years ago.
But Aardman studios hasn't lost their form,with last year's "Arthur Christmas",and now,with the very witty "The Pirates",which tells the tale of a pirate captain named,"The Pirate Captain"(voiced by Hugh Grant),who is determined to defeat his rivals to win the "Pirate of the Year" award.He meets up with Charles Darwin(David Tennant),who discovers that the captains beloved pet Parrot is actually the world's last Dodo Bird.So they head to England,only to become wrapped up in a plot involving Queen Victoria(Imelda Staunton).
I absolutely love Aardman's cheeky looking stop-motion animation,and "The Pirates" is probably their best looking film yet.The background details are clever and hilarious,and you have to look closely to catch the many hidden jokes.
The voice work is typically top notch,with Hugh Grant making a wonderfully buffoonish captain,and the rest of the cast clearly has a lot of fun with their roles.And a new star is born in the monkey known as "Mr.Bobo",who can only communicate by using flash cards (Between "Oscar" from 'Chimpanzee",and "Caesar" from "Rise of the Planet of the Apes",Monkeys have given Hollywood's best performances recently.)
"The Pirates" is very funny throughout,but just not quite up to the level of Aardman's best films,but it is a wonderful film with the kind of humor that both kids and their parents will enjoy. 3 1/2 Stars.Rated PG for Gratuitous Pirate Booty,and Surprisingly Curvaceous Female Pirate Booty.
above: Do you mind? I'm trying to eat here.
Every year around Earth Day,Disney releases a documentary celebrating nature.(But how does anyone know Earth's actual birthday? Maybe Al Gore knows.) ...
Anyway,despite what some film critics have said,every Disney documentary has been good,especially 'Oceans" and "African Cats".But they have done very little box-office,so I'm hoping maybe some adorable little monkeys will change that.
"Chimpanzee" follows a young Chimp named "Oscar"(named after his father,"The Grouch"),who is separated from his mother when she is chased away by a rival Chimp named "Scar".(How does his parents think he is going to turn out,with a name like that ?) Fortunately,"Oscar" is adopted by a male Chimp named "Freddie",who raises and protects "Oscar" as his own.And,of course,teaches him how to fling poo.
Every Disney documentary is amazing to look at,as is "Chimpanzee",which has wonderful footage of the Chimps in their habitat,showing all of their daily habits and conflicts.It's a heartwarming story,and "Oscar" has to be one of the cutest animals ever shown on film.(I'm in the process of adopting him myself.)
The narration by Buzz Light, er, Tim Allen(not exactly James Earl Jones or Samuel L. Jackson this time),is just a little too goofy,and takes focus off the story.The film is also a little too short and fast,and doesn't have the same depth as Disney's previous documentaries.
It's a slight letdown, but "Chimpanzees" is still a highly enjoyable film,especially for smaller kids, who will absolutely love it and learn a whole lot.Make sure you stick around through the credits for some more incredible behind-the scenes shots of how the film makers came up with the amazing footage. 3 Stars. Rated G .
Above: My Queen, I bring you bad news. James Eagan gave us a negative review.
OK. Picture this if you will.Imagine me,18 years old. Single. Professional film critic. Wanted and desired by women. And men. No,no. Just women. I swear. Anyway,I'm standing in line,embarrassed and mortified by the thought of asking the movie ticke...t guy for 1 admission to a girly kids movie. And I'm not even getting paid for this yet!
Fortunately,"Mirror Mirror" is so forgetable,It's,well I've forgotten almost everything about it. I vaguely remember tripping over the steps of the theater(I may have accidentally cussed out a little girl.See,I don't remember !) And there was a strange,hippie couple I was laughing at as they walked into "The Lorax".
I do remember something about an evil queen(Julia Roberts,with an on again,off again British accent),who is trying to off her adorable stepdaughter(Lily Collins),who shacks up with seven strange criminal Dwarfs. Meanwhile,the Queen is trying land a Prince(Armie Hammer) who has all mushy,googly eyes for the stepdaughter. And there's a Dragon.
Wait.I knew I've seen this movie before. "Mirror Mirror" Is "Ella Enchanted",only without the singing. It's also a lot more annoying,forcing it's humor pretty desperately with unoriginal characters and a weak script. And usually,I find Dwarfs to be amusing,but these little fellas' are excruciating. My apologies to Little People everywhere,but these guys just won't shut up. And there's a "twist" at the end that's supposed to be clever,but it's ridiculous,and I could see it coming from the very beginning.
"Mirror Mirror" looks good,with a nice visual style(This is the same guy who directed the very R-rated "Immortals" and "The Cell".Gross!),but still feels more like a TV movie than a theatrical film. In fact,it looks like just like that ABC show,"Once upon A Time". And this is about an hour longer and cost me 8 bucks.
Julia Roberts does look like she's having a lot of fun,and Nathan Lane has a couple of funny (and one hilarious) lines,but I can only recommend "Mirror Mirror" for young kids with low standards. But everyone else will forget they even saw it by the end of the day. I did. 2 Stars. Rated PG for Some Crude Humor.
above: Katniss, taking singing lessons from Lady Gaga
With the "Harry Potter" franchise over,and,thankfully,the "Twilight" films nearing it's end,it's obvious that teens are going to need a new film series to obsess over....
Based off of the first of 3 in the best selling book series,"The Hunger Games" is newer take(or rip-off to some) of the famous tale about people being forced to battle one another to the death,for the enjoyment of an elite few.Only this time,it's teenagers fighting each other for survival.Like High School,but with bows and arrows.
Jennifer Lawrence (a.k.a. Mrs. James Eagan) stars as Katniss,who volunteers to take the place of her younger sister in the "Game".She and the other teens are being forced by the wealthy rulers of the fictitious "Panem",who use the game to remind the population of their "place" in society.
Sounds kind of gruesome and violent,right? And it is at times, but not really gratuitously,but it could be disturbing for some younger viewers.Then again,my 9 year old sister loved "The Hunger Games" and wasn't scared at all,so, parents,talk to your kids before hand.
The characters in "The Hunger Games" are fully developed,and the actors are terrific,especially Lawrence.She's like Bella from "Twilight".Only with likeability and self-respect.Josh Hutcherson rebounds nicely from the silly "Journey 2",Donald Sutherland makes a particularly manipulative villain,and Stanley Tucci is hilarious as a pompous game "host". But it's Woody Harrelson who steals the show as a former "winner" of the game who drunkenly mentors the teens.
"The Hunger Games" captures the essence of the book,both visually and in vision,and it's futuristic world.If the director had avoided some of the shaky,hand-held camera work(gettin' really old,really fast,Hollywood !) early in the film,we could have had a nearly flawless action film.Even still,with sequels on the way,"The Hunger Games" could be a worthy successor to retired wizards and the perfect replacement for de-fanged vampires and werewolves.4 Stars.Rated PG-13 for Fairly Graphic Violence,Disturbing Themes,And For,Of Course,Teenagers Killing Each Other.
above: THIS IS SPARTA!!!!
When Brad Bird,Director of beloved Pixar films,such as "The Incredibles" and "Ratatouille", made the jump to live action,he was met with both critical and commercial success with last year's smash "Mission Impossible 4".When Andrew Stanton,Director of beloved Pixar films,such as "Finding Nemo" and "Wall-E",well,...we get "John Carter"
Based on the ancient book written 100 years ago,the long awaited Disney film stars Taylor Kitsch(Do you know who he is? Neither do I.) as,uh,John Carter,a confederate soldier (OOH! Controversial!) from the Civil War who takes a magical trip to Mars,where he meets a tribe of 4 armed creatures,led by Willem Dafoe.Carter becomes involved with the Princess(Lynn Collins) of another Alien race,and must help save her from an evil baddie (Dominic West),who is taking orders from the bald bad guy from just about every recent film (Mark Strong).
This $250 MILLION (Yes,I said $250 MILLION!) disappointment begins with a way overlong opening prologue,and never quite catches fire."John Carter" is fairly boring(And too long) for such an expensive film,with bad pacing and campy dialogue.Now,I enjoy a little campy dialogue now and then,when done by good actors(or even bad actors,making it hysterically funny).But the acting in "John Carter" is so dull,especially from Kitch(who is very bland),that it takes any fun out of it.
As you would expect from Disney,"John Carter" looks good visually,and it does have some some interesting plot points with the Princess,and with the villains motives(Right!Mark Strong IS the bald bad guy in every movie!),and I really liked the 4 armed aliens,which made me lean towards a higher recommendation.But,ugh,I HATED the final 25 minutes,because the dang thing didn't know when to end! Just when you think it's over,"John Carter" keeps going! Nothing but clutter and confusion.(C'mon,I've got a Spring Break to get back to.Disney World on Friday.Woo Hoo!)
Did you see the commercials touting "John Carter"? How it was the inspiration for "Star Wars" and "Avatar"? Well,you oversold it.Came on a LITTLE too strong."John Carter" isn't an awful film.It's just that we were mislead.2 Stars.Rated PG-13 for A Suprising Amount Of Violence(And Splattering Of Blue Blood.Pretty Graphic!)
Above:" I'll see your re-raise and put you all in ! "
Dr.Seuss movies kind of suck.Especially the DREADFUL "The Cat In The Hat".(Yeah,I know Mike Myers looked like he was having a lot of fun.He wasn't).From "The Grinch"(Lame),to "Horton Hears the Who"(Decent),they just don't translate to big screen the way the good Doctor would have wanted....
But now we have "The Lorax",which tells the story about a boy (Zac Efron) who has the hots for an older girl (Taylor Swift),who is completely out of his league.She loves her some trees,but they don't exist anymore where they live.So he goes on a search to find the "Once-Ler" (Ed Helms),who tells the lad the story behind what happened to all the trees."Once-Ler" had run into "The Lorax" (Danny Devito),who had warned him about what would happen if you chop them all down.But with one special seed,the boy can bring back the forest,the "Lorax",and still get the girl.
In general, when books are made into films and stick to the original story, they usually get it right. And when "The Lorax" remains faithful to Dr. Seuss,that's when it's enjoyable.The pacing flows very well when it concentrates on the scenes between the Lorax and Once-Ler,and Danny Devito and Ed Helms have great chemistry together.When the story is padded with typical Hollywood "stuff",that's when the movie goes a little downhill.The script just isn't good enough,and the added touches not in the book aren't necessary.
The voice work is generally good, although Taylor Swift's character is terribly written with little personality. And I didn't care for the tiny villain( Rob Riggle),who serves no purpose except to be the "annoying bad guy".(What's up with all the "tiny" villains you see in movies recently ? As a tiny person myself, I find this very offensive)
Despite very pretty animation,"The Lorax" is too safe, the songs are bland and forgettable (With one exception), and no more then pleasant.Cute,but just not all that funny.But,hey,the kids will love it.(And it's not "Liberal Propaganda",Lou Dobbs !) 2 1/2 Stars.Rated PG for,Well,I Didn't See Anything Wrong With It.Shouda Been G.
above: Ghost Rider pissing on our intelligence
If there was ever a description of my feelings towards the ineptitude and utter incompetence that is "Ghost Rider 2",It's the times when Nicholas "I feel SO BAD for this guy" Cage turns into "Ghost Rider' and screams "BLAH!!!" into our faces.In 3-D no less!
In the sequel no one asked for,Cage reprises his role as"Ghost Rider",not that this film has anything to do with the last.So Cage has to save this lady's son from the Devil (Ciaran Hinds),and his minion (Johnny Whitworth).Seems the Devil wants to possess the boy,and there is plenty of other nonsense to go around,like this monk who's entire body looks like it was scribbled on by pre-schoolers,and there's a mysterious guy (Idris Elba) who hires Ghost Rider to save the kid from Satan.
The whole film is just one big excuse for pointless action sequences.Badly done action sequences,all made worse by direction and camera work apparently done by a drunk Gorilla having convulsions.And to top it off,when Ghost Rider has to take a leak,it comes out in flames!!!! Swear to God!!!! Twice!!!(My dad says this is a problem with some older men).I've always liked Nicholas Cage,but he must have had an I.R.S. lien to pay off or something to agree to this abomination.
When I think of all my most hated movies,"Jack and Jill", "Transformers 2", "Zookeeper", "Batman and Robin",I mean this is even worse that "Batman and Robin"!!!! The worst Super-Hero film ever.With the worst 3-D effects I've ever seen.
"Ghost Rider 2" is a completely unpleasant experience,although the crowd i was with seemed to eat this @#!@#!@$ up. To those of you who actually enjoyed this movie, please go to the nearest church and confess your sin. May "Ghost Rider 2" rot in the fiery abyss of Hell from which it came. WORST...SUPERHERO....MOVIE...EVER!
BLAH!!!!! 0 Stars.Rated PG-13 for,Well,It's All Just A Bunch Of Crap.
above: "You know this would be easier without you breathing down my neck!"
Most of you serious fans of Japanese animation know who Hayao Miyazaki is,animator of such classics as "Castle In The Sky", "Princess Mononoke",and, my personal favorite, "Spirited Away"....
Well,Miyazaki and Studio Ghibly continue their winning streak with "The Secret World Of Arrietty",which tells the story of an itsy-bitsy young "Borrower"(voiced by Bridget Mendler-the cute girl from The Disney Channel's "Good Luck Charlie".Yes,I watch the show.With my little sister. It's funny, dang it!)
Anyway,"Arrietty" lives with her parents(voiced by Will Arnett and Amy Poehler) as "Borrowers",little people who steal,er,borrow stuff from regular "Beings" that the tall folks won't miss,such as grains of sugar,a napkin,a needle,a new flat-screen t.v.,a hot tub,etc.On Arrietty's first mission,she is befriended by a sickly young "bean"(voiced by David Henry),who is curious about the borrowers.
As with all Miyazaki films,the animation in "The Secret World of Arrietty" is beautiful.It's like watching a moving painting,with it's incredible background and color.The character detail is amazing and very expressive,and,despite some viewer's complaining of the simpleness of the tale, I don't think it needs the more complexity of most Miyazaki stories.
Others fans complain about the english dubbing in Miyazaki films, but in "Arrietty" the voice work is quite good,especially Mendler and Carol Burnett(who plays the most psychotic headcase of a housekeeper you will ever see).
This isn't Miyazaki's greatest work,but "The Secret World Of Arrietty" is still a wonderful,charming and thoroughly watchable movie.Basically everything "Ghost Rider 2" is not. 4 Stars. Rated G
above: Drew Barrymore's final scene before being devoured by a giant Whale.
Reviewing "Big Miracle" is a difficult film to review,only because there are so many different ways to describe mediocrity. Average. So-So.
"Big Miracle" is based on a true story of three whales trapped beneath an ocean of ice,and the humans who harpoon them and harvest their blubber.Oh,wait.Wrong movie.The humans that battle the elements to save them.John Krasinski plays the reporter who brings the story to the world's attention,Drew Barrymore is the tree-hugging hippie enviromental wacko(Naw,she's nice)who tries to rally the public.Ted Danson plays the cold hearted millionaire(Naw,he's ok) who warms to the whales,and Kristin Bell plays an ambitious reporter trying to use the story for her career(Naw,she's cute).
"Big Miracle" is a wonderful story that is too cliched to be taken seriously,with typical Hollywood dialogue that doesn't help the cause.A story this,well,miraculous,doesn
On the bright side,"Big Miracle" does have somewhat of a happy ending.I guess all's "whale" that ends "whale"(My Dad's joke.I protested.) 2 1/2 Stars.Rated PG for Mature Topics And For The Harsh Realities Of Nature(Reality can suck!)
above: "Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?" "I can smell something"
Attention readers! Wanted:Missing In Action! What in the @!@#$!#$@ happened to Brendan Fraser? I mean it's not like I (or anyone in America),was asking for a sequel to Fraser's "Journey To The Center Of The Earth",which was a pretty decent hit a few years ago.I'm ...just worried about the poor guy and his career.(Lord knows his agent isn't.I mean, "Furry Vengeance" ? YOU HIGH,MAN!)
But they made a sequel anyway,"Journey 2: The Mysterious Island",which stars the natural replacement for Brendan Fraser.The Rock(I know,Dwayne Johnson,but to me he's,"The Rock") stars as the Step Dad to Josh Hutcherson's character,who receives a mysterious message from his mysterious Grandpa(Michael "Just doin' this movie for the Grandkids" Caine),who has been missing mysteriously while searching for a mysterious island.Hutcherson and The Rock go on a mysterious journey to find Gramps,aided by an annoying pilot(Luis Guzman),and his daughter,Eye Candy McShort Shorts(Vanessa Hudgens) as they fight through a brutal storm and end up on "The Mysterious Island". And the Mysterious Journey begins again!! Oh no!!
There are some some positives to "Journey", which has some good visuals and a decent,but cliched story.But there is one unforgivable flaw that ruins the journey.The script and dialogue is just awful,making the charcters unlikeable and annoying.To be honest,each one of them acts either like ldiots or Jackasses,especially Guzman and (God love him!),Caine,who have thankless roles to play.These flaws destroy the film completely,making a possibly harmless family film for kids,pretty much excruciating for me and anyone over 8.
Kids.Reading is fun and good for you.Pick up Jules Verne's original classic(or any of his novels),and skip this journey.You can still visualize Vanessa Hudgens in her shorty shorts.I am right now.1 1/2 Stars.Rated PG for Peril,Preposterous People and The Rock's Popping Pecs
above: The force is strong with this one
What would you do if you had superpowers? Would you use them for good or for evil? To clean up crime or to cause it? Would you feed the poor? Or would you chow down on an entire stuffed crust pizza that you had stolen from an orphanage? Would you save an entire species from extinction? Or would you walk... up to PETA with a Tiger skin fur coat with a neckless made of Elephant ivory while wearing shoes made from baby Zebra.And you're kicking a puppy?
That's the intriguing premise of "Chronicle",which begins with three teenagers discovering an all-powerful force(that is never quite explained) that gives them incredible mental powers,allowing them to do stupid teen stuff.Like scare little kids with floating objects.Making cheerleaders skirts fly up.Or in the case of the one tortured teen with uncontrollable pent up anger,rob a gas staion,blowing it up in the process and incinerating a gas station attendant.
"Chronicle" is filmed in the "shaky camera-found footage" style that usually kind of annoys me.But here it is used very effectively,making this small budget film look and feel very realistic and gritty.This particular style helps you relate to these sympathetic teenagers(and the impressive young actors who play them),and makes you feel like you're following right along with them.
What I enjoy most about "Chronicle" is how simply and smoothly the story comes together,because of a top-notch script,and even better direction.The only flaw is in how the final 15 minutes play out.It's "Cloverfield" all over again! Shaking! Moving Violently! Explosions! It's unnecesarily frenetic and dizzying.Like that ride at the carnival. You know,the spinning one that makes you wanna' hurl? It's like that.
Still,"Chronicle" is original,facinating and extremely well made.It also gives you an important moral lesson to think about.If you ever develop superpowers,use them for something productive like I do.Saving the world from having to see "Ghost Rider 2".3 1/2 Stars.Rated PG-13 for Violence,Adult Content,Language and The Nausea Inducing Camera Work.
above: "You're all clear kid, now lets blow this thing and go home"
Have to get this out of the way first....
We did it! Obviously,thanks to the efforts of our loyal viewers and my courageous leadership,Gary Oldman has finally gotten the Academy Award nomination he has long deserved,this year for his amazing performance in "Tailor,Tinker,Soldier,Spy
Now on to this week's new film."Red Tails" is based on the amazing true story of the Tuskegee Airmen,an all-black fighter pilot squadron,who overcame racism,segregation and other hardships to battle and defeat Nazi pilots in some of the most important battles in World War II.
"Red Tails" is full of cliches.In fact,the whole movie embraces it's cornyness,and it's a story that produced wih obvious affection by George "Jar Jar Lives!" Lucas. If you close your eyes, I swear you will think you're listening to "Star Wars Episode VII: Revenge Of The Schnitzel."
The dialogue is,well,pretty lousy to be honest,complete with a laughable,over-the top Nazi villian with a scar on his face and a cheesy accent.At least the main cast is likeable and their characters justifiably heroic,although the bigger stars,Terrance Howard and Cuba "Show Me The Money!!" Gooding Jr.don't have much to do.
The CGI is ok,but it never feels very realistic.Yet despite it's obvious flaws,"Red Tails" is a pretty entertaining film.It's clearly intended to be a tribute to a group of men who probably will never be given their just do.It's a pure crowd pleaser,and sometimes that's good enough.2 1/2 Stars.Rated PG-13 For Intense Battle Scenes.
above: TESTIFY SISTAHS!!!!!!
I know. You all look to me to be prompt and professional with my movie reviews. And I would be except for the ineptitude of my poor,senile,helpless father, who allowed yet another virus obliterate our computer.I want to give a shout out to my main man, Cousin, and all-around genius, Conor Eagan,for fixing yet another of my father's embarassments.His incompetence will not go unpunished.(Seriously,Dad.
Anyway,back to the poop at hand."Joyful Noise" stars Queen Latifah(Wife of King Latifah?) as Vi,who takes over a church choir after Kris Kristofferson shows up and dies.His Widow, Dolly Parton plays G.G., which is either her nickname or her breast size.They seem to have a long standing grudge ,for no reason that is ever explained.
So when Dolly's grandson, Randy(Jeremy Jordan) puts his white boy moves on Vi's daughter,Olivia(Keke Palmer),she's like, "Oh,Hell no!!!" There's also subplots with the Queen's son,who is ill and loses his faith,a member of the choir who can't find a man, a mean boy who reappears later as a good boy,and too many other subplots to keep up with or care about.
"Joyful Noise" would have been charming if it it had stuck to the music and concentrated on the fine singing of Latifah,Parton and Palmer,and there are a couple of sweet scenes that could have turned into a better film.But,typical of Hollywood,the script really falls flat with predictability.Many scenes made me cringe with with silly,forced dialogue and unrealistic actions.Every plot point could be resolved within a few minutes.Almost 2 hours is just too much to handle.
The crowd I was with certainly disagreed with me, and I do understand that "Joyful Noise" intends to be nothing more than a crowd pleaser.People seemed to have a smile on their face as they left the theater, but I don't think the film ever figures out whether it's a light hearted family movie or a more adult emotional drama(with some suprisingly bad language). A better script might have made likeable performers look better, so my advise is to spend your money on the soundtrack.
2 Stars.Rated PG-13 For The Bad Language, Dolly's Giant Melons, and For Death By Sex(I'm Not Kidding.Real Family Entertainment!)